Would you choose a great partner even though sex is mediocre?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You will cheat in 10 years or less if you do this.

I won’t. I don’t cheat. I was with an ex for years who wasn’t that skilled and it didn’t cause me to cheat or look elsewhere. Our breakup had nothing to do with sex either.

You may not cheat, that’s true. But I generally think younger people are very naive about how they will feel 10, 20, 30, 40 years in a situation.

You never know. At almost thirty years in with a spouse who’s wonderful and capable and considerate but really bad at sex, I’m at the point where any opportunity will probably tip me into cheating. I know it’s awful of me and I can’t help the way I feel.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Is the problem that he doesn’t enjoy giving oral? Because that’s not really fixable (assuming no hygiene issues on your part etc.). But if it’s just a matter of technique, that can be taught. Maybe the way he’s doing it drove his previous partner wild.

He enjoys giving oral and no hygiene issue for either of us. He’s just not that good. It’s not terrible but the technique isn’t what I love. Let’s just say he is very clumsy down there and acts like he’s slurping up a bowl of noodles.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How much have you tried coaching him? I've found with men, you have to be extremely specific about what you want, and remind him over and over. It also helps to pull up videos of what you want and show him. For oral, I've even used my own mouth on a man's hand to show him exactly what I want.

Also keep in mind most men learned what to do in bed from p0rn, which is designed to look good on camera, not actually please a woman.

I would give it 90 days of intense coaching before giving up. You could also sign up for some courses or get books.

I haven’t done much. I’m submissive and like my men to take charge in the bedroom.

So you’re just laying there, dissatisfied? Huh.

FWIW I used to think similarly to you OP, but I ended up with someone who was a fair bit more respectful than I thought I wanted, and that carries through to the rest of our relationship. It is everything, and he is perfect. Even though he is not flashy, day in and day out I see how loving and consistent he is with all the everyday things that make a life, and that is a much, much heavier lift. He is my ultimate prize and even though we are only 15 years in, I love how excited we both still are to continue to experience all of the seasons together, right to the bitter(sweet?) end when we know it will be hard.

But tbh receiving great oral has never been that high on my priority list.

I’m still satisfied. Its intercourse is great. TMI but orgasm super easily and can do so within minutes of just oral if done right. He takes a bit longer and some finger action to make it happen. I love sex and need an orgasm at the end of the day to finish the day.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This isn't about bad oral sex. It's about how you and he communicate when there's a challenge. It's on both of you. You need to talk to him about it and he needs to be receptive. If you or he can't do that, then you should break up because of the poor communication, not the poor oral.

As for teaching oral, have him watch porn - preferably with you - where there's oral shown the way you like. Go to pornhub, search for something like "lick pu**y", and you'll find a treasure trove. Do not tell him to read a book, like a PP said.

And when you talk to him, you need to not only talk about what you want but also inquire what stands in the way for him. Maybe it's an odor, or too much pubic hair, or something else. Then you can address those issues, too, not just his technique.

There is no odor and I get fully waxed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This isn't about bad oral sex. It's about how you and he communicate when there's a challenge. It's on both of you. You need to talk to him about it and he needs to be receptive. If you or he can't do that, then you should break up because of the poor communication, not the poor oral.

As for teaching oral, have him watch porn - preferably with you - where there's oral shown the way you like. Go to pornhub, search for something like "lick pu**y", and you'll find a treasure trove. Do not tell him to read a book, like a PP said.

And when you talk to him, you need to not only talk about what you want but also inquire what stands in the way for him. Maybe it's an odor, or too much pubic hair, or something else. Then you can address those issues, too, not just his technique.

There is no odor and I get fully waxed.

Ha, no one thinks their sh*t stinks. Maybe it's nice to you but it could it could still be an odor *to him*. People have different olefactory sensitivities.

[Anonymous]

Given all you've now said, the fact that you think this is a potential dealbreaker for an otherwise good relationship and good sexual relationship tells me that you are not mature enough. Get some therapy, do some introspection, or cut him loose.

[Anonymous]

Ewww let him go. He can clearly do way better than you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You will be miserable down the road if you are already bothered by it.
The red flags you ignore in the beginning end up being the reasons for divorce….signed 52 yr old women with many friends in that situation right now.

+1 Team break it off. You are just going to be disappointed down the line and feel trapped. My guess is the people telling you it's not a big deal are the ones to whom sex isn't that important. If it is to you, it is to you, and your situation does not sound promising.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is the problem that he doesn’t enjoy giving oral? Because that’s not really fixable (assuming no hygiene issues on your part etc.). But if it’s just a matter of technique, that can be taught. Maybe the way he’s doing it drove his previous partner wild.

He enjoys giving oral and no hygiene issue for either of us. He’s just not that good. It’s not terrible but the technique isn’t what I love. Let’s just say he is very clumsy down there and acts like he’s slurping up a bowl of noodles.

Find some lesbo porn videos of them doing it like you'd like, and watch them with him.

Comment how "they know how to do it" when watching. Challenge him with "Think you could do it like that just as good as a lesbian?" and he will be challenged to learn more.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You will be miserable down the road if you are already bothered by it.
The red flags you ignore in the beginning end up being the reasons for divorce….signed 52 yr old women with many friends in that situation right now.

Divorce is a social contagion.

If anyone values their marriage, NEVER hang around anyone who is going through tough times, divorce, or been divorced recently.

Divorce is TOXIC AF as are most divorcees.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You will cheat in 10 years or less if you do this.

I won’t. I don’t cheat. I was with an ex for years who wasn’t that skilled and it didn’t cause me to cheat or look elsewhere. Our breakup had nothing to do with sex either.

You may not cheat, that’s true. But I generally think younger people are very naive about how they will feel 10, 20, 30, 40 years in a situation.

as long as he's a good life partner in every other way, especially if they have kids, they will be fine.

For most women, the libido goes way down after a certain age.

Think long term, not short term gain. This is the problem with the younger generation, I feel - they think too short term.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You will cheat in 10 years or less if you do this.

I won’t. I don’t cheat. I was with an ex for years who wasn’t that skilled and it didn’t cause me to cheat or look elsewhere. Our breakup had nothing to do with sex either.

You may not cheat, that’s true. But I generally think younger people are very naive about how they will feel 10, 20, 30, 40 years in a situation.

as long as he's a good life partner in every other way, especially if they have kids, they will be fine.

For most women, the libido goes way down after a certain age.

Think long term, not short term gain. This is the problem with the younger generation, I feel - they think too short term.

Aint nobody got time for that no more! TikTok Social media generation, raised by the video game fast food instant oatmeal generation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You will cheat in 10 years or less if you do this.

I won’t. I don’t cheat. I was with an ex for years who wasn’t that skilled and it didn’t cause me to cheat or look elsewhere. Our breakup had nothing to do with sex either.

You may not cheat, that’s true. But I generally think younger people are very naive about how they will feel 10, 20, 30, 40 years in a situation.

You never know. At almost thirty years in with a spouse who’s wonderful and capable and considerate but really bad at sex, I’m at the point where any opportunity will probably tip me into cheating. I know it’s awful of me and I can’t help the way I feel.

You are willing to break up your 30 year marriage to a great guy just for sex? He deserves better than you.

[Anonymous]

Of course if you do marry him all of your friends now know that you think he's bad in bed. That's kind of a burden, don't you think?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Of course if you do marry him all of your friends now know that you think he's bad in bed. That's kind of a burden, don't you think?

Whenever anyone complains about others being bad in bed, everyone knows the person complaining is the real wet blanket in bed. Always.

It's an unspoken universal truth, because it means the complainer has no creativity, or ability to teach.