People love saying they’re inclusive of neurodiversity and disability. They’re not.

[Anonymous]

I totally understand, OP. My second child is the one with ASD and my kids are six years apart, so in many ways I got to experience “normal” parenthood before this shitshow began. I used to have so many friends and we always had lots to do. Now, I have never felt so isolated in my whole life.

I am not really sure what to even say except I do understand why people don’t want us around. I can’t blame them. The tantrums are really hard and their kids don’t want to be around kids like this.

But that doesn’t make it any less painful, isolating and hard. My life is pretty terrible to be honest.

And for the PPs who suggested leaving the ASD kid at home, of course we want to do that but we can’t get a sitter because no one wants to care for them regardless of high pay.

[Anonymous]

I was a NT obese kid. I didn't get invited to parties after 6th grade, or dates, or dances. So it went.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s DEI.

I think you need to work this out with a therapist.

The E stands for equity and it’s more a function of making sure there’s equal pay in the workplace. Not really the point the post is trying to make which is children being included.

Equity is important in school because some kids get an hour of reading lesson and some people get an hour and a half because that’s what they need. That is equity.

Equity would be giving everyone an hour and a half whether they need it or not.

And this is how we get MAGA.

Just plain and simple ignorance.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I totally understand, OP. My second child is the one with ASD and my kids are six years apart, so in many ways I got to experience “normal” parenthood before this shitshow began. I used to have so many friends and we always had lots to do. Now, I have never felt so isolated in my whole life.

I am not really sure what to even say except I do understand why people don’t want us around. I can’t blame them. The tantrums are really hard and their kids don’t want to be around kids like this.

But that doesn’t make it any less painful, isolating and hard. My life is pretty terrible to be honest.

And for the PPs who suggested leaving the ASD kid at home, of course we want to do that but we can’t get a sitter because no one wants to care for them regardless of high pay.

This. There is very little “it costs nothing to help.” People need real help and that meaningful help costs something. It does no good to antagonize. Voting for more medical research and social services is something. Creating supportive schools is something. I am a person of color. I’ve faced racial discrimination all my life, but good and people are appreciated. People who extend help are very appreciated.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:90% of people don’t talk about neurodiversity and inclusion at all, because they aren’t terminally online. They just live their lives and don’t have time for your problems. The nice ones are happy to pay taxes to help out.

This! Exactly.

[Anonymous]

There are so many children with autism these days. I don’t understand why they can’t be friends with each other instead of expecting friendship from neurotypical kids.

Bonus is that their parents can also relate to other another and have empathy for the tantrums and non social behaviors because their child does the same thing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am not on the spectrum, and I wasn’t invited to a ton of parties as a kid probably because I was a shy, chubby kid. I wasn’t mean or demanding, I was just super quiet. I don’t think it was because the other kids hated me, they just didn’t think of me when putting their lists together. Nobody owed me an invite. Going to birthday parties isn’t a human right. It’s just a bonus.

Life isn’t fair. There isn’t equality. My immigrant parents taught me that from a very early age. Don’t expect it and you won’t be disappointed.

Have you tried to make a community with other kids with disabilities? That is very much a community, and you can have the parties be as accessible as you all need—low lights, low music, etc. so your child can enjoy the party on their terms.

I’m not trying to say “you go here, we go there” at ALL. I’m just saying that if it isn’t happening naturally, instead of getting angry and resentful, you figure something else out. That’s what I’ve done when I’ve been left out and what I tell my own kids to do when they’ve been left out in the past.

You can get super resentful or get creative.

It’s just so stark because I have one of each. In one grade, I’m a full citizen. In another grade, for reasons that I’ve spent thousands trying to overcome, some people can’t even meet the basic standards of politeness. I’m not asking for a new best friend. I’m asking for a lack of social rejection based on something that is happening *to* me. Remember, I am not autistic. I am *related* to someone who is autistic. People treated me quite well before I had kids. I remember being normal. My life had been forever changed and people make it worse by punishing me for things beyond my control. Then some of them put out yard signs that trumpet “kindness is everything”.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There are so many children with autism these days. I don’t understand why they can’t be friends with each other instead of expecting friendship from neurotypical kids.

Bonus is that their parents can also relate to other another and have empathy for the tantrums and non social behaviors because their child does the same thing.

Yikes

[Anonymous]

I have a young adult son with low processing speed, autism and severe ADHD.

It's hard for everyone, including him. I don't blame people for thinking he's weird and not including him. This has happened his entire life. All I want for him is that he's treated with outward respect and not fired from jobs too often, so he can be financially independent. It would be great if he could make friends. But I'm not holding my breath.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am not on the spectrum, and I wasn’t invited to a ton of parties as a kid probably because I was a shy, chubby kid. I wasn’t mean or demanding, I was just super quiet. I don’t think it was because the other kids hated me, they just didn’t think of me when putting their lists together. Nobody owed me an invite. Going to birthday parties isn’t a human right. It’s just a bonus.

Life isn’t fair. There isn’t equality. My immigrant parents taught me that from a very early age. Don’t expect it and you won’t be disappointed.

Have you tried to make a community with other kids with disabilities? That is very much a community, and you can have the parties be as accessible as you all need—low lights, low music, etc. so your child can enjoy the party on their terms.

I’m not trying to say “you go here, we go there” at ALL. I’m just saying that if it isn’t happening naturally, instead of getting angry and resentful, you figure something else out. That’s what I’ve done when I’ve been left out and what I tell my own kids to do when they’ve been left out in the past.

You can get super resentful or get creative.

It’s just so stark because I have one of each. In one grade, I’m a full citizen. In another grade, for reasons that I’ve spent thousands trying to overcome, some people can’t even meet the basic standards of politeness. I’m not asking for a new best friend. I’m asking for a lack of social rejection based on something that is happening *to* me. Remember, I am not autistic. I am *related* to someone who is autistic. People treated me quite well before I had kids. I remember being normal. My life had been forever changed and people make it worse by punishing me for things beyond my control. Then some of them put out yard signs that trumpet “kindness is everything”.

I know exactly how you feel. It’s the hypocrisy that stings. It’s not about forcing your kids to be friends with mine but yes, basic manners when it comes to school where all kids have the right to be. It’s good to seek out the genuinely accepting ones.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As the mom of DC1 with ASD1 and DC2 who’s not on the spectrum, the biggest room for growth I see is how other people treat me as a mom. Autistic DC is good at masking, but occasionally lashes out. People who met me through DC1 treat me with contempt. They assume I’m a bad parent and therefore a bad person. It’s worse than any bullying I experienced in middle school. It’s wild.

DC2 is sweet and charismatic. People who meet me through DC2 are eager to befriend our family. I’m popular among the kindergarten families, but a social pariah among the second grade families. Yes, we hide DC1 until they know us.

Liberal people who claim to be “inclusive” may be advocating for my child to get services, but are openly rude to me in the hall. That needs to change. You can be nice to the mom of a difficult kid and not invite that child to a birthday party.

I’ve had a similar experience. It can be really socially isolating. People absolutely assume I’m a bad mom.
I actually ended up sending my younger children to Catholic school while my ASD child remained in public where he has services. I’m probably overall more involved in the school where my oldest goes because I’m just there a lot with his stuff, but our social life and weekends are with the Catholic school parents who are nice to us.

I’ve also had a somewhat similar experience. My oldest has ADHD and some autistic traits but not enough for the diagnosis. My second is a preschooler but seems NT and so far is very well liked socially. I’ve met many other parents in the same boat.

Our good friends and family have stuck by us despite my son’s challenging behavior. To be honest I don’t really fault the new people we meet for not wanting to get closer as a family - it’s stressful to get together with us. Most people work full time jobs and have limited time for socializing on the weekends. They don’t want to entertain a kid who can’t play well with theirs or who has meltdowns. I assume most people are as accommodating as they can be.

I don’t think about whether people assume I’m a bad parent. I know I’m not. Meeting parents of similar kids has been a huge source of comfort for me and we can have non judgmental play dates. I also enjoy my time with NT child’s friends and their parents.

[Anonymous]

I’m sorry OP. It’s a reminder we all need to do better to be inclusive of differences regardless of our politics.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There are so many children with autism these days. I don’t understand why they can’t be friends with each other instead of expecting friendship from neurotypical kids.

Bonus is that their parents can also relate to other another and have empathy for the tantrums and non social behaviors because their child does the same thing.

I just can’t understand why blacks don’t attend their own schools and be happy that they have each other to relate to.

White Alabama housewife, 1954

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There are so many children with autism these days. I don’t understand why they can’t be friends with each other instead of expecting friendship from neurotypical kids.

Bonus is that their parents can also relate to other another and have empathy for the tantrums and non social behaviors because their child does the same thing.

Congratulations on writing the stupidest post of the day, maybe the year.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am not on the spectrum, and I wasn’t invited to a ton of parties as a kid probably because I was a shy, chubby kid. I wasn’t mean or demanding, I was just super quiet. I don’t think it was because the other kids hated me, they just didn’t think of me when putting their lists together. Nobody owed me an invite. Going to birthday parties isn’t a human right. It’s just a bonus.

Life isn’t fair. There isn’t equality. My immigrant parents taught me that from a very early age. Don’t expect it and you won’t be disappointed.

Have you tried to make a community with other kids with disabilities? That is very much a community, and you can have the parties be as accessible as you all need—low lights, low music, etc. so your child can enjoy the party on their terms.

I’m not trying to say “you go here, we go there” at ALL. I’m just saying that if it isn’t happening naturally, instead of getting angry and resentful, you figure something else out. That’s what I’ve done when I’ve been left out and what I tell my own kids to do when they’ve been left out in the past.

You can get super resentful or get creative.

It’s just so stark because I have one of each. In one grade, I’m a full citizen. In another grade, for reasons that I’ve spent thousands trying to overcome, some people can’t even meet the basic standards of politeness. I’m not asking for a new best friend. I’m asking for a lack of social rejection based on something that is happening *to* me. Remember, I am not autistic. I am *related* to someone who is autistic. People treated me quite well before I had kids. I remember being normal. My life had been forever changed and people make it worse by punishing me for things beyond my control. Then some of them put out yard signs that trumpet “kindness is everything”.

No one is punishing you and no one owes you anything. The victim complex (you're not a victim, BTW) is off-putting.