Best way to change the rules regarding boys in the bedroom.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why don’t you just be straightforward and say she’s getting older and you are uncomfortable with her having people in her bedroom because it makes you wonder what they are doing behind clothed doors in your house.

Of course, they can always go to a car and any other place, as you know, but at least it’s not in your house.

Why is doing it in a car in the parking lot better than your house? I’d think the opposite is true.

While living at home I did it in countless parking lots, football fields, city parks and playgrounds at night, a Gap fitting room, a golf course, and most memorably an emptied-out koi pond in February...but never in my parents' house.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why don’t you just be straightforward and say she’s getting older and you are uncomfortable with her having people in her bedroom because it makes you wonder what they are doing behind clothed doors in your house.

Of course, they can always go to a car and any other place, as you know, but at least it’s not in your house.

You’d recommend this to your daughter?

Why is doing it in a car in the parking lot better than your house? I’d think the opposite is true.

While living at home I did it in countless parking lots, football fields, city parks and playgrounds at night, a Gap fitting room, a golf course, and most memorably an emptied-out koi pond in February...but never in my parents' house.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why don’t you just be straightforward and say she’s getting older and you are uncomfortable with her having people in her bedroom because it makes you wonder what they are doing behind clothed doors in your house.

Of course, they can always go to a car and any other place, as you know, but at least it’s not in your house.

Why is doing it in a car in the parking lot better than your house? I’d think the opposite is true.

While living at home I did it in countless parking lots, football fields, city parks and playgrounds at night, a Gap fitting room, a golf course, and most memorably an emptied-out koi pond in February...but never in my parents' house.

You’d recommend this to your daughter?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why don’t you just be straightforward and say she’s getting older and you are uncomfortable with her having people in her bedroom because it makes you wonder what they are doing behind clothed doors in your house.

Of course, they can always go to a car and any other place, as you know, but at least it’s not in your house.

Why is doing it in a car in the parking lot better than your house? I’d think the opposite is true.

While living at home I did it in countless parking lots, football fields, city parks and playgrounds at night, a Gap fitting room, a golf course, and most memorably an emptied-out koi pond in February...but never in my parents' house.

You’d recommend this to your daughter?

Only if the first cousin is up for the challenge. He grew up in the south, it’s more accepted there.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why don’t you just be straightforward and say she’s getting older and you are uncomfortable with her having people in her bedroom because it makes you wonder what they are doing behind clothed doors in your house.

Of course, they can always go to a car and any other place, as you know, but at least it’s not in your house.

Why is doing it in a car in the parking lot better than your house? I’d think the opposite is true.

While living at home I did it in countless parking lots, football fields, city parks and playgrounds at night, a Gap fitting room, a golf course, and most memorably an emptied-out koi pond in February...but never in my parents' house.

Classy! What a gentleman!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why don’t you just be straightforward and say she’s getting older and you are uncomfortable with her having people in her bedroom because it makes you wonder what they are doing behind clothed doors in your house.

Of course, they can always go to a car and any other place, as you know, but at least it’s not in your house.

Why is doing it in a car in the parking lot better than your house? I’d think the opposite is true.

While living at home I did it in countless parking lots, football fields, city parks and playgrounds at night, a Gap fitting room, a golf course, and most memorably an emptied-out koi pond in February...but never in my parents' house.

Always wanted to try it on a golf green. Was too scared of getting caught by some groundskeeper.

[Anonymous]

I'm the "old lady" as PP called me (goodness, I just recently took an early retirement) who she thinks I hate s*x. Hahahahahahaha!

Anyway, I think I have an interesting back story. So I'm 15, turning 16 and have my first boyfriend, who is actually a year behind me in school. We are very much in love and progressing through the "bases". I'm sensible and realize things might get carried away.

I think it might be smart if we consider birth control, but this is pre-internet. He agrees. What to do?

I see a magazine ad in the back pages that lets you tick like 200 boxes for pamphlets that you are interested in and send the page to Pueblo Colorado. It is random consumer interests, like vacation spots, medical interests, historical, etc.

One of the pamphlets is "Birth Control". But I worry if I order it, what if my mom intercepts the mail? So I tick off every box that sounds remotely academic or historical, including "Birth Control". I plan to tell my mom the random 30 pamphlets are for a HS research paper.

A few weeks later, a manilla envelope arrives with my 30 pamphlets. Mom hands it to me with no clue. Success!

Boyfriend and I study the Birth Control info and conclude the Pill is the best option, with a 98% assurance, but we will use abortion as a backup if we get unlucky (despite him being Catholic).

Now, thanks to Judy Blume and "Forever", I knew about clinics. I looked in the yellow pages under Pregnancy, Women, Birth Control, etc. and called all the numbers. I think I kept getting the same Planned Parenthood location. I mainly want to know if I can be seen without parent permission. Yes I can. So I make an appointment.

One school night, I told my mom I need to go to the big library downtown to do "research" and set off for my appointment. It was kind of like a cattle call, but I eventually get called back for intake info.

The head nurse is asking me all these personal and medical questions. She then says "When did you first have intercourse". I say, never, I'm a virgin and that's why I'm here - my boyfriend and I don't want to get pregnant.

She looks up at me, stares, throws down her pencil and tells me I am the first patient in her career who has ever sought out birth control before having sex.

I'm confused, and say doesn't everyone do this so they won't get pregnant? Apparently not.

So I get my first internal exam and an Rx. My boyfriend & I wait *almost* the recommended 3-4 weeks, And we then had sex every day for the next 4 years.

Hahahahahaha, again to PP who thinks I hate sex.

I knew my mother would not approve and I felt if I was mature enough to have sex, I was mature enough to do it without needing her approval or putting her into the difficult position of knowing this info.

I respected what I knew would be her dilemma, and also as the oldest kid, I didn't want to have an effect on my younger siblings by doing anything in my parents house.

It was never an issue finding a location elsewhere.

I think I had an idyllic first love, we were together many years, but I just outgrew him. I went to college a year early, then got my AA in 1 year, so now I was 3 years ahead of him.

Then he decided college wasn't for him, meanwhile I was taking Differential Equations, Digital Circuits, Physics with Calculus, and he was working at a grocery store after HS.

We parted ways amicably with no hard feelings when I was 20 and he was 19.

Anyway, my takeaway as an adult, was it probably wasn't the healthiest thing to start having s*x so early, and most likely most young couples wouldn't have the loving experience we did, and feelings would get hurt, someone would take advantage.

So my house rule for my kids was no closed doors for the same reason I showed my own mother out of respect. If they wanted to do things elsewhere, be my guest, but I was a big proponent of birth control and eventually did take one to get birth control before college.

Anyway, I just want to thank Judy Blume for educating me as a young 15 yo about birth control and how to obtain it!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm the "old lady" as PP called me (goodness, I just recently took an early retirement) who she thinks I hate s*x. Hahahahahahaha!

Anyway, I think I have an interesting back story. So I'm 15, turning 16 and have my first boyfriend, who is actually a year behind me in school. We are very much in love and progressing through the "bases". I'm sensible and realize things might get carried away.

I think it might be smart if we consider birth control, but this is pre-internet. He agrees. What to do?

I see a magazine ad in the back pages that lets you tick like 200 boxes for pamphlets that you are interested in and send the page to Pueblo Colorado. It is random consumer interests, like vacation spots, medical interests, historical, etc.

One of the pamphlets is "Birth Control". But I worry if I order it, what if my mom intercepts the mail? So I tick off every box that sounds remotely academic or historical, including "Birth Control". I plan to tell my mom the random 30 pamphlets are for a HS research paper.

A few weeks later, a manilla envelope arrives with my 30 pamphlets. Mom hands it to me with no clue. Success!

Boyfriend and I study the Birth Control info and conclude the Pill is the best option, with a 98% assurance, but we will use abortion as a backup if we get unlucky (despite him being Catholic).

Now, thanks to Judy Blume and "Forever", I knew about clinics. I looked in the yellow pages under Pregnancy, Women, Birth Control, etc. and called all the numbers. I think I kept getting the same Planned Parenthood location. I mainly want to know if I can be seen without parent permission. Yes I can. So I make an appointment.

One school night, I told my mom I need to go to the big library downtown to do "research" and set off for my appointment. It was kind of like a cattle call, but I eventually get called back for intake info.

The head nurse is asking me all these personal and medical questions. She then says "When did you first have intercourse". I say, never, I'm a virgin and that's why I'm here - my boyfriend and I don't want to get pregnant.

She looks up at me, stares, throws down her pencil and tells me I am the first patient in her career who has ever sought out birth control before having sex.

I'm confused, and say doesn't everyone do this so they won't get pregnant? Apparently not.

So I get my first internal exam and an Rx. My boyfriend & I wait *almost* the recommended 3-4 weeks, And we then had sex every day for the next 4 years.

Hahahahahaha, again to PP who thinks I hate sex.

I knew my mother would not approve and I felt if I was mature enough to have sex, I was mature enough to do it without needing her approval or putting her into the difficult position of knowing this info.

I respected what I knew would be her dilemma, and also as the oldest kid, I didn't want to have an effect on my younger siblings by doing anything in my parents house.

It was never an issue finding a location elsewhere.

I think I had an idyllic first love, we were together many years, but I just outgrew him. I went to college a year early, then got my AA in 1 year, so now I was 3 years ahead of him.

Then he decided college wasn't for him, meanwhile I was taking Differential Equations, Digital Circuits, Physics with Calculus, and he was working at a grocery store after HS.

We parted ways amicably with no hard feelings when I was 20 and he was 19.

Anyway, my takeaway as an adult, was it probably wasn't the healthiest thing to start having s*x so early, and most likely most young couples wouldn't have the loving experience we did, and feelings would get hurt, someone would take advantage.

So my house rule for my kids was no closed doors for the same reason I showed my own mother out of respect. If they wanted to do things elsewhere, be my guest, but I was a big proponent of birth control and eventually did take one to get birth control before college.

Anyway, I just want to thank Judy Blume for educating me as a young 15 yo about birth control and how to obtain it!

Cool story.

What specifically is disrespectful about a young adult exploring their sexuality in their home?

Presumably if your daughter comes visiting you at 26 with the bf they’ll sleep together in a room, and you won’t have the rule about open doors and it’s not disrespectful if they’ll have sex during the night.

However at 18, that’s not the case, it’s disrespectful and doors stay open.

Make it make sense for me.

[Anonymous]

I think it's better for teens to wait for s*x until they are older. I think most physical experiences under 17 don't end well, mostly for girls, somewhat for boys.

Therefore as a parent, I don't want to encourage early experimentation by allowing closed doors.

I consider that the parents of my child's partner might not agree with allowing closed doors, and since I can't really call them and say I think our kids might get physical soon, do you mind if I allow closed doors, I'm going with open doors.

If my child should get into a pregnancy situation, or get STDs that affect future fertility, or just a nuisance like genital herpes, I don't want to feel responsible that maybe my allowing closed doors rushed things along sooner than they would have happened otherwise.

If I have younger siblings in the house, they will know what's going on. I don't want to send the message to younger kids that having s*x at 14-17 is expected and normal.

If the teens sneak around and do it anyway, either in the house or out, ok, but that's on them for making that decision.

I will have already educated them about birth control and if I know they are active, I make an appointment with a Dr to discuss their options.

But for the above reasons, I still maintain open doors as a house rule.

Once they are 18 and out of HS and there are no younger siblings, then they can have partners behind their bedroom door or be assigned a room together in a vacation rental.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm the "old lady" as PP called me (goodness, I just recently took an early retirement) who she thinks I hate s*x. Hahahahahahaha!

Anyway, I think I have an interesting back story. So I'm 15, turning 16 and have my first boyfriend, who is actually a year behind me in school. We are very much in love and progressing through the "bases". I'm sensible and realize things might get carried away.

I think it might be smart if we consider birth control, but this is pre-internet. He agrees. What to do?

I see a magazine ad in the back pages that lets you tick like 200 boxes for pamphlets that you are interested in and send the page to Pueblo Colorado. It is random consumer interests, like vacation spots, medical interests, historical, etc.

One of the pamphlets is "Birth Control". But I worry if I order it, what if my mom intercepts the mail? So I tick off every box that sounds remotely academic or historical, including "Birth Control". I plan to tell my mom the random 30 pamphlets are for a HS research paper.

A few weeks later, a manilla envelope arrives with my 30 pamphlets. Mom hands it to me with no clue. Success!

Boyfriend and I study the Birth Control info and conclude the Pill is the best option, with a 98% assurance, but we will use abortion as a backup if we get unlucky (despite him being Catholic).

Now, thanks to Judy Blume and "Forever", I knew about clinics. I looked in the yellow pages under Pregnancy, Women, Birth Control, etc. and called all the numbers. I think I kept getting the same Planned Parenthood location. I mainly want to know if I can be seen without parent permission. Yes I can. So I make an appointment.

One school night, I told my mom I need to go to the big library downtown to do "research" and set off for my appointment. It was kind of like a cattle call, but I eventually get called back for intake info.

The head nurse is asking me all these personal and medical questions. She then says "When did you first have intercourse". I say, never, I'm a virgin and that's why I'm here - my boyfriend and I don't want to get pregnant.

She looks up at me, stares, throws down her pencil and tells me I am the first patient in her career who has ever sought out birth control before having sex.

I'm confused, and say doesn't everyone do this so they won't get pregnant? Apparently not.

So I get my first internal exam and an Rx. My boyfriend & I wait *almost* the recommended 3-4 weeks, And we then had sex every day for the next 4 years.

Hahahahahaha, again to PP who thinks I hate sex.

I knew my mother would not approve and I felt if I was mature enough to have sex, I was mature enough to do it without needing her approval or putting her into the difficult position of knowing this info.

I respected what I knew would be her dilemma, and also as the oldest kid, I didn't want to have an effect on my younger siblings by doing anything in my parents house.

It was never an issue finding a location elsewhere.

I think I had an idyllic first love, we were together many years, but I just outgrew him. I went to college a year early, then got my AA in 1 year, so now I was 3 years ahead of him.

Then he decided college wasn't for him, meanwhile I was taking Differential Equations, Digital Circuits, Physics with Calculus, and he was working at a grocery store after HS.

We parted ways amicably with no hard feelings when I was 20 and he was 19.

Anyway, my takeaway as an adult, was it probably wasn't the healthiest thing to start having s*x so early, and most likely most young couples wouldn't have the loving experience we did, and feelings would get hurt, someone would take advantage.

So my house rule for my kids was no closed doors for the same reason I showed my own mother out of respect. If they wanted to do things elsewhere, be my guest, but I was a big proponent of birth control and eventually did take one to get birth control before college.

Anyway, I just want to thank Judy Blume for educating me as a young 15 yo about birth control and how to obtain it!

I cannot imagine this is worth reading.

[Anonymous]

She’s 18, let it go. This ship has sailed. This is young teen concerns, she’s moving to adult concerns.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She’s 18, let it go. This ship has sailed. This is young teen concerns, she’s moving to adult concerns.

+1.

She’s got one more year to live at home, don’t make it harder than it has to be. Focus on college applications instead, it’s far more important and consequential.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I mean she’s 18, this guy is clearly an important part of her life, what’s your actual goal in saying he’s not allowed in her room? I’d be way more pleased that my young adult dd might be getting into a relationship with someone who she had a solid friendship with than trying to prevent them from being together.

True

[Anonymous]

OP here. Thanks for the responses. He’s still away for the summer so I have time to think it through.
Mostly I’m hoping they don’t date. They are not a good match for one another. They both love to “debate” everything. If they were married I imagine the arguing would be terrible.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm the "old lady" as PP called me (goodness, I just recently took an early retirement) who she thinks I hate s*x. Hahahahahahaha!

Anyway, I think I have an interesting back story. So I'm 15, turning 16 and have my first boyfriend, who is actually a year behind me in school. We are very much in love and progressing through the "bases". I'm sensible and realize things might get carried away.

I think it might be smart if we consider birth control, but this is pre-internet. He agrees. What to do?

I see a magazine ad in the back pages that lets you tick like 200 boxes for pamphlets that you are interested in and send the page to Pueblo Colorado. It is random consumer interests, like vacation spots, medical interests, historical, etc.

One of the pamphlets is "Birth Control". But I worry if I order it, what if my mom intercepts the mail? So I tick off every box that sounds remotely academic or historical, including "Birth Control". I plan to tell my mom the random 30 pamphlets are for a HS research paper.

A few weeks later, a manilla envelope arrives with my 30 pamphlets. Mom hands it to me with no clue. Success!

Boyfriend and I study the Birth Control info and conclude the Pill is the best option, with a 98% assurance, but we will use abortion as a backup if we get unlucky (despite him being Catholic).

Now, thanks to Judy Blume and "Forever", I knew about clinics. I looked in the yellow pages under Pregnancy, Women, Birth Control, etc. and called all the numbers. I think I kept getting the same Planned Parenthood location. I mainly want to know if I can be seen without parent permission. Yes I can. So I make an appointment.

One school night, I told my mom I need to go to the big library downtown to do "research" and set off for my appointment. It was kind of like a cattle call, but I eventually get called back for intake info.

The head nurse is asking me all these personal and medical questions. She then says "When did you first have intercourse". I say, never, I'm a virgin and that's why I'm here - my boyfriend and I don't want to get pregnant.

She looks up at me, stares, throws down her pencil and tells me I am the first patient in her career who has ever sought out birth control before having sex.

I'm confused, and say doesn't everyone do this so they won't get pregnant? Apparently not.

So I get my first internal exam and an Rx. My boyfriend & I wait *almost* the recommended 3-4 weeks, And we then had sex every day for the next 4 years.

Hahahahahaha, again to PP who thinks I hate sex.

I knew my mother would not approve and I felt if I was mature enough to have sex, I was mature enough to do it without needing her approval or putting her into the difficult position of knowing this info.

I respected what I knew would be her dilemma, and also as the oldest kid, I didn't want to have an effect on my younger siblings by doing anything in my parents house.

It was never an issue finding a location elsewhere.

I think I had an idyllic first love, we were together many years, but I just outgrew him. I went to college a year early, then got my AA in 1 year, so now I was 3 years ahead of him.

Then he decided college wasn't for him, meanwhile I was taking Differential Equations, Digital Circuits, Physics with Calculus, and he was working at a grocery store after HS.

We parted ways amicably with no hard feelings when I was 20 and he was 19.

Anyway, my takeaway as an adult, was it probably wasn't the healthiest thing to start having s*x so early, and most likely most young couples wouldn't have the loving experience we did, and feelings would get hurt, someone would take advantage.

So my house rule for my kids was no closed doors for the same reason I showed my own mother out of respect. If they wanted to do things elsewhere, be my guest, but I was a big proponent of birth control and eventually did take one to get birth control before college.

Anyway, I just want to thank Judy Blume for educating me as a young 15 yo about birth control and how to obtain it!

I cannot imagine this is worth reading.

NP. I'm tired of people policing others for writing long posts. Your post is the one not worth reading. I liked the long one with the personal stories.