Do you tolerate strangers calling you “sweetie, doll, dear” etc

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I suppose the male equivalent is being called dude.

Most people in this country are working class to lower middle class, not uptight professionals. I agree context matters a lot, but the people upset at the Stetson poster calling attendants darling or ma'am really don't realize how much of it comes down to delivery and charm and why he gets away with it. I've seen it in action and the recipient is always charmed and usually giggles a bit.

It’s equivalent to calling a “little guy”

What can I get you little guys to drink.

Or sport, champ, or buddy.

Hey buddy, are you ready to order. Nice choice champ.

Buddy is close but it's not really like "champ" because no one calls anyone but an actual child that except to be rude. Lots of women call each other sweetie or dear affectionately.

[Anonymous]

I find this cultural. Some people call everyone that. It doesn’t bother me. I don’t see it as something directed at me, but how they interact.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I suppose the male equivalent is being called dude.

Most people in this country are working class to lower middle class, not uptight professionals. I agree context matters a lot, but the people upset at the Stetson poster calling attendants darling or ma'am really don't realize how much of it comes down to delivery and charm and why he gets away with it. I've seen it in action and the recipient is always charmed and usually giggles a bit.

It’s equivalent to calling a “little guy”

What can I get you little guys to drink.

Or sport, champ, or buddy.

Hey buddy, are you ready to order. Nice choice champ.

Buddy is close but it's not really like "champ" because no one calls anyone but an actual child that except to be rude. Lots of women call each other sweetie or dear affectionately.

No we don’t.

And adult men do call each other champ.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I suppose the male equivalent is being called dude.

Most people in this country are working class to lower middle class, not uptight professionals. I agree context matters a lot, but the people upset at the Stetson poster calling attendants darling or ma'am really don't realize how much of it comes down to delivery and charm and why he gets away with it. I've seen it in action and the recipient is always charmed and usually giggles a bit.

It’s equivalent to calling a “little guy”

What can I get you little guys to drink.

Or sport, champ, or buddy.

Hey buddy, are you ready to order. Nice choice champ.

Most of the people who use "sweetie", "hun", or "dear" use them indiscriminately on people of both genders. Like the vast majority of people saying this stuff are older women in service jobs (often black women) and they will 100% sweetie my husband the same way they do me. So that should tell you right there what the intent is.

But also, even in a situation where we will assume you are right, and they only do this to women and it is in fact diminishing... these are women with very low status. Often older women. They aren't doing it to attack you, personally. They are doing it because they were raised in a culture where you defer to men and you baby women. It's social conditioning, not a personal attack.

In the tiny number of situations where the person who says this to you is actually high status, you are free to read them the riot act. Getting mad at waitresses and ladies working retail sales over this is crazy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I suppose the male equivalent is being called dude.

Most people in this country are working class to lower middle class, not uptight professionals. I agree context matters a lot, but the people upset at the Stetson poster calling attendants darling or ma'am really don't realize how much of it comes down to delivery and charm and why he gets away with it. I've seen it in action and the recipient is always charmed and usually giggles a bit.

It’s equivalent to calling a “little guy”

What can I get you little guys to drink.

Or sport, champ, or buddy.

Hey buddy, are you ready to order. Nice choice champ.

Buddy is close but it's not really like "champ" because no one calls anyone but an actual child that except to be rude. Lots of women call each other sweetie or dear affectionately.

No we don’t.

And adult men do call each other champ.

Maybe YOU don't, but women in America absolutely do. You just need to get out more.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I suppose the male equivalent is being called dude.

Most people in this country are working class to lower middle class, not uptight professionals. I agree context matters a lot, but the people upset at the Stetson poster calling attendants darling or ma'am really don't realize how much of it comes down to delivery and charm and why he gets away with it. I've seen it in action and the recipient is always charmed and usually giggles a bit.

It’s equivalent to calling a “little guy”

What can I get you little guys to drink.

Or sport, champ, or buddy.

Hey buddy, are you ready to order. Nice choice champ.

Buddy is close but it's not really like "champ" because no one calls anyone but an actual child that except to be rude. Lots of women call each other sweetie or dear affectionately.

No we don’t.

And adult men do call each other champ.

Maybe YOU don't, but women in America absolutely do. You just need to get out more.

No sweetie I don’t. And just because you’re in some weird microcosm doesn’t mean it’s the norm.

Got it dear.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I suppose the male equivalent is being called dude.

Most people in this country are working class to lower middle class, not uptight professionals. I agree context matters a lot, but the people upset at the Stetson poster calling attendants darling or ma'am really don't realize how much of it comes down to delivery and charm and why he gets away with it. I've seen it in action and the recipient is always charmed and usually giggles a bit.

It’s equivalent to calling a “little guy”

What can I get you little guys to drink.

Or sport, champ, or buddy.

Hey buddy, are you ready to order. Nice choice champ.

Buddy is close but it's not really like "champ" because no one calls anyone but an actual child that except to be rude. Lots of women call each other sweetie or dear affectionately.

No we don’t.

And adult men do call each other champ.

Maybe YOU don't, but women in America absolutely do. You just need to get out more.

+1 I know lots of women who speak to one another this way. It's meant as a term of endearment and is not condescending. Similar to how younger women will call themselves or each other "girlies". There are also women of my generation (in my 40s) who call one another "mama" even if they are moms. That one always struck me as odd but I had a couple friends who did it and I could tell it was meant affectionately even though I thought it was weird.

Context is everything here.

[Anonymous]

^even if they are NOT moms

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I suppose the male equivalent is being called dude.

Most people in this country are working class to lower middle class, not uptight professionals. I agree context matters a lot, but the people upset at the Stetson poster calling attendants darling or ma'am really don't realize how much of it comes down to delivery and charm and why he gets away with it. I've seen it in action and the recipient is always charmed and usually giggles a bit.

I think the male equivalent is “Boss” and I hate it. When the guy at the sandwich shop keeps calling me boss I cringe a little each time. I would prefer dude any day.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I suppose the male equivalent is being called dude.

Most people in this country are working class to lower middle class, not uptight professionals. I agree context matters a lot, but the people upset at the Stetson poster calling attendants darling or ma'am really don't realize how much of it comes down to delivery and charm and why he gets away with it. I've seen it in action and the recipient is always charmed and usually giggles a bit.

I think the male equivalent is “Boss” and I hate it. When the guy at the sandwich shop keeps calling me boss I cringe a little each time. I would prefer dude any day.

Never heard boss, interesting.

I grew up on the West coast and it's dude or "man" out there (like "hey man, you ready to order?"). People are less formal there and you would not hear ma'am or sweetie or hun. I hear all those a lot on the East coast.

These are mostly dialect nuances and not personal attacks. People need to chill.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I lived in Baltimore where everyone is "hon." I'm fine with this kind of thing.

This is my second favorite thing about Baltimore, after John Waters.

[Anonymous]

My family is southern and I probably hear "honey" 10x a day.

I've noticed that Chinese people often use "sweetie" and "dear" a lot towards me. I don't actually hear many native English speakers saying that, so maybe it's something that they're brining from the Chinese language.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I lived in Baltimore where everyone is "hon." I'm fine with this kind of thing.

I feel sexually harassed every time. /s

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m a 30 something and still have random strangers call me things like “doll, dear, sweetie” etc. I’m wondering if I should say something or let it go. I feel like I’m too old at this point to be called this.

The checker at Giant called me "pumpkin" yesterday. I'm 53.

Get over it, OP. Of course you don't say anything.

[Anonymous]

I don't necessary like it, but I perfectly tolerate it. I understand it is cultural (I am European) so it does not bother me. Most of the cultures has their names for other women that are not formal, and it is totally fine.