Wwyd re father in law

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Father in law just visited us. Mother in law is not in the picture. He never once asked any of us how we are doing and barely spoke to my daughter. He only monologued about his successful business career and retirement. He has plenty of money. He never even offered to pay or help us with meals. He left yesterday and literally cleaned out our fridge, taking a bunch of fruit and sodas. I am so frustrated. I got a text thank you. That’s it. I never want to see that awful man again.

Ok??? Yes, OP. YATA.
- He is just one person and he did not break any social norms of being a good guest.
- He ate food at your house. Like all guests do.
- He took some soda and fruit for his journey back. Instead of asking you to make him a packed lunch.
- He talked about his life. Great! He did not criticize you or was not nosy about you. He also did not discuss politics.

So mainly you are a greedy money-grubber and you are upset that he did not give you any money.


+1 My guess is that OP is a money grubbing, entitled millennial who hasn’t done well in life.

Signed,
Gen Xer

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Father in law just visited us. Mother in law is not in the picture. He never once asked any of us how we are doing and barely spoke to my daughter. He only monologued about his successful business career and retirement. He has plenty of money. He never even offered to pay or help us with meals. He left yesterday and literally cleaned out our fridge, taking a bunch of fruit and sodas. I am so frustrated. I got a text thank you. That’s it. I never want to see that awful man again.

Did your kid try and talk to him?
Did you ask him to engage?
Did you do things like puzzels and card games and ask him to join?

He said Thank you ...

Reading comprehension is your friend.

[Anonymous]

Op here. I’m not making anyone a packed lunch and anyone who thinks that’s something I should do for my father in law who never once put his plate in the dishwasher or thanked me for dinner is living in the past. No thank you.

He is definitely well off (my husband has seen his finances), but he has always been really cheap. I was really floored he would do this to us. It’s not just that the things he stole cost money, it’s also that I had to make a midweek run to Costco on top of cleaning up after his visit. And yes my husband went went me and did half the cleanup, but that’s still an unneeded chore after a stressful week.

He was given free use of the fridge to consume any food he needed to consume during the visit, but I never said “grab everything you could eat and drink and stuff your suitcase”. That is theft. And anyone who doesn’t understand why a busy working parent wouldn’t want to be going to Costco midweek before a snowstorm is not qualified to be giving advice.

[Anonymous]

Should have gone to a different store to tide you over and add the "extra cost" to his bill of shame you keep in your mind.
The real thing is figure out how to stop his visits.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Should have gone to a different store to tide you over and add the "extra cost" to his bill of shame you keep in your mind.
The real thing is figure out how to stop his visits.

This is just nasty for nastiness sake.

Do better.

[Anonymous]

Trying to get OP to do better. Don't keep ruminating over what he stole from or cost you! Figure out how to make this the last time he stays in your house. Is that nasty? Well then abandon hope.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think he is lying that he is well off. He might be broke and he is most likely mentally ill. Not saying you should host him just because of that but it helps understand what’s going on.
Ideally you should block his number, so that he can’t tell you he’s coming. He can show up on your doorstep though

I agree he might be lying about his financial comfort.
Next time he forward his ticket schedule to you, unfortunately you had made other plans and are out of town.

Told my mom this recently, and she said it’s ok I just need a place to stay.

I'm sorry mom but I've already airbnb'd the house out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What would I do? I’d take an evening to de-stress and treat myself. I’d probably change into my worn-out comfy clothes, order a pizza, and pick out something to watch on TV.

In the future, knowing he won’t pay or help with meals, I’d keep things as simple as possible. It sounds like you were trying to impress someone who was too wrapped up in themselves to take notice. Next time, don’t bother. He can join you for spaghetti, tacos, sandwiches, whatever you feel like serving. You can also ask him to help. He’ll either pitch in as requested or it will disincentivize him from future visits - win/win. You might even consider suggesting he’d be more comfortable in a hotel.

My MIL used to spend a significant portion of her visits trying to make me into a better wife. On various visits she:

Decided I needed to start a flower garden. It was in the middle of the summer.

Brought a pecan tart recipe for me to make for her (I don’t like pecans) and demonstrated using a sharp knife to release them from my non-stick muffin pan, scratching the coating

Rearranged my linen closet so she could move some of the games from the games closet to my linen shelves

Reorganized my kitchen utensils by moving my cooking spoons, spatulas, etc., from the drawer I kept them in to standing them in the dirty vase behind the sink.

When we first married and were living in NON-SMOKING apartments she argued with us about not allowing her to smoke on the balcony, even though it violated our lease.

Visiting her was worse.

Every family has its issues and visits can be stressful, but unless there is actual harm done, I think supporting those bonds is important. Actual abuse should never be tolerated, but occasional bad manners can usually be endured and/or managed.

Let the woman smoke on your balcony. That’s just petty.

[Anonymous]

theft? You might be from a different cloth.

[Anonymous]

Sorry, OP. I don’t look at things the same way. Was he rude, yes. But I never have guests expecting them to pay. We are former military and have had a lot of friends stay with us before they move here or away from here. Some have stayed a few days and some a few nights. We have had other friends and family stay over the years. Never, ever would I expect anything from them while they visit us.
My in-laws come 2-3 times a year. They hate eating out so we have gone out to dinner with them maybe 5-7 times in 25 years. They eat the food in our house. My parents will grab snacks for the drive home (granted, not a full container+- that is weird). It sounds like there are outstanding issues with your FIL and you have made this visit to fit with your preconceived notions. That is fine, but is behavior, other than taking large quantities of fruit and chips, doesn't seem that bad.

[Anonymous]

I think your husband may be or should be eyeing the exit. In your special mind, his dad is a “thief.” That is what you wrote in your complaint post.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think your husband may be or should be eyeing the exit. In your special mind, his dad is a “thief.” That is what you wrote in your complaint post.

The misogynist strikes again!

This is another crazy fantasy where the woman suffers. You’re genuinely a sick person.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sorry, OP. I don’t look at things the same way. Was he rude, yes. But I never have guests expecting them to pay. We are former military and have had a lot of friends stay with us before they move here or away from here. Some have stayed a few days and some a few nights. We have had other friends and family stay over the years. Never, ever would I expect anything from them while they visit us.
My in-laws come 2-3 times a year. They hate eating out so we have gone out to dinner with them maybe 5-7 times in 25 years. They eat the food in our house. My parents will grab snacks for the drive home (granted, not a full container+- that is weird). It sounds like there are outstanding issues with your FIL and you have made this visit to fit with your preconceived notions. That is fine, but is behavior, other than taking large quantities of fruit and chips, doesn't seem that bad.

If you bothered to read the thread you would see the main issue is that FIL treats the family like staff. It’s not just that he never offers to pay it’s ALSO that he doesn’t engage with us or the kids, and that he doesn’t help around the house. Sorry but it’s incredibly rude not to clean up after yourself. It’s really impolite to babble on about your own topics and take no interest in others. And yes, taking a bunch of good meant for the rest of the week is theft.

The only preconceived notions are basic courtesy. Grabbing snacks for a ride is normal. This wasn’t it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think your husband may be or should be eyeing the exit. In your special mind, his dad is a “thief.” That is what you wrote in your complaint post.

The misogynist strikes again!

This is another crazy fantasy where the woman suffers. You’re genuinely a sick person.

What kind of psycho hopes that your husband will leave you because you don’t like dealing with his rude parent, who he also finds rude.