DS refusing to miss a class to play with school band (as required)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It sounds like someone let him make a huge mistake in registering for an AP class as a freshman. He wasn't ready and he is stressed. I would make sure he transfers to the appropriate level for second semester.

If music is something that this kid is serious about, he needs to meet with the AP teacher and come up with a solution that allows him to go to the Band concert. Losing music would have a much bigger impact on him long term than a poor grade in a semester of a class he shouldn't have been in in the first place.

OP here. This is an AP class only open to freshmen. My son has an A in the class. He belongs in the class.

If he has an A in the class, why is he freaking out about missing it once?

[Anonymous]

OP, this just plays out. With him navigating, the perhaps, rough waters. True character building. This experience -overall- not a bad thing. Either decision by the student (not the school) is defensible. He will and should defend himself if needed.

btw, my DD once walked off the field during (once again) a practice that ran way long. She had a very important test to (continue) studying for. It was a scene. The coach berated her but instead, she felt empowered. Proud of herself and knew she had the support of her teammates. Thought she made him look much worse

[Anonymous]

Where TF school is this where freshman take hard AP classes??

There is more to life than grinding away at the hardest classes they can get into.
There are so many things kids learn by participating in things like band and sports that they do not get in core academic classes, and commitment to the group, communication, planning, and finding solutions to conflicts are part of life. All of these are important to develop and demonstrate on college apps. Not just GPA farming.

Seriously why the rush for kids to take AP classes Freshman year?

[Anonymous]

So the kid is in band at school and AYPO outside of school? And in a hard AP class as a freshman? Sounds like a tiger parent situation here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As the teacher of that hard class, your son is making a mature, responsible choice.

I had 6 kids miss my class last week for a mid day band concert. They have now been behind all week and will struggle to catch up before Friday’s test.

I don’t know why performances have to be during the school day.

I can't imagine how missing one day of class for a school-related activity would cause someone to be this behind unless one or both teachers were being intentionally punitive.

OP here - teacher for this class is amazing. Incredibly dedicated and gifted teacher - not punitive. But he has extremely high standards and class moves very quickly. DS does not want to miss class because the teachers is such a good lecturer so it is hard to recreate the in-class learning with just the text book or videos. DS already decided to pass on the spring amusement park band trip because it would require missing this class. (It is a block schedule school so missing one class is really like missing two classes).

I agree with your son. But part of making this mature decision is to talk to band teacher about it- not to simply skip. Maybe band teacher will excuse h8m, maybe he’ll still get a zero for missing- but the teacher should know where he is, why he didn’t attend, and have the opportunity to adjust the music for his sectional if it’s needed.

This. He talks to both teachers and makes a decision and clearly communicates. Stay out of the decision OP but counsel him to do this.

I’m interested that people are suggesting he talk to the band teacher ahead of time. He was worried that the teacher would try to step in and force him to miss the class. At my job we constantly say sometimes it’s better to beg for forgiveness than ask for permission. This seemed like it might be one of those situations.

No this is not one of those times and is completely unacceptable. You are teaching your son the wrong way to handle this.

The teacher is busy and stressed and over 100 kids and you think he’s going to have time to “force” your kid to go? You’re crazy.

+1

[Anonymous]

An important lesson from being in a band is that you show up when you're supposed to and if for some reason you absolutely can't make it you notify the director and work make alternate arrangements as soon as you know about the conflict.

For most people this is a lesson that will be used in life far more than whatever they're learning in math.

[Anonymous]

I'm fascinated that the kid could potentially take the class at a different slot. Teachers teach the same material over and over to different classes?

Maybe they do at my school for some very general classes that are large and split like social studies, but never for a specialized AP class.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:An important lesson from being in a band is that you show up when you're supposed to and if for some reason you absolutely can't make it you notify the director and work make alternate arrangements as soon as you know about the conflict.

For most people this is a lesson that will be used in life far more than whatever they're learning in math.

truth

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm fascinated that the kid could potentially take the class at a different slot. Teachers teach the same material over and over to different classes?

Maybe they do at my school for some very general classes that are large and split like social studies, but never for a specialized AP class.

Many schools have a freshman class with 8-900 students. You think only the 30 are taking AP US History? Of course not. Teachers teach many sections of the same class throughout the day.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, this just plays out. With him navigating, the perhaps, rough waters. True character building. This experience -overall- not a bad thing. Either decision by the student (not the school) is defensible. He will and should defend himself if needed.

btw, my DD once walked off the field during (once again) a practice that ran way long. She had a very important test to (continue) studying for. It was a scene. The coach berated her but instead, she felt empowered. Proud of herself and knew she had the support of her teammates. Thought she made him look much worse

Ok, this story is also crazy though. Tell the coach you have a hard stop at a certain time that day if you can't accommodate staying late and then leave. Hopefully your DD did that. If the coach berates her after she's done that, then new issue.

If there is an abusive coach and your child has genuinely tried all the things to advocate for themselves, than you as the adult step in. Yes, they are supposed to handle things themselves but there is still a point where as a parent you step in.

Same with any teacher/coach situation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Agree there may be consequences to his band grade, which is ridiculous.

I would email and include his guidance counselor, both teachers and maybe even an administrator to lay out the situation and ask them what they think the solution is.

I HATE HATE HATE these situations where the staff of the school tells you one thing (in tough, non-negotiable terms) and they talk a big talk about how you should prioritize THEM over your other responsibilities. No empathy that the other teacher is saying the same thing.

Get it out there. Make them say it to each others' faces.

The child is a freshman. Long road ahead if this is this upsetting. Do miss the class. Do show up for band. There is a need to learn resilience and that the world will not crumble if you get one C during the term.

It's not about getting one C. It's a challenging class. It's hard to make up the work. It's stressful missing that lesson and he shouldn't have to miss it because another class will give him a bad grade if he doesn't miss it. That is absolutely asinine.

So what did the teacher say when he spoke with him to see what options are available so he doesn't fall behind? Has he even tried to solve the problem? Or is he being a wuss and not talking to the responsible adults.

Stop calling a 14 year old boy a wuss, you POS
He thinks going to the class is the right thing to do, so he's doing that. He is not weak. You may think he's misguided or whatever but there is no reason to call him a name.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Agree there may be consequences to his band grade, which is ridiculous.

I would email and include his guidance counselor, both teachers and maybe even an administrator to lay out the situation and ask them what they think the solution is.

I HATE HATE HATE these situations where the staff of the school tells you one thing (in tough, non-negotiable terms) and they talk a big talk about how you should prioritize THEM over your other responsibilities. No empathy that the other teacher is saying the same thing.

Get it out there. Make them say it to each others' faces.

The child is a freshman. Long road ahead if this is this upsetting. Do miss the class. Do show up for band. There is a need to learn resilience and that the world will not crumble if you get one C during the term.

It's not about getting one C. It's a challenging class. It's hard to make up the work. It's stressful missing that lesson and he shouldn't have to miss it because another class will give him a bad grade if he doesn't miss it. That is absolutely asinine.

So what did the teacher say when he spoke with him to see what options are available so he doesn't fall behind? Has he even tried to solve the problem? Or is he being a wuss and not talking to the responsible adults.

Stop calling a 14 year old boy a wuss, you POS
He thinks going to the class is the right thing to do, so he's doing that. He is not weak. You may think he's misguided or whatever but there is no reason to call him a name.

He's planning to ghost his band because he's too scared to speak to a teacher. That's not okay. He needs to show more maturity.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Agree there may be consequences to his band grade, which is ridiculous.

I would email and include his guidance counselor, both teachers and maybe even an administrator to lay out the situation and ask them what they think the solution is.

I HATE HATE HATE these situations where the staff of the school tells you one thing (in tough, non-negotiable terms) and they talk a big talk about how you should prioritize THEM over your other responsibilities. No empathy that the other teacher is saying the same thing.

Get it out there. Make them say it to each others' faces.

The child is a freshman. Long road ahead if this is this upsetting. Do miss the class. Do show up for band. There is a need to learn resilience and that the world will not crumble if you get one C during the term.

It's not about getting one C. It's a challenging class. It's hard to make up the work. It's stressful missing that lesson and he shouldn't have to miss it because another class will give him a bad grade if he doesn't miss it. That is absolutely asinine.

So what did the teacher say when he spoke with him to see what options are available so he doesn't fall behind? Has he even tried to solve the problem? Or is he being a wuss and not talking to the responsible adults.

Stop calling a 14 year old boy a wuss, you POS
He thinks going to the class is the right thing to do, so he's doing that. He is not weak. You may think he's misguided or whatever but there is no reason to call him a name.

He's planning to ghost his band because he's too scared to speak to a teacher. That's not okay. He needs to show more maturity.

And his mother thinks this is ok. The apple doesn’t fall far from the tree.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm fascinated that the kid could potentially take the class at a different slot. Teachers teach the same material over and over to different classes?

Maybe they do at my school for some very general classes that are large and split like social studies, but never for a specialized AP class.

Of course they do. All sections of AP Calculus should be doing the same lesson at the same time. At most large public schools, there will be 5 or more sections of Calc AB.

If you're at a tiny private school, then it's a different story.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm fascinated that the kid could potentially take the class at a different slot. Teachers teach the same material over and over to different classes?

Maybe they do at my school for some very general classes that are large and split like social studies, but never for a specialized AP class.

Of course they do. All sections of AP Calculus should be doing the same lesson at the same time. At most large public schools, there will be 5 or more sections of Calc AB.

If you're at a tiny private school, then it's a different story.

+1 some APs are niche and have one small class but at our HS, it's mostly several sections/periods, sometimes multiple teachers teaching the same AP.