Husband doesn’t want me to get surgery

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:For a supposedly liberal and woman forward website, the number of people saying that OP should not get the surgery if her husband is happy with her breast is deeply concerning.

So "liberal and woman forward" means "do whatever you want and don't think about the whys" to you?

None of my comments involved her husband's opinion at all. It's a stupid thing to feel you need to do, and if you haven't unpacked why you feel that way, the surgery alone isn't going to make your feelings change. Your tits aren't the problem, your self-esteem is. Self-esteem isn't stored in the boobs.

Your comment may not have, but multiple comments did. See below.

While it's agree it's your body...what does it matter what your breasts look like as long as your DH is happy? Who else needs be looking at, judging, and liking your breasts?

I agree.
Mine aren't perfect but he seems very happy with them and at the end of the day, he and I are the only ones seeing them. So why go through that pain?

Is your DH ok with your saggy breasts? If he does not find it terrible, why do you care? There are lovely support bras can make your breast look perky.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:For a supposedly liberal and woman forward website, the number of people saying that OP should not get the surgery if her husband is happy with her breast is deeply concerning.

So "liberal and woman forward" means "do whatever you want and don't think about the whys" to you?

None of my comments involved her husband's opinion at all. It's a stupid thing to feel you need to do, and if you haven't unpacked why you feel that way, the surgery alone isn't going to make your feelings change. Your tits aren't the problem, your self-esteem is. Self-esteem isn't stored in the boobs.

Your comment may not have, but multiple comments did. See below.

While it's agree it's your body...what does it matter what your breasts look like as long as your DH is happy? Who else needs be looking at, judging, and liking your breasts?

I agree.
Mine aren't perfect but he seems very happy with them and at the end of the day, he and I are the only ones seeing them. So why go through that pain?

Is your DH ok with your saggy breasts? If he does not find it terrible, why do you care? There are lovely support bras can make your breast look perky.

Because it's not like a nose job or neck lift, which might affect her confidence in public or even her career. Her bare breasts' level of Perkiness is something literally only they see.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's an unnecessary surgery for vanity purposes. I would not want me or my spouse to get it either.

While it's agree it's your body...what does it matter what your breasts look like as long as your DH is happy? Who else needs be looking at, judging, and liking your breasts?

It’s how I like to look. Not to brag but I had pretty great 38DD breasts. Not so much now.

So you desire more attention. Got it

I desire to feel comfortable in my own body. I don’t like the way I look naked and that’s a problem for me. Call me vain but it’s the truth.

Yes, it's vain, but are you willing to leave your children motherless over some boobs?

Oh please.
Do what you want OP. This trying to guilt you with “leave your children motherless” is BS.

Bro, that's not guilt. That's a legitimate possibility. "mommy died during surgery." "What surgery" "Well, boob surgery"

Really think about it, because it has happened, and can happen.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, my husband is also not entirely supportive (but also not totally opposed) to the mommy makeover I'm interested in. I want a lift, small implant, and TT after having 2 kids. He also cites safety as the primary reason.

But, define "elective." So, if someone plays sports their whole lives, needs 2-3 surgeries to repair knees, hands, and ankles, etc., at what point are those surgeries "elective" versus necessary? If someone has weight loss surgery and wants the excess skin removed, who draws that line between what's necessary and what "elective"?

Define "vain" (or "aging gracefully" for that matter). It's not about looking good for others. It's about being proud of the body that you're in and not wanting to live the next 30-40 years upset about the post-partum effects. No one says someone working out 3-4x per week is vain. But if they want surgery to fix the parts that d/e can't, then that's vain? Makes no sense to me.

My point is that I think all these terms - elective, necessary, vain - are really self-serving and fail to grasp the complexity of these decisions.

I think you do the surgery.

knees, hands and ankles etc. that don't work properly being corrected to allow for decreased pain and proper(ish) mobility is a quality of life issue.

Loose skin post weight loss is necessary when it impedes proper hygeine (belly pannus can lead to chafed skin, infections, etc.) or movement.

The rest of it doesn't need to be "fixed" if it's functional but you just don't like it. The part that needs to be fixed at that point is between your ears.

DP.

So under this rubric, a tummy tuck to repair distasis recti would be a necessary surgery?

No, because a diastasis recti isn't necessarily a surgical repair, and when it is, it's typically a vertical incision to the muscle layer, not a horizontal "tummy tuck", which is superficial (both clinically and colloquially speaking).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:For a supposedly liberal and woman forward website, the number of people saying that OP should not get the surgery if her husband is happy with her breast is deeply concerning.

So "liberal and woman forward" means "do whatever you want and don't think about the whys" to you?

None of my comments involved her husband's opinion at all. It's a stupid thing to feel you need to do, and if you haven't unpacked why you feel that way, the surgery alone isn't going to make your feelings change. Your tits aren't the problem, your self-esteem is. Self-esteem isn't stored in the boobs.

Your comment may not have, but multiple comments did. See below.

While it's agree it's your body...what does it matter what your breasts look like as long as your DH is happy? Who else needs be looking at, judging, and liking your breasts?

I agree.
Mine aren't perfect but he seems very happy with them and at the end of the day, he and I are the only ones seeing them. So why go through that pain?

Is your DH ok with your saggy breasts? If he does not find it terrible, why do you care? There are lovely support bras can make your breast look perky.

Yeah, and multiple comments raised valid points that had nothing to do with him, but you don't want to address those, do you...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, my husband is also not entirely supportive (but also not totally opposed) to the mommy makeover I'm interested in. I want a lift, small implant, and TT after having 2 kids. He also cites safety as the primary reason.

But, define "elective." So, if someone plays sports their whole lives, needs 2-3 surgeries to repair knees, hands, and ankles, etc., at what point are those surgeries "elective" versus necessary? If someone has weight loss surgery and wants the excess skin removed, who draws that line between what's necessary and what "elective"?

Define "vain" (or "aging gracefully" for that matter). It's not about looking good for others. It's about being proud of the body that you're in and not wanting to live the next 30-40 years upset about the post-partum effects. No one says someone working out 3-4x per week is vain. But if they want surgery to fix the parts that d/e can't, then that's vain? Makes no sense to me.

My point is that I think all these terms - elective, necessary, vain - are really self-serving and fail to grasp the complexity of these decisions.

I think you do the surgery.

knees, hands and ankles etc. that don't work properly being corrected to allow for decreased pain and proper(ish) mobility is a quality of life issue.

Loose skin post weight loss is necessary when it impedes proper hygeine (belly pannus can lead to chafed skin, infections, etc.) or movement.

The rest of it doesn't need to be "fixed" if it's functional but you just don't like it. The part that needs to be fixed at that point is between your ears.

DP.

So under this rubric, a tummy tuck to repair distasis recti would be a necessary surgery?

No, because a diastasis recti isn't necessarily a surgical repair, and when it is, it's typically a vertical incision to the muscle layer, not a horizontal "tummy tuck", which is superficial (both clinically and colloquially speaking).

So you’re saying that a vertical incision to fix the muscle repair would be OK in your mind, but a horizontal incision that fixes the muscle and removes access skin is superficial? Even if they’re both addressing the same underlying issue?

Seems like splitting hairs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:For a supposedly liberal and woman forward website, the number of people saying that OP should not get the surgery if her husband is happy with her breast is deeply concerning.

So "liberal and woman forward" means "do whatever you want and don't think about the whys" to you?

None of my comments involved her husband's opinion at all. It's a stupid thing to feel you need to do, and if you haven't unpacked why you feel that way, the surgery alone isn't going to make your feelings change. Your tits aren't the problem, your self-esteem is. Self-esteem isn't stored in the boobs.

Your comment may not have, but multiple comments did. See below.

While it's agree it's your body...what does it matter what your breasts look like as long as your DH is happy? Who else needs be looking at, judging, and liking your breasts?

I agree.
Mine aren't perfect but he seems very happy with them and at the end of the day, he and I are the only ones seeing them. So why go through that pain?

Is your DH ok with your saggy breasts? If he does not find it terrible, why do you care? There are lovely support bras can make your breast look perky.

Yeah, and multiple comments raised valid points that had nothing to do with him, but you don't want to address those, do you...

Because I agreed with those other points. I just thought that the whole bit if your husband doesn’t care, it was particularly gross.

But the previous posters don’t want to address that do they?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:For a supposedly liberal and woman forward website, the number of people saying that OP should not get the surgery if her husband is happy with her breast is deeply concerning.

So "liberal and woman forward" means "do whatever you want and don't think about the whys" to you?

None of my comments involved her husband's opinion at all. It's a stupid thing to feel you need to do, and if you haven't unpacked why you feel that way, the surgery alone isn't going to make your feelings change. Your tits aren't the problem, your self-esteem is. Self-esteem isn't stored in the boobs.

Your comment may not have, but multiple comments did. See below.

While it's agree it's your body...what does it matter what your breasts look like as long as your DH is happy? Who else needs be looking at, judging, and liking your breasts?

I agree.
Mine aren't perfect but he seems very happy with them and at the end of the day, he and I are the only ones seeing them. So why go through that pain?

Is your DH ok with your saggy breasts? If he does not find it terrible, why do you care? There are lovely support bras can make your breast look perky.

Because it's not like a nose job or neck lift, which might affect her confidence in public or even her career. Her bare breasts' level of Perkiness is something literally only they see.

Yes, in context, it is relevant. Unless she's planning to do nude modeling, pr0n, etc., the target demographic likes her boobs just fine as they are, so this isn't a value add. If her ego is wounded by her post-baby body, she needs to do that work first.

Also? Consider how much she'll hate her tits if they're uneven, scarred, and/or get infected after surgery (all of which are legitimate complications of this not-foolproof, no guarantees procedure). I have a friend who had "okay" boobs. They weren't perky enough, so she had them lifted. Qualified surgeon, great portfolio, blah, blah, blah. My friend's body rejected the suture material. She had massive inflammation and was on heavy-duty antibiotics for weeks, including a multi-day hospital stay for IV abx and drains. She has horrific scarring, and her breasts healed unevenly. She is alive to tell this tale (and her spouse still loves her), and it was a nightmare experience.

Some people may have a fine go of it and be happier after. Like all major decisions, responsible adults would consider ALL the possibilities, and the impact on those they love. I wouldn't be willing to leave my kids without a mother, or put my family through that kind of stress (and expense) just so I could make a body part nobody but me and mine ever see look more stereotypically "pretty". That's... pretty freaking insane, when you stop to think about it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's an unnecessary surgery for vanity purposes. I would not want me or my spouse to get it either.

While it's agree it's your body...what does it matter what your breasts look like as long as your DH is happy? Who else needs be looking at, judging, and liking your breasts?

It’s how I like to look. Not to brag but I had pretty great 38DD breasts. Not so much now.

So you desire more attention. Got it

I desire to feel comfortable in my own body. I don’t like the way I look naked and that’s a problem for me. Call me vain but it’s the truth.

Yes, it's vain, but are you willing to leave your children motherless over some boobs?

Oh please.
Do what you want OP. This trying to guilt you with “leave your children motherless” is BS.

Bro, that's not guilt. That's a legitimate possibility. "mommy died during surgery." "What surgery" "Well, boob surgery"

Really think about it, because it has happened, and can happen.

She is more likely to get into a car accident on the way to surgery. You are hysterical. It’s not a “legitimate possibility” FFS.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's an unnecessary surgery for vanity purposes. I would not want me or my spouse to get it either.

While it's agree it's your body...what does it matter what your breasts look like as long as your DH is happy? Who else needs be looking at, judging, and liking your breasts?

It’s how I like to look. Not to brag but I had pretty great 38DD breasts. Not so much now.

So you desire more attention. Got it

I desire to feel comfortable in my own body. I don’t like the way I look naked and that’s a problem for me. Call me vain but it’s the truth.

Yes, it's vain, but are you willing to leave your children motherless over some boobs?

Oh please.
Do what you want OP. This trying to guilt you with “leave your children motherless” is BS.

Bro, that's not guilt. That's a legitimate possibility. "mommy died during surgery." "What surgery" "Well, boob surgery"

Really think about it, because it has happened, and can happen.

She is more likely to get into a car accident on the way to surgery. You are hysterical. It’s not a “legitimate possibility” FFS.

Imagine thinking this is a good argument.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's an unnecessary surgery for vanity purposes. I would not want me or my spouse to get it either.

While it's agree it's your body...what does it matter what your breasts look like as long as your DH is happy? Who else needs be looking at, judging, and liking your breasts?

It’s how I like to look. Not to brag but I had pretty great 38DD breasts. Not so much now.

So you desire more attention. Got it

I desire to feel comfortable in my own body. I don’t like the way I look naked and that’s a problem for me. Call me vain but it’s the truth.

Yes, it's vain, but are you willing to leave your children motherless over some boobs?

Oh please.
Do what you want OP. This trying to guilt you with “leave your children motherless” is BS.

Bro, that's not guilt. That's a legitimate possibility. "mommy died during surgery." "What surgery" "Well, boob surgery"

Really think about it, because it has happened, and can happen.

She is more likely to get into a car accident on the way to surgery. You are hysterical. It’s not a “legitimate possibility” FFS.

Imagine thinking this is a good argument.

You can’t live your life based on small probability “what ifs” or you will literally never do anything.
I had a breast lift and my SURGEON husband had no concerns about me leaving his kids motherless. You are ridiculous.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's an unnecessary surgery for vanity purposes. I would not want me or my spouse to get it either.

While it's agree it's your body...what does it matter what your breasts look like as long as your DH is happy? Who else needs be looking at, judging, and liking your breasts?

It’s how I like to look. Not to brag but I had pretty great 38DD breasts. Not so much now.

So you desire more attention. Got it

I desire to feel comfortable in my own body. I don’t like the way I look naked and that’s a problem for me. Call me vain but it’s the truth.

Yes, it's vain, but are you willing to leave your children motherless over some boobs?

Oh please.
Do what you want OP. This trying to guilt you with “leave your children motherless” is BS.

Bro, that's not guilt. That's a legitimate possibility. "mommy died during surgery." "What surgery" "Well, boob surgery"

Really think about it, because it has happened, and can happen.

She is more likely to get into a car accident on the way to surgery. You are hysterical. It’s not a “legitimate possibility” FFS.

Imagine thinking this is a good argument.

It’s true. Have people stopped driving because the possibility of a car accident?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's an unnecessary surgery for vanity purposes. I would not want me or my spouse to get it either.

While it's agree it's your body...what does it matter what your breasts look like as long as your DH is happy? Who else needs be looking at, judging, and liking your breasts?

It’s how I like to look. Not to brag but I had pretty great 38DD breasts. Not so much now.

So you desire more attention. Got it

I desire to feel comfortable in my own body. I don’t like the way I look naked and that’s a problem for me. Call me vain but it’s the truth.

Yes, it's vain, but are you willing to leave your children motherless over some boobs?

Oh please.
Do what you want OP. This trying to guilt you with “leave your children motherless” is BS.

Bro, that's not guilt. That's a legitimate possibility. "mommy died during surgery." "What surgery" "Well, boob surgery"

Really think about it, because it has happened, and can happen.

She is more likely to get into a car accident on the way to surgery. You are hysterical. It’s not a “legitimate possibility” FFS.

Imagine thinking this is a good argument.

It’s true. Have people stopped driving because the possibility of a car accident?

Thank you for showing us that you are terrible at determine cost-benefit ratio.

[Anonymous]

I had a nose job and lipo a few months apart a couple of years ago. Of course my husband was against it "I love you how you are!" but that was the extent of his opinion. Well now I can't get him off of me. He definitely likes it even though he didn't think it was needed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I dislike my body after having two kids. I’m fit and workout but my once perky breasts are sagging a little, cellulite, and a lot of stretch marks. I don’t feel confident body and decided to change it. I’m going to go through laser therapy and sculpting to help lighten the stretch marks and get rid of the cellulite. I’ve been looking into a breast lift ( still my natural breasts). My husband is in support of the first two but has voiced his disproval of a breast lift. I know it’s my body but I do respect my husband’s opinion. Would you get the surgery anyway despite his objections?

You are simply delaying what your body will permanently look like. As you age, you will find more and more imperfections. Just embrace your body and call it the day.