Wwyd re father in law

[Anonymous]

I have never had anyone invite themselves by sending me their flight information without any previous agreement. I'd be "out of town" in an instant.

Also, all boomers seem to be on the "spectrum" based on DCUM. In reality, they are simply self-centered selfish people who are out to indulge themselves. In the end, you get treated as you allow yourself to be treated. Sure, you don't like FIL's behavior, but he's behaving in this way, because he gets away with it. Nothing's going to change until YOU start doing things differently.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Father in law just visited us. Mother in law is not in the picture. He never once asked any of us how we are doing and barely spoke to my daughter. He only monologued about his successful business career and retirement. He has plenty of money. He never even offered to pay or help us with meals. He left yesterday and literally cleaned out our fridge, taking a bunch of fruit and sodas. I am so frustrated. I got a text thank you. That’s it. I never want to see that awful man again.

I never understand these posts. Why didn't YOU control things? "Oh Bob, that fruit is actually for Haley's lunches this week. I can give you a banana for the plane if you want." "Wow, I'm glad you're enjoying your retirement. Listen to what Haley's presentation is about next week - she can practice it for you!" "We're having stir fry tonight to use up the remaining vegetables before they go bad. I know you mentioned wanting to go out to a steakhouse, but that's just not in our budget. Don't worry - Brian's stirfry is very flavorful!"

Did you miss the part where he took the food while they were at work?

[Anonymous]

Op here. I feel like some of you posters are holding me responsible for my FIL’s boorish behavior. He’s been a weirdo his whole life honestly and is paying for it now. He’s fully alone with minimal friends and no spouse. But instead of making any changes he’s doubling down on his behavior. I don’t think there is anything I can personally do to change him. My husband has said things to him but he either brushed them off or cried and acted wounded. Really don’t know what the best course of action could be going forward. We don’t see him much anyway. I really appreciate how (some of you?) listened and provided thoughtful responses. My heart goes out to all of you stuck with similar selfish old men. I’m off to Costco to replenish all the things he stole.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Father in law just visited us. Mother in law is not in the picture. He never once asked any of us how we are doing and barely spoke to my daughter. He only monologued about his successful business career and retirement. He has plenty of money. He never even offered to pay or help us with meals. He left yesterday and literally cleaned out our fridge, taking a bunch of fruit and sodas. I am so frustrated. I got a text thank you. That’s it. I never want to see that awful man again.

I never understand these posts. Why didn't YOU control things? "Oh Bob, that fruit is actually for Haley's lunches this week. I can give you a banana for the plane if you want." "Wow, I'm glad you're enjoying your retirement. Listen to what Haley's presentation is about next week - she can practice it for you!" "We're having stir fry tonight to use up the remaining vegetables before they go bad. I know you mentioned wanting to go out to a steakhouse, but that's just not in our budget. Don't worry - Brian's stirfry is very flavorful!"

Did you miss the part where he took the food while they were at work?

I can’t even bother explaining this point over and over. Thank you for trying.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is my father in law, but he lives with us. Count your blessings.

Genuinely thinking of you and sending you hugs through the interwebs. Grateful he hates dc

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Troll post. Don’t feed the troll.

Agree with this. The are even becoming nonsensical.

I agree.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Troll post. Don’t feed the troll.

Agree with this. The are even becoming nonsensical.

I agree.

What kind of loser posts “troll post” on every dcum thread?

No one cares if you don’t believe it. Move on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Father in law just visited us. Mother in law is not in the picture. He never once asked any of us how we are doing and barely spoke to my daughter. He only monologued about his successful business career and retirement. He has plenty of money. He never even offered to pay or help us with meals. He left yesterday and literally cleaned out our fridge, taking a bunch of fruit and sodas. I am so frustrated. I got a text thank you. That’s it. I never want to see that awful man again.

Did your kid try and talk to him?
Did you ask him to engage?
Did you do things like puzzels and card games and ask him to join?

He said Thank you ...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This would be grating when you are struggling financially and yet trying to accommodate, go out, and cook nice meals.
If he knows you are struggling, he is truly tone deaf and insensitive.

He knows. And he is tone deaf and insensitive.

I am sorry OP. Rude is rude. Guests should offer to pay for something. I have a SIL like that. DH fixed all of her electrical issues and worked till midnight for a week. He phrased it as "I enjoy that work," which I know is just that he can't say no.
She never even ordered Subway. She is always in some "need," and everyone must help her, while she has never done anything for others.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Did you speak up at the time? Did you encourage your daughter to have a conversation with her grandfather? ( Is she little? Is she a teenager? If she’s little she might not have much to say to an old man if she’s a teenager is she with her head buried in her phone the whole time?)

How many sodas and how much fruit are we talking about a 12 pack or two cans? A couple oranges or 10 apples?

Yes i definitely did and scheduled activities for the grandparents and grandchildren to do alone. And the grandpa made a half hearted attempt and went back to doomscrolling Facebook. She’s a teenager and doesn’t own a phone. She ended up ice skating by herself.

Re sodas- I’m talking at least 12-15 sodas. No clue what he did with them when he arrived at the airport.

Re fruit- I’m talking an entire unopened container of cut fruit from Costco and an entire blueberry container from Costco. An entire family pack of chips from Costco. An entire family bag of mandarins. I don’t even know how he stashed it in his luggage.

That’s a lot of fruit and soda to take but You should’ve spoken up on the spot about it on the spot.

You know what is on you. Ice-skating! That is crazy. He is old. They can break a hip bone and die.😂

He stole all the food while we were at work. He left the house after we left for work and droppped the keys in the mail slot. I’m pretty sure he stole a bunch of granola bars and cookies too but the fresh fruit and soda were the most glaring.

So ... neither you nor your husband took him to the airport? That's awful.

I did not read all the answers, but it sure seems like they worked; he slept in and took a ton out. Probably he drove. Are they supposed to take AL to take him to the airport, after they cooked and spent money they do not have on him?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Did you speak up at the time? Did you encourage your daughter to have a conversation with her grandfather? ( Is she little? Is she a teenager? If she’s little she might not have much to say to an old man if she’s a teenager is she with her head buried in her phone the whole time?)

How many sodas and how much fruit are we talking about a 12 pack or two cans? A couple oranges or 10 apples?

Yes i definitely did and scheduled activities for the grandparents and grandchildren to do alone. And the grandpa made a half hearted attempt and went back to doomscrolling Facebook. She’s a teenager and doesn’t own a phone. She ended up ice skating by herself.

Re sodas- I’m talking at least 12-15 sodas. No clue what he did with them when he arrived at the airport.

Re fruit- I’m talking an entire unopened container of cut fruit from Costco and an entire blueberry container from Costco. An entire family pack of chips from Costco. An entire family bag of mandarins. I don’t even know how he stashed it in his luggage.

I guess we know why he has a lot of money.

[Anonymous]

My grandfather was like this he was selfish and rude and acted like a boor. My dad, his son, could’ve have stopped visits and been OK with that. It was my mother who felt like she had to keep fostering a relationship between my father and my grandfather. It didn’t matter and when he died, the relationship was no different so I get you OP he sounds miserable and I would definitely limit visits going forward.

[Anonymous]

If OP isn’t a troll, then here is “what I would do.” I would be talking to my husband about how the two of you could align to handle these visits going forward.

I’m the poster whose dad can be sort of like this. My husband is lucky I guess that I’m happy to limit my time with my dad and he lives close enough that he doesn’t ever have to spend the night. At thanksgiving when we were going to see my dad for lunch, my husband realized that he had not seen my dad since January. This is how much I limit contact. I had seen my dad in May because I did go to his town for a couple of days when when was hospitalized.

You and your husband need to really decide what you will or will not do. While all of this behavior is obnoxious, I don’t think it merits going no contact if your husband doesn’t want that. But you can work together on how you set limits around all of this.

But you need to let go of this guy wanting to suddenly connect with your family on some deep level. He is literally incapable of this. What you can manage around is how much money you spend on this guy and how long he stays and how often. Work on that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Did you speak up at the time? Did you encourage your daughter to have a conversation with her grandfather? ( Is she little? Is she a teenager? If she’s little she might not have much to say to an old man if she’s a teenager is she with her head buried in her phone the whole time?)

How many sodas and how much fruit are we talking about a 12 pack or two cans? A couple oranges or 10 apples?

Yes i definitely did and scheduled activities for the grandparents and grandchildren to do alone. And the grandpa made a half hearted attempt and went back to doomscrolling Facebook. She’s a teenager and doesn’t own a phone. She ended up ice skating by herself.

Re sodas- I’m talking at least 12-15 sodas. No clue what he did with them when he arrived at the airport.

Re fruit- I’m talking an entire unopened container of cut fruit from Costco and an entire blueberry container from Costco. An entire family pack of chips from Costco. An entire family bag of mandarins. I don’t even know how he stashed it in his luggage.

I guess we know why he has a lot of money.

If it was that easy we would just tell people to stop going to Starbucks for their morning coffee and then they too could be rich. A little bit of fruit isn't going to catapult anyone to the 1%.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think he is lying that he is well off. He might be broke and he is most likely mentally ill. Not saying you should host him just because of that but it helps understand what’s going on.
Ideally you should block his number, so that he can’t tell you he’s coming. He can show up on your doorstep though

I agree he might be lying about his financial comfort.
Next time he forward his ticket schedule to you, unfortunately you had made other plans and are out of town.

Told my mom this recently, and she said it’s ok I just need a place to stay.