How fair are my wants/wishes??

[Anonymous]

The PPs have taken this off the rails. You aren’t asking for anything off the wall, but with a four month old it is probably better to ease into things. I don’t know that a “dress up and go out” date every other week is realistic. Maybe start with once a month and then increase when it feels right.

[Anonymous]

Your baby is not even four months old and you’re already feeling the need to work out a formal plan? Give yourselves more time to settle in to parenthood.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is what you're looking for more emotional intimacy? I've never been a fan of the whole "wining and dining" mentality but I get the idea of needing date nights for the emotional intimacy. DH and I have a date at least once a month, more if we can make it work with our schedules. But we have "at home date nights" often. We get take out and a bottle of wine. Electronics go away. We just sit and talk, maybe play a game or do a puzzle. But we just spend the night focused on each other. So, if the wining and dining is more about the emotional intimacy side of things, that's always an option too

I do love emotional intimacy but I’ve always love the feeling of being wined and dined. Nothing fancy but the experience of getting dressed up and looking sexy for him, a glass of wine, and then sex. We obviously have had sex without this but I just love the experience. It’s even more important now that I don’t feel that comfortable with my new body. I think it will help me relax more and be in the mood.

We have been doing some date nights in but I feel so shut in. I work from home and don’t really ever get out much. Being able to go out and eat, a walk in the park, or go to see a movie is what I really want.

Have you said it to him like this? I’m a little surprised that a guy who prioritized quality time would object.

[Anonymous]

Wow so many people triggered by the phrase “wine and dine” without bothering to read the substance of what she wants.

p.s. it’s her money too and she works, not exactly the “transaction” you are making it out to be.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wow so many people triggered by the phrase “wine and dine” without bothering to read the substance of what she wants.

p.s. it’s her money too and she works, not exactly the “transaction” you are making it out to be.

+1. People on here are weird. Op works and contributes to her family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Hubby and I have had a pretty strong and great marriage until our little tornado came and our marriage hit a pause. We are getting back into the swing of things and each created a list of wants and wishes. His list was more quality time and sex. Mine was quality time and alone time. I told him I’m more than willing to be more sexually available as long as I get one night a week and a chunk of the weekend as uninterrupted time. I also want date nights twice a month. I think my wants are very reasonable but hubby said twice a month date nights is a little excessive with us both being so busy. I told him the only way he gets a lot of sex is I feel wined and dined and dated. Fair??

That's not the only way. Other women may not have the same requirements.

Most do. Women need to feel desired and desirable. OP gets it through this. Others may need something else, but it’s usually some effort for the man. Sorry you’re lazy.

[Anonymous]

You’ve established the commodity and offered the terms and conditions.

You’re just bargaining over price.

[Anonymous]

A good compromise is sex 2x a week (start reading or listening to romantic books to help get in the mood but expecting to be wined and dined before sex is not feasible once you have kids - we do 1x on weekend and usually a quickie on the week day), date night twice a month (1x time out of the house and 1x at home low key after baby sleeps), you each get half a day on weekend to be alone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why not compromise? One month do one date night, then the next do two, then the third month do one, etc.

I have always been the more romantic one. I love going out to eat and the experience of experience dressed up. I very rarely get dressed up or wear makeup so it’s fun for me. We obviously had sex outside of date nights, but I feel like it would be great to feel sexy again after my body is different and has changed so much.

So you're not willing to compromise. Got it. To answer your initial question in that case, I'd say you are NOT fair.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How old is your child?

Do you already have an established babysitter?

He just turned 13 weeks. We have a weekly sitter while I work that can do date nights for us.

Oh you have a brand newborn baby. Of course that will make your marriage more challenging. I agree date nights are good, but otherwise you both need to majorly reduce your expectations. Give it until the baby is at least a year and then reassess.

He’s no longer a newborn. Cut off is 12 weeks. I don’t want to put my marriage to side for my child. Our marriage was there before him and will be there after him.

Yeah you are definitely a troll no way yu are a mom of a new baby. you are an incel pretending to be a "reasonable woman" to rile everybody up. I'd suggest everyone just ignore.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How old is your child?

Do you already have an established babysitter?

He just turned 13 weeks. We have a weekly sitter while I work that can do date nights for us.

Oh you have a brand newborn baby. Of course that will make your marriage more challenging. I agree date nights are good, but otherwise you both need to majorly reduce your expectations. Give it until the baby is at least a year and then reassess.

He’s no longer a newborn. Cut off is 12 weeks. I don’t want to put my marriage to side for my child. Our marriage was there before him and will be there after him.

Yeah you are definitely a troll no way yu are a mom of a new baby. you are an incel pretending to be a "reasonable woman" to rile everybody up. I'd suggest everyone just ignore.

Wrong but thanks for your input. Women can also value their marriage and want to put effort into it. Just because you hate your husband and marriage doesn’t mean everyone else does. No wonder why almost everyone on here is unhappily married and hates men.

[Anonymous]

You sound like a jerk, OP. Let me guess, you don't have a job. You think your job is to look good for him?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why not compromise? One month do one date night, then the next do two, then the third month do one, etc.

I have always been the more romantic one. I love going out to eat and the experience of experience dressed up. I very rarely get dressed up or wear makeup so it’s fun for me. We obviously had sex outside of date nights, but I feel like it would be great to feel sexy again after my body is different and has changed so much.

You sound like you read too many women's magazines.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is what you're looking for more emotional intimacy? I've never been a fan of the whole "wining and dining" mentality but I get the idea of needing date nights for the emotional intimacy. DH and I have a date at least once a month, more if we can make it work with our schedules. But we have "at home date nights" often. We get take out and a bottle of wine. Electronics go away. We just sit and talk, maybe play a game or do a puzzle. But we just spend the night focused on each other. So, if the wining and dining is more about the emotional intimacy side of things, that's always an option too

I do love emotional intimacy but I’ve always love the feeling of being wined and dined. Nothing fancy but the experience of getting dressed up and looking sexy for him, a glass of wine, and then sex. We obviously have had sex without this but I just love the experience. It’s even more important now that I don’t feel that comfortable with my new body. I think it will help me relax more and be in the mood.

We have been doing some date nights in but I feel so shut in. I work from home and don’t really ever get out much. Being able to go out and eat, a walk in the park, or go to see a movie is what I really want.

Lady, you can take your baby out of the house. This is the BEST time to take a baby out, they don't make a lot of noise, they're totally portable. We went out to eat and to breweries, and all sorts of activities while our kids were infants!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The fact he has to earn sex is not going to bode well. That is like him saying I will do more aroung the house every time you have sex with me. Using sex to manipulate and get what you want isn't a healthy relationship.

You guys should work with someone if you want this to last. I think your wants are excessive and your holding sex over his head as something he only gets if he earns it is really nasty.

Sex should be someone you both want together. You ant him to spend money on you and give you time alone - both things that are only about you. But all he gets in return is you will allow him access to your body if he spends enough money and leaves you alone for enough hours

This is my take. There is nothing wrong about wanting date nights. DH and I make sure we have a couple a month. But something about the way the OP is written just makes me think this won't end well. Making stuff transactional like this just never seems like a good idea. He should want to have date nights and not just because he will get to have sex. And she should want to have sex without him spending money on her.

Sorry if I’m not explaining it well. He doesn’t need to spend money to have sex. We have had a lot of sex before and some after baby that doesn’t involve date nights. I’m really craving that time together where I feel like ourselves. I don’t ever get dressed up now and I think getting dressed up and sexy for him will help with being in the mood. It’s not transactional. He doesn’t have to earn sex. I want this on top of giving him what he needs.

I think you're giving him a lot of confusing singles.

"I want sex". Ok...I want to be wined and dined. I want to dress up and dress sexy and all that twice a month. But no I don't actually need that to have sex. Even though I'm telling you that's what I need. .

I also need a day and a chunk of the weekend by myself without you and baby.

It's all a little confusing.

Sorry I’m all over the pain. I feel like my mind is overwhelmed these days.

Alone time: I don’t feel like I ever get alone time just by myself. I’m either working or tending to the baby or cooking and cleaning and spending time with hubby. I just want a good couple of hours to read a book or just relax by myself is read of always feeling like I’m needed.

Sex: We have had plenty of sex without date nights before baby. We have had sex 5 times since baby without date nights. We will continue to have sex without a date night.

Date night: I like the experience. He will get sex with it a date night, but I do enjoy the experience of a date night.

We feel like we are finally getting back to normal and voiced what we need. I’m happy to give him all the sex and quality time he needs to be satisfied, but I also want the alone time and date nights to also feel satisfied. I feel like I give and I give and just need to put my needs in front again.

I"m really not understanding how you don't get alone time with a three month old. They sleep a lot, they don't need constant supervision, put your baby in the playpen and read a book. Geez!