Asked mother not to share birth with others, she did anyway. Would you be upset?

[Anonymous]

We asked our parents not to post anything on Facebook announcing our kids’ births until we had done so ourselves. We did not restrict their ability to tell others about the baby. We sent them pictures they could text to their siblings/close friends. This protected our privacy while also letting them share their excitement.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:First pregnancy (baby born Jan 2024) my mother was not involved at all. Basically I had asked her for an apology for something she did, she refused and "punished" me with silent treatment.

Second pregnancy (baby born Jan 2026) she wasn't much more helpful or involved but did bring food once. My parents are retired and she has a tendency to gossip. The one thing I did ask her was not to share details about my birth with other people. Or if she does, if she could at least ask husband and I first "hey do you mind if I share with X". She gave us her word. She never asked if she could tell anyone so we figured she was taking the request to respect our privacy seriously.

A couple days after the birth we got a "welcome baby" gift from one of my mom's friends. I texted her a nice but direct message asking why she shared after specifically promising she wouldn't. She did said sorry but from her tone it was very clear she wasn't really remorseful and was basically was talking to me like a toddler having a tantrum and it'll all blow over in 15 minutes.

My message was not super emotional but internally I am pretty upset and dissapointed in her. Am I being unreasonable?

Your baby's birth (your labor). Because she's certainly entitled to share details about your birth.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:First pregnancy (baby born Jan 2024) my mother was not involved at all. Basically I had asked her for an apology for something she did, she refused and "punished" me with silent treatment.

Second pregnancy (baby born Jan 2026) she wasn't much more helpful or involved but did bring food once. My parents are retired and she has a tendency to gossip. The one thing I did ask her was not to share details about my birth with other people. Or if she does, if she could at least ask husband and I first "hey do you mind if I share with X". She gave us her word. She never asked if she could tell anyone so we figured she was taking the request to respect our privacy seriously.

A couple days after the birth we got a "welcome baby" gift from one of my mom's friends. I texted her a nice but direct message asking why she shared after specifically promising she wouldn't. She did said sorry but from her tone it was very clear she wasn't really remorseful and was basically was talking to me like a toddler having a tantrum and it'll all blow over in 15 minutes.

My message was not super emotional but internally I am pretty upset and dissapointed in her. Am I being unreasonable?

Why are you being so weird about this?

[Anonymous]

OP, I sort of get it because my MIL posted on social media a bunch of newborn baby pictures and name/ weight/ etc information about an hour after I’d given birth. I started getting all these texts from people to say congrats. Which was of course very kind. But I remember being like “how does everyone already know he was born? I’ve only been stitched up for about 5 minutes and haven’t even had the chance to share with anyone!” and my mother in law had the grace to at least sound embarrassed . It was no big deal in the end of course but in the moment it did upset me to not be able to be the one to share the news of my first baby with family and friends. Not to mention I hadn’t planned on social media pictures (she did take those down when my husband asked, without push back!)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's not cool of your mom to disrespect your wishes, but unless you have a very particular and important reason not to share that you had a child (former stalker, public persona, etc...) it's a little precious and unreasonable to ask her to not share that she has a new grandchild.

Sounds like a dramatic family situation more than just one of you being in the wrong.

Imagine being a relative or grandma's close friend and finding out grandma had been "hiding" a grandchild (or lying about whether it had been born) because OP didn't greenlight the news.

[Anonymous]

I haven't read everything. Team OP. You asked that she not share information. She did, and then treated you like a toddler.

[Anonymous]

I would be annoyed but understand at the same time and move on. (I can relate but in a different way; for certain reasons, I didn’t want anyone to know due date/any details and was cagey. I value medical privacy.) Any time you tell anyone something it’s a risk they’ll tell someone else.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I haven't read everything. Team OP. You asked that she not share information. She did, and then treated you like a toddler.

She kind of is a toddler. Someone has to say it.

Team Mom.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Not everyone wants the whole of facebook knowing their personal life, especially when it's not the person sharing who's life it is! This doesn't make OP unhinged or deranged or whatever other insults pps have lobbed her way.

Grandma did not post on FB, she informed her best friend.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:“Details of the birth” to me would be how long you labored, that you had an epidural, etc. Not that you had a baby.

You cannot keep a baby a secret and it’s kind of weird to try.

This.
Did you say don't tell anyone we are having a baby?

You seem like a drama llama

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:“Details of the birth” to me would be how long you labored, that you had an epidural, etc. Not that you had a baby.

You cannot keep a baby a secret and it’s kind of weird to try.

This.
Did you say don't tell anyone we are having a baby?

You seem like a drama llama

Births and deaths aren't private affairs. It's a completely bizarre request to demand of someone.

[Anonymous]

OP, what was the incident that lead your mom to being on such a short leash? Making her request one-by-one approval from you to tell her friends she has a new grandchild is a level of expectation and control that is incompatible with real life absent additional information.

[Anonymous]

I think this is a troll.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:“Details of the birth” to me would be how long you labored, that you had an epidural, etc. Not that you had a baby.

You cannot keep a baby a secret and it’s kind of weird to try.

+1.

What a strange request! How old are you, OP?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I haven't read everything. Team OP. You asked that she not share information. She did, and then treated you like a toddler.

OP is a toddler.