Stepdaughter’s Clingyness Towards DH

[Anonymous]

For context, I am not a step parent and my parents never did divorce.
However, as someone who grew up with a father prone to emotional enmeshment bordering emotional incest, I urge you to take a close look at the father’s role in all of this!
A 16 year old is never completely responsible for an unhealthy relationship dynamic. Never! She is being egged on, however covertly and subconsciously, by her father. He doesn’t realize it but he needs to be in therapy asap to address his own emotional enmeshment tendencies.
For context, I felt bad for my dad being “exploited” by my mom, felt sorry for him and protective. I now realize he was just a weak man and it was not my job to protect him or even want to do so. He put me in a very unhealthy position by going along with this relationship dynamic with his wife, my mother.
He would also say inappropriate things which I didn’t think much of at the time. He is probably on the spectrum so I fully believe he didn’t have any inappropriate intent (ar least not consciously and he would never ever DO anything) but sometimes it’s not your intent that matters but how others perceive your words and actions.

[Anonymous]

I am the sexualized behavior PP and I am not a stepmother or a sexual abuse victim. I was a virgin until 20.

[Anonymous]

I’m not a stepmom and wouldn’t consider this normal.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This thread is full of bitter step mothers. In my experience, women who choose to become step mothers are more likely to have come from dysfunctional families and have daddy issues, so they don't even know what normal parent child bonds can look like. As soon as a step mother starts throwing out phrases like "sexualized behavior" you know she was abused and promiscuous as a teen. Damaged women are poor judges of behavior.

Pretty off base. Not a Step mom, abuse victim, or promiscuous with an amazing dad I have a great relationship with. I think it is weird AF and totally inappropriate.

[Anonymous]

Write her out of the will. Smile in her face though.

[Anonymous]

My girls are very close to their dad and don’t do this. Sit next to him and show him stuff/chat/etc all the time. Hug him and kiss him on the check? Sure. Even I don’t really sit on his lap, that’s just kind of weird.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes, this IS inappropriate. It is also concerning why Dad has not set boundaries with his daughter. This is NOT age appropriate and her behavior needs to be addressed (by him). This is not about step mom being jealous so everyone needs to back off on that but I do think the daughter is jealous of your role in her Dad's life and is trying to assert her position.
Many have disagreed but honestly to be 16 and sitting on Dad's lap, holding hands the cuddling is not appropriate between father and teenage daughter. Another concern is that Dad has not taught her boundaries with her body and behavior and puts her at risk in relationships with boys if she has not learned this at home.

+1
And seems like divorce was long ago, so this is even more unusual.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This thread is full of bitter step mothers. In my experience, women who choose to become step mothers are more likely to have come from dysfunctional families and have daddy issues, so they don't even know what normal parent child bonds can look like. As soon as a step mother starts throwing out phrases like "sexualized behavior" you know she was abused and promiscuous as a teen. Damaged women are poor judges of behavior.

I'm a mom, not a stepmom, and I would be very disturbed if my 16-year-old daughter sat on my husband's lap or held his hand in public. That's just creepy. It doesn't matter who calls it out; it's still creepy.

[Anonymous]

Let her have some 1-1 time with him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This thread is full of bitter step mothers. In my experience, women who choose to become step mothers are more likely to have come from dysfunctional families and have daddy issues, so they don't even know what normal parent child bonds can look like. As soon as a step mother starts throwing out phrases like "sexualized behavior" you know she was abused and promiscuous as a teen. Damaged women are poor judges of behavior.

I'm a mom, not a stepmom, and I would be very disturbed if my 16-year-old daughter sat on my husband's lap or held his hand in public. That's just creepy. It doesn't matter who calls it out; it's still creepy.

No, it’s not.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You are jealous of his daughter? Go away step monster.

I mean, I agree she should leave him. But the monster is not the wife who’s uncomfortable with dads and daughters doing this:



Apparently incest adjacent behavior is mainstream now. Curious where you draw the line?

Nothing Trump does is mainstream. Don’t say that. He is a deviant freak, has no conscience, and is likely now demented. Lap sitting an older teenage daughter with a grown man is NOT mainstream.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This thread is full of bitter step mothers. In my experience, women who choose to become step mothers are more likely to have come from dysfunctional families and have daddy issues, so they don't even know what normal parent child bonds can look like. As soon as a step mother starts throwing out phrases like "sexualized behavior" you know she was abused and promiscuous as a teen. Damaged women are poor judges of behavior.

I'm a mom, not a stepmom, and I would be very disturbed if my 16-year-old daughter sat on my husband's lap or held his hand in public. That's just creepy. It doesn't matter who calls it out; it's still creepy.

I don’t think hand holding in public is creepy. It’s sweet, whether it be with an elderly relative, a grown child, or a small child.

Lap sitting is entirely different. (I even thought it was weird in the iconic book Love You Forever.)

[Anonymous]

Thanks for all the responses. I don’t really have a reference for what’s considering a normal father-daughter relationship looks like, I didn’t want to unfairly judge, so I’m just trying to understand what’s typical in this situation. I needed to ask here to understand whether this behavior is something that happens with other teens, or if it’s outside the norm for her age, & why it might be happening. That’s all. -OP

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This thread is full of bitter step mothers. In my experience, women who choose to become step mothers are more likely to have come from dysfunctional families and have daddy issues, so they don't even know what normal parent child bonds can look like. As soon as a step mother starts throwing out phrases like "sexualized behavior" you know she was abused and promiscuous as a teen. Damaged women are poor judges of behavior.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Thanks for all the responses. I don’t really have a reference for what’s considering a normal father-daughter relationship looks like, I didn’t want to unfairly judge, so I’m just trying to understand what’s typical in this situation. I needed to ask here to understand whether this behavior is something that happens with other teens, or if it’s outside the norm for her age, & why it might be happening. That’s all. -OP

For future posts, leave out that you are a stepmother. There are so many people on here who will hate you for just that, that you will not be able to get any other point across or have any questions asked.