How fair are my wants/wishes??

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The fact he has to earn sex is not going to bode well. That is like him saying I will do more aroung the house every time you have sex with me. Using sex to manipulate and get what you want isn't a healthy relationship.

You guys should work with someone if you want this to last. I think your wants are excessive and your holding sex over his head as something he only gets if he earns it is really nasty.

Sex should be someone you both want together. You ant him to spend money on you and give you time alone - both things that are only about you. But all he gets in return is you will allow him access to your body if he spends enough money and leaves you alone for enough hours

This is my take. There is nothing wrong about wanting date nights. DH and I make sure we have a couple a month. But something about the way the OP is written just makes me think this won't end well. Making stuff transactional like this just never seems like a good idea. He should want to have date nights and not just because he will get to have sex. And she should want to have sex without him spending money on her.

Sorry if I’m not explaining it well. He doesn’t need to spend money to have sex. We have had a lot of sex before and some after baby that doesn’t involve date nights. I’m really craving that time together where I feel like ourselves. I don’t ever get dressed up now and I think getting dressed up and sexy for him will help with being in the mood. It’s not transactional. He doesn’t have to earn sex. I want this on top of giving him what he needs.

I think you're giving him a lot of confusing singles.

"I want sex". Ok...I want to be wined and dined. I want to dress up and dress sexy and all that twice a month. But no I don't actually need that to have sex. Even though I'm telling you that's what I need. .

I also need a day and a chunk of the weekend by myself without you and baby.

It's all a little confusing.

Sorry I’m all over the pain. I feel like my mind is overwhelmed these days.

Alone time: I don’t feel like I ever get alone time just by myself. I’m either working or tending to the baby or cooking and cleaning and spending time with hubby. I just want a good couple of hours to read a book or just relax by myself is read of always feeling like I’m needed.

Sex: We have had plenty of sex without date nights before baby. We have had sex 5 times since baby without date nights. We will continue to have sex without a date night.

Date night: I like the experience. He will get sex with it a date night, but I do enjoy the experience of a date night.

We feel like we are finally getting back to normal and voiced what we need. I’m happy to give him all the sex and quality time he needs to be satisfied, but I also want the alone time and date nights to also feel satisfied. I feel like I give and I give and just need to put my needs in front again.

I"m really not understanding how you don't get alone time with a three month old. They sleep a lot, they don't need constant supervision, put your baby in the playpen and read a book. Geez!

Hahahahahahahahaha

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You’ve established the commodity and offered the terms and conditions.

You’re just bargaining over price.

This.
Lean in.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You sound like a jerk, OP. Let me guess, you don't have a job. You think your job is to look good for him?

I have said multiple times that I work.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The fact he has to earn sex is not going to bode well. That is like him saying I will do more aroung the house every time you have sex with me. Using sex to manipulate and get what you want isn't a healthy relationship.

You guys should work with someone if you want this to last. I think your wants are excessive and your holding sex over his head as something he only gets if he earns it is really nasty.

Sex should be someone you both want together. You ant him to spend money on you and give you time alone - both things that are only about you. But all he gets in return is you will allow him access to your body if he spends enough money and leaves you alone for enough hours

This is my take. There is nothing wrong about wanting date nights. DH and I make sure we have a couple a month. But something about the way the OP is written just makes me think this won't end well. Making stuff transactional like this just never seems like a good idea. He should want to have date nights and not just because he will get to have sex. And she should want to have sex without him spending money on her.

Sorry if I’m not explaining it well. He doesn’t need to spend money to have sex. We have had a lot of sex before and some after baby that doesn’t involve date nights. I’m really craving that time together where I feel like ourselves. I don’t ever get dressed up now and I think getting dressed up and sexy for him will help with being in the mood. It’s not transactional. He doesn’t have to earn sex. I want this on top of giving him what he needs.

I think you're giving him a lot of confusing singles.

"I want sex". Ok...I want to be wined and dined. I want to dress up and dress sexy and all that twice a month. But no I don't actually need that to have sex. Even though I'm telling you that's what I need. .

I also need a day and a chunk of the weekend by myself without you and baby.

It's all a little confusing.

Sorry I’m all over the pain. I feel like my mind is overwhelmed these days.

Alone time: I don’t feel like I ever get alone time just by myself. I’m either working or tending to the baby or cooking and cleaning and spending time with hubby. I just want a good couple of hours to read a book or just relax by myself is read of always feeling like I’m needed.

Sex: We have had plenty of sex without date nights before baby. We have had sex 5 times since baby without date nights. We will continue to have sex without a date night.

Date night: I like the experience. He will get sex with it a date night, but I do enjoy the experience of a date night.

We feel like we are finally getting back to normal and voiced what we need. I’m happy to give him all the sex and quality time he needs to be satisfied, but I also want the alone time and date nights to also feel satisfied. I feel like I give and I give and just need to put my needs in front again.

I"m really not understanding how you don't get alone time with a three month old. They sleep a lot, they don't need constant supervision, put your baby in the playpen and read a book. Geez!

Well some babies are clingy like mine. He still likes to be held pretty much all day with only short spurts of play but he will cry if he doesn’t have any interaction.

[Anonymous]

Sorry, but OP doesn’t sound like any first time mom I’ve ever met.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:


He’s no longer a newborn. Cut off is 12 weeks. I don’t want to put my marriage to side for my child. Our marriage was there before him and will be there after him.

Oh girl, you've just outed yourself. There is a troll who every week or two pops up with some variation of this statement. Over and over again, I have an infant, I want to get our fun, pre-baby life back, our marriage comes first, blah blah blah.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The fact he has to earn sex is not going to bode well. That is like him saying I will do more aroung the house every time you have sex with me. Using sex to manipulate and get what you want isn't a healthy relationship.

You guys should work with someone if you want this to last. I think your wants are excessive and your holding sex over his head as something he only gets if he earns it is really nasty.

Sex should be someone you both want together. You ant him to spend money on you and give you time alone - both things that are only about you. But all he gets in return is you will allow him access to your body if he spends enough money and leaves you alone for enough hours

This is my take. There is nothing wrong about wanting date nights. DH and I make sure we have a couple a month. But something about the way the OP is written just makes me think this won't end well. Making stuff transactional like this just never seems like a good idea. He should want to have date nights and not just because he will get to have sex. And she should want to have sex without him spending money on her.

Sorry if I’m not explaining it well. He doesn’t need to spend money to have sex. We have had a lot of sex before and some after baby that doesn’t involve date nights. I’m really craving that time together where I feel like ourselves. I don’t ever get dressed up now and I think getting dressed up and sexy for him will help with being in the mood. It’s not transactional. He doesn’t have to earn sex. I want this on top of giving him what he needs.

I think you're giving him a lot of confusing singles.

"I want sex". Ok...I want to be wined and dined. I want to dress up and dress sexy and all that twice a month. But no I don't actually need that to have sex. Even though I'm telling you that's what I need. .

I also need a day and a chunk of the weekend by myself without you and baby.

It's all a little confusing.

Sorry I’m all over the pain. I feel like my mind is overwhelmed these days.

Alone time: I don’t feel like I ever get alone time just by myself. I’m either working or tending to the baby or cooking and cleaning and spending time with hubby. I just want a good couple of hours to read a book or just relax by myself is read of always feeling like I’m needed.

Sex: We have had plenty of sex without date nights before baby. We have had sex 5 times since baby without date nights. We will continue to have sex without a date night.

Date night: I like the experience. He will get sex with it a date night, but I do enjoy the experience of a date night.

We feel like we are finally getting back to normal and voiced what we need. I’m happy to give him all the sex and quality time he needs to be satisfied, but I also want the alone time and date nights to also feel satisfied. I feel like I give and I give and just need to put my needs in front again.

I"m really not understanding how you don't get alone time with a three month old. They sleep a lot, they don't need constant supervision, put your baby in the playpen and read a book. Geez!

Hahahahahahahahaha

I'm sorry you are having a hard time with your newborn, OP. That seems to be the crux of the problem. You have a baby you can't put down. Focus on getting your husband to get you the alone time before you get into the spending money on big fancy date nights every week.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The fact he has to earn sex is not going to bode well. That is like him saying I will do more aroung the house every time you have sex with me. Using sex to manipulate and get what you want isn't a healthy relationship.

You guys should work with someone if you want this to last. I think your wants are excessive and your holding sex over his head as something he only gets if he earns it is really nasty.

Sex should be someone you both want together. You ant him to spend money on you and give you time alone - both things that are only about you. But all he gets in return is you will allow him access to your body if he spends enough money and leaves you alone for enough hours

This is my take. There is nothing wrong about wanting date nights. DH and I make sure we have a couple a month. But something about the way the OP is written just makes me think this won't end well. Making stuff transactional like this just never seems like a good idea. He should want to have date nights and not just because he will get to have sex. And she should want to have sex without him spending money on her.

Sorry if I’m not explaining it well. He doesn’t need to spend money to have sex. We have had a lot of sex before and some after baby that doesn’t involve date nights. I’m really craving that time together where I feel like ourselves. I don’t ever get dressed up now and I think getting dressed up and sexy for him will help with being in the mood. It’s not transactional. He doesn’t have to earn sex. I want this on top of giving him what he needs.

I think you're giving him a lot of confusing singles.

"I want sex". Ok...I want to be wined and dined. I want to dress up and dress sexy and all that twice a month. But no I don't actually need that to have sex. Even though I'm telling you that's what I need. .

I also need a day and a chunk of the weekend by myself without you and baby.

It's all a little confusing.

Sorry I’m all over the pain. I feel like my mind is overwhelmed these days.

Alone time: I don’t feel like I ever get alone time just by myself. I’m either working or tending to the baby or cooking and cleaning and spending time with hubby. I just want a good couple of hours to read a book or just relax by myself is read of always feeling like I’m needed.

Sex: We have had plenty of sex without date nights before baby. We have had sex 5 times since baby without date nights. We will continue to have sex without a date night.

Date night: I like the experience. He will get sex with it a date night, but I do enjoy the experience of a date night.

We feel like we are finally getting back to normal and voiced what we need. I’m happy to give him all the sex and quality time he needs to be satisfied, but I also want the alone time and date nights to also feel satisfied. I feel like I give and I give and just need to put my needs in front again.

I"m really not understanding how you don't get alone time with a three month old. They sleep a lot, they don't need constant supervision, put your baby in the playpen and read a book. Geez!

Well some babies are clingy like mine. He still likes to be held pretty much all day with only short spurts of play but he will cry if he doesn’t have any interaction.

Your husband can't wear him in a sling doing chores around the house while you go sit in a park and read for two hours?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How old is your child?

Do you already have an established babysitter?

He just turned 13 weeks. We have a weekly sitter while I work that can do date nights for us.

Oh you have a brand newborn baby. Of course that will make your marriage more challenging. I agree date nights are good, but otherwise you both need to majorly reduce your expectations. Give it until the baby is at least a year and then reassess.

He’s no longer a newborn. Cut off is 12 weeks. I don’t want to put my marriage to side for my child. Our marriage was there before him and will be there after him.

Yeah you are definitely a troll no way yu are a mom of a new baby. you are an incel pretending to be a "reasonable woman" to rile everybody up. I'd suggest everyone just ignore.

Wrong but thanks for your input. Women can also value their marriage and want to put effort into it. Just because you hate your husband and marriage doesn’t mean everyone else does. No wonder why almost everyone on here is unhappily married and hates men.

yeah you are very clearly an incel.

[Anonymous]

The things you want are not unreasonable, but expecting to negotiate them like your marriage is some kind of business merger is. As others have pointed out this sort of transactional approach to a relationship won’t work. This will encourage you both to keep mental spreadsheets of your demands and then you’ll be blaming each other when you don’t get the thing you think the negotiation entitled you to. It’s an exhausting way to live and it virtually guarantees future conflicts. What you need to do is realize you are both on the same team and figure out how to help one another.