People love saying they’re inclusive of neurodiversity and disability. They’re not.

[Anonymous]

Maybe they don’t invite you because you come across as self-centered and entitled. Not b/c if neurodivergence or other differences.

[Anonymous]

As the mom of DC1 with ASD1 and DC2 who’s not on the spectrum, the biggest room for growth I see is how other people treat me as a mom. Autistic DC is good at masking, but occasionally lashes out. People who met me through DC1 treat me with contempt. They assume I’m a bad parent and therefore a bad person. It’s worse than any bullying I experienced in middle school. It’s wild.

DC2 is sweet and charismatic. People who meet me through DC2 are eager to befriend our family. I’m popular among the kindergarten families, but a social pariah among the second grade families. Yes, we hide DC1 until they know us.

Liberal people who claim to be “inclusive” may be advocating for my child to get services, but are openly rude to me in the hall. That needs to change. You can be nice to the mom of a difficult kid and not invite that child to a birthday party.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:As the mom of DC1 with ASD1 and DC2 who’s not on the spectrum, the biggest room for growth I see is how other people treat me as a mom. Autistic DC is good at masking, but occasionally lashes out. People who met me through DC1 treat me with contempt. They assume I’m a bad parent and therefore a bad person. It’s worse than any bullying I experienced in middle school. It’s wild.

DC2 is sweet and charismatic. People who meet me through DC2 are eager to befriend our family. I’m popular among the kindergarten families, but a social pariah among the second grade families. Yes, we hide DC1 until they know us.

Liberal people who claim to be “inclusive” may be advocating for my child to get services, but are openly rude to me in the hall. That needs to change. You can be nice to the mom of a difficult kid and not invite that child to a birthday party.

And before you ask, yes we are trying to help DC1. We’ve spent about $10,000 after insurance on various therapies. I just don’t think I need to share that information to deserve to be spoken to in a respectful tone or included in PTA committees. Again, I’m not even demanding play dates. I’m just begging to be treated like a part of the group when there are no children around.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:As the mom of DC1 with ASD1 and DC2 who’s not on the spectrum, the biggest room for growth I see is how other people treat me as a mom. Autistic DC is good at masking, but occasionally lashes out. People who met me through DC1 treat me with contempt. They assume I’m a bad parent and therefore a bad person. It’s worse than any bullying I experienced in middle school. It’s wild.

DC2 is sweet and charismatic. People who meet me through DC2 are eager to befriend our family. I’m popular among the kindergarten families, but a social pariah among the second grade families. Yes, we hide DC1 until they know us.

Liberal people who claim to be “inclusive” may be advocating for my child to get services, but are openly rude to me in the hall. That needs to change. You can be nice to the mom of a difficult kid and not invite that child to a birthday party.

I’ve had a similar experience. It can be really socially isolating. People absolutely assume I’m a bad mom.
I actually ended up sending my younger children to Catholic school while my ASD child remained in public where he has services. I’m probably overall more involved in the school where my oldest goes because I’m just there a lot with his stuff, but our social life and weekends are with the Catholic school parents who are nice to us.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Somewhere between voting conservative and inviting every kid in the class over has to be a place for someone who doesn’t want to dismantle the government and also can’t host 26 kids per year per child.

True, but it isn’t inviting 24 or 23 kids in a class of 25.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As the mom of DC1 with ASD1 and DC2 who’s not on the spectrum, the biggest room for growth I see is how other people treat me as a mom. Autistic DC is good at masking, but occasionally lashes out. People who met me through DC1 treat me with contempt. They assume I’m a bad parent and therefore a bad person. It’s worse than any bullying I experienced in middle school. It’s wild.

DC2 is sweet and charismatic. People who meet me through DC2 are eager to befriend our family. I’m popular among the kindergarten families, but a social pariah among the second grade families. Yes, we hide DC1 until they know us.

Liberal people who claim to be “inclusive” may be advocating for my child to get services, but are openly rude to me in the hall. That needs to change. You can be nice to the mom of a difficult kid and not invite that child to a birthday party.

I’ve had a similar experience. It can be really socially isolating. People absolutely assume I’m a bad mom.
I actually ended up sending my younger children to Catholic school while my ASD child remained in public where he has services. I’m probably overall more involved in the school where my oldest goes because I’m just there a lot with his stuff, but our social life and weekends are with the Catholic school parents who are nice to us.

I don’t think all people think ASD parents are bad parents. I was always very friendly with the ASD parents, as were the other parents in my child’s classes. But friction was always in the air, and I do think the ASD parents felt that. I reached my limit when coming out of school one day, every single child reported that the 10-year-old boy had thrown — not my child who was his age — but my 5-year-old on the ground and held him down. I was livid. Who was to blame? If I was struggling as an adult, he must’ve been really struggling. I didn’t want to blame him. But also, the teacher’s can’t isolate a child, they can’t prevent every incident. The parents were trying their best. No one was to blame for my 5-year-old being thrown down? Disciplinary measures were taken and additional preventative measures put in place. But I was still really upset. The parents stopped talking to me, and I didn’t go out of my way to start.

[Anonymous]

OP, I totally understand how you feel because I am autistic, as is my daughter. I also became disillusioned with the “be kind and inclusive” rhetoric in elementary school. I think my expectations were too high because people are so busy these days that generally they don’t have the time or energy to put these ideals in practice on the micro level. It’s better not to expect it and to focus on building relations with families whose children have IEPs.

The only consolation I can offer is that middle school comes for everyone. At that point a lot of parents watch their kids be excluded while they can’t do anything about it. It’s very painful and shocking for them just like it was for us.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As the mom of DC1 with ASD1 and DC2 who’s not on the spectrum, the biggest room for growth I see is how other people treat me as a mom. Autistic DC is good at masking, but occasionally lashes out. People who met me through DC1 treat me with contempt. They assume I’m a bad parent and therefore a bad person. It’s worse than any bullying I experienced in middle school. It’s wild.

DC2 is sweet and charismatic. People who meet me through DC2 are eager to befriend our family. I’m popular among the kindergarten families, but a social pariah among the second grade families. Yes, we hide DC1 until they know us.

Liberal people who claim to be “inclusive” may be advocating for my child to get services, but are openly rude to me in the hall. That needs to change. You can be nice to the mom of a difficult kid and not invite that child to a birthday party.

I’ve had a similar experience. It can be really socially isolating. People absolutely assume I’m a bad mom.
I actually ended up sending my younger children to Catholic school while my ASD child remained in public where he has services. I’m probably overall more involved in the school where my oldest goes because I’m just there a lot with his stuff, but our social life and weekends are with the Catholic school parents who are nice to us.

I don’t think all people think ASD parents are bad parents. I was always very friendly with the ASD parents, as were the other parents in my child’s classes. But friction was always in the air, and I do think the ASD parents felt that. I reached my limit when coming out of school one day, every single child reported that the 10-year-old boy had thrown — not my child who was his age — but my 5-year-old on the ground and held him down. I was livid. Who was to blame? If I was struggling as an adult, he must’ve been really struggling. I didn’t want to blame him. But also, the teacher’s can’t isolate a child, they can’t prevent every incident. The parents were trying their best. No one was to blame for my 5-year-old being thrown down? Disciplinary measures were taken and additional preventative measures put in place. But I was still really upset. The parents stopped talking to me, and I didn’t go out of my way to start.

Probably the parents of ASD2 kids. ASD1 kids are often the kids who appear to be just jerks. People are really kind to a friend of mine who has a nonverbal child who tantrums. They can see the disability. Because people can’t see my child’s disability beyond misbehavior, they assume it’s just misbehavior.

But let’s do a thought experiment. What if my DC really was just a glass bowl? What if I was doing my best and he really was a sociopath? Would I deserve to be cut off from my community? Isolated? If we didn’t have DC2 as proof that we’re good parents, I’m not sure how we would make friends. And that’s discrimination. Even if we were bad parents—which two different providers at two different facilities have confirmed that we’re not—we are humans. We have feelings. People can chit chat with us without subjecting their children to ours. To exclude us shows that people are not inclusive, because we have done nothing wrong. That’s the point of the thread.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As the mom of DC1 with ASD1 and DC2 who’s not on the spectrum, the biggest room for growth I see is how other people treat me as a mom. Autistic DC is good at masking, but occasionally lashes out. People who met me through DC1 treat me with contempt. They assume I’m a bad parent and therefore a bad person. It’s worse than any bullying I experienced in middle school. It’s wild.

DC2 is sweet and charismatic. People who meet me through DC2 are eager to befriend our family. I’m popular among the kindergarten families, but a social pariah among the second grade families. Yes, we hide DC1 until they know us.

Liberal people who claim to be “inclusive” may be advocating for my child to get services, but are openly rude to me in the hall. That needs to change. You can be nice to the mom of a difficult kid and not invite that child to a birthday party.

I’ve had a similar experience. It can be really socially isolating. People absolutely assume I’m a bad mom.
I actually ended up sending my younger children to Catholic school while my ASD child remained in public where he has services. I’m probably overall more involved in the school where my oldest goes because I’m just there a lot with his stuff, but our social life and weekends are with the Catholic school parents who are nice to us.

I don’t think all people think ASD parents are bad parents. I was always very friendly with the ASD parents, as were the other parents in my child’s classes. But friction was always in the air, and I do think the ASD parents felt that. I reached my limit when coming out of school one day, every single child reported that the 10-year-old boy had thrown — not my child who was his age — but my 5-year-old on the ground and held him down. I was livid. Who was to blame? If I was struggling as an adult, he must’ve been really struggling. I didn’t want to blame him. But also, the teacher’s can’t isolate a child, they can’t prevent every incident. The parents were trying their best. No one was to blame for my 5-year-old being thrown down? Disciplinary measures were taken and additional preventative measures put in place. But I was still really upset. The parents stopped talking to me, and I didn’t go out of my way to start.

Probably the parents of ASD2 kids. ASD1 kids are often the kids who appear to be just jerks. People are really kind to a friend of mine who has a nonverbal child who tantrums. They can see the disability. Because people can’t see my child’s disability beyond misbehavior, they assume it’s just misbehavior.

But let’s do a thought experiment. What if my DC really was just a glass bowl? What if I was doing my best and he really was a sociopath? Would I deserve to be cut off from my community? Isolated? If we didn’t have DC2 as proof that we’re good parents, I’m not sure how we would make friends. And that’s discrimination. Even if we were bad parents—which two different providers at two different facilities have confirmed that we’re not—we are humans. We have feelings. People can chit chat with us without subjecting their children to ours. To exclude us shows that people are not inclusive, because we have done nothing wrong. That’s the point of the thread.

Most of people don’t become friends with because they’re good or bad parents. They become friends, because they find emotional safety.

People get turned off by what hurts them. I can get over kid things enough to separate parents from kids, but it takes much more effort to find emotional safety with parents whose kids keep hurting mine for any reason.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It’s taken you this long to learn that most leftists are hypocrites?

I do't think its hypocrisy at all and I think this a huge shortcoming in a lot of peoples views and related arguments. I support DEI initiatives, most of which (outside of an overall societal benefits) don't directly benefit me in any way. Me support people having certain rights doesn't me an I inherently have benefit from that right, engage with those that benefit from, or participate in the execution of those rights. I feel even the most blatantly guilty people should be afforded due process and should have far better free counsel than what they receive, that doesn't mean I want to go hang out with known criminals. I don't really agree with any religion, and feel are should be free to practice their religion without any hesitation or fear at all, I don't need to go to or participate in any of those religions to support that right. I financially support gay rights organizations, I don't go any events and don't need to go hang out at a gay bar to be confidant in my support.

Remember all the yellow ribbons "in support of soldiers" everywhere during the wars in Afghanistan/Iraq. 97% of the people that displayed those, did not have a soldier in family, did not donate anything, did not engage with soldiers or vets in any way.

I am pro choice even though I personally feel I would not have an abortion. But I also don't know because I have never been faced with that choice.

I think what you need to acknowledge is that those people aren't against you and do support you. You don't get to dictate or have an expectation of what "support" is looks like. Those who don't support you are actively speaking out or intentionally doing things to harm you. Passive ignorance is not intentional harm. Those against things tend to speak out or take intentional action against what thy don't agree with. You should assume those don't are on your side, they don't have to take actions to support you, that is unreasonable. Support can also be the simple of act of NOT taking action against.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I stopped including the autistic kid down the street after he slammed my kid’s head into the cinder block wall at school and on a separate occasion choked my other smaller child. No more play dates, no more invites. Not worth it. Not sure why your kid is being left out, but there might be a reason.

💯

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:As the mom of DC1 with ASD1 and DC2 who’s not on the spectrum, the biggest room for growth I see is how other people treat me as a mom. Autistic DC is good at masking, but occasionally lashes out. People who met me through DC1 treat me with contempt. They assume I’m a bad parent and therefore a bad person. It’s worse than any bullying I experienced in middle school. It’s wild.

DC2 is sweet and charismatic. People who meet me through DC2 are eager to befriend our family. I’m popular among the kindergarten families, but a social pariah among the second grade families. Yes, we hide DC1 until they know us.

Liberal people who claim to be “inclusive” may be advocating for my child to get services, but are openly rude to me in the hall. That needs to change. You can be nice to the mom of a difficult kid and not invite that child to a birthday party.

People with good social skills are generally more liked than those without. This is not controversial.

[Anonymous]

I am not on the spectrum, and I wasn’t invited to a ton of parties as a kid probably because I was a shy, chubby kid. I wasn’t mean or demanding, I was just super quiet. I don’t think it was because the other kids hated me, they just didn’t think of me when putting their lists together. Nobody owed me an invite. Going to birthday parties isn’t a human right. It’s just a bonus.

Life isn’t fair. There isn’t equality. My immigrant parents taught me that from a very early age. Don’t expect it and you won’t be disappointed.

Have you tried to make a community with other kids with disabilities? That is very much a community, and you can have the parties be as accessible as you all need—low lights, low music, etc. so your child can enjoy the party on their terms.

I’m not trying to say “you go here, we go there” at ALL. I’m just saying that if it isn’t happening naturally, instead of getting angry and resentful, you figure something else out. That’s what I’ve done when I’ve been left out and what I tell my own kids to do when they’ve been left out in the past.

You can get super resentful or get creative.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As the mom of DC1 with ASD1 and DC2 who’s not on the spectrum, the biggest room for growth I see is how other people treat me as a mom. Autistic DC is good at masking, but occasionally lashes out. People who met me through DC1 treat me with contempt. They assume I’m a bad parent and therefore a bad person. It’s worse than any bullying I experienced in middle school. It’s wild.

DC2 is sweet and charismatic. People who meet me through DC2 are eager to befriend our family. I’m popular among the kindergarten families, but a social pariah among the second grade families. Yes, we hide DC1 until they know us.

Liberal people who claim to be “inclusive” may be advocating for my child to get services, but are openly rude to me in the hall. That needs to change. You can be nice to the mom of a difficult kid and not invite that child to a birthday party.

I’ve had a similar experience. It can be really socially isolating. People absolutely assume I’m a bad mom.
I actually ended up sending my younger children to Catholic school while my ASD child remained in public where he has services. I’m probably overall more involved in the school where my oldest goes because I’m just there a lot with his stuff, but our social life and weekends are with the Catholic school parents who are nice to us.

I don’t think all people think ASD parents are bad parents. I was always very friendly with the ASD parents, as were the other parents in my child’s classes. But friction was always in the air, and I do think the ASD parents felt that. I reached my limit when coming out of school one day, every single child reported that the 10-year-old boy had thrown — not my child who was his age — but my 5-year-old on the ground and held him down. I was livid. Who was to blame? If I was struggling as an adult, he must’ve been really struggling. I didn’t want to blame him. But also, the teacher’s can’t isolate a child, they can’t prevent every incident. The parents were trying their best. No one was to blame for my 5-year-old being thrown down? Disciplinary measures were taken and additional preventative measures put in place. But I was still really upset. The parents stopped talking to me, and I didn’t go out of my way to start.

Probably the parents of ASD2 kids. ASD1 kids are often the kids who appear to be just jerks. People are really kind to a friend of mine who has a nonverbal child who tantrums. They can see the disability. Because people can’t see my child’s disability beyond misbehavior, they assume it’s just misbehavior.

But let’s do a thought experiment. What if my DC really was just a glass bowl? What if I was doing my best and he really was a sociopath? Would I deserve to be cut off from my community? Isolated? If we didn’t have DC2 as proof that we’re good parents, I’m not sure how we would make friends. And that’s discrimination. Even if we were bad parents—which two different providers at two different facilities have confirmed that we’re not—we are humans. We have feelings. People can chit chat with us without subjecting their children to ours. To exclude us shows that people are not inclusive, because we have done nothing wrong. That’s the point of the thread.

Most of people don’t become friends with because they’re good or bad parents. They become friends, because they find emotional safety.

People get turned off by what hurts them. I can get over kid things enough to separate parents from kids, but it takes much more effort to find emotional safety with parents whose kids keep hurting mine for any reason.

I can see this view. I am really not able to be close to parents whose kids tease, harass, exclude and are just generally mean to my ASD child. We won’t talk about the ones who have actually physically assaulted my child. All supposedly NT kids.

Remember, ND kids are much more likely to be victims than perpetrators. But they are different so most people don’t see/care.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Somewhere between voting conservative and inviting every kid in the class over has to be a place for someone who doesn’t want to dismantle the government and also can’t host 26 kids per year per child.

What now? We voted conservative until Trump and invite 30+ kids.