BF said choose marriage or a career

[Anonymous]

🚩 🚩 🚩

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:And if the tables were turned what would you tell yourself? What would your friends tell you? I feel like people here would tell you that OF COURSE HE SHOULD TAKE THE JOB, NO QUESTION.

I don’t care about what friends would say. They aren’t in the relationship and I don’t include others in my relationship.

Yet here you are asking others what you should do

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If he wants to marry you, why isn't there a ring on your finger? Why hasn't he proposed yet? he wants you to turn down a great job when you aren't even engaged? F that.

He’s dangling the possibility of marriage not actually proposing so no thank you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would break up with him, because he's not supportive of my career goals. The two year job could extend to longer. It could lead to another job in another even more fun location.

Just the fact that he isn't supportive AND issued an ultimatum makes him not a man worth marrying in my eyes.

This. He is showing zero flexibility. I’m not saying he doesn’t love you. But he’s willing to let you go because he doesn’t want to move. That’s not behavior that a supportive partner exhibits. There are going to be a lot of compromises in a long marriage. It’s very concerning that he’s willing to have the relationship end because he just wants to stay put. Now is the time to try new cities and things while still in your early thirties. You can still get engaged and married and start a family on a different coast.

If it was me, I’d think carefully about ending the relationship not because I want this job so badly, but because he’s response and demands are indicative of some highly inflexible behavior and struggles to come. Take it from a 42 year old with a bit more life experience. Make a decision that’s true to you.

[Anonymous]

If the love was strong enough he would be able to manage the 2 year delay in plans to support you. Some will say if your love was strong enough you would give up this opportunity, but then only you loose. He is adamant you loose out to make him happy or loose out on him.

[Anonymous]

He is selfish. Better to leave now than deal with him demanding you give up yourself for all his future wants.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I got offered an amazing job that will boost my career and open the doors for a better opportunity. The position is another state for two years. My boyfriend of 1.5 years doesn’t want me to go. He flat out told me he loves me and doesn’t want to wait for two years to start our lives together. He is ready to marry me and start a family and I have to decide if I want be with him or choose my career. I feel like I will lose in some way whichever I choose. I don’t know if I will find another guy I want to marry or how this will affect my career. I don’t want to choose.

If YOU don't want to choose, and HE is making you choose, HE is NOT the right man for you. Full stop.

Go grab the amazing job and have the doors of better opportunities opened to you. Trust me when I tell you that if you don't, not very long down the road you'll be staring down the barrel of a mediocre marriage to a selfish whinging arsehole for whom you gave up the best opportunities of your life and you'll hate yourself for it.

There are 4 billion men out there - the vast majority of them are not worth sacrificing a rich, full life with career, family, friends, children if you choose or not, travel, relocations, career changes etc. dictated by your own desires/needs and not by perpetually compromising your dreams to feed a grown a** man's fragile ego.

[Anonymous]

I think more info is needed. Based on both of your jobs how often realistically would you be able to see each other? That distance is a lot more challenging than getting back and forth to Boston or NY. After the two years would you be sent back here or asked to stay or go somewhere else?

[Anonymous]

Team OP
Your BF was lame for even suggesting that as a BF of one year …

Congratulations on that new job!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:🚩 🚩 🚩

Yes, OP is the queen of red flags. She's 30 and wants to run off across the country.

[Anonymous]

Well, do you want to be 32 with a great job and promising career in this other state, and single?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's not really an ultimatum to say the relationship is over if the other person moves across the country on their own.

Oh please. When the draft was in effect, men went off to the military and girlfriends/wives waited for them. People travel for medical fellowships, for Fulbright Scholarships, and their significant others either go with or wait for them.

The military is the worst possible example. It’s a hotbed of cheating, especially in wartime.

[Anonymous]

What is his career situation/job prospects?

What will you want to do re: career and kids two years from now?

[Anonymous]

I’d focus less on the specific decision and more on how the two of you make life decisions . Are you able to discuss the pros and cons of such decisions for each person and the relationship and make a decision that’s best overall, or is he just issuing ultimatums? Marriage is a series of hard decisions and compromises, but if you start out with ultimatums of “my way or the highway” you are setting yourselves up for long-term failure. But also be wary of promises that “this time you take the compromise and next time I will,” because if you set back your career now, there is a risk that it will always take second place to his career. It’s truly hard to equally prioritize two careers over the course of a marriage. It can be done, but it takes a lot of intentional communication and sacrifice by both people.

[Anonymous]

OP, the women on this site are the ones who will tell you to give up a man for career advancement every time. Take a stroll down through the rest of this site and ask yourself if you want to be like them.