How to tell DH I want him to be more dominant?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Would you mind commenting honestly about his porn use? I’ve just realized that 95% of men seem to think it’s normal to do it at least sometimes.

This just tells you that 95% of men (and certainly 95% of married men) aren’t getting the amount of sex they want from their wives/girlfriends. Men turn to porn because you’re denying them sex or making it a huge unfun hassle.

Men may not be getting the amount they want, but women aren’t getting the kind they want. And if they get the kind they want, then they want it every day.

So, so true. Lack of sex was a factor (maybe number 4 or 5 on the list of factors) in my divorce. I just couldn't get into it. I even dreaded it. Met my now-partner, and even ten years in, cannot get enough. Poor guy is exhausted. Sure, hormonal changes played a role in both situations, but the bigger piece was having a partner who paid attention to me, learned what I liked, etc. Didn't realize what I was missing all those years.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Would I be considered dominant? In the bedroom I take my girlfriend's clothes off, I suggest positions with taking account her preference of course but often she is happy the direction I'm taking us, I eat her out without her asking me, I talk dirty etc..

If not, whats a dominant man?

I'm not into choking l, spanking, handcuffs and all that..

Sorry dude but that's pretty vanilla. Nothing wrong with that but no, that's not considered a dominant man in the bedroom.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:In the bedroom. Has this ever successfully worked in your relationship? I find men can be too passive, which isn’t attractive.

Tell him you are thinking of dating Republican man.

LOL

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:In the bedroom. Has this ever successfully worked in your relationship? I find men can be too passive, which isn’t attractive.

Get a fetlife account and start browing interests with him.
Start watching soft bdsm movies where the man is dominant.
Start him off with some vanilla bdsm stuff and react appropriately and see how he reacts and if he likes the power dynamic.

Many modern men have been beaten down by feminism and ruined in this area. Is why so many women lack a good power play dynamic in the bedroom now, because men are scared of being accused of DV or other stuff. It's quite pathetic really, but there are still some real men out there who are naturally dominant or can have that side of them brought out.

[Anonymous]

Get a fetlife account and start browing interests with him.
Start watching soft bdsm movies where the man is dominant.
Start him off with some vanilla bdsm stuff and react appropriately and see how he reacts and if he likes the power dynamic.

The first thing he’s going to think is you have been seeing some other dude who has been doing this to you.

[Anonymous]

Men are too scared and have been conditioned by all the metoo stuff to be very deferential. I am woman fwiw but that sounds pretty logical no? Maybe foreign men are different idk

[Anonymous]

The modern man has been lied to. He has been tricked into embracing his so called "feminine side" by the modern woman who is now self sufficient and sees a man as a project to fix. Sorry there is nothing feminine that's good for a man.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Too many boys are larping masculinity by just being loud, pushy, and obnoxious. I’ll be damned if some pudgy potato who can’t even change a flat tire and thinks “masculinity” is ranting in YouTube comments sections is going to try to boss me around in or out of the bedroom.

Both men and women should be able to change a tire. I taught both my sons and daughters to do so that they are not waiting around for a "white knight" to do it for them.

However, the idea that masculinity is defined by being able to perform manual labor is stupid. If I have a free weekend afternoon, I am not going to work on changing my oil. First, I do not enjoy doing so.

Next, I am better off doing something that makes me better at my job (I am a partner in BigLaw firm) than doing "tasks" around the house.

And, no, I do not think doing both works. If I am going to be the best at what I do, I need to put in the effort. Every minute I spend doing something I do not know how to do (like fixing a car) is a minute away from what I am best at.

I am also a big law partner.

I agree that “being masculine” does not always mean doing physical labor. My wife wouldn’t even trust me to do an oil change on the car nor would I even know where to start.

But I do help out with a lot of other things at our house — taking out the garbage, loading the dishwasher, doing the laundry, cooking, feeding the dogs, just general cleaning up. My wife really appreciates all of these things, especially when I do them just on my own. There is no doubt that it has also resulted in me getting laid a lot more. I don’t do it just for that reason but it’s a nice side benefit.

I think the “every minute” attitude is such a big law thing but so unhealthy. You need to take breaks. If I am working hard on a contract, I usually need a little mental break after an hour or two. I go through some clothes in the washer. It literally takes 5 minutes. Wife is happy. I am happy. I still work my butt off. But it’s not always a zero sum game.

[Anonymous]

DH is extremely sweet and would not even let me lift grocery bags or laundry basket. I once asked DH to pull my hair during sex, he lifted the hair up gently as if to brush and asked if I was hurting.

[Anonymous]

Next, I am better off doing something that makes me better at my job (I am a partner in BigLaw firm) than doing "tasks" around the house.

And, no, I do not think doing both works. If I am going to be the best at what I do, I need to put in the effort. Every minute I spend doing something I do not know how to do (like fixing a car) is a minute away from what I am best at.

I am also a big law partner.

I agree that “being masculine” does not always mean doing physical labor. My wife wouldn’t even trust me to do an oil change on the car nor would I even know where to start.

But I do help out with a lot of other things at our house — taking out the garbage, loading the dishwasher, doing the laundry, cooking, feeding the dogs, just general cleaning up. My wife really appreciates all of these things, especially when I do them just on my own. There is no doubt that it has also resulted in me getting laid a lot more. I don’t do it just for that reason but it’s a nice side benefit.

I think the “every minute” attitude is such a big law thing but so unhealthy. You need to take breaks. If I am working hard on a contract, I usually need a little mental break after an hour or two. I go through some clothes in the washer. It literally takes 5 minutes. Wife is happy. I am happy. I still work my butt off. But it’s not always a zero sum game.

Easy there, counselor. I often take breaks. For example, I frequently switch between reading articles on federal income taxation and international taxation, or vice versa.

I am unfamiliar with what the legal term "clothes in the washer" means (perhaps, "vestimenta in fullonibus"?).

However, we have a very handsome pool boy in our employ, and we pay him well. He seems to be very helpful around the house (per my wife). Maybe I will ask him about this "clothes" and "washer" idea.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Get a fetlife account and start browing interests with him.
Start watching soft bdsm movies where the man is dominant.
Start him off with some vanilla bdsm stuff and react appropriately and see how he reacts and if he likes the power dynamic.

The first thing he’s going to think is you have been seeing some other dude who has been doing this to you.

That should immediately make him more dominant!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Too many boys are larping masculinity by just being loud, pushy, and obnoxious. I’ll be damned if some pudgy potato who can’t even change a flat tire and thinks “masculinity” is ranting in YouTube comments sections is going to try to boss me around in or out of the bedroom.

Both men and women should be able to change a tire. I taught both my sons and daughters to do so that they are not waiting around for a "white knight" to do it for them.

However, the idea that masculinity is defined by being able to perform manual labor is stupid. If I have a free weekend afternoon, I am not going to work on changing my oil. First, I do not enjoy doing so.

Next, I am better off doing something that makes me better at my job (I am a partner in BigLaw firm) than doing "tasks" around the house.

And, no, I do not think doing both works. If I am going to be the best at what I do, I need to put in the effort. Every minute I spend doing something I do not know how to do (like fixing a car) is a minute away from what I am best at.

I am also a big law partner.

I agree that “being masculine” does not always mean doing physical labor. My wife wouldn’t even trust me to do an oil change on the car nor would I even know where to start.

But I do help out with a lot of other things at our house — taking out the garbage, loading the dishwasher, doing the laundry, cooking, feeding the dogs, just general cleaning up. My wife really appreciates all of these things, especially when I do them just on my own. There is no doubt that it has also resulted in me getting laid a lot more. I don’t do it just for that reason but it’s a nice side benefit.

I think the “every minute” attitude is such a big law thing but so unhealthy. You need to take breaks. If I am working hard on a contract, I usually need a little mental break after an hour or two. I go through some clothes in the washer. It literally takes 5 minutes. Wife is happy. I am happy. I still work my butt off. But it’s not always a zero sum game.

That's just picking up after yourself and doing the basics, like any teenager should do. Nothing really to brag about.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The modern man has been lied to. He has been tricked into embracing his so called "feminine side" by the modern woman who is now self sufficient and sees a man as a project to fix. Sorry there is nothing feminine that's good for a man.

To be fair, microplastics, soy, estrogen mimickers in the water supplies, etc. have made most males under 40 quite feminine and emotional, especially in cities where these toxins are more prevalent.

They start out that way these days and it is getting worse.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Men are too scared and have been conditioned by all the metoo stuff to be very deferential. I am woman fwiw but that sounds pretty logical no? Maybe foreign men are different idk

Sad to say it, but men should have all sexual partners sign a NDA and Consent Forms these days. The legal system is beyond repair at this point and ruined.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Would you mind commenting honestly about his porn use? I’ve just realized that 95% of men seem to think it’s normal to do it at least sometimes.

This just tells you that 95% of men (and certainly 95% of married men) aren’t getting the amount of sex they want from their wives/girlfriends. Men turn to porn because you’re denying them sex or making it a huge unfun hassle.

Men may not be getting the amount they want, but women aren’t getting the kind they want. And if they get the kind they want, then they want it every day.

Men are better and more adventurous when they are having sex often. Also if the woman doesn’t act like sex is her job.