In-laws want to go see ds in college

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How is this your problem? No one is making you drive them. Just say you are not able to make the trip with them and don't get involved further.

OP's issue is that she can't just say no and let them be upset.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I doubt it's about the expense. They probably don't feel comfortable doing this without you as a support person. Or they don't think they can get from train to college because they don't want to drive a rental car in an unfamiliar area.

So much of seniors' demands is them trying to work around their inability and people not wanting to see it for what it is.

They're very autonomous in all other ways: both work, both are very active and walk miles every day, go out constantly with friends. I get that the driving is really intimidating at their age and I'd never demand they drive that far, but they are demanding it from us and I don't think that's fair either. And yes, i am scared to say no because they will be pissed off.

Win, win. You definitely won't have to deal with them for awhile then.
In the words of Mel Robbins, "Let Them". Let them be pissed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I doubt it's about the expense. They probably don't feel comfortable doing this without you as a support person. Or they don't think they can get from train to college because they don't want to drive a rental car in an unfamiliar area.

So much of seniors' demands is them trying to work around their inability and people not wanting to see it for what it is.

They're very autonomous in all other ways: both work, both are very active and walk miles every day, go out constantly with friends. I get that the driving is really intimidating at their age and I'd never demand they drive that far, but they are demanding it from us and I don't think that's fair either. And yes, i am scared to say no because they will be pissed off.

Win, win. You definitely won't have to deal with them for awhile then.
In the words of Mel Robbins, "Let Them". Let them be pissed.

This. They'll get over it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Absolutely say no. They are being ridiculous.

Why the venom? You suck.

[Anonymous]

Let’s plan for a visit in the fall. I’ll let you know what weekends might work once it gets closer.

[Anonymous]

What does your DH want to do with his parents? You don’t have to be involved at all. Have a weekend to yourself and let him have a weekend with his parents. Just check yourself out of the whole process. It sounds like a nice thing to do for your husband with his parents.

In fairness, but all people are good with kids. But they could have a rich and wonderful relationship with their grandson now that he is an adult. I don’t think you need to go out of your way to facilitate that, certainly literally not 14 hours of driving, but it could be a thing that their son does with them. Maybe even might help repair some awkwardness.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What does your DH want to do with his parents? You don’t have to be involved at all. Have a weekend to yourself and let him have a weekend with his parents. Just check yourself out of the whole process. It sounds like a nice thing to do for your husband with his parents.

In fairness, but all people are good with kids. But they could have a rich and wonderful relationship with their grandson now that he is an adult. I don’t think you need to go out of your way to facilitate that, certainly literally not 14 hours of driving, but it could be a thing that their son does with them. Maybe even might help repair some awkwardness.

m


Sorry, I meant *not all people are good with kids

[Anonymous]

My parents have visited their grandkids at college but they took themselves.

[Anonymous]

No way! OP you really need to get your people pleasing problem under control. Your in laws know you will do stupid things just to avoid them appearing upset. They honestly may not even be upset but they sure will act like it because they know it’s the key to getting you to do whatever they want.

It’s a ridiculous and rude request. Say no and don’t think twice!

[Anonymous]

Does your son want a grandparent visit?

If not, that’s the only reason I would intervene.

Otherwise, let your husband handle it. You can conveniently have to “work” or get a cold before the trip. Basically, stop making this your problem. When my husband used to say “we should take the kids to church more, it means a lot to my parents” instead of arguing or stressing, I would say “Sure! Let me know where you want to go.” and he would predictably plan nothing. The youngest graduates high school next year.

You can say “That sounds nice!” whenever in-laws bring up the trip and move on with your life. If your husband wants to book hotels, plan the drive and go with them, more power to them! It could be a nice bonding experience with his parents.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I doubt it's about the expense. They probably don't feel comfortable doing this without you as a support person. Or they don't think they can get from train to college because they don't want to drive a rental car in an unfamiliar area.

So much of seniors' demands is them trying to work around their inability and people not wanting to see it for what it is.

They're very autonomous in all other ways: both work, both are very active and walk miles every day, go out constantly with friends. I get that the driving is really intimidating at their age and I'd never demand they drive that far, but they are demanding it from us and I don't think that's fair either. And yes, i am scared to say no because they will be pissed off.

What’s wrong with letting your husband handle it? It’s his parents, he can say yes or no. You can chill at home.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
Does your son want a grandparent visit?

If not, that’s the only reason I would intervene.

Otherwise, let your husband handle it. You can conveniently have to “work” or get a cold before the trip. Basically, stop making this your problem. When my husband used to say “we should take the kids to church more, it means a lot to my parents” instead of arguing or stressing, I would say “Sure! Let me know where you want to go.” and he would predictably plan nothing. The youngest graduates high school next year.

You can say “That sounds nice!” whenever in-laws bring up the trip and move on with your life. If your husband wants to book hotels, plan the drive and go with them, more power to them! It could be a nice bonding experience with his parents.

Ds would be fine with a visit, going out for lunch, dinner, campus tour, but definitely not entertaining everyone all weekend because he has other things to do, so we'd be stuck with in laws non-stop. And I suggested dh go alone with them but he doesn't want to. I think I'm just going to hope it gets pushed back and just doesn't happen...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I doubt it's about the expense. They probably don't feel comfortable doing this without you as a support person. Or they don't think they can get from train to college because they don't want to drive a rental car in an unfamiliar area.

So much of seniors' demands is them trying to work around their inability and people not wanting to see it for what it is.

They're very autonomous in all other ways: both work, both are very active and walk miles every day, go out constantly with friends. I get that the driving is really intimidating at their age and I'd never demand they drive that far, but they are demanding it from us and I don't think that's fair either. And yes, i am scared to say no because they will be pissed off.

What’s wrong with letting your husband handle it? It’s his parents, he can say yes or no. You can chill at home.

No, he doesn't want to go alone with them. I also do think ds would think it's weird if I don't go. It would have to be during a weekend.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I doubt it's about the expense. They probably don't feel comfortable doing this without you as a support person. Or they don't think they can get from train to college because they don't want to drive a rental car in an unfamiliar area.

So much of seniors' demands is them trying to work around their inability and people not wanting to see it for what it is.

They're very autonomous in all other ways: both work, both are very active and walk miles every day, go out constantly with friends. I get that the driving is really intimidating at their age and I'd never demand they drive that far, but they are demanding it from us and I don't think that's fair either. And yes, i am scared to say no because they will be pissed off.

What’s wrong with letting your husband handle it? It’s his parents, he can say yes or no. You can chill at home.

No, he doesn't want to go alone with them. I also do think ds would think it's weird if I don't go. It would have to be during a weekend.

Your husband can suck it up, or he can be the one to tell them no. If they're unhappy they can discuss it with the son they raised.

Stop people-pleasing! Your DS can also learn to deal. It's not weird.

[Anonymous]

“He’ll be home in February and March so we aren't doing another trip until May move out. We can coordinate better next year.”