Wwyd re father in law

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Did you speak up at the time? Did you encourage your daughter to have a conversation with her grandfather? ( Is she little? Is she a teenager? If she’s little she might not have much to say to an old man if she’s a teenager is she with her head buried in her phone the whole time?)

How many sodas and how much fruit are we talking about a 12 pack or two cans? A couple oranges or 10 apples?

Yes i definitely did and scheduled activities for the grandparents and grandchildren to do alone. And the grandpa made a half hearted attempt and went back to doomscrolling Facebook. She’s a teenager and doesn’t own a phone. She ended up ice skating by herself.

Re sodas- I’m talking at least 12-15 sodas. No clue what he did with them when he arrived at the airport.

Re fruit- I’m talking an entire unopened container of cut fruit from Costco and an entire blueberry container from Costco. An entire family pack of chips from Costco. An entire family bag of mandarins. I don’t even know how he stashed it in his luggage.

That’s a lot of fruit and soda to take but You should’ve spoken up on the spot about it on the spot.

You know what is on you. Ice-skating! That is crazy. He is old. They can break a hip bone and die.😂

He stole all the food while we were at work. He left the house after we left for work and droppped the keys in the mail slot. I’m pretty sure he stole a bunch of granola bars and cookies too but the fresh fruit and soda were the most glaring.

So ... neither you nor your husband took him to the airport? That's awful.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Father in law just visited us. Mother in law is not in the picture. He never once asked any of us how we are doing and barely spoke to my daughter. He only monologued about his successful business career and retirement. He has plenty of money. He never even offered to pay or help us with meals. He left yesterday and literally cleaned out our fridge, taking a bunch of fruit and sodas. I am so frustrated. I got a text thank you. That’s it. I never want to see that awful man again.

He sounds awful. I'm sorry.
"Bob, what are you doing with all our fruit? We need that for the kids lunches."
"Bob, what are you doing with all of our sodas?" "I'm taking them home. You guys don't even drink them." "Bob, put the sodas back please. I have plans for them for a holiday party later this week. Do you need our help making a grocery order?"

The last line is only a little sarcastic. If he's old, maybe he has a hard time shopping or figuring out instacart. If that's not the case, then make that last line drip with sarcasm.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Take a breath. Calculate the entire value of the food items. Put a dollar amount on that

then put a dollar amount on other products and services in your life. You will see this is not a big problem

You are a big boy/ girl —whatever you are (Poster did not describe a bio).

What??? Why???
"He stole 42 dollars from you fridge. He's also rude to you. Take a deep breath. This is ok. Invite him back next week with a smile." No thanks.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Did you speak up at the time? Did you encourage your daughter to have a conversation with her grandfather? ( Is she little? Is she a teenager? If she’s little she might not have much to say to an old man if she’s a teenager is she with her head buried in her phone the whole time?)

How many sodas and how much fruit are we talking about a 12 pack or two cans? A couple oranges or 10 apples?

Yes i definitely did and scheduled activities for the grandparents and grandchildren to do alone. And the grandpa made a half hearted attempt and went back to doomscrolling Facebook. She’s a teenager and doesn’t own a phone. She ended up ice skating by herself.

Re sodas- I’m talking at least 12-15 sodas. No clue what he did with them when he arrived at the airport.

Re fruit- I’m talking an entire unopened container of cut fruit from Costco and an entire blueberry container from Costco. An entire family pack of chips from Costco. An entire family bag of mandarins. I don’t even know how he stashed it in his luggage.

That’s a lot of fruit and soda to take but You should’ve spoken up on the spot about it on the spot.

You know what is on you. Ice-skating! That is crazy. He is old. They can break a hip bone and die.😂

He stole all the food while we were at work. He left the house after we left for work and droppped the keys in the mail slot. I’m pretty sure he stole a bunch of granola bars and cookies too but the fresh fruit and soda were the most glaring.

Has he always done this? (The stealing all the food). That sounds like dementia.

[Anonymous]

Ok. So next visit just do not go to restaurants. If he asks say can't afford it. If he persists say only if you pay for everyone. Be sure he has credit card on him before you leave house. If not, or he balks, cancel and serve cheap sandwiches for dinner.
Do not stock up groceries. You know he steals. Few sodas some cheap fruit. Hide granola bars in bedroom or car trunk.
Whether family offer to pay for stuff varies a among families. He won't unless maybe if you get him to agree. Probably will act offended. Good. Spaghetti and tomato sauce no meat for din din.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like my FIL. I think maybe on the spectrum.
He has never so much as offered to take us to dinner. He doesn't talk to the kids or ask them about themselves. He definitely doesnt ask about us. He tells the same anecdotes over and over about dead relatives and dead pets he once owned. We showed him our remodeled kitchen and he just nodded his head, couldnt even bring himself to say "looks nice." And we bend over backwards to make him comfortable and get the food and drink he likes.
The weirdest part is that he expects us to rave about every repair he makes on his house. "You didnt notice i fixed my fence." "Did you see my new toilet?"

Why do you bend over backwards?

Catholic guilt.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Ok. So next visit just do not go to restaurants. If he asks say can't afford it. If he persists say only if you pay for everyone. Be sure he has credit card on him before you leave house. If not, or he balks, cancel and serve cheap sandwiches for dinner.
Do not stock up groceries. You know he steals. Few sodas some cheap fruit. Hide granola bars in bedroom or car trunk.
Whether family offer to pay for stuff varies a among families. He won't unless maybe if you get him to agree. Probably will act offended. Good. Spaghetti and tomato sauce no meat for din din.

Genuinely think this is good advice

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So what was the purpose of this visit? Who invited him? If you're not doing so well financially or health wise, perhaps you shouldn't have offered to host?

Op here. He sincerely invited himself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How old is your FIL? When did you last see him? Is he acting differently from the last time? Does your DH have any siblings that have visited with the father? The taking of the food when he is getting on an airplane is odd behavior. I wouldn’t be mad, I would be worried about his mental health/cognitive decline.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So what was the purpose of this visit? Who invited him? If you're not doing so well financially or health wise, perhaps you shouldn't have offered to host?

Op here. He sincerely invited himself.

Op again. I think he had nowhere to go. His girlfriend just dumped him so he told my husband he’d like to see us.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So what was the purpose of this visit? Who invited him? If you're not doing so well financially or health wise, perhaps you shouldn't have offered to host?

Op here. He sincerely invited himself.

Op again. I think he had nowhere to go. His girlfriend just dumped him so he told my husband he’d like to see us.

Saying you'd like to visit someone is how these things go. Do you normally issue engraved invitations for visits?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How old is your FIL? When did you last see him? Is he acting differently from the last time? Does your DH have any siblings that have visited with the father? The taking of the food when he is getting on an airplane is odd behavior. I wouldn’t be mad, I would be worried about his mental health/cognitive decline.

+1

The taking of the food is so weird. But he is a huge glutton. Op

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How old is your FIL? When did you last see him? Is he acting differently from the last time? Does your DH have any siblings that have visited with the father? The taking of the food when he is getting on an airplane is odd behavior. I wouldn’t be mad, I would be worried about his mental health/cognitive decline.

+1

The taking of the food is so weird. But he is a huge glutton. Op

Does he, by chance, order multiple meals while dining out?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So what was the purpose of this visit? Who invited him? If you're not doing so well financially or health wise, perhaps you shouldn't have offered to host?

Op here. He sincerely invited himself.

Op again. I think he had nowhere to go. His girlfriend just dumped him so he told my husband he’d like to see us.

Saying you'd like to visit someone is how these things go. Do you normally issue engraved invitations for visits?

Usually people are invited. Do you usually demand to stay at someone’s house and make them pay for every meal and never offer to clean up after yourself and dominate every conversation and then steal food from a refrigerator on your way out?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How old is your FIL? When did you last see him? Is he acting differently from the last time? Does your DH have any siblings that have visited with the father? The taking of the food when he is getting on an airplane is odd behavior. I wouldn’t be mad, I would be worried about his mental health/cognitive decline.

+1

The taking of the food is so weird. But he is a huge glutton. Op

Does he, by chance, order multiple meals while dining out?

Nope?