BF said choose marriage or a career

[Anonymous]

I got offered an amazing job that will boost my career and open the doors for a better opportunity. The position is another state for two years. My boyfriend of 1.5 years doesn’t want me to go. He flat out told me he loves me and doesn’t want to wait for two years to start our lives together. He is ready to marry me and start a family and I have to decide if I want be with him or choose my career. I feel like I will lose in some way whichever I choose. I don’t know if I will find another guy I want to marry or how this will affect my career. I don’t want to choose.

[Anonymous]

If he cared about your growth and wishes, he wouldn’t push you away from this awesome opportunity. He would be figuring out a way to make the distance tenable.

Don’t shrink yourself or dim your light for a man. He’s your boyfriend. Not your husband (and if he were I’d still say run).

[Anonymous]

Your age is relevant here. How old are you? BF?

[Anonymous]

I mean you go girl, girl power etc. but i hope you're curing cancer or something real and not just climbing dumb corporate ladders.

[Anonymous]

And how far is the other state? Missing important details here.

[Anonymous]

How old are you? What’s his job situation (can he come after a year/ do some remote work/ find a new job)? How far away is “one state” - very different if Philly from DC vs Houston to Albuquerque.

But overall not a great sign that he’s digging his heals in vs talking about compromises (you try it for a year, etc), how he might flex to support you, etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your age is relevant here. How old are you? BF?

I just turned 30. Bf is 33.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:And how far is the other state? Missing important details here.

I don’t want to give exact details but the state will be a 3.5 hour plane ride from here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How old are you? What’s his job situation (can he come after a year/ do some remote work/ find a new job)? How far away is “one state” - very different if Philly from DC vs Houston to Albuquerque.

But overall not a great sign that he’s digging his heals in vs talking about compromises (you try it for a year, etc), how he might flex to support you, etc.

Why should he give up a year of his life pursuing someone who wants to start a family so someone can go be girl boss

[Anonymous]

And if the tables were turned what would you tell yourself? What would your friends tell you? I feel like people here would tell you that OF COURSE HE SHOULD TAKE THE JOB, NO QUESTION.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How old are you? What’s his job situation (can he come after a year/ do some remote work/ find a new job)? How far away is “one state” - very different if Philly from DC vs Houston to Albuquerque.

But overall not a great sign that he’s digging his heals in vs talking about compromises (you try it for a year, etc), how he might flex to support you, etc.

I’m 30. He will not get a job and move to a state that I will only be in for two years. The state is 3.5 hour flight trip. About a 25 hour drive.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:And if the tables were turned what would you tell yourself? What would your friends tell you? I feel like people here would tell you that OF COURSE HE SHOULD TAKE THE JOB, NO QUESTION.

I don’t care about what friends would say. They aren’t in the relationship and I don’t include others in my relationship.

[Anonymous]

Sometimes you have to choose and opening one door often closes another.

[Anonymous]

Obviously you're going to choose career here. You will break up. Good luck and have fun chasing dick in your new state.

[Anonymous]

If you want to marry him, I’d suggest you stay. I think what he’s stating is reasonable given your ages, how long you’ve dated and the distance involved. What is your priority here.