Do you tolerate strangers calling you “sweetie, doll, dear” etc

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:IRL, what are people supposed to refer to you as if they don't know you (and your name)? Miss? Won't some people get offended if we're assuming genders at this point? It's gotten so ridiculous at this point what people are uptight about and it seems like many are just sitting around waiting to be offended....

It's not rocket science. People who have manners never use those terms to talk to women. No one NEEDS to refer to anyone as dear, sweetie, etc. It's a habit you developed and you can stop anytime.

I'm not advocating for anything one way or another. Just asking what are the "acceptable" references so as not to set anyone off.

i have gone my whole life without using those terms.

You walk into a room and say "good afternoon, how are you?" instead of "good afternoon, sweetie. How are you?"

It is THAT simple.

So we've gotten to a point in humanity where we can't attempt to relate and/or appreciate anyone and need to just go completely impersonal in every interaction so as not to inadvertently offend anyone? Got it.

You are not relating or appreciating anyone by calling them sweetie, sweetie? See how that sounds?

You sound like a condescending, uneducated hick. You're welcome.

Context and intent matter. If you're not smart enough to understand that, it's not worth have an educated conversation with you because you're incapable.

No one, and I mean no one in the professional setting needs to use those words. But nice try at deflection with the "context" nonsense. No one is losing their shit over a weitreess calling them sweetie (but even then, I'm rolling my eyes because even she can do better).

Where in this thread does *anyone* mention a "professional setting"?

Perhaps read it again?

This specific quote thread doesn't, if you click "show earlier quotes". Now you're just making $hit up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I recently moved from the US to Bristol in the Uk. Its common here for people to call you "my love"

and I delight in it.

That is so delightful!

I think some in this thread are making no distinction between something like this, just a colloquialism that some people use affectionately and mean well by, and some skeevy guy at work calling a secretary "sweetheart" because he doesn't respect her. Treating all of these as in the latter category is nuts. It's situational. Sometimes it's okay and sometimes it's not, and most of us can tell when the intent is bad.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I grew up in DC and AA folks said these kinds of things with good intentions - and it happened a lot when I was growing up - so it is endearing to me. I rarely assume ill intent, and so even if a man is testing the waters/being flirtatious, I wouldn’t hang around long enough to find out. I think it’s more of a southern thing.

It is more prevalent in AA culture, especially in the south. I think white people who hate blacks feel offended by this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I recently moved from the US to Bristol in the Uk. Its common here for people to call you "my love"

and I delight in it.

It it is white Europeans use it, Americans will find it charming and aristocratic. If it is southern AA use it, Americans get offended.

[Anonymous]

Just don’t call me late for dinner. Our country is crumbling. This doesn’t begin to come even close to the list of things that concern me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I recently moved from the US to Bristol in the Uk. Its common here for people to call you "my love"

and I delight in it.

It it is white Europeans use it, Americans will find it charming and aristocratic. If it is southern AA use it, Americans get offended.

Nope. I didn't like it when Brits called me "love" when I lived there.

[Anonymous]

Hun is okay but only in Baltimore

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I recently moved from the US to Bristol in the Uk. Its common here for people to call you "my love"

and I delight in it.

It it is white Europeans use it, Americans will find it charming and aristocratic. If it is southern AA use it, Americans get offended.

Nope. I didn't like it when Brits called me "love" when I lived there.

I like getting "dear" and "hun" from black people in the US, and I like getting "love" from Brits.

I'm sorry you're such a miserable Scrooge but this is not an insult to anyone, you need to get over it.

[Anonymous]

A woman I know once had a full on tantrum on social media because a waitress had called her "sweetheart" or something. It was like a multi-paragraph screed about how the waitress had failed feminism and humiliated this lady and how it was an example of women failing to support each other professionally or something.

When the amount of anger you have over something like this involves broadcasting that kind of rage at a low-paid service worker, you are the a$$hole. I don't call people sweetheart but, like, come on. It is not that big of a deal.

I do assume the waitress was black.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Just don’t call me late for dinner. Our country is crumbling. This doesn’t begin to come even close to the list of things that concern me.

+1 I do f mind it at all, especially because the intentions are usually kind and warm. And I’m 55.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I recently moved from the US to Bristol in the Uk. Its common here for people to call you "my love"

and I delight in it.

It it is white Europeans use it, Americans will find it charming and aristocratic. If it is southern AA use it, Americans get offended.

Nope. I didn't like it when Brits called me "love" when I lived there.

But you don't like anything.

[Anonymous]

I’ve never had anyone say it condescendingly. It’s usually endearing so I love it.

[Anonymous]

I like it when strangers call me “M’lady”.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As a young female attorney in DC (20 years ago), I encountered this A LOT, especially when I traveled to more southern locales (I worked for DOJ so I practiced all over the place). Having a federal judge call me sweetie or honey made my blood boil but I never said anything about it. Instead I just proved that I was smarter than how they were treating me and considered that my victory. I do think this practice will die out because younger generations don't talk like this (at least not where I live).

What made you think that they thought that you were not smart? Just curious. And how did they were treating you (beside calling you sweetie or honey)? Have you try to call him "honey" back?

I'm PP. Because of the way they said it. Because of the other things they would say. Sometimes they'd ask me if my boss was coming to the deposition. Nope, just me, this is my case. Sometimes they'd ask who wrote the brief that was submitted. It was me, I did it all by myself. Sometimes they'd explain something in a really condescending way. Got it, thanks, actually you're the one who is interpreting the statute incorrectly, sir. I could go on and on. The judges and attorneys who did this don't have specific places in my memory, but the judges and attorneys who DIDN'T do this are the ones I remember, mostly because those memories are pleasant and because they were not the norm.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As a young female attorney in DC (20 years ago), I encountered this A LOT, especially when I traveled to more southern locales (I worked for DOJ so I practiced all over the place). Having a federal judge call me sweetie or honey made my blood boil but I never said anything about it. Instead I just proved that I was smarter than how they were treating me and considered that my victory. I do think this practice will die out because younger generations don't talk like this (at least not where I live).

What made you think that they thought that you were not smart? Just curious. And how did they were treating you (beside calling you sweetie or honey)? Have you try to call him "honey" back?

I'm PP. Because of the way they said it. Because of the other things they would say. Sometimes they'd ask me if my boss was coming to the deposition. Nope, just me, this is my case. Sometimes they'd ask who wrote the brief that was submitted. It was me, I did it all by myself. Sometimes they'd explain something in a really condescending way. Got it, thanks, actually you're the one who is interpreting the statute incorrectly, sir. I could go on and on. The judges and attorneys who did this don't have specific places in my memory, but the judges and attorneys who DIDN'T do this are the ones I remember, mostly because those memories are pleasant and because they were not the norm.

Well, and a JUDGE using it is appalling.