How frequent is sex in your relationship?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Mid-forties. Married almost 20 years. Maybe 2-3x/wk. We take a sex-cation once or twice a year and plan them with a couple of “friends.”
We both work non-traditional schedules and have sex days when the kids are at school. That happens once every month or two.

Having sex while the kids are at school (1x per month) has provided some regularity. But with our work schedules, they tend to be a bit rushed.

What are sex-cations with “friends?”

[Anonymous]

40F. Was married to a man 7 years older, we had sex 1-2 times a month. He wasn’t interested.

Now divorced and dating a 36M. We have sex almost every time we see each other, which is 2-3 times a week. We sext all day long and have even gotten frisky in the car a few times.

Life is just too short to not have great sex often, if that’s what you want.

[Anonymous]

I just don't believe these numbers - definitely a self selecting crowd answering.
We are once every two weeks and that is very normal among my friends as well when we discuss our sex lives with our significant others all having been married for 15 plus years.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What’s your age and marital status too?

It’s come to a standstill in my relationship, and it’s very demoralizing.

46, sex 6x a week.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I just don't believe these numbers - definitely a self selecting crowd answering.
We are once every two weeks and that is very normal among my friends as well when we discuss our sex lives with our significant others all having been married for 15 plus years.

You can believe whatever you want. Maybe your friends are lying to make you feel better. But yes, DH and I have been married well over 20some years and we have sex nearly every single day. Just how we are. And yes, we have 5 children.

[Anonymous]

late 40s, Together almost 30 years, about twice/week on average. I just started HRT and am feeling much better after a very unpredictable cycle that made me feel like crap all the time and wanting it only about twice/month. I'm not a fan of "maintenance" sex. I'm not a sex doll. And he doesn't want to just stick it in someone who is feeling horrible and doesn't want it. For us, QUALITY and desire is just as important. Focusing on number of times is juvenile. We have amazing sex and don't just hammer it home. That's what masturbating is for, at least to us.

[Anonymous]

49 years old, married 18 years. Sex 1-2 times a month but being honest, that's a good month. So probably like 10-15 times a year.

Been like this since oldest was born 16 years ago. It sucks. In my 30s and early 40s it was like the biggest problem but now that I am getting older, I don't care as much. Which is kind of sad.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I just don't believe these numbers - definitely a self selecting crowd answering.
We are once every two weeks and that is very normal among my friends as well when we discuss our sex lives with our significant others all having been married for 15 plus years.

You can believe whatever you want. Maybe your friends are lying to make you feel better. But yes, DH and I have been married well over 20some years and we have sex nearly every single day. Just how we are. And yes, we have 5 children.

lol…we also have sex frequently and have a lot of children.
It’s almost like those things are related

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:49 years old, married 18 years. Sex 1-2 times a month but being honest, that's a good month. So probably like 10-15 times a year.

Been like this since oldest was born 16 years ago. It sucks. In my 30s and early 40s it was like the biggest problem but now that I am getting older, I don't care as much. Which is kind of sad.

That is very very sad.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:49 years old, married 18 years. Sex 1-2 times a month but being honest, that's a good month. So probably like 10-15 times a year.

Been like this since oldest was born 16 years ago. It sucks. In my 30s and early 40s it was like the biggest problem but now that I am getting older, I don't care as much. Which is kind of sad.

That is very very sad.

Totally agree. We went to counseling and the counsel noted that by definition we were in a sexless marriage (10x a year or less, which was true at the time).

Thing is, we are both conventionally attractive and in shape. Just one of us isn't much of a sexual being.

I totally understand why people cheat. I wouldn't at this point, but I get it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Mid-forties. Married almost 20 years. Maybe 2-3x/wk. We take a sex-cation once or twice a year and plan them with a couple of “friends.”
We both work non-traditional schedules and have sex days when the kids are at school. That happens once every month or two.

Having sex while the kids are at school (1x per month) has provided some regularity. But with our work schedules, they tend to be a bit rushed.

What are sex-cations with “friends?”

Friends that we only see when we take adult vacations together.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I wish men understood how much more important sex is to women than it is to them. I think women bond through sex far more than men

Woman here- that is not my experience at all.

Man here. Also not my experience at all.

Woman here. This is my experience. It was important to both of us when we were younger. During the baby years, it was tricky for me, but I made sure to keep him happy. Now that his libido has tanked and mine hasn’t in midlife, he thinks if he’s happy, everyone’s happy, and I should just deal. I talk to him about it, he either tells me he will do better and then doesn’t, or somehow finds a way to blame me or just be downright annoyed with me. Now we watch TV at night, and some nights I just lie there and cry quietly. He doesn’t know how much I fantasize about other men. Even though I would never actually cheat on him, it makes me uneasy, as my thoughts have become pretty intense, and I don’t know what the future holds. Not fair.

[Anonymous]

Outside of counseling, what has help to increase frequency?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:60 F 55 M and none for a year. I’m interested but he isn’t. We’ve been dating 3 yrs and I want to break up..

You should break up. I am 50 male and I noticed a massive drop in my libido. I am currently single and a high libido woman would be a bad match for me.

What do you suggest for a married woman in this situation?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I wish men understood how much more important sex is to women than it is to them. I think women bond through sex far more than men

Woman here- that is not my experience at all.

Man here. Also not my experience at all.

Woman here. This is my experience. It was important to both of us when we were younger. During the baby years, it was tricky for me, but I made sure to keep him happy. Now that his libido has tanked and mine hasn’t in midlife, he thinks if he’s happy, everyone’s happy, and I should just deal. I talk to him about it, he either tells me he will do better and then doesn’t, or somehow finds a way to blame me or just be downright annoyed with me. Now we watch TV at night, and some nights I just lie there and cry quietly. He doesn’t know how much I fantasize about other men. Even though I would never actually cheat on him, it makes me uneasy, as my thoughts have become pretty intense, and I don’t know what the future holds. Not fair.

I can see that. I’m not in this position, but I can see how it feels more isolating and crazy-making as a woman than it does as a man. Men are supposed to be in this situation. Women aren’t.