BF said choose marriage or a career

[Anonymous]

Let’s pretend you didn’t get this job offer. Where were you in terms of getting married? Had you discussed it? Looking at rings? What was your shared understanding of what the timeline was (if there was one) regarding marriage?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I got offered an amazing job that will boost my career and open the doors for a better opportunity. The position is another state for two years. My boyfriend of 1.5 years doesn’t want me to go. He flat out told me he loves me and doesn’t want to wait for two years to start our lives together. He is ready to marry me and start a family and I have to decide if I want be with him or choose my career. I feel like I will lose in some way whichever I choose. I don’t know if I will find another guy I want to marry or how this will affect my career. I don’t want to choose.

Love is wanting for another person what they want for themselves. Sorry, he doesn't love you.

[Anonymous]

Why can't you do both?

[Anonymous]

This is his fault for not proposing sooner. But no, you should not pass up a major opportunity if he didn't put a ring on it. The job is a real offer. The guys is still a maybe.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I got offered an amazing job that will boost my career and open the doors for a better opportunity. The position is another state for two years. My boyfriend of 1.5 years doesn’t want me to go. He flat out told me he loves me and doesn’t want to wait for two years to start our lives together. He is ready to marry me and start a family and I have to decide if I want be with him or choose my career. I feel like I will lose in some way whichever I choose. I don’t know if I will find another guy I want to marry or how this will affect my career. I don’t want to choose.

Love is wanting for another person what they want for themselves. Sorry, he doesn't love you.

This isn't a hallmark movie she's the one that wants to leave.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I got offered an amazing job that will boost my career and open the doors for a better opportunity. The position is another state for two years. My boyfriend of 1.5 years doesn’t want me to go. He flat out told me he loves me and doesn’t want to wait for two years to start our lives together. He is ready to marry me and start a family and I have to decide if I want be with him or choose my career. I feel like I will lose in some way whichever I choose. I don’t know if I will find another guy I want to marry or how this will affect my career. I don’t want to choose.

What I find interesting is that you didn’t really talk about what’s great about your BF in this post. What’s great about the job. And how your BF feels about you. But nothing on why he’s worth losing out on this new opportunity.

[Anonymous]

Are YOU ready to marry him and start a family immediately? Or will you always resent him if you don't take this opportunity? I bet deep down, you already know. This is a gut decision.

I don't think there's a right or wrong, just be true to yourself and where you are in your life right now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How old are you? What’s his job situation (can he come after a year/ do some remote work/ find a new job)? How far away is “one state” - very different if Philly from DC vs Houston to Albuquerque.

But overall not a great sign that he’s digging his heals in vs talking about compromises (you try it for a year, etc), how he might flex to support you, etc.

Why should he give up a year of his life pursuing someone who wants to start a family so someone can go be girl boss

You mean just "boss". And the answer is everyone should have the opportunity to live up to their potential. If he wants a family so badly and she has to sacrifice early on I can smell the resentment and divorce from my vacation in the Caribbean.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I got offered an amazing job that will boost my career and open the doors for a better opportunity. The position is another state for two years. My boyfriend of 1.5 years doesn’t want me to go. He flat out told me he loves me and doesn’t want to wait for two years to start our lives together. He is ready to marry me and start a family and I have to decide if I want be with him or choose my career. I feel like I will lose in some way whichever I choose. I don’t know if I will find another guy I want to marry or how this will affect my career. I don’t want to choose.

What I find interesting is that you didn’t really talk about what’s great about your BF in this post. What’s great about the job. And how your BF feels about you. But nothing on why he’s worth losing out on this new opportunity.

I noticed this too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I got offered an amazing job that will boost my career and open the doors for a better opportunity. The position is another state for two years. My boyfriend of 1.5 years doesn’t want me to go. He flat out told me he loves me and doesn’t want to wait for two years to start our lives together. He is ready to marry me and start a family and I have to decide if I want be with him or choose my career. I feel like I will lose in some way whichever I choose. I don’t know if I will find another guy I want to marry or how this will affect my career. I don’t want to choose.

Love is wanting for another person what they want for themselves. Sorry, he doesn't love you.

This isn't a hallmark movie she's the one that wants to leave.

That feels like a fake movie response. You can love someone and still want a life where you see then regularly.

[Anonymous]

He's right. Either he is your priority or not. If not, enjoy your job. He'll go find a woman who is in it to win him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Let’s pretend you didn’t get this job offer. Where were you in terms of getting married? Had you discussed it? Looking at rings? What was your shared understanding of what the timeline was (if there was one) regarding marriage?

We had several talks about marriage and we are both ready. We discussed moving in together right away, getting engaged sometime in the next couple of months, and married a year after that. I really think he planned to propose in September because I overheard a conversation about it. Then babies shortly after that. We both want two kids. I don’t care much about a ring but I did give him a general idea of what I thought was nice.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I got offered an amazing job that will boost my career and open the doors for a better opportunity. The position is another state for two years. My boyfriend of 1.5 years doesn’t want me to go. He flat out told me he loves me and doesn’t want to wait for two years to start our lives together. He is ready to marry me and start a family and I have to decide if I want be with him or choose my career. I feel like I will lose in some way whichever I choose. I don’t know if I will find another guy I want to marry or how this will affect my career. I don’t want to choose.

What I find interesting is that you didn’t really talk about what’s great about your BF in this post. What’s great about the job. And how your BF feels about you. But nothing on why he’s worth losing out on this new opportunity.

I didn’t want to turn the post into a paragraph. I love him and I’m in love with him. I want both him and the career. I love him and my career.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Are YOU ready to marry him and start a family immediately? Or will you always resent him if you don't take this opportunity? I bet deep down, you already know. This is a gut decision.

I don't think there's a right or wrong, just be true to yourself and where you are in your life right now.

Marry - yes. Kids - not immediately but in the next 2-3 years. That’s our timeline that we discussed. We would start trying 1-2 years after being married.

I love him more than my job. I just wish I had both and he wasn’t willing to end our relationship over this. I know my career will be okay but I do worry my career will take a backseat to his once I have kids.

[Anonymous]

I would break up with him, because he's not supportive of my career goals. The two year job could extend to longer. It could lead to another job in another even more fun location.

Just the fact that he isn't supportive AND issued an ultimatum makes him not a man worth marrying in my eyes.