Do you tolerate strangers calling you “sweetie, doll, dear” etc

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I suppose the male equivalent is being called dude.

Most people in this country are working class to lower middle class, not uptight professionals. I agree context matters a lot, but the people upset at the Stetson poster calling attendants darling or ma'am really don't realize how much of it comes down to delivery and charm and why he gets away with it. I've seen it in action and the recipient is always charmed and usually giggles a bit.

It’s equivalent to calling a “little guy”

What can I get you little guys to drink.

Or sport, champ, or buddy.

Hey buddy, are you ready to order. Nice choice champ.

Buddy is close but it's not really like "champ" because no one calls anyone but an actual child that except to be rude. Lots of women call each other sweetie or dear affectionately.

No we don’t.

And adult men do call each other champ.

You and your uptight millennial friends are not all women. I absolutely will see a friend and say "hey dear, how are you?"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I suppose the male equivalent is being called dude.

Most people in this country are working class to lower middle class, not uptight professionals. I agree context matters a lot, but the people upset at the Stetson poster calling attendants darling or ma'am really don't realize how much of it comes down to delivery and charm and why he gets away with it. I've seen it in action and the recipient is always charmed and usually giggles a bit.

It’s equivalent to calling a “little guy”

What can I get you little guys to drink.

Or sport, champ, or buddy.

Hey buddy, are you ready to order. Nice choice champ.

Most of the people who use "sweetie", "hun", or "dear" use them indiscriminately on people of both genders. Like the vast majority of people saying this stuff are older women in service jobs (often black women) and they will 100% sweetie my husband the same way they do me. So that should tell you right there what the intent is.

But also, even in a situation where we will assume you are right, and they only do this to women and it is in fact diminishing... these are women with very low status. Often older women. They aren't doing it to attack you, personally. They are doing it because they were raised in a culture where you defer to men and you baby women. It's social conditioning, not a personal attack.

In the tiny number of situations where the person who says this to you is actually high status, you are free to read them the riot act. Getting mad at waitresses and ladies working retail sales over this is crazy.

This is the stuff of "irrational, emotional" stereotypes of women. If someone "read me the riot act" because I grew up in the midwest where this was common, I would think they were psychotic.

[Anonymous]

Hey buddy

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m a 30 something and still have random strangers call me things like “doll, dear, sweetie” etc. I’m wondering if I should say something or let it go. I feel like I’m too old at this point to be called this.

Ho? Skank?

[Anonymous]

I don't mind at all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I suppose the male equivalent is being called dude.

Most people in this country are working class to lower middle class, not uptight professionals. I agree context matters a lot, but the people upset at the Stetson poster calling attendants darling or ma'am really don't realize how much of it comes down to delivery and charm and why he gets away with it. I've seen it in action and the recipient is always charmed and usually giggles a bit.

It’s equivalent to calling a “little guy”

What can I get you little guys to drink.

Or sport, champ, or buddy.

Hey buddy, are you ready to order. Nice choice champ.

Most of the people who use "sweetie", "hun", or "dear" use them indiscriminately on people of both genders. Like the vast majority of people saying this stuff are older women in service jobs (often black women) and they will 100% sweetie my husband the same way they do me. So that should tell you right there what the intent is.

But also, even in a situation where we will assume you are right, and they only do this to women and it is in fact diminishing... these are women with very low status. Often older women. They aren't doing it to attack you, personally. They are doing it because they were raised in a culture where you defer to men and you baby women. It's social conditioning, not a personal attack.

In the tiny number of situations where the person who says this to you is actually high status, you are free to read them the riot act. Getting mad at waitresses and ladies working retail sales over this is crazy.

This is the stuff of "irrational, emotional" stereotypes of women. If someone "read me the riot act" because I grew up in the midwest where this was common, I would think they were psychotic.

You too can change now that you know better. It is extremely condescending and patronizing to call grown women (and men) sweetie, honey, darling, etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I suppose the male equivalent is being called dude.

Most people in this country are working class to lower middle class, not uptight professionals. I agree context matters a lot, but the people upset at the Stetson poster calling attendants darling or ma'am really don't realize how much of it comes down to delivery and charm and why he gets away with it. I've seen it in action and the recipient is always charmed and usually giggles a bit.

It’s equivalent to calling a “little guy”

What can I get you little guys to drink.

Or sport, champ, or buddy.

Hey buddy, are you ready to order. Nice choice champ.

Most of the people who use "sweetie", "hun", or "dear" use them indiscriminately on people of both genders. Like the vast majority of people saying this stuff are older women in service jobs (often black women) and they will 100% sweetie my husband the same way they do me. So that should tell you right there what the intent is.

But also, even in a situation where we will assume you are right, and they only do this to women and it is in fact diminishing... these are women with very low status. Often older women. They aren't doing it to attack you, personally. They are doing it because they were raised in a culture where you defer to men and you baby women. It's social conditioning, not a personal attack.

In the tiny number of situations where the person who says this to you is actually high status, you are free to read them the riot act. Getting mad at waitresses and ladies working retail sales over this is crazy.

This is the stuff of "irrational, emotional" stereotypes of women. If someone "read me the riot act" because I grew up in the midwest where this was common, I would think they were psychotic.

It's weird you are taking issue with the idea that there may be some very limited situations in which it is said specifically to demean someone, when most of my post was about how most people mean nothing unkind and it should be ignored.

But like if the CEO of a company turned to the one woman on the corporate board and said "sweetie, get me a coffee, will you," I would not have a problem with her dressing him down, nor would I think she was psychotic for doing so.

But that's not a common occurrence.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I suppose the male equivalent is being called dude.

Most people in this country are working class to lower middle class, not uptight professionals. I agree context matters a lot, but the people upset at the Stetson poster calling attendants darling or ma'am really don't realize how much of it comes down to delivery and charm and why he gets away with it. I've seen it in action and the recipient is always charmed and usually giggles a bit.

It’s equivalent to calling a “little guy”

What can I get you little guys to drink.

Or sport, champ, or buddy.

Hey buddy, are you ready to order. Nice choice champ.

Buddy is close but it's not really like "champ" because no one calls anyone but an actual child that except to be rude. Lots of women call each other sweetie or dear affectionately.

No we don’t.

And adult men do call each other champ.

You and your uptight millennial friends are not all women. I absolutely will see a friend and say "hey dear, how are you?"

Your friends are weird.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My family is southern and I probably hear "honey" 10x a day.

I've noticed that Chinese people often use "sweetie" and "dear" a lot towards me. I don't actually hear many native English speakers saying that, so maybe it's something that they're brining from the Chinese language.

Chinese e-commerce brands and some businesses use the equivalent of "my dear" or "dears" to refer to a customer or customers.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Gen X male here: I’ve discovered (through years of careful observation and evaluation) that I get appreciably better service in places like restaurants, stores, car rental and airline counters, and other such service-oriented places, if in my interactions with female staff, I call them “darlin’ “ or “ma’am”, and smile a lot. Appreciably better service. Not just a little better.

Are you wearing a 10-gallon Stetson hat when you do this?

It's Matthew McConaughey.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I had a recruiter call me ‘dear’ multiple times on a recent call. It was so unprofessional.

We’re they born elsewhere? I ask because “dear” seems to be used in certain countries. I’m not sure if the word means the exact same thing there or not.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It doesn’t phase me.

Faze. It doesn’t “faze” you.

Forgive them, they are just going through a weird faze.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I had a recruiter call me ‘dear’ multiple times on a recent call. It was so unprofessional.

A recruiter is an administrative role. It's like a secretary but the administrative work she does is focused on talent recruitment. She doesn't actually hire people.

If she was middle aged or older, I'd get over it. I know so many women in admin level roles who speak this way. It is cultural and has nothing to do with you personally. Generally I think women are conditioned into it because it's a way to sound "soft" and "maternal" and for women who entered the professional world in the 90s or earlier, there was a lot of pressure on women not to act too "hard" or risk being called a b--- or "strident" or "ambitious."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I suppose the male equivalent is being called dude.

Most people in this country are working class to lower middle class, not uptight professionals. I agree context matters a lot, but the people upset at the Stetson poster calling attendants darling or ma'am really don't realize how much of it comes down to delivery and charm and why he gets away with it. I've seen it in action and the recipient is always charmed and usually giggles a bit.

It’s equivalent to calling a “little guy”

What can I get you little guys to drink.

Or sport, champ, or buddy.

Hey buddy, are you ready to order. Nice choice champ.

Buddy is close but it's not really like "champ" because no one calls anyone but an actual child that except to be rude. Lots of women call each other sweetie or dear affectionately.

No we don’t.

And adult men do call each other champ.

No they don't.

[Anonymous]

Guy here - if it's an informal setting I will often start or end with another guy with "boss" - "hey boss, ..." or "excuse me boss" and "thanks, boss".