How to respond when kid gets into school and is Legacy

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:These assumptions are hurtful and uncalled for, whether one’s a URM, legacy, etc. I hope parents aren’t openly speculating about their kids’ classmates’ qualifications at home, but that’s probably wishful thinking. Sometimes it’s the parents who are planting this attitude in their kids.

Denying that a double legacy gives one a boost is being obtuse.

Non donor legacy at a top school is a tie breaker at best. OP’s kid was at least as strong as the other kid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:These assumptions are hurtful and uncalled for, whether one’s a URM, legacy, etc. I hope parents aren’t openly speculating about their kids’ classmates’ qualifications at home, but that’s probably wishful thinking. Sometimes it’s the parents who are planting this attitude in their kids.

Denying that a double legacy gives one a boost is being obtuse.

Non donor legacy at a top school is a tie breaker at best. OP’s kid was at least as strong as the other kid.

Legacies give a boost. I think everyone know that. Not saying OP's kid didn't work hard for it, but let's be real here.. without the double legacy, the kid's chances would've been lower.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just say “yes, I’m really lucky.”

Especially if you’re talking to a kid, and that kid hasn’t yet matched with their college. They’re in a stressful situation and it’s on you, the kid who’s lucky enough to be into your first choice college in December, to be the bigger person.

100% agree with this. Just try to be kind even if the other kid wasn’t at his best.

Op here, thank you, this is how I’ve steered him so far.

We know he’s hooked and of course that helped, but I don’t want to that to minimize the hard work he’s put in over the years and imply that he doesn’t deserve to be there at all. He doesn’t deserve it more than others, I don’t believe that, but he is a good kid and was a strong candidate.

At my senior's school, this type of skepticism also goes for athletes, URMs and probably a host of other categories - we've been through the process more than once now, and it happens every year when decisions come out.

By all accounts, your son has earned it and will not take the opportunity in front of him for granted. Not much more you can ask for - congratulations to him!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:These assumptions are hurtful and uncalled for, whether one’s a URM, legacy, etc. I hope parents aren’t openly speculating about their kids’ classmates’ qualifications at home, but that’s probably wishful thinking. Sometimes it’s the parents who are planting this attitude in their kids.

Denying that a double legacy gives one a boost is being obtuse.

Non donor legacy at a top school is a tie breaker at best. OP’s kid was at least as strong as the other kid.

Not really. Some schools directly ask about legacy relations in the app or say they consider legacy in admissions. No one says they only consider big donor legacies.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My son got into a top school EA. It was the school where dh and I attended. He is a top student in all respects, hard worker, great stats/rigor, leadership, community service, etc. And none of this was pushed/curated by us, he really drove it all (including applications), and we are really proud of him.

A couple of kids from school who got rejected said “oh but your parents went there” like that’s the only reason he got in. I know it helps that we did, of course, but his stats match the student population, it’s not like he was pulled up despite bad grades/scores. We aren’t big benefactors either, it’s not like the school would see big donations in our history.

So how to respond if someone says that?

"Yes. That also played a part, because a lot of students with similar high stats get rejected. We are very lucky and privileged. Also, thrilled that he got into that school."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just say “yes, I’m really lucky.”

Especially if you’re talking to a kid, and that kid hasn’t yet matched with their college. They’re in a stressful situation and it’s on you, the kid who’s lucky enough to be into your first choice college in December, to be the bigger person.

100% agree with this. Just try to be kind even if the other kid wasn’t at his best.

Op here, thank you, this is how I’ve steered him so far.

We know he’s hooked and of course that helped, but I don’t want to that to minimize the hard work he’s put in over the years and imply that he doesn’t deserve to be there at all. He doesn’t deserve it more than others, I don’t believe that, but he is a good kid and was a strong candidate.

Okay, you've admitted he's a strong student but not necessarily stronger than his high achieving classmates, right? Some resentment in that case is natural. Get over it, and take the win.

I never said that. Strong SAT score, has a perfect GPA with highest rigor classes. He goes to a public HS, not private. He’s well known a a top student though they don’t give out class ranks.

We have never hired a tutor or a college counselor. Plenty of applicants have had advantages that he didn’t have.

If he brings it up again I will suggest he say “thanks I’m lucky” and change the subject like pp’s have said.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just say “yes, I’m really lucky.”

Especially if you’re talking to a kid, and that kid hasn’t yet matched with their college. They’re in a stressful situation and it’s on you, the kid who’s lucky enough to be into your first choice college in December, to be the bigger person.

100% agree with this. Just try to be kind even if the other kid wasn’t at his best.

Op here, thank you, this is how I’ve steered him so far.

We know he’s hooked and of course that helped, but I don’t want to that to minimize the hard work he’s put in over the years and imply that he doesn’t deserve to be there at all. He doesn’t deserve it more than others, I don’t believe that, but he is a good kid and was a strong candidate.

That is the crux of it all.

[Anonymous]

OP, first, wake up. But for the legacy status, kid would not have gotten in. So, yes, but for that one factor, kid is in the reject pile like everyone else. By definition, this means kid did not get in on their own.

Just admit it and be cool about it. Nothing more annoying than the use of privilege and the pretense it was not used.

Kid should say, “yeah, legacy must have gotten me in.”

All will respect that. Others would have been delighted to use legacy as well, if they could have. They get it.

What they don’t get — and it universally causes eye rolls — is the “would have gotten in anyway” canard. This goes for you, too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just say “yes, I’m really lucky.”

Especially if you’re talking to a kid, and that kid hasn’t yet matched with their college. They’re in a stressful situation and it’s on you, the kid who’s lucky enough to be into your first choice college in December, to be the bigger person.

100% agree with this. Just try to be kind even if the other kid wasn’t at his best.

Op here, thank you, this is how I’ve steered him so far.

We know he’s hooked and of course that helped, but I don’t want to that to minimize the hard work he’s put in over the years and imply that he doesn’t deserve to be there at all. He doesn’t deserve it more than others, I don’t believe that, but he is a good kid and was a strong candidate.

Okay, you've admitted he's a strong student but not necessarily stronger than his high achieving classmates, right? Some resentment in that case is natural. Get over it, and take the win.

I never said that. Strong SAT score, has a perfect GPA with highest rigor classes. He goes to a public HS, not private. He’s well known a a top student though they don’t give out class ranks.

We have never hired a tutor or a college counselor. Plenty of applicants have had advantages that he didn’t have.

If he brings it up again I will suggest he say “thanks I’m lucky” and change the subject like pp’s have said.

You didn't need to hire college counselor because you were legacy and your kid was a shoo-in. Are you really this obtuse?

[Anonymous]

If I were OP, I would coach my kid to say: yes, grateful that it happened. Good luck to you.

The kid got in. He does not need to justify why he got in.

[Anonymous]

If the kid can hold their head up high and know they are a top student regardless of some hooks they have no control over, I wouldn't spend another minute on it. And legacy is a very marginal boost anyway.

Shrug is the best response. Plus empathy for classmates. It's stressful for students shooting for the top schools. And classmates may hyper-focus on some small thing because nothing else about admissions to these schools makes logical sense these days.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What *can* you say. He’s hooked. Unless it’s a school that does not consider legacy, it’s a factor.

You can't deny it, especially b/c you admitted it did help. If your kid needs something to say to friends who are feeling stressed right now, he can say that it definitely didn't hurt or that his parents are happy they don't have to buy new merch. It's not really a thing to get hung up upon. It likely did tip the scales. Lucky kid.

[Anonymous]

Who cares?

Your kid got in and they didn’t. Be happy.

Yes, it is rude to state the truth in this scenario, but rude people abound. Good practice for snowflake Larlo to learn how to handle rude jealous people.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, first, wake up. But for the legacy status, kid would not have gotten in. So, yes, but for that one factor, kid is in the reject pile like everyone else. By definition, this means kid did not get in on their own.

Just admit it and be cool about it. Nothing more annoying than the use of privilege and the pretense it was not used.

Kid should say, “yeah, legacy must have gotten me in.”

All will respect that. Others would have been delighted to use legacy as well, if they could have. They get it.

What they don’t get — and it universally causes eye rolls — is the “would have gotten in anyway” canard. This goes for you, too.

I know the entire college process is a source for cynicism - but this is ridiculously cynical. Even for here.

[Anonymous]

This is kind of like how no one wanted to admit to being an "affirmative action" admit. One reason it was a flawed policy. NO ONE wants to admit that they benefitted.

Same for legacy preference. It exists, no will ever wants to be the one that is pointed to as benefitting.