Stepdaughter’s Clingyness Towards DH

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Thanks for all the responses. I don’t really have a reference for what’s considering a normal father-daughter relationship looks like, I didn’t want to unfairly judge, so I’m just trying to understand what’s typical in this situation. I needed to ask here to understand whether this behavior is something that happens with other teens, or if it’s outside the norm for her age, & why it might be happening. That’s all. -OP

I mean, you don’t go to Outback Steakhouse or a family party and see teen girls sitting in their dad’s lap. You have to have some context here. This is unusual.

[Anonymous]

I mean it is already weird that a 16 year old wants to hang with him all the time and creepy that she is doing the lap sitting, etc. TBH I would probably assume that something was either going on now or had gone on in the past between BF and the daughter. The only friend I knew as a teenager who engaged in this type of behavior also exhibited other behaviors strongly linked to sexual abuse victims. I never knew whether her dad had done anything, but it tracked for sure. Red flag for boyfriend, not the kid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I mean it is already weird that a 16 year old wants to hang with him all the time and creepy that she is doing the lap sitting, etc. TBH I would probably assume that something was either going on now or had gone on in the past between BF and the daughter. The only friend I knew as a teenager who engaged in this type of behavior also exhibited other behaviors strongly linked to sexual abuse victims. I never knew whether her dad had done anything, but it tracked for sure. Red flag for boyfriend, not the kid.

I thought the same thing. It's red flag behavior, but if I were a stepmom, I wouldn't want to touch that issue with a 10-foot pole. Nevertheless, the only friend I knew who acted this affectionate toward her father did show other signs of sexual abuse. My parents noticed her hanging all over her dad, pecked him on his lips, sat on his lap, etc, and they stopped letting me go over to her house.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This thread is full of bitter step mothers. In my experience, women who choose to become step mothers are more likely to have come from dysfunctional families and have daddy issues, so they don't even know what normal parent child bonds can look like. As soon as a step mother starts throwing out phrases like "sexualized behavior" you know she was abused and promiscuous as a teen. Damaged women are poor judges of behavior.

Your husband getting an erection while your DD teen perches on his lap to complete the Sunday Times crossword is not okay.

You need a team of Swiss therapists and to absolutely STFU on all grown person topics. I have an intact first marriage and amazing tween DC, and DH would never. Never. Behave as OP has observed. OP needs to call out her husband and then contact divorce lawyers.

[Anonymous]

Maybe she’s anxious? Any big life changes?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Maybe she’s anxious? Any big life changes?

She's a stepmom, of course there's been a big life change. It's seems much more likely to be anxiety about her relationship with her dad with a new woman in the house (or possibly just anxiety about growing up) than anything sexual.

Interestingly enough, I was talking to my mom (who is in her 70s) and she remembers when she stopped being allowed to sit on her dads lap as a teenager. She's still sad about it, and he's been dead for 12 years. I'm not going to hold her up as a model of mental health (she isn't), but she wasn't being sexually abused, she just has a lot of anxiety.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Maybe she’s anxious? Any big life changes?

She's a stepmom, of course there's been a big life change. It's seems much more likely to be anxiety about her relationship with her dad with a new woman in the house (or possibly just anxiety about growing up) than anything sexual.

Interestingly enough, I was talking to my mom (who is in her 70s) and she remembers when she stopped being allowed to sit on her dads lap as a teenager. She's still sad about it, and he's been dead for 12 years. I'm not going to hold her up as a model of mental health (she isn't), but she wasn't being sexually abused, she just has a lot of anxiety.

OP did say that she’s been in her life since age 5, so it might not be related to that but more so teen life or another struggle.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Maybe she’s anxious? Any big life changes?

She's a stepmom, of course there's been a big life change. It's seems much more likely to be anxiety about her relationship with her dad with a new woman in the house (or possibly just anxiety about growing up) than anything sexual.

Interestingly enough, I was talking to my mom (who is in her 70s) and she remembers when she stopped being allowed to sit on her dad’s lap as a teenager. She's still sad about it, and he's been dead for 12 years. I'm not going to hold her up as a model of mental health (she isn't), but she wasn't being sexually abused, she just has a lot of anxiety.

This is still unbelievably creepy, anxiety or no anxiety. WTF. That was also in no way, shape or form a norm. Not at all.

[Anonymous]

My stepdaughter (22) is physically affectionate with her dad (my DH). She doesn’t sit in his lap though.

That’s just how they are and have always been.

[Anonymous]

My oldest DD is 24 & she still sits on my husbands lap, when cuddling or casually to chat after coming home, etc. I never thought of it as weird, some people just like affection & being close.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:People who encourage divorce because “kids want their parents to be happy” should read what this shrew stepmother is posting.

OMG- I thought the exact same thing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Maybe she’s anxious? Any big life changes?

She's a stepmom, of course there's been a big life change. It's seems much more likely to be anxiety about her relationship with her dad with a new woman in the house (or possibly just anxiety about growing up) than anything sexual.

Interestingly enough, I was talking to my mom (who is in her 70s) and she remembers when she stopped being allowed to sit on her dads lap as a teenager. She's still sad about it, and he's been dead for 12 years. I'm not going to hold her up as a model of mental health (she isn't), but she wasn't being sexually abused, she just has a lot of anxiety.

age 13 or 16?

[Anonymous]

Gently suggest to DH that he convert the lap -sitting to hand-holding or shoulder-leaning. If he's not a creep he'll agree.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My oldest DD is 24 & she still sits on my husbands lap, when cuddling or casually to chat after coming home, etc. I never thought of it as weird, some people just like affection & being close.

It's weird and a total lack of boundaries. Like mom spooning in bed with an adult son or families that ate always kissing each other on the lips. Can you imagine being a SO and seeing this? So many red flags.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My oldest DD is 24 & she still sits on my husbands lap, when cuddling or casually to chat after coming home, etc. I never thought of it as weird, some people just like affection & being close.

That’s f****** sick!