Is it over when you can't seem to do the following actions anymore..?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, are you sure he isn’t gay? I had a friend whose husband had similar “off” behaviors and concerns and it turned out he realized he is gay. They had children as well. They ended up divorcing and through much therapy for all, they are in a much better place. Strangely he now also has a better relationship with the kids than he did when they were living as a family.

OP here. I would be 1,000,000% shocked if he was. He only talks with other guys (co-workers, people he has befriended online due to shared interests/hobbies).

He definitely likes s*x with me, and I am a woman, so.. I think it's pretty farfetched. After I confronted him about being a misogynist, he insisted he is not, so I don't know, I guess..

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So you have threatened to leave with the kids. Why on earth would you leave YOUR home? Do you work and have a good salary? If not, employment should be high on your list. Or, use your family cash supply and return to school. Next, you are worried about custody? Do you really think this detached guy will want his kids 50% of the time? Make a decision.

Great point ..
All the wives of these cheating lackluster detached men seem to think so.
It always the excuse for them not to leave.

OP here. Yes, I do think he would. I envision a "sticking it to you" type mentality.

His parents are extremely vindictive and would also tell him to do the same. I have known them all for nearly 20 years. They would 1000% tell him to do this, if he didn't come up with it on his own.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, are you sure he isn’t gay? I had a friend whose husband had similar “off” behaviors and concerns and it turned out he realized he is gay. They had children as well. They ended up divorcing and through much therapy for all, they are in a much better place. Strangely he now also has a better relationship with the kids than he did when they were living as a family.

Why are men's sexuality so questioned as soon as they have a lower sex drive that other men? I sincerely hope that once my sex drive slows down my wife won't run to this forum and start asking all these women if I am gay.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, are you sure he isn’t gay? I had a friend whose husband had similar “off” behaviors and concerns and it turned out he realized he is gay. They had children as well. They ended up divorcing and through much therapy for all, they are in a much better place. Strangely he now also has a better relationship with the kids than he did when they were living as a family.

Why are men's sexuality so questioned as soon as they have a lower sex drive that other men? I sincerely hope that once my sex drive slows down my wife won't run to this forum and start asking all these women if I am gay.

It’s the inherent misandry of DCUMad.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, are you sure he isn’t gay? I had a friend whose husband had similar “off” behaviors and concerns and it turned out he realized he is gay. They had children as well. They ended up divorcing and through much therapy for all, they are in a much better place. Strangely he now also has a better relationship with the kids than he did when they were living as a family.

OP here. I would be 1,000,000% shocked if he was. He only talks with other guys (co-workers, people he has befriended online due to shared interests/hobbies).

He definitely likes s*x with me, and I am a woman, so.. I think it's pretty farfetched. After I confronted him about being a misogynist, he insisted he is not, so I don't know, I guess..

Anyone who thinks rape is funny ( especially with daughters) is f’d in the head. Do you expect him to admit to you that he is f’d in the head?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, are you sure he isn’t gay? I had a friend whose husband had similar “off” behaviors and concerns and it turned out he realized he is gay. They had children as well. They ended up divorcing and through much therapy for all, they are in a much better place. Strangely he now also has a better relationship with the kids than he did when they were living as a family.

Why are men's sexuality so questioned as soon as they have a lower sex drive that other men? I sincerely hope that once my sex drive slows down my wife won't run to this forum and start asking all these women if I am gay.

OP here. Just for clarification, he doesn't have a low drive- that would be me (shocker). Due to a lot of issues, the frequency has suffered a lot..

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, are you sure he isn’t gay? I had a friend whose husband had similar “off” behaviors and concerns and it turned out he realized he is gay. They had children as well. They ended up divorcing and through much therapy for all, they are in a much better place. Strangely he now also has a better relationship with the kids than he did when they were living as a family.

OP here. I would be 1,000,000% shocked if he was. He only talks with other guys (co-workers, people he has befriended online due to shared interests/hobbies).

He definitely likes s*x with me, and I am a woman, so.. I think it's pretty farfetched. After I confronted him about being a misogynist, he insisted he is not, so I don't know, I guess..

Anyone who thinks rape is funny ( especially with daughters) is f’d in the head. Do you expect him to admit to you that he is f’d in the head?

OP here.

Rationally, no, I don't, and he defended his messages and memes, which I was expecting.

I'm just having an extremely hard time with the fact that I wasn't meant to see the messages, but did, and know that, despite what he says, he has to connect and agree with what he said on some level.

Had I not seen them, I would have gone on, still being unhappy for various other reasons, but not thinking about him in an awful new light.

He was the main driver of all of the content, and after I confronted him, he took a "week off" and what he has sent, hasn't been in that nature for now.

It just completely creeps me out thinking that I missed the signs and red flags all this time..

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, are you sure he isn’t gay? I had a friend whose husband had similar “off” behaviors and concerns and it turned out he realized he is gay. They had children as well. They ended up divorcing and through much therapy for all, they are in a much better place. Strangely he now also has a better relationship with the kids than he did when they were living as a family.

OP here. I would be 1,000,000% shocked if he was. He only talks with other guys (co-workers, people he has befriended online due to shared interests/hobbies).

He definitely likes s*x with me, and I am a woman, so.. I think it's pretty farfetched. After I confronted him about being a misogynist, he insisted he is not, so I don't know, I guess..

Anyone who thinks rape is funny ( especially with daughters) is f’d in the head. Do you expect him to admit to you that he is f’d in the head?

OP here.

Rationally, no, I don't, and he defended his messages and memes, which I was expecting.

I'm just having an extremely hard time with the fact that I wasn't meant to see the messages, but did, and know that, despite what he says, he has to connect and agree with what he said on some level.

Had I not seen them, I would have gone on, still being unhappy for various other reasons, but not thinking about him in an awful new light.

He was the main driver of all of the content, and after I confronted him, he took a "week off" and what he has sent, hasn't been in that nature for now.

It just completely creeps me out thinking that I missed the signs and red flags all this time..

Sorry, OP. I sounds like you made your point and probably won't be confronted with it again. Hopefully, you can move forward and eventually let it go.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, are you sure he isn’t gay? I had a friend whose husband had similar “off” behaviors and concerns and it turned out he realized he is gay. They had children as well. They ended up divorcing and through much therapy for all, they are in a much better place. Strangely he now also has a better relationship with the kids than he did when they were living as a family.

OP here. I would be 1,000,000% shocked if he was. He only talks with other guys (co-workers, people he has befriended online due to shared interests/hobbies).

He definitely likes s*x with me, and I am a woman, so.. I think it's pretty farfetched. After I confronted him about being a misogynist, he insisted he is not, so I don't know, I guess..

Anyone who thinks rape is funny ( especially with daughters) is f’d in the head. Do you expect him to admit to you that he is f’d in the head?

OP here.

Rationally, no, I don't, and he defended his messages and memes, which I was expecting.

I'm just having an extremely hard time with the fact that I wasn't meant to see the messages, but did, and know that, despite what he says, he has to connect and agree with what he said on some level.

Had I not seen them, I would have gone on, still being unhappy for various other reasons, but not thinking about him in an awful new light.

He was the main driver of all of the content, and after I confronted him, he took a "week off" and what he has sent, hasn't been in that nature for now.

It just completely creeps me out thinking that I missed the signs and red flags all this time..

Sorry, OP. I sounds like you made your point and probably won't be confronted with it again. Hopefully, you can move forward and eventually let it go.

OP here. I appreciate your reply.

[Anonymous]

10 years after an affair I can finally say I love you without then thinking I hate you.

It might take time.

[Anonymous]

This is an awfully long post.

13’yeats married and kids, then suddenly you have a baby and he is so neglectful and selfish?

Or he was that way the whole time? I don’t get it.

He seems extremely immature or he’s being passive aggressive so you divorce him. Cuz he thinks he’ll look bad if he divorces you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So you have threatened to leave with the kids. Why on earth would you leave YOUR home? Do you work and have a good salary? If not, employment should be high on your list. Or, use your family cash supply and return to school. Next, you are worried about custody? Do you really think this detached guy will want his kids 50% of the time? Make a decision.

Great point ..
All the wives of these cheating lackluster detached men seem to think so.
It always the excuse for them not to leave.

OP here. Yes, I do think he would. I envision a "sticking it to you" type mentality.

His parents are extremely vindictive and would also tell him to do the same. I have known them all for nearly 20 years. They would 1000% tell him to do this, if he didn't come up with it on his own.

I believe this.

For who and image he willy see the kids 50% of the time, do nothing, bring his mom in or a new girlfriend to do child’s care and schedules.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I hope you don’t have kids with him. He shouldn’t be influencing kids with that stuff

They have 3 kids, one of whom is a baby.

They don't have a baby. OP has a baby:

[At] a medical appointment for my baby

Did OP clarify he is the father or parent?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So you have threatened to leave with the kids. Why on earth would you leave YOUR home? Do you work and have a good salary? If not, employment should be high on your list. Or, use your family cash supply and return to school. Next, you are worried about custody? Do you really think this detached guy will want his kids 50% of the time? Make a decision.

Great point ..
All the wives of these cheating lackluster detached men seem to think so.
It always the excuse for them not to leave.

OP here. Yes, I do think he would. I envision a "sticking it to you" type mentality.

His parents are extremely vindictive and would also tell him to do the same. I have known them all for nearly 20 years. They would 1000% tell him to do this, if he didn't come up with it on his own.

Ugh

[Anonymous]

OP can you do a separation? Ask him to move out while you both think about whether you want to save the marriage.

Sorry you are going through this. I am also considering divorce on a daily basis but the custody issue with kids is holding me back.