Best way to change the rules regarding boys in the bedroom.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Someone else brought this up in a friend a few months ago.

Sit them both down, give them a basket of condoms, lubes and toys, and explain to them about consent and then step back. Love will bloom if you let it.

I believe the suggestion was do all that, in addition to a sitdown with the boy's parents for a discussion about splitting the cost of the basket. In this case, the boy might be too old, but a friendly phone call to his parents to get some intel on what he's thinking about OP's daughter won't hurt. If they'll chip in for the basket, even better, but they may say they think the kids are old enough to buy that stuff themselves, or at least pay for it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DD is 18 and will be a senior this fall. She’s had the same boy best friend since sophomore year. They’ve always been completely platonic.

In the past I’ve let this boy hang out in DD’s bedroom, even with the door closed. It’s never been a problem.

The boy has been out of town for the summer but they keep in touch through calls and texting. Lately ive had an inkling that they might be developing feelings for each other. I wouldn’t be surprised if they start dating when he returns this fall.

If they start dating I definitely don’t want him in DD’s bedroom, but I don’t know exactly how to present this to her. I don’t feel comfortable telling her that I think she might start dating her friend. I don’t want to push her in that direction. How should I proceed?

After only two years huh?
Unless he is gay, they have already been having sex at the least.
Not many girls want to have relationships anymore, just to hookup. He has been her Boy-Toy for most of this time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DD is 18 and will be a senior this fall. She’s had the same boy best friend since sophomore year. They’ve always been completely platonic.

In the past I’ve let this boy hang out in DD’s bedroom, even with the door closed. It’s never been a problem.

The boy has been out of town for the summer but they keep in touch through calls and texting. Lately ive had an inkling that they might be developing feelings for each other. I wouldn’t be surprised if they start dating when he returns this fall.

If they start dating I definitely don’t want him in DD’s bedroom, but I don’t know exactly how to present this to her. I don’t feel comfortable telling her that I think she might start dating her friend. I don’t want to push her in that direction. How should I proceed?

After only two years huh?
Unless he is gay, they have already been having sex at the least.
Not many girls want to have relationships anymore, just to hookup. He has been her Boy-Toy for most of this time.

Yeah, he's been laying the pipe, so this convo is pretty academic.

[Anonymous]

OP have fun with the toothpaste and the tube. So naive.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My parents (I'm a guy) required open doors but also kept their distance when I was in high school, announcing their imminent arrival in a room with loud talking or whatever... as soon as I got to college, the rule was my girlfriend could stay over (she wasnt' local) but she had to stay in her own room. My parents went to bed at 9:45 and asked no questions.

I think that's reasonable.

I don’t know about reasonable, but for sure it’s pointless. You might as well close the door and the mom can knock if she needs anything instead of talking loudly by herself on the walkways lol. Believe it or not, that’s what normal people do.

If you’re talking about a college girlfriend, it makes even less sense. I mean, accept the child is an adult, which comes with them having sexual relationships with other adults. Bringing the girlfriend home is about recognizing that relationship in front of the parents. If you’re not ready to accept that, the problem is with the parent and their sexual hangups, which I guess can be respected, but let’s call it like it is. The child still needs to be respectful and discreet, so no loud banging and moaning, but I don’t see any issue with holding hands and kissing in front of the parents.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My parents (I'm a guy) required open doors but also kept their distance when I was in high school, announcing their imminent arrival in a room with loud talking or whatever... as soon as I got to college, the rule was my girlfriend could stay over (she wasnt' local) but she had to stay in her own room. My parents went to bed at 9:45 and asked no questions.

I think that's reasonable.

I don’t know about reasonable, but for sure it’s pointless. You might as well close the door and the mom can knock if she needs anything instead of talking loudly by herself on the walkways lol. Believe it or not, that’s what normal people do.

If you’re talking about a college girlfriend, it makes even less sense. I mean, accept the child is an adult, which comes with them having sexual relationships with other adults. Bringing the girlfriend home is about recognizing that relationship in front of the parents. If you’re not ready to accept that, the problem is with the parent and their sexual hangups, which I guess can be respected, but let’s call it like it is. The child still needs to be respectful and discreet, so no loud banging and moaning, but I don’t see any issue with holding hands and kissing in front of the parents.

as a former teen boy, I can tell you my parents method kept the action pretty decent—HJs, but no banging. As a former teen boy who dated girls whose parents let them close and lock the door, it very quickly went to places their parents wouldn't approve of. I mean, I guess they did approve of it, but if your goal is to keep kids from having sex in your house, do not let them close or lock the door.

I guess the question is, do you care if they're having sex in your house. 18 year olds are adults, and i would say as long as they AREN'T sucking face in front of their parents, who cares? Nobody should make out in front of other people who aren't, you know, involved. It's just gross.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My parents (I'm a guy) required open doors but also kept their distance when I was in high school, announcing their imminent arrival in a room with loud talking or whatever... as soon as I got to college, the rule was my girlfriend could stay over (she wasnt' local) but she had to stay in her own room. My parents went to bed at 9:45 and asked no questions.

I think that's reasonable.

I don’t know about reasonable, but for sure it’s pointless. You might as well close the door and the mom can knock if she needs anything instead of talking loudly by herself on the walkways lol. Believe it or not, that’s what normal people do.

If you’re talking about a college girlfriend, it makes even less sense. I mean, accept the child is an adult, which comes with them having sexual relationships with other adults. Bringing the girlfriend home is about recognizing that relationship in front of the parents. If you’re not ready to accept that, the problem is with the parent and their sexual hangups, which I guess can be respected, but let’s call it like it is. The child still needs to be respectful and discreet, so no loud banging and moaning, but I don’t see any issue with holding hands and kissing in front of the parents.

as a former teen boy, I can tell you my parents method kept the action pretty decent—HJs, but no banging. As a former teen boy who dated girls whose parents let them close and lock the door, it very quickly went to places their parents wouldn't approve of. I mean, I guess they did approve of it, but if your goal is to keep kids from having sex in your house, do not let them close or lock the door.

I guess the question is, do you care if they're having sex in your house. 18 year olds are adults, and i would say as long as they AREN'T sucking face in front of their parents, who cares? Nobody should make out in front of other people who aren't, you know, involved. It's just gross.

Ok, former teen boy! Who tf talks like that unless you’re the old woman from up thread, fantasizing about getting a HJ. Gross, but whatever floats your boat.

This just shows how idiotic the open door argument is. So HJs are fine but a line is draws at BJs! If they are doing HJs with parents at home, guaranteed they’ve done everything and more years before.

As a “responsible” parent, you rather send your kid to bang in the parking lot at the grocery store, with the risk of getting watched by randoes and the homeless, and possibly get a felony for indecent exposure if caught by cops, or reported by passing parents with kids! Even worse if they are stupid enough to do it near a school, and trust me teens have done dumber things than this.

And for what, what’s the underlying reason for putting in these rules? Supposedly so they stop at HJs while the parents are at home! This is beyond stupid!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My parents (I'm a guy) required open doors but also kept their distance when I was in high school, announcing their imminent arrival in a room with loud talking or whatever... as soon as I got to college, the rule was my girlfriend could stay over (she wasnt' local) but she had to stay in her own room. My parents went to bed at 9:45 and asked no questions.

I think that's reasonable.

I don’t know about reasonable, but for sure it’s pointless. You might as well close the door and the mom can knock if she needs anything instead of talking loudly by herself on the walkways lol. Believe it or not, that’s what normal people do.

If you’re talking about a college girlfriend, it makes even less sense. I mean, accept the child is an adult, which comes with them having sexual relationships with other adults. Bringing the girlfriend home is about recognizing that relationship in front of the parents. If you’re not ready to accept that, the problem is with the parent and their sexual hangups, which I guess can be respected, but let’s call it like it is. The child still needs to be respectful and discreet, so no loud banging and moaning, but I don’t see any issue with holding hands and kissing in front of the parents.

as a former teen boy, I can tell you my parents method kept the action pretty decent—HJs, but no banging. As a former teen boy who dated girls whose parents let them close and lock the door, it very quickly went to places their parents wouldn't approve of. I mean, I guess they did approve of it, but if your goal is to keep kids from having sex in your house, do not let them close or lock the door.

I guess the question is, do you care if they're having sex in your house. 18 year olds are adults, and i would say as long as they AREN'T sucking face in front of their parents, who cares? Nobody should make out in front of other people who aren't, you know, involved. It's just gross.

Ok, former teen boy! Who tf talks like that unless you’re the old woman from up thread, fantasizing about getting a HJ. Gross, but whatever floats your boat.

This just shows how idiotic the open door argument is. So HJs are fine but a line is draws at BJs! If they are doing HJs with parents at home, guaranteed they’ve done everything and more years before.

As a “responsible” parent, you rather send your kid to bang in the parking lot at the grocery store, with the risk of getting watched by randoes and the homeless, and possibly get a felony for indecent exposure if caught by cops, or reported by passing parents with kids! Even worse if they are stupid enough to do it near a school, and trust me teens have done dumber things than this.

And for what, what’s the underlying reason for putting in these rules? Supposedly so they stop at HJs while the parents are at home! This is beyond stupid!

My kids are toddlers you creep.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My parents (I'm a guy) required open doors but also kept their distance when I was in high school, announcing their imminent arrival in a room with loud talking or whatever... as soon as I got to college, the rule was my girlfriend could stay over (she wasnt' local) but she had to stay in her own room. My parents went to bed at 9:45 and asked no questions.

I think that's reasonable.

I don’t know about reasonable, but for sure it’s pointless. You might as well close the door and the mom can knock if she needs anything instead of talking loudly by herself on the walkways lol. Believe it or not, that’s what normal people do.

If you’re talking about a college girlfriend, it makes even less sense. I mean, accept the child is an adult, which comes with them having sexual relationships with other adults. Bringing the girlfriend home is about recognizing that relationship in front of the parents. If you’re not ready to accept that, the problem is with the parent and their sexual hangups, which I guess can be respected, but let’s call it like it is. The child still needs to be respectful and discreet, so no loud banging and moaning, but I don’t see any issue with holding hands and kissing in front of the parents.

as a former teen boy, I can tell you my parents method kept the action pretty decent—HJs, but no banging. As a former teen boy who dated girls whose parents let them close and lock the door, it very quickly went to places their parents wouldn't approve of. I mean, I guess they did approve of it, but if your goal is to keep kids from having sex in your house, do not let them close or lock the door.

I guess the question is, do you care if they're having sex in your house. 18 year olds are adults, and i would say as long as they AREN'T sucking face in front of their parents, who cares? Nobody should make out in front of other people who aren't, you know, involved. It's just gross.

Ok, former teen boy! Who tf talks like that unless you’re the old woman from up thread, fantasizing about getting a HJ. Gross, but whatever floats your boat.

This just shows how idiotic the open door argument is. So HJs are fine but a line is draws at BJs! If they are doing HJs with parents at home, guaranteed they’ve done everything and more years before.

As a “responsible” parent, you rather send your kid to bang in the parking lot at the grocery store, with the risk of getting watched by randoes and the homeless, and possibly get a felony for indecent exposure if caught by cops, or reported by passing parents with kids! Even worse if they are stupid enough to do it near a school, and trust me teens have done dumber things than this.

And for what, what’s the underlying reason for putting in these rules? Supposedly so they stop at HJs while the parents are at home! This is beyond stupid!

My kids are toddlers you creep.

Nobody asked.

Your argument is still dumb, former teen boy!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My parents (I'm a guy) required open doors but also kept their distance when I was in high school, announcing their imminent arrival in a room with loud talking or whatever... as soon as I got to college, the rule was my girlfriend could stay over (she wasnt' local) but she had to stay in her own room. My parents went to bed at 9:45 and asked no questions.

I think that's reasonable.

I don’t know about reasonable, but for sure it’s pointless. You might as well close the door and the mom can knock if she needs anything instead of talking loudly by herself on the walkways lol. Believe it or not, that’s what normal people do.

If you’re talking about a college girlfriend, it makes even less sense. I mean, accept the child is an adult, which comes with them having sexual relationships with other adults. Bringing the girlfriend home is about recognizing that relationship in front of the parents. If you’re not ready to accept that, the problem is with the parent and their sexual hangups, which I guess can be respected, but let’s call it like it is. The child still needs to be respectful and discreet, so no loud banging and moaning, but I don’t see any issue with holding hands and kissing in front of the parents.

as a former teen boy, I can tell you my parents method kept the action pretty decent—HJs, but no banging. As a former teen boy who dated girls whose parents let them close and lock the door, it very quickly went to places their parents wouldn't approve of. I mean, I guess they did approve of it, but if your goal is to keep kids from having sex in your house, do not let them close or lock the door.

I guess the question is, do you care if they're having sex in your house. 18 year olds are adults, and i would say as long as they AREN'T sucking face in front of their parents, who cares? Nobody should make out in front of other people who aren't, you know, involved. It's just gross.

Ok, former teen boy! Who tf talks like that unless you’re the old woman from up thread, fantasizing about getting a HJ. Gross, but whatever floats your boat.

This just shows how idiotic the open door argument is. So HJs are fine but a line is draws at BJs! If they are doing HJs with parents at home, guaranteed they’ve done everything and more years before.

As a “responsible” parent, you rather send your kid to bang in the parking lot at the grocery store, with the risk of getting watched by randoes and the homeless, and possibly get a felony for indecent exposure if caught by cops, or reported by passing parents with kids! Even worse if they are stupid enough to do it near a school, and trust me teens have done dumber things than this.

And for what, what’s the underlying reason for putting in these rules? Supposedly so they stop at HJs while the parents are at home! This is beyond stupid!

My kids are toddlers you creep.

Nobody asked.

Your argument is still dumb, former teen boy!

You asked me if I’m sending my kid to bang in a parking lot and I’m telling you they’re toddlers, sicko.

I don’t have a policy, I just know what happened when I was a teenager and parents of girls who let us go into their bedrooms and locked the doors were my favorite.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So for those saying OP created the problem- what happens if you allow another kids in the room before knowing if the kid is gay or straight?

Simple - don't allow closed doors. Preferably, if you have other spaces, discourage bedrooms and encourage teems to entertain in the living room, on the back patio, in the game room if you have one. Gay or straight doesn't matter.

So children should always be physically observed? You really think a couple 8 or 10 year olds who are safe hanging out by themselves should always keep the door open, and you are goig to tell them that it's because they might someday want to screw each other?

We did that in my house to prevent the quandary that OP is in now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My parents (I'm a guy) required open doors but also kept their distance when I was in high school, announcing their imminent arrival in a room with loud talking or whatever... as soon as I got to college, the rule was my girlfriend could stay over (she wasnt' local) but she had to stay in her own room. My parents went to bed at 9:45 and asked no questions.

I think that's reasonable.

I don’t know about reasonable, but for sure it’s pointless. You might as well close the door and the mom can knock if she needs anything instead of talking loudly by herself on the walkways lol. Believe it or not, that’s what normal people do.

If you’re talking about a college girlfriend, it makes even less sense. I mean, accept the child is an adult, which comes with them having sexual relationships with other adults. Bringing the girlfriend home is about recognizing that relationship in front of the parents. If you’re not ready to accept that, the problem is with the parent and their sexual hangups, which I guess can be respected, but let’s call it like it is. The child still needs to be respectful and discreet, so no loud banging and moaning, but I don’t see any issue with holding hands and kissing in front of the parents.

as a former teen boy, I can tell you my parents method kept the action pretty decent—HJs, but no banging. As a former teen boy who dated girls whose parents let them close and lock the door, it very quickly went to places their parents wouldn't approve of. I mean, I guess they did approve of it, but if your goal is to keep kids from having sex in your house, do not let them close or lock the door.

I guess the question is, do you care if they're having sex in your house. 18 year olds are adults, and i would say as long as they AREN'T sucking face in front of their parents, who cares? Nobody should make out in front of other people who aren't, you know, involved. It's just gross.

Ok, former teen boy! Who tf talks like that unless you’re the old woman from up thread, fantasizing about getting a HJ. Gross, but whatever floats your boat.

This just shows how idiotic the open door argument is. So HJs are fine but a line is draws at BJs! If they are doing HJs with parents at home, guaranteed they’ve done everything and more years before.

As a “responsible” parent, you rather send your kid to bang in the parking lot at the grocery store, with the risk of getting watched by randoes and the homeless, and possibly get a felony for indecent exposure if caught by cops, or reported by passing parents with kids! Even worse if they are stupid enough to do it near a school, and trust me teens have done dumber things than this.

And for what, what’s the underlying reason for putting in these rules? Supposedly so they stop at HJs while the parents are at home! This is beyond stupid!

My kids are toddlers you creep.

Nobody asked.

Your argument is still dumb, former teen boy!

You asked me if I’m sending my kid to bang in a parking lot and I’m telling you they’re toddlers, sicko.

I don’t have a policy, I just know what happened when I was a teenager and parents of girls who let us go into their bedrooms and locked the doors were my favorite.

What’s the point you are trying to make here? That your mom’s policy of keeping doors open and talking loudly by herself to give a warning she’s coming over worked really well because you were only getting HJs?

Facepalm!

Sorry, still sounds dumb.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My parents (I'm a guy) required open doors but also kept their distance when I was in high school, announcing their imminent arrival in a room with loud talking or whatever... as soon as I got to college, the rule was my girlfriend could stay over (she wasnt' local) but she had to stay in her own room. My parents went to bed at 9:45 and asked no questions.

I think that's reasonable.

I don’t know about reasonable, but for sure it’s pointless. You might as well close the door and the mom can knock if she needs anything instead of talking loudly by herself on the walkways lol. Believe it or not, that’s what normal people do.

If you’re talking about a college girlfriend, it makes even less sense. I mean, accept the child is an adult, which comes with them having sexual relationships with other adults. Bringing the girlfriend home is about recognizing that relationship in front of the parents. If you’re not ready to accept that, the problem is with the parent and their sexual hangups, which I guess can be respected, but let’s call it like it is. The child still needs to be respectful and discreet, so no loud banging and moaning, but I don’t see any issue with holding hands and kissing in front of the parents.

as a former teen boy, I can tell you my parents method kept the action pretty decent—HJs, but no banging. As a former teen boy who dated girls whose parents let them close and lock the door, it very quickly went to places their parents wouldn't approve of. I mean, I guess they did approve of it, but if your goal is to keep kids from having sex in your house, do not let them close or lock the door.

I guess the question is, do you care if they're having sex in your house. 18 year olds are adults, and i would say as long as they AREN'T sucking face in front of their parents, who cares? Nobody should make out in front of other people who aren't, you know, involved. It's just gross.

Ok, former teen boy! Who tf talks like that unless you’re the old woman from up thread, fantasizing about getting a HJ. Gross, but whatever floats your boat.

This just shows how idiotic the open door argument is. So HJs are fine but a line is draws at BJs! If they are doing HJs with parents at home, guaranteed they’ve done everything and more years before.

As a “responsible” parent, you rather send your kid to bang in the parking lot at the grocery store, with the risk of getting watched by randoes and the homeless, and possibly get a felony for indecent exposure if caught by cops, or reported by passing parents with kids! Even worse if they are stupid enough to do it near a school, and trust me teens have done dumber things than this.

And for what, what’s the underlying reason for putting in these rules? Supposedly so they stop at HJs while the parents are at home! This is beyond stupid!

My kids are toddlers you creep.

Nobody asked.

Your argument is still dumb, former teen boy!

You asked me if I’m sending my kid to bang in a parking lot and I’m telling you they’re toddlers, sicko.

I don’t have a policy, I just know what happened when I was a teenager and parents of girls who let us go into their bedrooms and locked the doors were my favorite.

What’s the point you are trying to make here? That your mom’s policy of keeping doors open and talking loudly by herself to give a warning she’s coming over worked really well because you were only getting HJs?

Facepalm!

Sorry, still sounds dumb.

Yeah.

My parents - for reasons you’ll have to ask them - were against me having sex with my girlfriends in the house, but still tried to give us a little space and weren’t trying to chaperone us or embarrass us by walking in at an inopportune time.

I don’t know what I’ll do with my kids, but I don’t really have a problem with what mine did.

And my other point is that parents who allow their daughters to close and lock their doors get the full approval of horny teen boys. Make of that what you will.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You think they are just platonic. I played this card in HS and as soon as I was out of parental vision, we were on each other like monkeys.

*nods with knowing familiarity*

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s crazy to me that you let them hang out in the bedroom with the door closed. I don’t care if their friendship is “platonic” or not.

Why two best girlfriends could be getting it on too?

Exactly - this happens so much more than you think but parents only care about pregnancy, not the emotional aspect