People love saying they’re inclusive of neurodiversity and disability. They’re not.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s DEI.

I think you need to work this out with a therapist.

The E stands for equity and it’s more a function of making sure there’s equal pay in the workplace. Not really the point the post is trying to make which is children being included.

Equity is important in school because some kids get an hour of reading lesson and some people get an hour and a half because that’s what they need. That is equity.

Equity would be giving everyone an hour and a half whether they need it or not.

Equity would be teaching to potential, at each kids challenge level for the same 45 minutes and $200/hr.

No again that equality.

Obviously everyone agrees with “equality” and equal opportunity for all.
But the new age “equity” loosey goosey fake definition, when people have all different natural skills, abilities and needs, ain’t going anywhere. And it hasn’t. It’s nonsense.
Get a private teacher or governess with your own money.

[Anonymous]

We have close friends whose kids we invited to a lot of our functions (maybe 8-12 times a year). As they got older, and all the other kids learned to behave better, they got more and more out of control. Last party they were stealing snacks in my pantry. I’m generous and absolutely would have put out more food if I knew they were hungry- nope these were snacks for later at home for them. Their pockets and hands were full. The mom just laughs. They also took over every birthday party and wanted to be the center of the show.

Idk they just lack self control but mostly the parents do nothing to help the kids learn social cues. Like no, you don’t get to start eating cupcakes at a birthday party right when you arrive and before we sing happy birthday. At a summer bbq, they filled their entire plate with watermelon. It was at least half an entire watermelon and most of the other kids didn’t get any in the buffet line. I eventually got to where I had my parents and my dh looking out to make sure food wasn’t being raided or they were going through goody bags beforehand. We definitely stepped in and said no nonstop, which I typically wouldn’t do with other kids (because I mostly never need to…)

I feel for the parents and the kids but I can’t deal with the combo of gentle parenting + neurodivergent kids. I put them in the same category as the girl who punched my dd and broke her nose and had a burn book in second grade. That girl also doesn’t get invited since so many little girls were harmed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am not on the spectrum, and I wasn’t invited to a ton of parties as a kid probably because I was a shy, chubby kid. I wasn’t mean or demanding, I was just super quiet. I don’t think it was because the other kids hated me, they just didn’t think of me when putting their lists together. Nobody owed me an invite. Going to birthday parties isn’t a human right. It’s just a bonus.

Life isn’t fair. There isn’t equality. My immigrant parents taught me that from a very early age. Don’t expect it and you won’t be disappointed.

Have you tried to make a community with other kids with disabilities? That is very much a community, and you can have the parties be as accessible as you all need—low lights, low music, etc. so your child can enjoy the party on their terms.

I’m not trying to say “you go here, we go there” at ALL. I’m just saying that if it isn’t happening naturally, instead of getting angry and resentful, you figure something else out. That’s what I’ve done when I’ve been left out and what I tell my own kids to do when they’ve been left out in the past.

You can get super resentful or get creative.

It’s just so stark because I have one of each. In one grade, I’m a full citizen. In another grade, for reasons that I’ve spent thousands trying to overcome, some people can’t even meet the basic standards of politeness. I’m not asking for a new best friend. I’m asking for a lack of social rejection based on something that is happening *to* me. Remember, I am not autistic. I am *related* to someone who is autistic. People treated me quite well before I had kids. I remember being normal. My life had been forever changed and people make it worse by punishing me for things beyond my control. Then some of them put out yard signs that trumpet “kindness is everything”.

No one is punishing you and no one owes you anything. The victim complex (you're not a victim, BTW) is off-putting.

+1 This victimese nonsense is really offputting. "my kid is disabled so you owe meeee!!!" No, we don't. Nobody does. And you acting entitled and calling people out on their politics reveals exactly why you have no friends.

Well then don’t put a sign on your lawn about kindness; don’t blather about the school values of “empathy”; and certainly don’t act sweet as pie when I am room mom because you want something when you treated me like a pariah the year before when my child was having a tough time.

Lady, go to therapy. You're whining like the whole world is out to get you without spending any time considering why. You're nasty, judgmental, entitled, and a bit of a brat. That's about YOU, not your kid. People don't owe you their attention. Sometimes the kindest thing I can offer a fellow adult having a meltdown like the one you're having here is simply ignoring your ass.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s DEI.

I think you need to work this out with a therapist.

The E stands for equity and it’s more a function of making sure there’s equal pay in the workplace. Not really the point the post is trying to make which is children being included.

Equity is important in school because some kids get an hour of reading lesson and some people get an hour and a half because that’s what they need. That is equity.

Equity would be giving everyone an hour and a half whether they need it or not.

No that is equality. Equity is giving everyone what they need to be on the same level. Equality is giving everyone the same resources.

So dumb 2/3s of everyone down whilst focusing only on the bottom third. Got it. Equity.

We’re educating children so that they can be useful in our society. We are not educating people to go to Harvard.

Say yes, we need to educate everybody

Actually we’re “educating” half the country to graduate at a 7th grade reading and math level. Far from Harvard or really any college or employment material. Even MCPS! Such a barbell.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As the mom of DC1 with ASD1 and DC2 who’s not on the spectrum, the biggest room for growth I see is how other people treat me as a mom. Autistic DC is good at masking, but occasionally lashes out. People who met me through DC1 treat me with contempt. They assume I’m a bad parent and therefore a bad person. It’s worse than any bullying I experienced in middle school. It’s wild.

DC2 is sweet and charismatic. People who meet me through DC2 are eager to befriend our family. I’m popular among the kindergarten families, but a social pariah among the second grade families. Yes, we hide DC1 until they know us.

Liberal people who claim to be “inclusive” may be advocating for my child to get services, but are openly rude to me in the hall. That needs to change. You can be nice to the mom of a difficult kid and not invite that child to a birthday party.

I’ve had a similar experience. It can be really socially isolating. People absolutely assume I’m a bad mom.
I actually ended up sending my younger children to Catholic school while my ASD child remained in public where he has services. I’m probably overall more involved in the school where my oldest goes because I’m just there a lot with his stuff, but our social life and weekends are with the Catholic school parents who are nice to us.

I don’t think all people think ASD parents are bad parents. I was always very friendly with the ASD parents, as were the other parents in my child’s classes. But friction was always in the air, and I do think the ASD parents felt that. I reached my limit when coming out of school one day, every single child reported that the 10-year-old boy had thrown — not my child who was his age — but my 5-year-old on the ground and held him down. I was livid. Who was to blame? If I was struggling as an adult, he must’ve been really struggling. I didn’t want to blame him. But also, the teacher’s can’t isolate a child, they can’t prevent every incident. The parents were trying their best. No one was to blame for my 5-year-old being thrown down? Disciplinary measures were taken and additional preventative measures put in place. But I was still really upset. The parents stopped talking to me, and I didn’t go out of my way to start.

I don’t understand why you wouldn’t talk to the parents.
I have a child with autism. One time several of the girls in the class got together and told my son that they wanted to be his friend. They sat wit him at lunch and were nice to him all day. At the end of the day they laughed at him and told him that they couldn’t believe that he fell for it and thought that anyone would want to be his friend.
The first thing I did when I heard about it was call those girls’ moms.

Like the movie!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As the mom of DC1 with ASD1 and DC2 who’s not on the spectrum, the biggest room for growth I see is how other people treat me as a mom. Autistic DC is good at masking, but occasionally lashes out. People who met me through DC1 treat me with contempt. They assume I’m a bad parent and therefore a bad person. It’s worse than any bullying I experienced in middle school. It’s wild.

DC2 is sweet and charismatic. People who meet me through DC2 are eager to befriend our family. I’m popular among the kindergarten families, but a social pariah among the second grade families. Yes, we hide DC1 until they know us.

Liberal people who claim to be “inclusive” may be advocating for my child to get services, but are openly rude to me in the hall. That needs to change. You can be nice to the mom of a difficult kid and not invite that child to a birthday party.

I’ve had a similar experience. It can be really socially isolating. People absolutely assume I’m a bad mom.
I actually ended up sending my younger children to Catholic school while my ASD child remained in public where he has services. I’m probably overall more involved in the school where my oldest goes because I’m just there a lot with his stuff, but our social life and weekends are with the Catholic school parents who are nice to us.

I don’t think all people think ASD parents are bad parents. I was always very friendly with the ASD parents, as were the other parents in my child’s classes. But friction was always in the air, and I do think the ASD parents felt that. I reached my limit when coming out of school one day, every single child reported that the 10-year-old boy had thrown — not my child who was his age — but my 5-year-old on the ground and held him down. I was livid. Who was to blame? If I was struggling as an adult, he must’ve been really struggling. I didn’t want to blame him. But also, the teacher’s can’t isolate a child, they can’t prevent every incident. The parents were trying their best. No one was to blame for my 5-year-old being thrown down? Disciplinary measures were taken and additional preventative measures put in place. But I was still really upset. The parents stopped talking to me, and I didn’t go out of my way to start.

I don’t understand why you wouldn’t talk to the parents.
I have a child with autism. One time several of the girls in the class got together and told my son that they wanted to be his friend. They sat wit him at lunch and were nice to him all day. At the end of the day they laughed at him and told him that they couldn’t believe that he fell for it and thought that anyone would want to be his friend.
The first thing I did when I heard about it was call those girls’ moms.

Where do you think they learned it from?

Np- many of the mean girls I know come from nice families with nice moms. Their moms are the opposite of mean girls and often are very laid back, don’t care about looks.

Girls can think it up on their own how to be mean.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As the mom of DC1 with ASD1 and DC2 who’s not on the spectrum, the biggest room for growth I see is how other people treat me as a mom. Autistic DC is good at masking, but occasionally lashes out. People who met me through DC1 treat me with contempt. They assume I’m a bad parent and therefore a bad person. It’s worse than any bullying I experienced in middle school. It’s wild.

DC2 is sweet and charismatic. People who meet me through DC2 are eager to befriend our family. I’m popular among the kindergarten families, but a social pariah among the second grade families. Yes, we hide DC1 until they know us.

Liberal people who claim to be “inclusive” may be advocating for my child to get services, but are openly rude to me in the hall. That needs to change. You can be nice to the mom of a difficult kid and not invite that child to a birthday party.

I’ve had a similar experience. It can be really socially isolating. People absolutely assume I’m a bad mom.
I actually ended up sending my younger children to Catholic school while my ASD child remained in public where he has services. I’m probably overall more involved in the school where my oldest goes because I’m just there a lot with his stuff, but our social life and weekends are with the Catholic school parents who are nice to us.

I don’t think all people think ASD parents are bad parents. I was always very friendly with the ASD parents, as were the other parents in my child’s classes. But friction was always in the air, and I do think the ASD parents felt that. I reached my limit when coming out of school one day, every single child reported that the 10-year-old boy had thrown — not my child who was his age — but my 5-year-old on the ground and held him down. I was livid. Who was to blame? If I was struggling as an adult, he must’ve been really struggling. I didn’t want to blame him. But also, the teacher’s can’t isolate a child, they can’t prevent every incident. The parents were trying their best. No one was to blame for my 5-year-old being thrown down? Disciplinary measures were taken and additional preventative measures put in place. But I was still really upset. The parents stopped talking to me, and I didn’t go out of my way to start.

Isn’t autism highly genetic?

Most autistic parents were not diagnosed and thus don’t think their autistic child has any symptoms or issues whatsoever.

Trying being the kid’s homeroom teacher and pussyfooting around that at the parent/teacher conferences.

Why do teachers do this? Do they teach you how to pussyfoot when you get your teaching certification?
It wasn’t until my child was in a homeschool co-op with a non-certified teacher that I actually heard what was going on with him at school.

Well now you know. Teachers who voice a student concern get yelled at by the parents or get reported and yelled at by the admin. Been like that for 25 years.

You should get yelled at by parents and administrators for not sharing your concerns about your students.

Do you live in America? Public school teachers are coached not to hint at special needs or learning disabilities or mental disorders.
You have to bring up your concerns yourself and get tested or demand public school testing plus teacher surveys.
Private schools also simply say everything is fine.

Everything is fine. Until it’s not.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s DEI.

I think you need to work this out with a therapist.

The E stands for equity and it’s more a function of making sure there’s equal pay in the workplace. Not really the point the post is trying to make which is children being included.

Equity is important in school because some kids get an hour of reading lesson and some people get an hour and a half because that’s what they need. That is equity.

Equity would be giving everyone an hour and a half whether they need it or not.

No that is equality. Equity is giving everyone what they need to be on the same level. Equality is giving everyone the same resources.

So dumb 2/3s of everyone down whilst focusing only on the bottom third. Got it. Equity.

And I suppose your little crotchdumps are in the top third. Oh, woe is you.

Also, you POS, my ASD child is wicked smart and doesn’t need anything dumbed down for her. Nor does she have tantrums or “accidents”. The only thing she doesn’t get is unkind people. She’s better than you in literally every way.

If she’s rude like you then she has a ton of work to do.

Oh, so you have reading comprehension issues too?

She’s better than you. And me. She is kind. I, however, recognize pieces of complete crap like you for the scum you are and will treat you accordingly.

Dude, you sound like an abuser. Get help. before you ruin all your relationships, including that with your child.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am not on the spectrum, and I wasn’t invited to a ton of parties as a kid probably because I was a shy, chubby kid. I wasn’t mean or demanding, I was just super quiet. I don’t think it was because the other kids hated me, they just didn’t think of me when putting their lists together. Nobody owed me an invite. Going to birthday parties isn’t a human right. It’s just a bonus.

Life isn’t fair. There isn’t equality. My immigrant parents taught me that from a very early age. Don’t expect it and you won’t be disappointed.

Have you tried to make a community with other kids with disabilities? That is very much a community, and you can have the parties be as accessible as you all need—low lights, low music, etc. so your child can enjoy the party on their terms.

I’m not trying to say “you go here, we go there” at ALL. I’m just saying that if it isn’t happening naturally, instead of getting angry and resentful, you figure something else out. That’s what I’ve done when I’ve been left out and what I tell my own kids to do when they’ve been left out in the past.

You can get super resentful or get creative.

It’s just so stark because I have one of each. In one grade, I’m a full citizen. In another grade, for reasons that I’ve spent thousands trying to overcome, some people can’t even meet the basic standards of politeness. I’m not asking for a new best friend. I’m asking for a lack of social rejection based on something that is happening *to* me. Remember, I am not autistic. I am *related* to someone who is autistic. People treated me quite well before I had kids. I remember being normal. My life had been forever changed and people make it worse by punishing me for things beyond my control. Then some of them put out yard signs that trumpet “kindness is everything”.

No one is punishing you and no one owes you anything. The victim complex (you're not a victim, BTW) is off-putting.

+1 This victimese nonsense is really offputting. "my kid is disabled so you owe meeee!!!" No, we don't. Nobody does. And you acting entitled and calling people out on their politics reveals exactly why you have no friends.

Why does no one owe OP anything while she is caring for a SN child? Is she supposed to have some kind of special knowledge on how to do this? Does she get paid for it somehow?
Why are she and her spouse supposed to do this alone?

SO her neighbors and fellow parents are supposed to magically know for her? OP needs access to professional resources and trained help. That's what we vote for and support. That doesn't mean I, personally, am supposed to know what the hell she needs and magically provide it without her having to ask.

And you think she's supposed to get PAID?! You live in a delusional fantasyworld. Meanwhile, back in reality, every parent is struggling with their own lives and doing the best they can. If you need help, put on your big kid undies and ask, but don't demand or expect. Nobody owes you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s DEI.

I think you need to work this out with a therapist.

The E stands for equity and it’s more a function of making sure there’s equal pay in the workplace. Not really the point the post is trying to make which is children being included.

Equity is important in school because some kids get an hour of reading lesson and some people get an hour and a half because that’s what they need. That is equity.

Equity would be giving everyone an hour and a half whether they need it or not.

No that is equality. Equity is giving everyone what they need to be on the same level. Equality is giving everyone the same resources.

So dumb 2/3s of everyone down whilst focusing only on the bottom third. Got it. Equity.

And I suppose your little crotchdumps are in the top third. Oh, woe is you.

Also, you POS, my ASD child is wicked smart and doesn’t need anything dumbed down for her. Nor does she have tantrums or “accidents”. The only thing she doesn’t get is unkind people. She’s better than you in literally every way.

Way to prove a totally different point (yours unhinged & cursing) and disprove your actual new point (how kind you are). Well done!

And not even respond to the post about education equity and equality. Well done again PP!

Again, loser. I NEVER said I was kind.

You’ve already proven what you are many times Pp. Gracias!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We have close friends whose kids we invited to a lot of our functions (maybe 8-12 times a year). As they got older, and all the other kids learned to behave better, they got more and more out of control. Last party they were stealing snacks in my pantry. I’m generous and absolutely would have put out more food if I knew they were hungry- nope these were snacks for later at home for them. Their pockets and hands were full. The mom just laughs. They also took over every birthday party and wanted to be the center of the show.

Idk they just lack self control but mostly the parents do nothing to help the kids learn social cues. Like no, you don’t get to start eating cupcakes at a birthday party right when you arrive and before we sing happy birthday. At a summer bbq, they filled their entire plate with watermelon. It was at least half an entire watermelon and most of the other kids didn’t get any in the buffet line. I eventually got to where I had my parents and my dh looking out to make sure food wasn’t being raided or they were going through goody bags beforehand. We definitely stepped in and said no nonstop, which I typically wouldn’t do with other kids (because I mostly never need to…)

I feel for the parents and the kids but I can’t deal with the combo of gentle parenting + neurodivergent kids. I put them in the same category as the girl who punched my dd and broke her nose and had a burn book in second grade. That girl also doesn’t get invited since so many little girls were harmed.

That's not "gentle parenting". That's self centered while parenting

[Anonymous]

Ahole not while

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We have close friends whose kids we invited to a lot of our functions (maybe 8-12 times a year). As they got older, and all the other kids learned to behave better, they got more and more out of control. Last party they were stealing snacks in my pantry. I’m generous and absolutely would have put out more food if I knew they were hungry- nope these were snacks for later at home for them. Their pockets and hands were full. The mom just laughs. They also took over every birthday party and wanted to be the center of the show.

Idk they just lack self control but mostly the parents do nothing to help the kids learn social cues. Like no, you don’t get to start eating cupcakes at a birthday party right when you arrive and before we sing happy birthday. At a summer bbq, they filled their entire plate with watermelon. It was at least half an entire watermelon and most of the other kids didn’t get any in the buffet line. I eventually got to where I had my parents and my dh looking out to make sure food wasn’t being raided or they were going through goody bags beforehand. We definitely stepped in and said no nonstop, which I typically wouldn’t do with other kids (because I mostly never need to…)

I feel for the parents and the kids but I can’t deal with the combo of gentle parenting + neurodivergent kids. I put them in the same category as the girl who punched my dd and broke her nose and had a burn book in second grade. That girl also doesn’t get invited since so many little girls were harmed.

Yikes, they are raising entitled, spoiled monsters, NT or ND.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s DEI.

I think you need to work this out with a therapist.

The E stands for equity and it’s more a function of making sure there’s equal pay in the workplace. Not really the point the post is trying to make which is children being included.

Equity is important in school because some kids get an hour of reading lesson and some people get an hour and a half because that’s what they need. That is equity.

Equity would be giving everyone an hour and a half whether they need it or not.

No that is equality. Equity is giving everyone what they need to be on the same level. Equality is giving everyone the same resources.

So dumb 2/3s of everyone down whilst focusing only on the bottom third. Got it. Equity.

And I suppose your little crotchdumps are in the top third. Oh, woe is you.

Also, you POS, my ASD child is wicked smart and doesn’t need anything dumbed down for her. Nor does she have tantrums or “accidents”. The only thing she doesn’t get is unkind people. She’s better than you in literally every way.

If she’s rude like you then she has a ton of work to do.

Oh, so you have reading comprehension issues too?

She’s better than you. And me. She is kind. I, however, recognize pieces of complete crap like you for the scum you are and will treat you accordingly.

Is this OP? Is this the attitude you model for your kid(s)? Because if you behave this way, it makes sense nobody wants to be around you and yours.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We have close friends whose kids we invited to a lot of our functions (maybe 8-12 times a year). As they got older, and all the other kids learned to behave better, they got more and more out of control. Last party they were stealing snacks in my pantry. I’m generous and absolutely would have put out more food if I knew they were hungry- nope these were snacks for later at home for them. Their pockets and hands were full. The mom just laughs. They also took over every birthday party and wanted to be the center of the show.

Idk they just lack self control but mostly the parents do nothing to help the kids learn social cues. Like no, you don’t get to start eating cupcakes at a birthday party right when you arrive and before we sing happy birthday. At a summer bbq, they filled their entire plate with watermelon. It was at least half an entire watermelon and most of the other kids didn’t get any in the buffet line. I eventually got to where I had my parents and my dh looking out to make sure food wasn’t being raided or they were going through goody bags beforehand. We definitely stepped in and said no nonstop, which I typically wouldn’t do with other kids (because I mostly never need to…)

I feel for the parents and the kids but I can’t deal with the combo of gentle parenting + neurodivergent kids. I put them in the same category as the girl who punched my dd and broke her nose and had a burn book in second grade. That girl also doesn’t get invited since so many little girls were harmed.

That's not "gentle parenting". That's self centered while parenting

Agree, that’s negligence and No Parenting. Or disciplining or parenting or consequences.