Punctuality Disagreement

[Anonymous]

I’m probably more like spouse A, but if I leave earlier, it isn’t a big deal or a threat, and I don’t try to embarrass my spouse in front of other people.
I just order the food and drink I know they will like and see them when they get there.

[Anonymous]

Team Spouse A.

[Anonymous]

Spouse A was a 100% right. OP should use the embarrassment of this situation to learn how not to be late. It's totally narcissistic behavior.

[Anonymous]

No. If B thinks it’s ok to be late for their friends and family, fine. However it is disrespectful to the other couple, Spouse A, and the restaurant to be late.

If I had told my spouse on multiple occasions that it was important to me to be on time to meet friends or family, a scheduled event, or restaurant reservation and they repeatedly failed to be punctual, I would assume they didn’t care. I wouldn’t give them the option to take an Uber later, I would say they were home and not feeling well. We would got to fewer events together. I would be flexible however on family plans that didn’t involve other people waiting on us or a set start time. For example if we agreed to go to the farmer’s market on Saturday around 10am and we didn’t leave until 10:30, I would say nothing and roll with it.

[Anonymous]

Spouse A is a punctuality freak. Spouse B should ask for a divorce. They are incompatible.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Spouse A is a punctuality freak. Spouse B should ask for a divorce. They are incompatible.

Another narcissist found the thread. The rest of the world thinks you're obnoxious and rude.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Spouse A is a punctuality freak. Spouse B should ask for a divorce. They are incompatible.

They are not compatible because Spouse B is rude and disrespectful.

[Anonymous]

Spouse A is right, but if I were Spouse B and you left without me, I wouldn’t uber myself to the restaurant; I would stay home.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Spouse A is right, but if I were Spouse B and you left without me, I wouldn’t uber myself to the restaurant; I would stay home.

I wouldn’t care if you left without me. But the threatening and then deliberately embarrassing me in front of work friends would not be okay.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Spouse A is right, but if I were Spouse B and you left without me, I wouldn’t uber myself to the restaurant; I would stay home.

I wouldn’t care if you left without me. But the threatening and then deliberately embarrassing me in front of work friends would not be okay.

But why would you be embarrassed? If being late is not rude, there is nothing to be embarrassed about, right?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Suppose Spouse A is big on punctuality because they come from a military background and also feel that being on time means respecting other people's time. Spouse A also thinks that punctuality is a good habit to pass on to children. Spouse B is less punctual and feels that being 15-30 minutes late is not that big of a deal. Part of this is attributable to cultural/family background and part of it is a tendency to get distracted.

They have discussed the issue repeatedly and Spouse A frequently threatens to just leave Spouse B and go to events, but has never followed through with it until this weekend. They were supposed to meet another couple for dinner and were already running late. The other couple consists of Spouse A's work colleague and their spouse. They are work friends, but not best friends, and the couples have hung out socially together a few times. Spouse A told Spouse B that if they were not ready in 5 minutes, they could take an Uber to the restaurant. Spouse A actually followed through and left to the restaurant in frustration while Spouse B was still dithering.

Spouse B is furious with Spouse A and feels they were trying to embarrass them. Was Spouse A a too drastic?

No, and I am spouse B in your description. If my spouse left me behind to be on time I would not be furious.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Spouse A is right, but if I were Spouse B and you left without me, I wouldn’t uber myself to the restaurant; I would stay home.

I wouldn’t care if you left without me. But the threatening and then deliberately embarrassing me in front of work friends would not be okay.

But why would you be embarrassed? If being late is not rude, there is nothing to be embarrassed about, right?

I don’t know why spouse B was embarrassed or what spouse A said. I would assume that he was mocking his wife with his work friends before she arrived.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Spouse A is right, but if I were Spouse B and you left without me, I wouldn’t uber myself to the restaurant; I would stay home.

Yes, I would stay home and possibly even leave Spouse A. They picked their friends over their spouse.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Spouse A is right, but if I were Spouse B and you left without me, I wouldn’t uber myself to the restaurant; I would stay home.

I wouldn’t care if you left without me. But the threatening and then deliberately embarrassing me in front of work friends would not be okay.

Didn't YOU embarrass YOURSELF by not being ready to go on time? Why can't you take responsibility for your (in)actions?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Spouse A is right, but if I were Spouse B and you left without me, I wouldn’t uber myself to the restaurant; I would stay home.

I wouldn’t care if you left without me. But the threatening and then deliberately embarrassing me in front of work friends would not be okay.

Didn't YOU embarrass YOURSELF by not being ready to go on time? Why can't you take responsibility for your (in)actions?

I’m not usually the one who is late, but I don’t make a big thing of it if DH is late. I just say that he is running behind and will be there soon.
I don’t threaten him or try to embarrass him.