Asked mother not to share birth with others, she did anyway. Would you be upset?

[Anonymous]

First pregnancy (baby born Jan 2024) my mother was not involved at all. Basically I had asked her for an apology for something she did, she refused and "punished" me with silent treatment.

Second pregnancy (baby born Jan 2026) she wasn't much more helpful or involved but did bring food once. My parents are retired and she has a tendency to gossip. The one thing I did ask her was not to share details about my birth with other people. Or if she does, if she could at least ask husband and I first "hey do you mind if I share with X". She gave us her word. She never asked if she could tell anyone so we figured she was taking the request to respect our privacy seriously.

A couple days after the birth we got a "welcome baby" gift from one of my mom's friends. I texted her a nice but direct message asking why she shared after specifically promising she wouldn't. She did said sorry but from her tone it was very clear she wasn't really remorseful and was basically was talking to me like a toddler having a tantrum and it'll all blow over in 15 minutes.

My message was not super emotional but internally I am pretty upset and dissapointed in her. Am I being unreasonable?

[Anonymous]

You are being unreasonable and childish. If you really wanted to keep it private, why did you tell your mom anyway? I think deep down you want to control the narrative and upset about your mom doing it before you. It's a childbirth. Don't you have bigger things to worry about? Don't use your baby as a leverage.

[Anonymous]

Was there some special reason you wanted to keep it private? A traumatic incident or you didn't want abusive relatives to find out? Or were you asking solely to test her?

[Anonymous]

Well if you asked her not to share "details" of the birth, and she only shared that you had a baby but not any details beyond that, then I don't see what she did wrong.

I think you are hoping your mom will be different than she is, and that just isn't going to happen. I'm sorry. You were only not unreasonable but you were unrealistic. Really think about your options here. The mom behavior you want is not available. Either reduce what you tell her, or accept that she's going to spread it around.

[Anonymous]

Yes she not only disregarded your feelings and wished but she gaslit you with HER silent treatment. Is she a narcissist?

[Anonymous]

“Details of the birth” to me would be how long you labored, that you had an epidural, etc. Not that you had a baby.

You cannot keep a baby a secret and it’s kind of weird to try.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:“Details of the birth” to me would be how long you labored, that you had an epidural, etc. Not that you had a baby.

You cannot keep a baby a secret and it’s kind of weird to try.

+1

[Anonymous]

So you’ve given birth within the past 18 days, have a 2 year old and you have the time and energy to be fixating on your mother telling someone that her daughter just had a baby?

You’re either a troll or just really immature. There’s nothing wrong with a grandmother sharing the birth of a grandchild. What is wrong with you?

[Anonymous]

What exactly did she share? That she’s a grandma x 2 now and she’s so excited? Or that you had a fourth degree tear and needed a million stitches? There’s a BIG difference between those two types of details - the first is entirely appropriate, the second is not.

[Anonymous]

Sorry, op, I think you’re being unreasonable. But that’s okay! You just had a baby and emotions run high. But no, expect g your mom not to mention to a friend that the baby was born does not scream “reasonable.” Congrats on the baby!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So you’ve given birth within the past 18 days, have a 2 year old and you have the time and energy to be fixating on your mother telling someone that her daughter just had a baby?

You’re either a troll or just really immature. There’s nothing wrong with a grandmother sharing the birth of a grandchild. What is wrong with you?

This. Maybe this troll should just have another baby to see if she can finally win this bizarre war.

[Anonymous]

When I was in labor I learned that my mother was posting updates on FB and tagging me, letting the whole world know minute by minute progress of my dilation, effacement and bp status. I was beyond mad. I told her to take it all down. She told me I was violating her freedom of speech. So now she doesn't get to know details about me or my kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:When I was in labor I learned that my mother was posting updates on FB and tagging me, letting the whole world know minute by minute progress of my dilation, effacement and bp status. I was beyond mad. I told her to take it all down. She told me I was violating her freedom of speech. So now she doesn't get to know details about me or my kids.

Was your mother in the delivery room?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:When I was in labor I learned that my mother was posting updates on FB and tagging me, letting the whole world know minute by minute progress of my dilation, effacement and bp status. I was beyond mad. I told her to take it all down. She told me I was violating her freedom of speech. So now she doesn't get to know details about me or my kids.

Was your mother in the delivery room?

She was driving 5 hours to meet the new baby and was asking for updates to try to guess when the baby would arrive. I didn't expect her to post everything on FB.

[Anonymous]

OP, you cannot hate your mother, punish her for past misdeeds, and also, complain that she isn't helpful enough, and also share details with her that you then forbid her from sharing with others.

You are being incredibly controlling and unfair to this person who cannot give you what you want. They have the psychological profile they have. If they are oversharers, they cannot change. Do not tempt them by giving them details you don't want them to spread around. That's cruel!

YOU are the problem here. You have failed to adjust to the parent you have.

For shame.