Husband doesn’t want me to get surgery

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:For a supposedly liberal and woman forward website, the number of people saying that OP should not get the surgery if her husband is happy with her breast is deeply concerning.

So "liberal and woman forward" means "do whatever you want and don't think about the whys" to you?

None of my comments involved her husband's opinion at all. It's a stupid thing to feel you need to do, and if you haven't unpacked why you feel that way, the surgery alone isn't going to make your feelings change. Your tits aren't the problem, your self-esteem is. Self-esteem isn't stored in the boobs.

[Anonymous]

Just get some good fun fancy bras!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, I had a breast reduction/lift and a tummy tuck following weight loss. The breast lift portion was easy-peasy, and they still look great almost 20 years later.

I've also had lipo and some laser thing that promised to tighten the skin on my upper arms. That was done under twilight. It didn't accomplish anything. In fact, the skin is saggier now actually. I'm strongly considering getting a brachioplasty.

DH says he'd prefer I not do it, but of course he's gonna say that. That's the only safe answer. But I will feel a giant weight lifted off my mind and I will have a higher libido if I'm not self-conscious about my saggy, stretched-out arm skin.

Some people don't care what they look like. Others, like me and you, do. (And, frankly, our spouses benefit from that.) Do what will make you feel good, and don't waste a second self-flagellating for being "vain." The breast lift is a simple, routine procedure and will give you lifelong benefits. (The other stuff you mentioned I'm not sure will do much, so maybe do a bit more research on those.)

Wrong, so so wrong! You can’t guarantee anything about your libido after surgery. Your arm skin could look worse and scar horrifically, don’t count your chickens.

What sort of “lifelong benefits” does breast augmentation provide? You sound like a surgery obsessed nut trying to convince everyone else it’s totes super safe and no one is ever damaged by these. It’s false.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, I had a breast reduction/lift and a tummy tuck following weight loss. The breast lift portion was easy-peasy, and they still look great almost 20 years later.

I've also had lipo and some laser thing that promised to tighten the skin on my upper arms. That was done under twilight. It didn't accomplish anything. In fact, the skin is saggier now actually. I'm strongly considering getting a brachioplasty.

DH says he'd prefer I not do it, but of course he's gonna say that. That's the only safe answer. But I will feel a giant weight lifted off my mind and I will have a higher libido if I'm not self-conscious about my saggy, stretched-out arm skin.

Some people don't care what they look like. Others, like me and you, do. (And, frankly, our spouses benefit from that.) Do what will make you feel good, and don't waste a second self-flagellating for being "vain." The breast lift is a simple, routine procedure and will give you lifelong benefits. (The other stuff you mentioned I'm not sure will do much, so maybe do a bit more research on those.)

Prime example. Start out with some surgery. Then more. Then more. Then it doesn’t work, so you need MORE surgery.

What kind of message does this send our children? You tell them to love themselves, they are perfect as is, but then see you go do a million surgeries to change very basic things about your looks. We want to tout self esteem and self love when clearly you have none. How can you raise kids being such a hypocrite?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Im confused. I think the laser and cellulite work is more vain than having saggy boobs and getting a breast lift without implants.

I think the issue there is the risk of being put under not being worth it for cosmetic reasons, although personally as a husband I'd be against any of it. It's expensive.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, I had a breast reduction/lift and a tummy tuck following weight loss. The breast lift portion was easy-peasy, and they still look great almost 20 years later.

I've also had lipo and some laser thing that promised to tighten the skin on my upper arms. That was done under twilight. It didn't accomplish anything. In fact, the skin is saggier now actually. I'm strongly considering getting a brachioplasty.

DH says he'd prefer I not do it, but of course he's gonna say that. That's the only safe answer. But I will feel a giant weight lifted off my mind and I will have a higher libido if I'm not self-conscious about my saggy, stretched-out arm skin.

Some people don't care what they look like. Others, like me and you, do. (And, frankly, our spouses benefit from that.) Do what will make you feel good, and don't waste a second self-flagellating for being "vain." The breast lift is a simple, routine procedure and will give you lifelong benefits. (The other stuff you mentioned I'm not sure will do much, so maybe do a bit more research on those.)

This is a wild thing to slip into a novel about the third surgery you need to facilitate your recovery from obesity. Self awareness has eluded you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's an unnecessary surgery for vanity purposes. I would not want me or my spouse to get it either.

While it's agree it's your body...what does it matter what your breasts look like as long as your DH is happy? Who else needs be looking at, judging, and liking your breasts?

It’s how I like to look. Not to brag but I had pretty great 38DD breasts. Not so much now.

So you desire more attention. Got it

I desire to feel comfortable in my own body. I don’t like the way I look naked and that’s a problem for me. Call me vain but it’s the truth.

Yes, it's vain, but are you willing to leave your children motherless over some boobs?

[Anonymous]

Breast lift without implants did not work for me. Ended up having them done again with implants. Maybe offer that to him as a perk of your surgery.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's an unnecessary surgery for vanity purposes. I would not want me or my spouse to get it either.

While it's agree it's your body...what does it matter what your breasts look like as long as your DH is happy? Who else needs be looking at, judging, and liking your breasts?

It’s how I like to look. Not to brag but I had pretty great 38DD breasts. Not so much now.

So you desire more attention. Got it

I desire to feel comfortable in my own body. I don’t like the way I look naked and that’s a problem for me. Call me vain but it’s the truth.

Yes, it's vain, but are you willing to leave your children motherless over some boobs?

Oh please.
Do what you want OP. This trying to guilt you with “leave your children motherless” is BS.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Breast lift without implants did not work for me. Ended up having them done again with implants. Maybe offer that to him as a perk of your surgery.

The perk of an additional risky surgery? Huh?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's an unnecessary surgery for vanity purposes. I would not want me or my spouse to get it either.

While it's agree it's your body...what does it matter what your breasts look like as long as your DH is happy? Who else needs be looking at, judging, and liking your breasts?

It’s how I like to look. Not to brag but I had pretty great 38DD breasts. Not so much now.

So you desire more attention. Got it

I desire to feel comfortable in my own body. I don’t like the way I look naked and that’s a problem for me. Call me vain but it’s the truth.

Yes, it's vain, but are you willing to leave your children motherless over some boobs?

Oh please.
Do what you want OP. This trying to guilt you with “leave your children motherless” is BS.

At least try exercising and wait a couple of years post breast feeding to get surgery OP.

Or just do what you want. If your DH is young enough, he can probably find another woman to raise your kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How old is your youngest kid? I think you both have excellent reasons to do or not do the surgery. His are more sound but it’s your body and if you feel it’s important, work on giving him enough information to feel it’s a safe procedure. Although I will say I appreciate is POV and acceptance of your body. My DH would like me to get a breast lift or even implants postpartum and it annoys me. Having children changed them and I wish he made me feel comfortable about the change. I’m on the fence about a breast lift - against implants because of reports of autoimmune issues.

Youngest is 1.5. Nursed both him and his brother for 1 year each.

DP, Your breasts aren’t done recovering if you only weaned 6 months ago. Mine were sad little skin flaps when I weaned, the fullness came back over time. I think you should give your body more time before you worry about any cosmetic procedures, especially surgical ones.

The same thing happened to me -- they were fuller maybe a year or two after weaning. Definitely don't make a big decision before that happens!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My husband wouldn't want me to have elective, unnecessary surgery either.

I agree with this. I would not want my DH to do unnecessary elective surgery either.

Imagine a young father wanting to be put under because his ball sack isn't as perky as it used to be and he wants to have it tightened to boost his confidence. His wife insists she doesn't care about his saggy b*lls but he insists "it's for me."
Unthinkable

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's an unnecessary surgery for vanity purposes. I would not want me or my spouse to get it either.

While it's agree it's your body...what does it matter what your breasts look like as long as your DH is happy? Who else needs be looking at, judging, and liking your breasts?

It’s how I like to look. Not to brag but I had pretty great 38DD breasts. Not so much now.

38DD is beautiful!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, my husband is also not entirely supportive (but also not totally opposed) to the mommy makeover I'm interested in. I want a lift, small implant, and TT after having 2 kids. He also cites safety as the primary reason.

But, define "elective." So, if someone plays sports their whole lives, needs 2-3 surgeries to repair knees, hands, and ankles, etc., at what point are those surgeries "elective" versus necessary? If someone has weight loss surgery and wants the excess skin removed, who draws that line between what's necessary and what "elective"?

Define "vain" (or "aging gracefully" for that matter). It's not about looking good for others. It's about being proud of the body that you're in and not wanting to live the next 30-40 years upset about the post-partum effects. No one says someone working out 3-4x per week is vain. But if they want surgery to fix the parts that d/e can't, then that's vain? Makes no sense to me.

My point is that I think all these terms - elective, necessary, vain - are really self-serving and fail to grasp the complexity of these decisions.

I think you do the surgery.

knees, hands and ankles etc. that don't work properly being corrected to allow for decreased pain and proper(ish) mobility is a quality of life issue.

Loose skin post weight loss is necessary when it impedes proper hygeine (belly pannus can lead to chafed skin, infections, etc.) or movement.

The rest of it doesn't need to be "fixed" if it's functional but you just don't like it. The part that needs to be fixed at that point is between your ears.

DP.

So under this rubric, a tummy tuck to repair distasis recti would be a necessary surgery?