BF said choose marriage or a career

[Anonymous]

Ultimatum isn't a good PC word but, at least the message is straightforward. I'm not doing this relationship long distance. I'm not considering us committed if you make the decision that you are leaving.

If the partner were truly insisting on an anti-career future for the other partner, that's controlling and not healthy. I don't think that is what's happening here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ugh. It's so pathetic to see a woman give up her promotion because some insecure man child tells her to. I thought society had advanced further than that.

Ugh. It’s so pathetic to see a woman act as if their partners opinion and timeline isn’t worthy. Op can go but her bf will move on and she will be the sad 30 something trying to find a husband before her biological clock goes out.

If your gf told you not to take a promotion you'd seriously do it? I highly doubt it. You'd tell her to kick rocks. Your misogyny just won't let you support women the same way.

He's not a fiance. He's not a husband. He's a bf. I think I'd struggle to call someone a "partner" who acts like a child and gives ultimatums like this.

I’m a woman. If my bf and I had talked about future and were close to moving in together and engagement, I would be blindsided and upset he would consider leaving me for two years for $20k more. I would seriously worry he isn’t that serious about me and end the relationship. I wouldn’t leave in that situation. Money can always be earned but your person can’t be replaced easily and time doesn’t wait. There are many 30+ women still waiting on that fairytale life. A 33yo man making at least $300k that wants marriage and kids will have a lot of options. Op probably won’t be as lucky.

You aren't a woman .

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ugh. It's so pathetic to see a woman give up her promotion because some insecure man child tells her to. I thought society had advanced further than that.

Ugh. It’s so pathetic to see a woman act as if their partners opinion and timeline isn’t worthy. Op can go but her bf will move on and she will be the sad 30 something trying to find a husband before her biological clock goes out.

If your gf told you not to take a promotion you'd seriously do it? I highly doubt it. You'd tell her to kick rocks. Your misogyny just won't let you support women the same way.

He's not a fiance. He's not a husband. He's a bf. I think I'd struggle to call someone a "partner" who acts like a child and gives ultimatums like this.

You are childish. There's nothing wrong with one person wanting to pursue career and there's nothing wrong with one person noy being on board for a big move.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ugh. It's so pathetic to see a woman give up her promotion because some insecure man child tells her to. I thought society had advanced further than that.

Ugh. It’s so pathetic to see a woman act as if their partners opinion and timeline isn’t worthy. Op can go but her bf will move on and she will be the sad 30 something trying to find a husband before her biological clock goes out.

If your gf told you not to take a promotion you'd seriously do it? I highly doubt it. You'd tell her to kick rocks. Your misogyny just won't let you support women the same way.

He's not a fiance. He's not a husband. He's a bf. I think I'd struggle to call someone a "partner" who acts like a child and gives ultimatums like this.

I’m a woman. If my bf and I had talked about future and were close to moving in together and engagement, I would be blindsided and upset he would consider leaving me for two years for $20k more. I would seriously worry he isn’t that serious about me and end the relationship. I wouldn’t leave in that situation. Money can always be earned but your person can’t be replaced easily and time doesn’t wait. There are many 30+ women still waiting on that fairytale life. A 33yo man making at least $300k that wants marriage and kids will have a lot of options. Op probably won’t be as lucky.

You aren't a woman .

I am. Lovely for you to my question my gender because I don’t believe your dumb take.

[Anonymous]

The man who thinks you are worth waiting for is out there

No, not in your 30's. This is not some teenage dumb love story. People make their decisions, and others move on. OP, I think you are being very immature to present your situation as -only- a choice of two extremes: getting-married vs a career. Immature

[Anonymous]

Op, these are the turning points that bring life decisions into focus. If engagement will keep you in your current location, with him, remember: an engagement = a ring and a date. A date on the calendar, not some promise/understanding of something in the future. A ring, if you want it.

I don't think you want it. I think your choice of words tells it all: BF said choose marriage or a career. I don't believe it. I don't believe this was his message but if you believe it was his message than you're mad about it, you know already that you're mad about it, and you should leave him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Look within 1-2 hours locally for the same job. No way would I do that big of a move for 20K. Not even 30K.

How would you plan your big wedding from Colorado? That means you wouldn't even be getting married for at least 3 years, assuming you come back after 2.

Nursing is a great career for moms. Know what is even better? Take the next 1.5 years and get your Nurse Practitioner. Or do that after you get married. My step-daughter did that while working 1-2 12hour shifts per week.

Then she did her DNP (online at UF) and now oversees 1200 NPs & PAs and just entered her 40's.

She has 3 kids and plenty of hands on time.

You can have a high powered nursing career right where you are with a partner you love and are already planning to marry. Travel nursing is a great way to ease into retirement.

I don’t want to go back to school or get my DNP. I want to work my way up and that’s it.

Ok, so you don't really want to excel in a nursing career by getting your NP (which nowadays is really the minimum a serious nurse should strive for) or a DNP. But you want to fly away across the country for 20K, when getting your NP could literally double your salary upon graduation in 18 months. A NP is the easiest way you work your way up. Having a RN or BSN, plus some experience in Colorado? Big deal?

GIRRRRLLLLLL.... If you are so career oriented that you are willing to leave BF for 2 years, for goodness sakes, get your damn NP locally and be making the same $$$ 2 years from now that you think this travel nursing assignment is somehow going to give you.

You work your way up in nursing by going from RN to BSN to NP to DNP. Either you are nursing career oriented or you are not. Sorry, you really sound like you are not that serious of a career minded nurse. Just chasing after travel nursing dollars.

Good luck to you and to your BF.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Obviously you're going to choose career here. You will break up. Good luck and have fun chasing dick in your new state.

+100

When he doesn’t ask you to marry him 2 years from now or breaks up with you, you will regret not taking the job.

Also he doesn’t seem supportive of your career - is that really the type of husband you want?

Take the job. And even if you don’t take the job - move on and look for someone who acts like a true partner.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Look within 1-2 hours locally for the same job. No way would I do that big of a move for 20K. Not even 30K.

How would you plan your big wedding from Colorado? That means you wouldn't even be getting married for at least 3 years, assuming you come back after 2.

Nursing is a great career for moms. Know what is even better? Take the next 1.5 years and get your Nurse Practitioner. Or do that after you get married. My step-daughter did that while working 1-2 12hour shifts per week.

Then she did her DNP (online at UF) and now oversees 1200 NPs & PAs and just entered her 40's.

She has 3 kids and plenty of hands on time.

You can have a high powered nursing career right where you are with a partner you love and are already planning to marry. Travel nursing is a great way to ease into retirement.

I don’t want to go back to school or get my DNP. I want to work my way up and that’s it.

Ok, so you don't really want to excel in a nursing career by getting your NP (which nowadays is really the minimum a serious nurse should strive for) or a DNP. But you want to fly away across the country for 20K, when getting your NP could literally double your salary upon graduation in 18 months. A NP is the easiest way you work your way up. Having a RN or BSN, plus some experience in Colorado? Big deal?

GIRRRRLLLLLL.... If you are so career oriented that you are willing to leave BF for 2 years, for goodness sakes, get your damn NP locally and be making the same $$$ 2 years from now that you think this travel nursing assignment is somehow going to give you.

You work your way up in nursing by going from RN to BSN to NP to DNP. Either you are nursing career oriented or you are not. Sorry, you really sound like you are not that serious of a career minded nurse. Just chasing after travel nursing dollars.

Good luck to you and to your BF.

Tell me you know nothing about nursing.

You need a DNP to become a nurse practitioner in many states now. Not everyone wants to plunge themselves into debt and go 3 years for a DNP. A NP program is 2 years and expensive. Both are brutal programs with a high burnout rate and most nurses don’t work during that time.

Becoming a nurse practitioner and getting a DNP for general nursing are two different things. Many nurses with a BSN are great and don’t need to further their degrees to feel like they are goal driven. That’s pretty insulting.

[Anonymous]

Men are a dime a dozen, good jobs are hard to come by.

[Anonymous]

Try to analyze if you are really into this relationship or not? If you were, you wouldn't be moving for $20k, you would be getting engaged and working on your career locally.

[Anonymous]

Are you hoping to find someone else there before you commit to him?

[Anonymous]

and keeping him as a backup plan?

[Anonymous]

Women are always making sacrifices for their husbands, why can't men do that?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Women are always making sacrifices for their husbands, why can't men do that?

Many men make sacrifices. Work more so the woman can make less of stay home, have more kids then they want, live where she wants, etc.