RED FLAGS of CHILD PREDATORS

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I mean, pretty much anyone showing an unusual interest in your child (beyond the norm for their role as teacher, coach, whatever) should alert your spidey senses.

True! But then parents will have to spend time with their kids and most parents would rather neglect their child even if some low grade abuse is happening from others.

[Anonymous]

Be careful of adults who gravitate towards child centric groups or activities. Youth church groups have been a magnet for pedos in our experience. If your kids participate, volunteer at the group.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Someone who gets a child a lot of gifts. Especially expensive ones.

You mean my wealthy elderly great-aunts who would present me with expensive gifts and money? I really don't think so, PP. Boy did I love going to their houses.
Maybe don't make such a sweeping statement.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My simple philosophy was that I just did not trust other adults with my kids.

My kids knew not to go to a teachers room on their own. They had to take another classmate with them. Protected my kid and protected the teacher from false allegations.

They knew not to change in the open locker area for gym in school or swimming pool. I always gave them a men's XXL t-shirt and they put it on their head and changed clothes underneath it, making the t-shirt their own privacy tent. When they shower in a stall in the family changing rooms, I stood guard outside. Why? Because grown ass women with gray pubic hair and stretched out boobs would be walking around naked. Similarly, the clothes were changed in a changing booth with a lockable door.

We became the house which hosted people. I made it attractive for both parents and children. I would rather that I was used as a free and trusted babysitter - rather than send my kids to other people's home. And if that meant that I was feeding someone's kids 2 meals a day, and helping them do their homework, I was ok with it.

We made sure that my kid was not excluded from any social activity, and the best way to ensure that was to host all these events in our house and invite and include everyone. I did not care if people did not reciprocate. Did it cost me money, time, resources, energy etc- yes, it did.

In HS, the last thing we wanted was that our kids get into bad company, toxic relationships and bad peer pressure. So, we made sure that they were busy in their EC activities and studies. And for that we made sure that they did these activities with their friends. We made opportunities for all the kids in our circle. We made sure that all the school events were attended by them and we hosted every kid who wanted to attend. We roaped in the parents to carpool for these events and we provided the party. No bf-gf issues. No promprosal drama. No staying over in a hotel for after party nonsense. We also made sure that my kids knew about the perils of social media and they kept their digital footprints clean.

Everyone knew that my kids were under our supervision and they never got into a bad situation. I drove them to school, I was available to pick them up from their school, their EC, their tournament etc. There are many parents who were like us and we made sure that we were working the logistics together.

When my kids went to college and had talks with their dormmates, they were shocked to hear how many of them talked about poor relationship with their parents, abuse, neglect etc. It was eye-opening for them.

Finally, please be open with your kids. Explain the world to them, teach them about predators, teach them about how they can be safe, ask them their opinion.

That is a bizarre example. What makes that scary?

Because it was really happening. No modesty and shocking for my young kids. Some women are stark naked in the locker ( and usually it was old ones), casually walking around, talking to each other, being in the open. Maybe they wanted to drive away moms with kids from the pool. They succeeded. But, for me, they were just perverted predators and exibitionists. Who behaves like this? The same behavior from men would have not been accepted.

Some men are naked in their locker rooms. Please don't confuse nudity in pool locker rooms with grooming or abuse. These people have different ideas of what's acceptable in a pool locker room, that's all. If they were naked in the elevator, THAT would be exhibitionism.

[Anonymous]

I watch men *very* closely to see what their eyes do. I had suspicions around one man I knew, when our kids were at a trampoline park and I saw him very briefly glance over at a middle school girl and look her up and down. Sure enough, my instincts about him were right.

I don't give any man the benefit of the doubt and I watch them like a hawk.

[Anonymous]

At a hs sport parent interest meeting the other day.

Heard the FCA director, attending bc he attends many sports functions, talking with a parent he knows. The mom was complaining about early practice if she agreed to have her child do the sport. We’re all in this boat, but actually she lives fairly close to school.

The fca director *offered to drive this child..* the mom turned it down and actually will not be doing the sport for other reasons.

**he should know why at 5:50 am pickup DAILY for months* is not an ok arrangement. AND even one day. AND, the parent doesn’t have an actual conflict, just preferred not to. He should be 120% aware.

So, now I know my child must stay away from FCA. I don’t like the club anyway. I will tell a few other parents if I’m in person with them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My simple philosophy was that I just did not trust other adults with my kids.

My kids knew not to go to a teachers room on their own. They had to take another classmate with them. Protected my kid and protected the teacher from false allegations.

They knew not to change in the open locker area for gym in school or swimming pool. I always gave them a men's XXL t-shirt and they put it on their head and changed clothes underneath it, making the t-shirt their own privacy tent. When they shower in a stall in the family changing rooms, I stood guard outside. Why? Because grown ass women with gray pubic hair and stretched out boobs would be walking around naked. Similarly, the clothes were changed in a changing booth with a lockable door.

We became the house which hosted people. I made it attractive for both parents and children. I would rather that I was used as a free and trusted babysitter - rather than send my kids to other people's home. And if that meant that I was feeding someone's kids 2 meals a day, and helping them do their homework, I was ok with it.

We made sure that my kid was not excluded from any social activity, and the best way to ensure that was to host all these events in our house and invite and include everyone. I did not care if people did not reciprocate. Did it cost me money, time, resources, energy etc- yes, it did.

In HS, the last thing we wanted was that our kids get into bad company, toxic relationships and bad peer pressure. So, we made sure that they were busy in their EC activities and studies. And for that we made sure that they did these activities with their friends. We made opportunities for all the kids in our circle. We made sure that all the school events were attended by them and we hosted every kid who wanted to attend. We roaped in the parents to carpool for these events and we provided the party. No bf-gf issues. No promprosal drama. No staying over in a hotel for after party nonsense. We also made sure that my kids knew about the perils of social media and they kept their digital footprints clean.

Everyone knew that my kids were under our supervision and they never got into a bad situation. I drove them to school, I was available to pick them up from their school, their EC, their tournament etc. There are many parents who were like us and we made sure that we were working the logistics together.

When my kids went to college and had talks with their dormmates, they were shocked to hear how many of them talked about poor relationship with their parents, abuse, neglect etc. It was eye-opening for them.

Finally, please be open with your kids. Explain the world to them, teach them about predators, teach them about how they can be safe, ask them their opinion.

That is a bizarre example. What makes that scary?

Because it was really happening. No modesty and shocking for my young kids. Some women are stark naked in the locker ( and usually it was old ones), casually walking around, talking to each other, being in the open. Maybe they wanted to drive away moms with kids from the pool. They succeeded. But, for me, they were just perverted predators and exibitionists. Who behaves like this? The same behavior from men would have not been accepted.

Some men are naked in their locker rooms. Please don't confuse nudity in pool locker rooms with grooming or abuse. These people have different ideas of what's acceptable in a pool locker room, that's all. If they were naked in the elevator, THAT would be exhibitionism.

In 2025, or id say 3 decades ago, it’s time to teach the old ladies new tricks.
They should cease being nude in locker rooms.

We should be way past this.

Just go into a stall to change. Done.

Btw, the 60yp ladies doing this now, were 25 when I was a 5yo and this was happening. The then 60yos are 95, and have died off. So this practice has been passed down.

It is long past due for the norm to change.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My simple philosophy was that I just did not trust other adults with my kids.

My kids knew not to go to a teachers room on their own. They had to take another classmate with them. Protected my kid and protected the teacher from false allegations.

They knew not to change in the open locker area for gym in school or swimming pool. I always gave them a men's XXL t-shirt and they put it on their head and changed clothes underneath it, making the t-shirt their own privacy tent. When they shower in a stall in the family changing rooms, I stood guard outside. Why? Because grown ass women with gray pubic hair and stretched out boobs would be walking around naked. Similarly, the clothes were changed in a changing booth with a lockable door.

We became the house which hosted people. I made it attractive for both parents and children. I would rather that I was used as a free and trusted babysitter - rather than send my kids to other people's home. And if that meant that I was feeding someone's kids 2 meals a day, and helping them do their homework, I was ok with it.

We made sure that my kid was not excluded from any social activity, and the best way to ensure that was to host all these events in our house and invite and include everyone. I did not care if people did not reciprocate. Did it cost me money, time, resources, energy etc- yes, it did.

In HS, the last thing we wanted was that our kids get into bad company, toxic relationships and bad peer pressure. So, we made sure that they were busy in their EC activities and studies. And for that we made sure that they did these activities with their friends. We made opportunities for all the kids in our circle. We made sure that all the school events were attended by them and we hosted every kid who wanted to attend. We roaped in the parents to carpool for these events and we provided the party. No bf-gf issues. No promprosal drama. No staying over in a hotel for after party nonsense. We also made sure that my kids knew about the perils of social media and they kept their digital footprints clean.

Everyone knew that my kids were under our supervision and they never got into a bad situation. I drove them to school, I was available to pick them up from their school, their EC, their tournament etc. There are many parents who were like us and we made sure that we were working the logistics together.

When my kids went to college and had talks with their dormmates, they were shocked to hear how many of them talked about poor relationship with their parents, abuse, neglect etc. It was eye-opening for them.

Finally, please be open with your kids. Explain the world to them, teach them about predators, teach them about how they can be safe, ask them their opinion.

That is a bizarre example. What makes that scary?

Whoops! You outted me. That is me at the Y with my gray pubes and stretched out boobs. It says on the sign that the family locker room is next door. Enter at your own risk. We 50+ women in memo or peri do not care about walking around naked and you bringing your little children in to be frightened by our bodies.

[Anonymous]

I once helped with a sexual predator treatment program. These guys were all ages including teenagers and they were all very normal. One abused tons of kids and was deeply religious. Never caught. He only went because the church ex communicated him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My simple philosophy was that I just did not trust other adults with my kids.

My kids knew not to go to a teachers room on their own. They had to take another classmate with them. Protected my kid and protected the teacher from false allegations.

They knew not to change in the open locker area for gym in school or swimming pool. I always gave them a men's XXL t-shirt and they put it on their head and changed clothes underneath it, making the t-shirt their own privacy tent. When they shower in a stall in the family changing rooms, I stood guard outside. Why? Because grown ass women with gray pubic hair and stretched out boobs would be walking around naked. Similarly, the clothes were changed in a changing booth with a lockable door.

We became the house which hosted people. I made it attractive for both parents and children. I would rather that I was used as a free and trusted babysitter - rather than send my kids to other people's home. And if that meant that I was feeding someone's kids 2 meals a day, and helping them do their homework, I was ok with it.

We made sure that my kid was not excluded from any social activity, and the best way to ensure that was to host all these events in our house and invite and include everyone. I did not care if people did not reciprocate. Did it cost me money, time, resources, energy etc- yes, it did.

In HS, the last thing we wanted was that our kids get into bad company, toxic relationships and bad peer pressure. So, we made sure that they were busy in their EC activities and studies. And for that we made sure that they did these activities with their friends. We made opportunities for all the kids in our circle. We made sure that all the school events were attended by them and we hosted every kid who wanted to attend. We roaped in the parents to carpool for these events and we provided the party. No bf-gf issues. No promprosal drama. No staying over in a hotel for after party nonsense. We also made sure that my kids knew about the perils of social media and they kept their digital footprints clean.

Everyone knew that my kids were under our supervision and they never got into a bad situation. I drove them to school, I was available to pick them up from their school, their EC, their tournament etc. There are many parents who were like us and we made sure that we were working the logistics together.

When my kids went to college and had talks with their dormmates, they were shocked to hear how many of them talked about poor relationship with their parents, abuse, neglect etc. It was eye-opening for them.

Finally, please be open with your kids. Explain the world to them, teach them about predators, teach them about how they can be safe, ask them their opinion.

That is a bizarre example. What makes that scary?

Because it was really happening. No modesty and shocking for my young kids. Some women are stark naked in the locker ( and usually it was old ones), casually walking around, talking to each other, being in the open. Maybe they wanted to drive away moms with kids from the pool. They succeeded. But, for me, they were just perverted predators and exibitionists. Who behaves like this? The same behavior from men would have not been accepted.

Some men are naked in their locker rooms. Please don't confuse nudity in pool locker rooms with grooming or abuse. These people have different ideas of what's acceptable in a pool locker room, that's all. If they were naked in the elevator, THAT would be exhibitionism.

In 2025, or id say 3 decades ago, it’s time to teach the old ladies new tricks.
They should cease being nude in locker rooms.

We should be way past this.

Just go into a stall to change. Done.

Btw, the 60yp ladies doing this now, were 25 when I was a 5yo and this was happening. The then 60yos are 95, and have died off. So this practice has been passed down.

It is long past due for the norm to change.

What? The whole point of a locker room is to change. You don't to go to a stall. The whole locker room is a stall. This is such a strange take.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Adults, who aren't your kids grandparents, who want to have "special" one on one outings with kids. Red flag.

Or, who are your grandparents.

From the OP,
"I do know when a child doesn’t feel like giving anyone (like a visiting relative) a hug, it’s important to always support that decision no matter the situation."

I will add, if your kid does not want to be alone with, or "watched" by a relative, or go off somewhere special with that relative...if they cry and beg not to go, LISTEN TO THEM. (my childhood experience, not my DS thankfully)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The ones who do it don't have any red flags. That's how they get away with it. Keep your eyes on your own kids.

This.
Teachers, doctors, clergy, inlaws, friends, babysitters, etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The ones who do it don't have any red flags. That's how they get away with it. Keep your eyes on your own kids.

This.
Teachers, doctors, clergy, inlaws, friends, babysitters, etc.

I still think there is going to be an unusual interest in the child or offer to "help" you or the child that is outside the norm. A ride, an extra visit, tutoring, free babysitting, too much flattery, etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
Great idea from another forum. Thank you! Please share any possible red flags and grooming tricks used by child predators. Grooming techniques are commonly used on parents and children, plus any other adults around.

Sometimes a predator will do something highly inappropriate to his own child in front of another potential victim child, just to make it appear perfectly normal.

I think sometimes children might freeze up, not knowing for sure how to respond. Depending on your own child, maybe it’s helpful to role model saying “Get away from me!”

I do know when a child doesn’t feel like giving anyone (like a visiting relative) a hug, it’s important to always support that decision no matter the situation.

When children are play fighting and one says “stop!”, I always make sure that demand is instantly obeyed. Absolutely no reasons are expected. No means no. Period.

Our children deserve basic safety. It’s not really their job to fend for themselves. It’s our job to stay vigilant. No classroom, daycare, play date, sport, sleepover, trip, or drive is worth risking our child’s basic safety. If you don’t feel 110% confident in accessing someone, always ask around before you ever entrust them to be responsible for your child.

It doesn’t matter if it’s a teacher, coach, tutor, neighbor, relative, friend’s parent, sitter, minister, priest, rabbi or party entertainer. No one should get alone time or easy access opportunities with your child without your careful, continued scrutiny.

We had a serial predator teacher in high school. He used common grooming tactics: He'd always befriend the parents first. That way they'd be like "oh we trust him, he would never" and then he'd pick one girl out freshman year - the pretty but insecure one - and start befriedning her, getting her to confide in him. When she'd turn 18 senior year, he'd start a sexual reltationship. He was known as the teacher you'd go to to confide in and he'd tape up the windowns to the classroom while he had a "chat" with students. When he was arrested, students parents and teachers all defended him. he once slipped his finger down my buttcrack (in front of 3 other students), once pecked my friend on the lips after she went to confide in him, and another friend he'd always pull out of classes to give her extra help, which she never asked for, adn teachers would let him. So, needless to say, I did not defend him.

I guess I'd say look for subtle boundary pushing. Always Keep professional boundaries. But with my dcs I always went with the balance of teaching them what to look out for, without making them paranoid, and letting them do nromal kid things. The kids who are highly shielded are often the most vulnerable. They have to slowly learn to deal with situations on their own.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My simple philosophy was that I just did not trust other adults with my kids.

My kids knew not to go to a teachers room on their own. They had to take another classmate with them. Protected my kid and protected the teacher from false allegations.

They knew not to change in the open locker area for gym in school or swimming pool. I always gave them a men's XXL t-shirt and they put it on their head and changed clothes underneath it, making the t-shirt their own privacy tent. When they shower in a stall in the family changing rooms, I stood guard outside. Why? Because grown ass women with gray pubic hair and stretched out boobs would be walking around naked. Similarly, the clothes were changed in a changing booth with a lockable door.

We became the house which hosted people. I made it attractive for both parents and children. I would rather that I was used as a free and trusted babysitter - rather than send my kids to other people's home. And if that meant that I was feeding someone's kids 2 meals a day, and helping them do their homework, I was ok with it.

We made sure that my kid was not excluded from any social activity, and the best way to ensure that was to host all these events in our house and invite and include everyone. I did not care if people did not reciprocate. Did it cost me money, time, resources, energy etc- yes, it did.

In HS, the last thing we wanted was that our kids get into bad company, toxic relationships and bad peer pressure. So, we made sure that they were busy in their EC activities and studies. And for that we made sure that they did these activities with their friends. We made opportunities for all the kids in our circle. We made sure that all the school events were attended by them and we hosted every kid who wanted to attend. We roaped in the parents to carpool for these events and we provided the party. No bf-gf issues. No promprosal drama. No staying over in a hotel for after party nonsense. We also made sure that my kids knew about the perils of social media and they kept their digital footprints clean.

Everyone knew that my kids were under our supervision and they never got into a bad situation. I drove them to school, I was available to pick them up from their school, their EC, their tournament etc. There are many parents who were like us and we made sure that we were working the logistics together.

When my kids went to college and had talks with their dormmates, they were shocked to hear how many of them talked about poor relationship with their parents, abuse, neglect etc. It was eye-opening for them.

Finally, please be open with your kids. Explain the world to them, teach them about predators, teach them about how they can be safe, ask them their opinion.

That is a bizarre example. What makes that scary?

Because it was really happening. No modesty and shocking for my young kids. Some women are stark naked in the locker ( and usually it was old ones), casually walking around, talking to each other, being in the open. Maybe they wanted to drive away moms with kids from the pool. They succeeded. But, for me, they were just perverted predators and exibitionists. Who behaves like this? The same behavior from men would have not been accepted.

Some men are naked in their locker rooms. Please don't confuse nudity in pool locker rooms with grooming or abuse. These people have different ideas of what's acceptable in a pool locker room, that's all. If they were naked in the elevator, THAT would be exhibitionism.

In 2025, or id say 3 decades ago, it’s time to teach the old ladies new tricks.
They should cease being nude in locker rooms.

We should be way past this.

Just go into a stall to change. Done.

Btw, the 60yp ladies doing this now, were 25 when I was a 5yo and this was happening. The then 60yos are 95, and have died off. So this practice has been passed down.

It is long past due for the norm to change.

What? The whole point of a locker room is to change. You don't to go to a stall. The whole locker room is a stall. This is such a strange take.

Locker rooms have stalls. So that people can change. But, if someone needs to not go to the stalls to change they can still do it by turning away from people. Not stroll around like pervs and show their ugly hoohah to young children. They have to have some sense of decency.