Would you choose a great partner even though sex is mediocre?

[Anonymous]

The posters who talk about how sexual they are but how they also won’t talk to their partners about their preferences crack me up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Speaking as a 50-something woman, pick the good husband and good father. Mediocre sex will not ruin your life but a bad partner will. I am 20 years into a wonderful marriage to a guys who is pretty bad at sex. He is my best friend and a great dad and makes a lot of money. My life is really great. I would not trade one thing about him for better sex.

Good to know. I was leaning towards that because I love him but a couple friends keep telling me to not be with a man who doesn’t sexually satisfy all needs.

He does make a lot of money but I don’t care much about that. What I care about is that he treats me well. I feel comfortable with him, he’s a good person, and I find him so hot. Our values align and I love his personality. He’s also great with communication, financially stable, and I love his family.

So you're looking for a reason to break up

Doesn’t sound like it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Speaking as a 50-something woman, pick the good husband and good father. Mediocre sex will not ruin your life but a bad partner will. I am 20 years into a wonderful marriage to a guys who is pretty bad at sex. He is my best friend and a great dad and makes a lot of money. My life is really great. I would not trade one thing about him for better sex.

Good to know. I was leaning towards that because I love him but a couple friends keep telling me to not be with a man who doesn’t sexually satisfy all needs.

He does make a lot of money but I don’t care much about that. What I care about is that he treats me well. I feel comfortable with him, he’s a good person, and I find him so hot. Our values align and I love his personality. He’s also great with communication, financially stable, and I love his family.

So you're looking for a reason to break up

Agreed. Just tell him you don't see a future with him because he's not great at oral sex. I'm sure you can do better.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You will cheat in 10 years or less if you do this.

I won’t. I don’t cheat. I was with an ex for years who wasn’t that skilled and it didn’t cause me to cheat or look elsewhere. Our breakup had nothing to do with sex either.

You may not cheat, that’s true. But I generally think younger people are very naive about how they will feel 10, 20, 30, 40 years in a situation.

Dude. Her libido could drop off a cliff in 10 years. No way to predict. I used to love sex, high drive, was adventurous and now have very little desire.

[Anonymous]

I’d stick around longer and see if you really are compatible and in love in another 6 months. I married someone who is well endowed and very good in bed (best I’d ever had) and he’s not the best partner. It was fine when it was just us but now with kids, it’s gotten worse and I wish I made different choices. But I get it, passion is important and I think it’s always important to have chemistry and attraction with your life partner regardless of talent in the bedroom (which usually gets better with time as long as both parties are willing to learn and teach).

[Anonymous]

Very few people get everything they want in a partner so it’s up to you to decide where your priorities lie.

Keep in mind you’re posting on a forum full of mostly long-married women (who don’t care much about sex even if they once did) so that will color the responses you get. And yes, maybe you, too will reach a point where you don’t care much about sex (I know that sounds impossible to you right now but it happens to the best of us…) but you can’t know that ahead of time.

I think the guy sounds like a keeper, but I’m not you. My H wasn’t great at oral in the beginning but he was very coachable.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You will cheat in 10 years or less if you do this.

I won’t. I don’t cheat. I was with an ex for years who wasn’t that skilled and it didn’t cause me to cheat or look elsewhere. Our breakup had nothing to do with sex either.

You may not cheat, that’s true. But I generally think younger people are very naive about how they will feel 10, 20, 30, 40 years in a situation.

Dude. Her libido could drop off a cliff in 10 years. No way to predict. I used to love sex, high drive, was adventurous and now have very little desire.

Her libido could also stay the same or increase. I am basically the same as when I was 16 and I don’t think I’m some sort of freak of nature.

[Anonymous]

If sex is that important to you and you think it will be, go for best sex.
I've never even found a great guy. Most are no good at that sex thing. Same for women.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How much have you tried coaching him? I've found with men, you have to be extremely specific about what you want, and remind him over and over. It also helps to pull up videos of what you want and show him. For oral, I've even used my own mouth on a man's hand to show him exactly what I want.

Also keep in mind most men learned what to do in bed from p0rn, which is designed to look good on camera, not actually please a woman.

I would give it 90 days of intense coaching before giving up. You could also sign up for some courses or get books.

I haven’t done much. I’m submissive and like my men to take charge in the bedroom.

PP here. I’m also VERY submissive, which actually means you need to communicate even more. If you eventually get into the more hardcore aspects of the dom/sub relationship, it is all about communication. My current sex partner and I communicate before sex, during sex, and recap after sex. Just this past weekend I saw something in a video I wanted to try, then showed it to him and explained exactly what I wanted. If I sat around hoping he’d eventually figure it out, I’d have a lot of really bad sex.

Submissive doesn’t mean you expect your dom to read your mind. Or if you do want that, you need to stop dating regular men, get into the BDSM community, and find an experienced dom to guide you through it.

[Anonymous]

Submissive actually means you're in control. There's a reason it's the sub with the safe word and list of acceptable activities.

OP isn't submissive, she's just passive.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How much have you tried coaching him? I've found with men, you have to be extremely specific about what you want, and remind him over and over. It also helps to pull up videos of what you want and show him. For oral, I've even used my own mouth on a man's hand to show him exactly what I want.

Also keep in mind most men learned what to do in bed from p0rn, which is designed to look good on camera, not actually please a woman.

I would give it 90 days of intense coaching before giving up. You could also sign up for some courses or get books.

I haven’t done much. I’m submissive and like my men to take charge in the bedroom.

You are freaking ridiculous op!
So much so that I kind of think your thread is a work of fiction.
If you are real I don't think you really want a relationship or you really need to grow up if you want to be in one.
You have to communicate with your partner. This is not fairytale land and though you claim to be a realistic your posts show you are the opposite you are chasing a unicorn. You can want whatever you want but don't pretend you're not.

I'm agreeing with you. OP is a troll. My guess, some bored reddit teen using this as fapfic or something.

[Anonymous]

Is the problem that he doesn’t enjoy giving oral? Because that’s not really fixable (assuming no hygiene issues on your part etc.). But if it’s just a matter of technique, that can be taught. Maybe the way he’s doing it drove his previous partner wild.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How much have you tried coaching him? I've found with men, you have to be extremely specific about what you want, and remind him over and over. It also helps to pull up videos of what you want and show him. For oral, I've even used my own mouth on a man's hand to show him exactly what I want.

Also keep in mind most men learned what to do in bed from p0rn, which is designed to look good on camera, not actually please a woman.

I would give it 90 days of intense coaching before giving up. You could also sign up for some courses or get books.

I haven’t done much. I’m submissive and like my men to take charge in the bedroom.

So you’re just laying there, dissatisfied? Huh.

FWIW I used to think similarly to you OP, but I ended up with someone who was a fair bit more respectful than I thought I wanted, and that carries through to the rest of our relationship. It is everything, and he is perfect. Even though he is not flashy, day in and day out I see how loving and consistent he is with all the everyday things that make a life, and that is a much, much heavier lift. He is my ultimate prize and even though we are only 15 years in, I love how excited we both still are to continue to experience all of the seasons together, right to the bitter(sweet?) end when we know it will be hard.

But tbh receiving great oral has never been that high on my priority list.

[Anonymous]

This isn't about bad oral sex. It's about how you and he communicate when there's a challenge. It's on both of you. You need to talk to him about it and he needs to be receptive. If you or he can't do that, then you should break up because of the poor communication, not the poor oral.

As for teaching oral, have him watch porn - preferably with you - where there's oral shown the way you like. Go to pornhub, search for something like "lick pu**y", and you'll find a treasure trove. Do not tell him to read a book, like a PP said.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This isn't about bad oral sex. It's about how you and he communicate when there's a challenge. It's on both of you. You need to talk to him about it and he needs to be receptive. If you or he can't do that, then you should break up because of the poor communication, not the poor oral.

As for teaching oral, have him watch porn - preferably with you - where there's oral shown the way you like. Go to pornhub, search for something like "lick pu**y", and you'll find a treasure trove. Do not tell him to read a book, like a PP said.

And when you talk to him, you need to not only talk about what you want but also inquire what stands in the way for him. Maybe it's an odor, or too much pubic hair, or something else. Then you can address those issues, too, not just his technique.