DS refusing to miss a class to play with school band (as required)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Agree there may be consequences to his band grade, which is ridiculous.

I would email and include his guidance counselor, both teachers and maybe even an administrator to lay out the situation and ask them what they think the solution is.

I HATE HATE HATE these situations where the staff of the school tells you one thing (in tough, non-negotiable terms) and they talk a big talk about how you should prioritize THEM over your other responsibilities. No empathy that the other teacher is saying the same thing.

Get it out there. Make them say it to each others' faces.

The child is a freshman. Long road ahead if this is this upsetting. Do miss the class. Do show up for band. There is a need to learn resilience and that the world will not crumble if you get one C during the term.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I’ll encourage my son to give the band teacher a heads up and explain the situation and his choice. For context my son does band because it is required for AYPO not because he wants to. He is super serious about his instrument (practices 2 hours a day etc).

Also my son would happily miss any other class. This one is just unique. It’s an AP class and students regularly Cs and Ds in the class and 5s on the exam - the teacher has very high standards and it’s hard to recover from missing class.

That sounds like a crappy teacher, quite frankly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Agree there may be consequences to his band grade, which is ridiculous.

I would email and include his guidance counselor, both teachers and maybe even an administrator to lay out the situation and ask them what they think the solution is.

I HATE HATE HATE these situations where the staff of the school tells you one thing (in tough, non-negotiable terms) and they talk a big talk about how you should prioritize THEM over your other responsibilities. No empathy that the other teacher is saying the same thing.

Get it out there. Make them say it to each others' faces.

The child is a freshman. Long road ahead if this is this upsetting. Do miss the class. Do show up for band. There is a need to learn resilience and that the world will not crumble if you get one C during the term.

It's not about getting one C. It's a challenging class. It's hard to make up the work. It's stressful missing that lesson and he shouldn't have to miss it because another class will give him a bad grade if he doesn't miss it. That is absolutely asinine.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Agree there may be consequences to his band grade, which is ridiculous.

I would email and include his guidance counselor, both teachers and maybe even an administrator to lay out the situation and ask them what they think the solution is.

I HATE HATE HATE these situations where the staff of the school tells you one thing (in tough, non-negotiable terms) and they talk a big talk about how you should prioritize THEM over your other responsibilities. No empathy that the other teacher is saying the same thing.

Get it out there. Make them say it to each others' faces.

The child is a freshman. Long road ahead if this is this upsetting. Do miss the class. Do show up for band. There is a need to learn resilience and that the world will not crumble if you get one C during the term.

It's not about getting one C. It's a challenging class. It's hard to make up the work. It's stressful missing that lesson and he shouldn't have to miss it because another class will give him a bad grade if he doesn't miss it. That is absolutely asinine.

So what did the teacher say when he spoke with him to see what options are available so he doesn't fall behind? Has he even tried to solve the problem? Or is he being a wuss and not talking to the responsible adults.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Agree there may be consequences to his band grade, which is ridiculous.

I would email and include his guidance counselor, both teachers and maybe even an administrator to lay out the situation and ask them what they think the solution is.

I HATE HATE HATE these situations where the staff of the school tells you one thing (in tough, non-negotiable terms) and they talk a big talk about how you should prioritize THEM over your other responsibilities. No empathy that the other teacher is saying the same thing.

Get it out there. Make them say it to each others' faces.

The child is a freshman. Long road ahead if this is this upsetting. Do miss the class. Do show up for band. There is a need to learn resilience and that the world will not crumble if you get one C during the term.

It's not about getting one C. It's a challenging class. It's hard to make up the work. It's stressful missing that lesson and he shouldn't have to miss it because another class will give him a bad grade if he doesn't miss it. That is absolutely asinine.

I understand it is stressful but it’s also a good lesson in stress management and resilience.

[Anonymous]

Your student needs to talk to his band teacher first. Can he skip the event without penalty? Going forward, he needs to quit his musical activity. Sorry if that messes up his extra curricular resume.

[Anonymous]

It sounds like someone let him make a huge mistake in registering for an AP class as a freshman. He wasn't ready and he is stressed. I would make sure he transfers to the appropriate level for second semester.

If music is something that this kid is serious about, he needs to meet with the AP teacher and come up with a solution that allows him to go to the Band concert. Losing music would have a much bigger impact on him long term than a poor grade in a semester of a class he shouldn't have been in in the first place.

[Anonymous]

My son in a similar situation asked the AP teacher if he could attend the AP class during another class period. Then he went to his PE teacher and asked if he could make up a PE class by coming before school or doing lunch because he was in a band performance and had to make up an AP class.

So he went to AP class first period instead of PE then missed 3rd period AP class. Then the day before the performance he did extra PE.

[Anonymous]

I 100% agree with your son's decision and I would be proud of him for being so mature and prioritizing what he feels is important. My daughter had to miss a couple of days earlier this semester for arts related events and it really put her behind and stressed her out. The classes she missed were high level math and physics classes, and while the teachers were happy to meet with her during office hours to help her catch up, it would have been so much simpler for her to stay on top of things if she had been in class to get the full lectures. She says if she had to do it over, she would have made a different decision.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It sounds like someone let him make a huge mistake in registering for an AP class as a freshman. He wasn't ready and he is stressed. I would make sure he transfers to the appropriate level for second semester.

If music is something that this kid is serious about, he needs to meet with the AP teacher and come up with a solution that allows him to go to the Band concert. Losing music would have a much bigger impact on him long term than a poor grade in a semester of a class he shouldn't have been in in the first place.

OP here. This is an AP class only open to freshmen. My son has an A in the class. He belongs in the class.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It sounds like someone let him make a huge mistake in registering for an AP class as a freshman. He wasn't ready and he is stressed. I would make sure he transfers to the appropriate level for second semester.

If music is something that this kid is serious about, he needs to meet with the AP teacher and come up with a solution that allows him to go to the Band concert. Losing music would have a much bigger impact on him long term than a poor grade in a semester of a class he shouldn't have been in in the first place.

Why would this be any different if the kid were a senior? AP classes, if taught right, are supposed to be hard. They're supposed to be taught at a real college level, and you're not just supposed to casually skip them. If kids can miss classes and it is no big deal, then the class is not really taught at a college level.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As the teacher of that hard class, your son is making a mature, responsible choice.

I had 6 kids miss my class last week for a mid day band concert. They have now been behind all week and will struggle to catch up before Friday’s test.

I don’t know why performances have to be during the school day.

I can't imagine how missing one day of class for a school-related activity would cause someone to be this behind unless one or both teachers were being intentionally punitive.

OP here - teacher for this class is amazing. Incredibly dedicated and gifted teacher - not punitive. But he has extremely high standards and class moves very quickly. DS does not want to miss class because the teachers is such a good lecturer so it is hard to recreate the in-class learning with just the text book or videos. DS already decided to pass on the spring amusement park band trip because it would require missing this class. (It is a block schedule school so missing one class is really like missing two classes).

I agree with your son. But part of making this mature decision is to talk to band teacher about it- not to simply skip. Maybe band teacher will excuse h8m, maybe he’ll still get a zero for missing- but the teacher should know where he is, why he didn’t attend, and have the opportunity to adjust the music for his sectional if it’s needed.

This. He talks to both teachers and makes a decision and clearly communicates. Stay out of the decision OP but counsel him to do this.

I’m interested that people are suggesting he talk to the band teacher ahead of time. He was worried that the teacher would try to step in and force him to miss the class. At my job we constantly say sometimes it’s better to beg for forgiveness than ask for permission. This seemed like it might be one of those situations.

What? No. He needs to tell his band teacher ahead of time. The teacher can’t “force” him to attend. He is 16, c’mon

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My son in a similar situation asked the AP teacher if he could attend the AP class during another class period. Then he went to his PE teacher and asked if he could make up a PE class by coming before school or doing lunch because he was in a band performance and had to make up an AP class.

So he went to AP class first period instead of PE then missed 3rd period AP class. Then the day before the performance he did extra PE.

This is what responsible looks like.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It sounds like someone let him make a huge mistake in registering for an AP class as a freshman. He wasn't ready and he is stressed. I would make sure he transfers to the appropriate level for second semester.

If music is something that this kid is serious about, he needs to meet with the AP teacher and come up with a solution that allows him to go to the Band concert. Losing music would have a much bigger impact on him long term than a poor grade in a semester of a class he shouldn't have been in in the first place.

OP here. This is an AP class only open to freshmen. My son has an A in the class. He belongs in the class.

Not if he's not mature enough to speak with his teachers to work out a solution.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It sounds like someone let him make a huge mistake in registering for an AP class as a freshman. He wasn't ready and he is stressed. I would make sure he transfers to the appropriate level for second semester.

If music is something that this kid is serious about, he needs to meet with the AP teacher and come up with a solution that allows him to go to the Band concert. Losing music would have a much bigger impact on him long term than a poor grade in a semester of a class he shouldn't have been in in the first place.

Why would this be any different if the kid were a senior? AP classes, if taught right, are supposed to be hard. They're supposed to be taught at a real college level, and you're not just supposed to casually skip them. If kids can miss classes and it is no big deal, then the class is not really taught at a college level.

It would be different if he was a senior for a variety of reasons. AP classes are for kids who are prepared for college level work. OP's kid sounds like a bright conscientious kid. He will probably be well prepared for AP classes as a senior. But right now, he isn't prepared for this particular class. It might be that he would be with a better teacher. It might be that there are other AP classes at his school he could do well in. But this teacher and class combination doesn't sound like a fit.

In addition, if he was a senior, and he chose to prioritize the AP class, he'd possibly be gaining transfer credit, and not losing a lot. His grades would already be submitted to colleges. He'd be unlikely to lose his AYPO spot, or his ability to compete for a higher level ensemble for this year, and future years wouldn't be an issue since he won't be back next year. But for a freshman, this could impact 4 years of something that sounds really important to him. Colleges will forgiving of a single low grade in fall of freshman year. It's not worth losing something as important as music for one freshman year grade.

I'll also note that missing a class because you're attending an event that is required for one class, whether it's a field trip, or a performance, isn't "casually skipping class". It's something that high school students do.