Stepdaughter’s Clingyness Towards DH

[Anonymous]

It's enmeshment.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She’s very close to me and I value their relationship and think it's nice that she's so close to him, but I feel like when DH and I are just sitting on the couch and she gets between us and lays on top of him, sits on his lap in public, or climbs on him when we're cuddling, it’s a little excessive. She’s also protective with DH against the other kids. All my stepkids get plenty of one-on-one time with their dad, like trips and dates, and they also have good relationships with their mom. The divorce happened when they were little and I’ve been dating her dad since she was 5. -OP

Uh clearly not. Stop being creepy. You’re sexualizing your step child and it’s wildly inappropriate.

This happens in a lot of families and people look the other way and pretend it’s normal. It’s not. The person calling out the inappropriate behavior is not the problem.

The ADULT engaging in the inappropriate behavior is the problem.

The photos of Trump and his daughter is how it looks to everyone around you. Her own mother and two stepmothers looked the other way. This family dynamic is VERY common. It’s why so many people on this thread are so defensive.

I am really surprised by the comments on this thread and agree with you more than I guess everyone else? There are some serious lack of boundaries here. I think DCUM has a knee jerk reaction to just HATING Step anything, but as someone with a DCUM approved family with no steps it would have been weird as hell to ride Dad's lap a la Vanky.

Yeah, I posted the Trump photos because I think we all have a visceral feeling of wrongness when we see a father engaged in sexually charged behavior towards his daughter.

Yet, even in that case where there was a professional photographer involved, those photos were still taken and published. That says a lot about what people will accept. This was not something he was ashamed of doing.

The posters in this thread defending their own teens and husbands touching this way are in denial. Acknowledging your husband is being sexually inappropriate with your daughter is a hard pill to swallow—AND more importantly would require action. Pretending it’s normal is their defense mechanism. A stepmother is also a natural target, so if she’s the one raising the alarm it’s even easier to ignore.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DH does set boundaries and says no sometimes, but she gets pouty, throws a fit (she does this over other things too) or gets upset.-OP

This is the thing people here don’t understand. This isn’t about OP complaining about occasional healthy affection but constant over the top clingyness. My stepdaughter is 22, and is still the exact same way.

[Anonymous]

I was close to my dad and did act a lot like your stepdaughter until about 19/20 around my dad. It did stem a little bit from jealousy of my stepmom, she is and has always been wonderful too.

[Anonymous]

If the 16 year old is jealous, she us now demonstrating it's sexual jealousy too by getting between cuddling adults. Her behavior is now sexualized.

[Anonymous]

It is concerning. I wonder if there is a history of sexual abuse, his is how she thinks she is supposed to act. Does she spend any time with her other parent?
That being said, there is nothing you can do. This is her parents job to address.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My stepdaughter who recently turned 16 is super clingy with DH—following him around the house & hovering around him, sitting on his lap, and curling up next to him in the coach, wanting to sit next to him. It’s starting to feel a little much, especially for her age.
I’m wondering if this still typical for a teenager (older step kids weren’t like this) or is this just her personality, she is a little immature. Will she grow out of it, or is this a phase that could last longer?

As the step mother you should just stay in your lane on this one. Stop creating drama.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If the 16 year old is jealous, she us now demonstrating it's sexual jealousy too by getting between cuddling adults. Her behavior is now sexualized.

All of that is pure speculation. Step parents are prone to exaggerating the faults of their step children because THEY are jealous. You have to take this all with a grain of salt.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Just to clarify, I don’t have an issue with the affection she shows toward DH, but I do think some of it might be a bit age-inappropriate—like always wanting to sit by him or sitting on his lap around family or friends (home is fine) or climbing into our bed when we’re cuddling, pushing other kids away during hugs, etc. That’s why I’m asking other parents for their thoughts. -OP

Not age appropriate at all. PPs seem to think divorce excuses a lot of weird behavior.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just to clarify, I don’t have an issue with the affection she shows toward DH, but I do think some of it might be a bit age-inappropriate—like always wanting to sit by him or sitting on his lap around family or friends (home is fine) or climbing into our bed when we’re cuddling, pushing other kids away during hugs, etc. That’s why I’m asking other parents for their thoughts. -OP

Not age appropriate at all. PPs seem to think divorce excuses a lot of weird behavior.

It explains most of the weird behavior. This is something the actual parents need to address, not the insecure step mom who was dumb enough to marry a man with kids in the first place. OP needs to tell her husband it makes her uncomfortable, but only once, not nagging him to death about it.

This kid will be off to college in 2 years. Ride it out.

[Anonymous]

Stepper families never work. This is proof.
Next..

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just to clarify, I don’t have an issue with the affection she shows toward DH, but I do think some of it might be a bit age-inappropriate—like always wanting to sit by him or sitting on his lap around family or friends (home is fine) or climbing into our bed when we’re cuddling, pushing other kids away during hugs, etc. That’s why I’m asking other parents for their thoughts. -OP

Not age appropriate at all. PPs seem to think divorce excuses a lot of weird behavior.

It explains most of the weird behavior. This is something the actual parents need to address, not the insecure step mom who was dumb enough to marry a man with kids in the first place. OP needs to tell her husband it makes her uncomfortable, but only once, not nagging him to death about it.

This kid will be off to college in 2 years. Ride it out.

You think OP should ride it out for two yrs? This behavior is beyond inappropriate and has to be addressed by her DH ASAP.

[Anonymous]

I feel sorry for this child that has ended up in a situation where she seems to think that this level of over the top behavior is how to live her best life. I don’t know if there really is something inappropriate in how she has been treated (by dad or someone else) or if she is just extremely resentful of the stepmom. But, she is a child who seems to be dealing with some real issues. Oblivious dad isn’t helping here.

[Anonymous]

I did not read this entire thread really but I saw some people supporting the behavior, which I think is odd. She's 16 years old. Cuddling up and hugging, normal OK. Sitting in his lap, not so much.

[Anonymous]

This thread is full of bitter step mothers. In my experience, women who choose to become step mothers are more likely to have come from dysfunctional families and have daddy issues, so they don't even know what normal parent child bonds can look like. As soon as a step mother starts throwing out phrases like "sexualized behavior" you know she was abused and promiscuous as a teen. Damaged women are poor judges of behavior.