Do you tolerate strangers calling you “sweetie, doll, dear” etc

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Dear is fine.

No it is not.

Yes it is.

[Anonymous]

As a young female attorney in DC (20 years ago), I encountered this A LOT, especially when I traveled to more southern locales (I worked for DOJ so I practiced all over the place). Having a federal judge call me sweetie or honey made my blood boil but I never said anything about it. Instead I just proved that I was smarter than how they were treating me and considered that my victory. I do think this practice will die out because younger generations don't talk like this (at least not where I live).

[Anonymous]

No I don’t get offended. Most people who do this are elderly. Or, waitresses. Or health care support staff who have forgotten my name but need to ask me to step up on the scale.

Although I’ve never gotten “doll”. Honey, sweetie, dear, of course.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:As a young female attorney in DC (20 years ago), I encountered this A LOT, especially when I traveled to more southern locales (I worked for DOJ so I practiced all over the place). Having a federal judge call me sweetie or honey made my blood boil but I never said anything about it. Instead I just proved that I was smarter than how they were treating me and considered that my victory. I do think this practice will die out because younger generations don't talk like this (at least not where I live).

I'm also a female attorney, also had older male attorneys try this. My tactic has always been just to respond by being the better lawyer. Know the caselaw, know the statutes, come prepared.

[Anonymous]

It's more of a southern thing really and has nothing to do with age.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As a young female attorney in DC (20 years ago), I encountered this A LOT, especially when I traveled to more southern locales (I worked for DOJ so I practiced all over the place). Having a federal judge call me sweetie or honey made my blood boil but I never said anything about it. Instead I just proved that I was smarter than how they were treating me and considered that my victory. I do think this practice will die out because younger generations don't talk like this (at least not where I live).

I'm also a female attorney, also had older male attorneys try this. My tactic has always been just to respond by being the better lawyer. Know the caselaw, know the statutes, come prepared.

Exactly! You are just crippling yourself if you get all worked up about this. Moreover, you are making people hate you, and that certainly is no way to win.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:IRL, what are people supposed to refer to you as if they don't know you (and your name)? Miss? Won't some people get offended if we're assuming genders at this point? It's gotten so ridiculous at this point what people are uptight about and it seems like many are just sitting around waiting to be offended....

It's not rocket science. People who have manners never use those terms to talk to women. No one NEEDS to refer to anyone as dear, sweetie, etc. It's a habit you developed and you can stop anytime.

I'm not advocating for anything one way or another. Just asking what are the "acceptable" references so as not to set anyone off.

i have gone my whole life without using those terms.

You walk into a room and say "good afternoon, how are you?" instead of "good afternoon, sweetie. How are you?"

It is THAT simple.

So we've gotten to a point in humanity where we can't attempt to relate and/or appreciate anyone and need to just go completely impersonal in every interaction so as not to inadvertently offend anyone? Got it.

You are not relating or appreciating anyone by calling them sweetie, sweetie? See how that sounds?

You sound like a condescending, uneducated hick. You're welcome.

Context and intent matter. If you're not smart enough to understand that, it's not worth have an educated conversation with you because you're incapable.

No one, and I mean no one in the professional setting needs to use those words. But nice try at deflection with the "context" nonsense. No one is losing their shit over a weitreess calling them sweetie (but even then, I'm rolling my eyes because even she can do better).

Where in this thread does *anyone* mention a "professional setting"?

Perhaps read it again?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Dear is fine.

No it is not.

Yes it is.

It's only fine if you're an uncultured moron.

[Anonymous]

I'm older, so I don't mind at all.

But I remember my mom going INSANE because my brother's girlfriend and future wife said to her, "you're adorable!"

She absolutely freaked the F out ever after abuot that ... who does she think she is etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Gen X male here: I’ve discovered (through years of careful observation and evaluation) that I get appreciably better service in places like restaurants, stores, car rental and airline counters, and other such service-oriented places, if in my interactions with female staff, I call them “darlin’ “ or “ma’am”, and smile a lot. Appreciably better service. Not just a little better.

LOL, if you call my Mom that, your tip is going to be WILDLY affected. And not in a good way

I have a tip for your Mom…

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Gen X male here: I’ve discovered (through years of careful observation and evaluation) that I get appreciably better service in places like restaurants, stores, car rental and airline counters, and other such service-oriented places, if in my interactions with female staff, I call them “darlin’ “ or “ma’am”, and smile a lot. Appreciably better service. Not just a little better.

LOL, if you call my Mom that, your tip is going to be WILDLY affected. And not in a good way

I have a tip for your Mom…

No, you don't.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m a 30 something and still have random strangers call me things like “doll, dear, sweetie” etc. I’m wondering if I should say something or let it go. I feel like I’m too old at this point to be called this.

Bless your heart

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:As a young female attorney in DC (20 years ago), I encountered this A LOT, especially when I traveled to more southern locales (I worked for DOJ so I practiced all over the place). Having a federal judge call me sweetie or honey made my blood boil but I never said anything about it. Instead I just proved that I was smarter than how they were treating me and considered that my victory. I do think this practice will die out because younger generations don't talk like this (at least not where I live).

What made you think that they thought that you were not smart? Just curious. And how did they were treating you (beside calling you sweetie or honey)? Have you try to call him "honey" back?

[Anonymous]

Generally I don't care. It's pretty easy to tell in context whether they are using it condescendingly vs a term of endearment or a filler name. It's almost always one of the latter so there's no point in getting steamed about it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:IRL, what are people supposed to refer to you as if they don't know you (and your name)? Miss? Won't some people get offended if we're assuming genders at this point? It's gotten so ridiculous at this point what people are uptight about and it seems like many are just sitting around waiting to be offended....

It's not rocket science. People who have manners never use those terms to talk to women. No one NEEDS to refer to anyone as dear, sweetie, etc. It's a habit you developed and you can stop anytime.

Taking offense at every little thing is also a habit you developed and can stop at any time.

The vast majority of people who use these terms at this point are women who were socialized into it by the expectation that they be friendly and motherly to people even in professional settings.

Stop saying offensive things and people won't be....offended. I can't believe I have to spell this out for grown-ups. Are you really THiS STUPID?

I'm the PP and I'm not stupid, but now I'm getting why you are having a hard time with this.

You can't use an ounce of empathy to understand that MANY people who say this stuff do not consider it offensive, it's what they call everyone, and they were raised to speak this way? A waitress calling you hon or sweetie is not out to get you. That's just how she talks. If you are so much better and more sophisticated than she is, then surely you can have the good manners and patience to let it go, rather than call her stupid, which is inarguably ruder than calling someone "sweetie."

It is not about what you consider offensive. It's about people you call these names consider offensive. So you ARE that stupid. Plenty of people using the R word or the N word think it's totally fine, yet all the decent people know how offensive and wrong it is. It is also not about a waitress calling me sweetie. It's about a person in power calling me sweetie. So, sounds like you haven't learned how to communicate in addition to not learning any manners.

Just curious, what other person has power over you?