Do you tolerate strangers calling you “sweetie, doll, dear” etc

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I make it a point to not be offended unless someone means to offend. Can't imagine how life must be otherwise. If you see everything as a slight, you will be miserable and those around you will be as well.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m a 30 something and still have random strangers call me things like “doll, dear, sweetie” etc. I’m wondering if I should say something or let it go. I feel like I’m too old at this point to be called this.

I’m from Baltimore so I’m fine with this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I suppose the male equivalent is being called dude.

Most people in this country are working class to lower middle class, not uptight professionals. I agree context matters a lot, but the people upset at the Stetson poster calling attendants darling or ma'am really don't realize how much of it comes down to delivery and charm and why he gets away with it. I've seen it in action and the recipient is always charmed and usually giggles a bit.

I think the male equivalent is “Boss” and I hate it. When the guy at the sandwich shop keeps calling me boss I cringe a little each time. I would prefer dude any day.

Chief and pal are some more equivalents.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:IRL, what are people supposed to refer to you as if they don't know you (and your name)? Miss? Won't some people get offended if we're assuming genders at this point? It's gotten so ridiculous at this point what people are uptight about and it seems like many are just sitting around waiting to be offended....

It's not rocket science. People who have manners never use those terms to talk to women. No one NEEDS to refer to anyone as dear, sweetie, etc. It's a habit you developed and you can stop anytime.

Taking offense at every little thing is also a habit you developed and can stop at any time.

The vast majority of people who use these terms at this point are women who were socialized into it by the expectation that they be friendly and motherly to people even in professional settings.

Stop saying offensive things and people won't be....offended. I can't believe I have to spell this out for grown-ups. Are you really THiS STUPID?

I'm the PP and I'm not stupid, but now I'm getting why you are having a hard time with this.

You can't use an ounce of empathy to understand that MANY people who say this stuff do not consider it offensive, it's what they call everyone, and they were raised to speak this way? A waitress calling you hon or sweetie is not out to get you. That's just how she talks. If you are so much better and more sophisticated than she is, then surely you can have the good manners and patience to let it go, rather than call her stupid, which is inarguably ruder than calling someone "sweetie."

It is not about what you consider offensive. It's about people you call these names consider offensive. So you ARE that stupid. Plenty of people using the R word or the N word think it's totally fine, yet all the decent people know how offensive and wrong it is. It is also not about a waitress calling me sweetie. It's about a person in power calling me sweetie. So, sounds like you haven't learned how to communicate in addition to not learning any manners.

Just curious, what other person has power over you?

What a ridiculous question.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:IRL, what are people supposed to refer to you as if they don't know you (and your name)? Miss? Won't some people get offended if we're assuming genders at this point? It's gotten so ridiculous at this point what people are uptight about and it seems like many are just sitting around waiting to be offended....

It's not rocket science. People who have manners never use those terms to talk to women. No one NEEDS to refer to anyone as dear, sweetie, etc. It's a habit you developed and you can stop anytime.

Taking offense at every little thing is also a habit you developed and can stop at any time.

The vast majority of people who use these terms at this point are women who were socialized into it by the expectation that they be friendly and motherly to people even in professional settings.

Stop saying offensive things and people won't be....offended. I can't believe I have to spell this out for grown-ups. Are you really THiS STUPID?

I'm the PP and I'm not stupid, but now I'm getting why you are having a hard time with this.

You can't use an ounce of empathy to understand that MANY people who say this stuff do not consider it offensive, it's what they call everyone, and they were raised to speak this way? A waitress calling you hon or sweetie is not out to get you. That's just how she talks. If you are so much better and more sophisticated than she is, then surely you can have the good manners and patience to let it go, rather than call her stupid, which is inarguably ruder than calling someone "sweetie."

It is not about what you consider offensive. It's about people you call these names consider offensive. So you ARE that stupid. Plenty of people using the R word or the N word think it's totally fine, yet all the decent people know how offensive and wrong it is. It is also not about a waitress calling me sweetie. It's about a person in power calling me sweetie. So, sounds like you haven't learned how to communicate in addition to not learning any manners.

Just curious, what other person has power over you?

What a ridiculous question.

Why? I am in my 50s and can't think of any other human that would have any power over me.

[Anonymous]

I don’t do it, but I don’t care if someone uses those terms with me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m a 30 something and still have random strangers call me things like “doll, dear, sweetie” etc. I’m wondering if I should say something or let it go. I feel like I’m too old at this point to be called this.

Good grief, let it go. It’s not worth any emotional effort.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:IRL, what are people supposed to refer to you as if they don't know you (and your name)? Miss? Won't some people get offended if we're assuming genders at this point? It's gotten so ridiculous at this point what people are uptight about and it seems like many are just sitting around waiting to be offended....

It's not rocket science. People who have manners never use those terms to talk to women. No one NEEDS to refer to anyone as dear, sweetie, etc. It's a habit you developed and you can stop anytime.

Taking offense at every little thing is also a habit you developed and can stop at any time.

The vast majority of people who use these terms at this point are women who were socialized into it by the expectation that they be friendly and motherly to people even in professional settings.

Stop saying offensive things and people won't be....offended. I can't believe I have to spell this out for grown-ups. Are you really THiS STUPID?

I'm the PP and I'm not stupid, but now I'm getting why you are having a hard time with this.

You can't use an ounce of empathy to understand that MANY people who say this stuff do not consider it offensive, it's what they call everyone, and they were raised to speak this way? A waitress calling you hon or sweetie is not out to get you. That's just how she talks. If you are so much better and more sophisticated than she is, then surely you can have the good manners and patience to let it go, rather than call her stupid, which is inarguably ruder than calling someone "sweetie."

It is not about what you consider offensive. It's about people you call these names consider offensive. So you ARE that stupid. Plenty of people using the R word or the N word think it's totally fine, yet all the decent people know how offensive and wrong it is. It is also not about a waitress calling me sweetie. It's about a person in power calling me sweetie. So, sounds like you haven't learned how to communicate in addition to not learning any manners.

Just curious, what other person has power over you?

What a ridiculous question.

Why? I am in my 50s and can't think of any other human that would have any power over me.

Not letting people disrespect me is the opposite of letting them have power over me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm older, so I don't mind at all.

But I remember my mom going INSANE because my brother's girlfriend and future wife said to her, "you're adorable!"

She absolutely freaked the F out ever after abuot that ... who does she think she is etc.

I wouldn’t like that either, as an older woman, but probably wouldn’t freak out. Something about that coming from a young person sounds dismissive and condescending. Doesn’t bother me at all an elderly person calls me hon, sweetie, etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm older, so I don't mind at all.

But I remember my mom going INSANE because my brother's girlfriend and future wife said to her, "you're adorable!"

She absolutely freaked the F out ever after abuot that ... who does she think she is etc.

I wouldn’t like that either, as an older woman, but probably wouldn’t freak out. Something about that coming from a young person sounds dismissive and condescending. Doesn’t bother me at all an elderly person calls me hon, sweetie, etc.

Why do you give old people a pass but not young people?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm older, so I don't mind at all.

But I remember my mom going INSANE because my brother's girlfriend and future wife said to her, "you're adorable!"

She absolutely freaked the F out ever after abuot that ... who does she think she is etc.

I wouldn’t like that either, as an older woman, but probably wouldn’t freak out. Something about that coming from a young person sounds dismissive and condescending. Doesn’t bother me at all an elderly person calls me hon, sweetie, etc.

Why do you give old people a pass but not young people?

DP here, but in my culture we respect elder people and respect other countries' traditions.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm older, so I don't mind at all.

But I remember my mom going INSANE because my brother's girlfriend and future wife said to her, "you're adorable!"

She absolutely freaked the F out ever after abuot that ... who does she think she is etc.

I wouldn’t like that either, as an older woman, but probably wouldn’t freak out. Something about that coming from a young person sounds dismissive and condescending. Doesn’t bother me at all an elderly person calls me hon, sweetie, etc.

Why do you give old people a pass but not young people?

DP here, but in my culture we respect elder people and respect other countries' traditions.

So you should respect that in this culture, we don't want to be called pet names? I don't think an old disrespectful person should be treated differently from a young disrespectful person.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm older, so I don't mind at all.

But I remember my mom going INSANE because my brother's girlfriend and future wife said to her, "you're adorable!"

She absolutely freaked the F out ever after abuot that ... who does she think she is etc.

I wouldn’t like that either, as an older woman, but probably wouldn’t freak out. Something about that coming from a young person sounds dismissive and condescending. Doesn’t bother me at all an elderly person calls me hon, sweetie, etc.

Why do you give old people a pass but not young people?

DP here, but in my culture we respect elder people and respect other countries' traditions.

So you should respect that in this culture, we don't want to be called pet names? I don't think an old disrespectful person should be treated differently from a young disrespectful person.

I respect that in your culture you don't call people pet names. I also respect that in others people culture, they call people honey, sweety. You can treat other people any way your upbringing, education or IQ allows you, I really don't care. If you choose to treat older people with disrespect because they are disrespectful to you, it is your choice.

[Anonymous]

I grew up in DC and AA folks said these kinds of things with good intentions - and it happened a lot when I was growing up - so it is endearing to me. I rarely assume ill intent, and so even if a man is testing the waters/being flirtatious, I wouldn’t hang around long enough to find out. I think it’s more of a southern thing.

[Anonymous]

I recently moved from the US to Bristol in the Uk. Its common here for people to call you "my love"

and I delight in it.