Punctuality Disagreement

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Spouse A should have done this years ago. Being late when you're meeting specific people is SO rude. Being late to a reservation is rude to the restaurant. Being 15 minutes late to a 50 person backyard party? No big deal.

But then you're not really "late" - it's just that it didn't have a hard start time. Those events are usually "12-5" or whatever, so showing up at 12:30 isn't late, it's within the window.

No, showing up at 12:30 is late. There is no such thing as "within the window". Would you say the same thing if someone shows up at 4pm? Isn't it still within the 12-5 window? It starts at 12 and you must be there at 12 otherwise you are late. period.

I'm the PP and I'm a Spouse A all the way, but a 50-person backyard party does not have a hard start time (it might have a hard stop time). I wouldn't be bothered if someone showed up at 4 pm but I would be annoyed if they then asked me to make them some food because it had all been eaten.

Maybe you don't socialize much, but we throw big parties all the time at our house, the beach, the pool, the park, and I couldn't care less when people show up because I'm not cooking a seated four-course meal. The food will be ready at 12. If you show up at 1, the hamburgers won't be fresh, or they will be because we'll still be grilling. If you show up at 3, there probably won't be any potato salad left, but that's on you.

But I bet that if all your guests are the Spouse B types who don’t care about punctuality, and all show up at 4pm, you’ll be mad.

You would have made everything ready by 12, and sat alone for hours waiting for the guests to arrive. Not fun.

Your parties go well because you have guests like Spouse A, who care about punctuality.

I'm the PP and you're right. But to be honest, I only have one, maybe two friends who are like Spouse B. I generally can't stand people who think their time is more valuable than others so they're not the kind of people I'd be friends with and invite to parties anyway.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think there has been a lot of projecting as to the definition of threat. Spouse A simply could have said, I’m sick of you being late, if you’re not ready I’m leaving without you. Op never mentioned angry, loud, aggressive threats. Just that Spouse A has said on multiple occasions they would just leave and in this case they did.

People are posting as if the OP described some knock down drag out fight then a scene in front of the friends at the restaurant but the OP did nothing of the sort.

I don’t think it means that.

Look, if my teenager is failing math, and I threaten to get him a tutor if he doesn’t improve his grades, then finally hire a tutor in frustration when he fails his next exam, that implies a certain kind of interaction.

If my teenager is failing math, and I offer to hire a tutor to help out if he keeps struggling, and then when he fails his next test, I find a tutor for him…that implies a different kind of interaction.

The initial scenario isn’t a knock down drag out screaming fight (although it could be). But whatever it is, it’s definitely laced with anger and hostility.

Most people wouldn’t do this to their kids. So why do it to your spouse?

Why would Spouse B be so inconsiderate to Spouse A? They know the timeliness is an issue - Spouse A comes from a military background and has always made punctuality a thing and has repeatedly asked Spouse B to be on time. But Spouse B can't be bothered to care about what anyone else thinks. Why would you do that to your spouse?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think there has been a lot of projecting as to the definition of threat. Spouse A simply could have said, I’m sick of you being late, if you’re not ready I’m leaving without you. Op never mentioned angry, loud, aggressive threats. Just that Spouse A has said on multiple occasions they would just leave and in this case they did.

People are posting as if the OP described some knock down drag out fight then a scene in front of the friends at the restaurant but the OP did nothing of the sort.

I don’t think it means that.

Look, if my teenager is failing math, and I threaten to get him a tutor if he doesn’t improve his grades, then finally hire a tutor in frustration when he fails his next exam, that implies a certain kind of interaction.

If my teenager is failing math, and I offer to hire a tutor to help out if he keeps struggling, and then when he fails his next test, I find a tutor for him…that implies a different kind of interaction.

The initial scenario isn’t a knock down drag out screaming fight (although it could be). But whatever it is, it’s definitely laced with anger and hostility.

Most people wouldn’t do this to their kids. So why do it to your spouse?

Why would Spouse B be so inconsiderate to Spouse A? They know the timeliness is an issue - Spouse A comes from a military background and has always made punctuality a thing and has repeatedly asked Spouse B to be on time. But Spouse B can't be bothered to care about what anyone else thinks. Why would you do that to your spouse?

That’s interesting.
Do you view all of your spouse and children’s actions as being about you or something they are doing to you?

Do you feel like your spouse running late is trying to hurt or embarrass you? Do you feel like your teen is trying to harm you or embarrass you if they poorly in math?

[Anonymous]

Did OP ever come back? I can't go back through all this.

[Anonymous]

I’m definitely on team A. Being late is so inconsiderate and reflects badly on the other spouse too. It’s not funny or cute to have zero time management. If you’re an adult, you put your big boy/girl pants on and get s**t done. If that involves starting to get ready 15m sooner then do it. Just because you’re an incompetent POS doesn’t mean the rest of the world needs to put up with it!

I don’t think what spouse A did was bad or rude at all. They needed to be somewhere at X time, and they left at the appropriate time to get there. If spouse b simply can’t be ready in time, what’s wrong with them showing up late? The only embarrassing thing I can see here is that it calls attention to WHOM is causing the lateness. Spouse A no longer wants to be lumped into the “always late couple” category, so has separated themselves. It’s now only spouse B that is the “always late person”, and they don’t like it. Easier to insulate your wrongdoings when it can’t be pinpointed to you directly 🙄

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m definitely on team A. Being late is so inconsiderate and reflects badly on the other spouse too. It’s not funny or cute to have zero time management. If you’re an adult, you put your big boy/girl pants on and get s**t done. If that involves starting to get ready 15m sooner then do it. Just because you’re an incompetent POS doesn’t mean the rest of the world needs to put up with it!

I don’t think what spouse A did was bad or rude at all. They needed to be somewhere at X time, and they left at the appropriate time to get there. If spouse b simply can’t be ready in time, what’s wrong with them showing up late? The only embarrassing thing I can see here is that it calls attention to WHOM is causing the lateness. Spouse A no longer wants to be lumped into the “always late couple” category, so has separated themselves. It’s now only spouse B that is the “always late person”, and they don’t like it. Easier to insulate your wrongdoings when it can’t be pinpointed to you directly 🙄

No one cares if you get there separately. Lots of people do this.
It’s the name calling, anger, and generally trying to bring your spouse down that seems like the issue.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m definitely on team A. Being late is so inconsiderate and reflects badly on the other spouse too. It’s not funny or cute to have zero time management. If you’re an adult, you put your big boy/girl pants on and get s**t done. If that involves starting to get ready 15m sooner then do it. Just because you’re an incompetent POS doesn’t mean the rest of the world needs to put up with it!

I don’t think what spouse A did was bad or rude at all. They needed to be somewhere at X time, and they left at the appropriate time to get there. If spouse b simply can’t be ready in time, what’s wrong with them showing up late? The only embarrassing thing I can see here is that it calls attention to WHOM is causing the lateness. Spouse A no longer wants to be lumped into the “always late couple” category, so has separated themselves. It’s now only spouse B that is the “always late person”, and they don’t like it. Easier to insulate your wrongdoings when it can’t be pinpointed to you directly 🙄

No one cares if you get there separately. Lots of people do this.
It’s the name calling, anger, and generally trying to bring your spouse down that seems like the issue.

Huh? Where did you see this? Sounds like you’re making stuff up to bolster your position… on an anon forum…about someone else’s life? Why babe?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m definitely on team A. Being late is so inconsiderate and reflects badly on the other spouse too. It’s not funny or cute to have zero time management. If you’re an adult, you put your big boy/girl pants on and get s**t done. If that involves starting to get ready 15m sooner then do it. Just because you’re an incompetent POS doesn’t mean the rest of the world needs to put up with it!

I don’t think what spouse A did was bad or rude at all. They needed to be somewhere at X time, and they left at the appropriate time to get there. If spouse b simply can’t be ready in time, what’s wrong with them showing up late? The only embarrassing thing I can see here is that it calls attention to WHOM is causing the lateness. Spouse A no longer wants to be lumped into the “always late couple” category, so has separated themselves. It’s now only spouse B that is the “always late person”, and they don’t like it. Easier to insulate your wrongdoings when it can’t be pinpointed to you directly 🙄

No one cares if you get there separately. Lots of people do this.
It’s the name calling, anger, and generally trying to bring your spouse down that seems like the issue.

I love how details keep getting added. None of the stuff in your second line was what OP wrote. You just made it up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m definitely on team A. Being late is so inconsiderate and reflects badly on the other spouse too. It’s not funny or cute to have zero time management. If you’re an adult, you put your big boy/girl pants on and get s**t done. If that involves starting to get ready 15m sooner then do it. Just because you’re an incompetent POS doesn’t mean the rest of the world needs to put up with it!

I don’t think what spouse A did was bad or rude at all. They needed to be somewhere at X time, and they left at the appropriate time to get there. If spouse b simply can’t be ready in time, what’s wrong with them showing up late? The only embarrassing thing I can see here is that it calls attention to WHOM is causing the lateness. Spouse A no longer wants to be lumped into the “always late couple” category, so has separated themselves. It’s now only spouse B that is the “always late person”, and they don’t like it. Easier to insulate your wrongdoings when it can’t be pinpointed to you directly 🙄

No one cares if you get there separately. Lots of people do this.
It’s the name calling, anger, and generally trying to bring your spouse down that seems like the issue.

I love how details keep getting added. None of the stuff in your second line was what OP wrote. You just made it up.

Read the thread. It absolutely happened.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m definitely on team A. Being late is so inconsiderate and reflects badly on the other spouse too. It’s not funny or cute to have zero time management. If you’re an adult, you put your big boy/girl pants on and get s**t done. If that involves starting to get ready 15m sooner then do it. Just because you’re an incompetent POS doesn’t mean the rest of the world needs to put up with it!

I don’t think what spouse A did was bad or rude at all. They needed to be somewhere at X time, and they left at the appropriate time to get there. If spouse b simply can’t be ready in time, what’s wrong with them showing up late? The only embarrassing thing I can see here is that it calls attention to WHOM is causing the lateness. Spouse A no longer wants to be lumped into the “always late couple” category, so has separated themselves. It’s now only spouse B that is the “always late person”, and they don’t like it. Easier to insulate your wrongdoings when it can’t be pinpointed to you directly 🙄

No one cares if you get there separately. Lots of people do this.
It’s the name calling, anger, and generally trying to bring your spouse down that seems like the issue.

I love how details keep getting added. None of the stuff in your second line was what OP wrote. You just made it up.

Read the thread. It absolutely happened.

Its what other like you made up. Nothing that OP posted is remotely what you wrote.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m definitely on team A. Being late is so inconsiderate and reflects badly on the other spouse too. It’s not funny or cute to have zero time management. If you’re an adult, you put your big boy/girl pants on and get s**t done. If that involves starting to get ready 15m sooner then do it. Just because you’re an incompetent POS doesn’t mean the rest of the world needs to put up with it!

I don’t think what spouse A did was bad or rude at all. They needed to be somewhere at X time, and they left at the appropriate time to get there. If spouse b simply can’t be ready in time, what’s wrong with them showing up late? The only embarrassing thing I can see here is that it calls attention to WHOM is causing the lateness. Spouse A no longer wants to be lumped into the “always late couple” category, so has separated themselves. It’s now only spouse B that is the “always late person”, and they don’t like it. Easier to insulate your wrongdoings when it can’t be pinpointed to you directly 🙄

No one cares if you get there separately. Lots of people do this.
It’s the name calling, anger, and generally trying to bring your spouse down that seems like the issue.

Huh? Where did you see this? Sounds like you’re making stuff up to bolster your position… on an anon forum…about someone else’s life? Why babe?

It’s in the OP and then dozens of times throughout the thread.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m definitely on team A. Being late is so inconsiderate and reflects badly on the other spouse too. It’s not funny or cute to have zero time management. If you’re an adult, you put your big boy/girl pants on and get s**t done. If that involves starting to get ready 15m sooner then do it. Just because you’re an incompetent POS doesn’t mean the rest of the world needs to put up with it!

I don’t think what spouse A did was bad or rude at all. They needed to be somewhere at X time, and they left at the appropriate time to get there. If spouse b simply can’t be ready in time, what’s wrong with them showing up late? The only embarrassing thing I can see here is that it calls attention to WHOM is causing the lateness. Spouse A no longer wants to be lumped into the “always late couple” category, so has separated themselves. It’s now only spouse B that is the “always late person”, and they don’t like it. Easier to insulate your wrongdoings when it can’t be pinpointed to you directly 🙄

No one cares if you get there separately. Lots of people do this.
It’s the name calling, anger, and generally trying to bring your spouse down that seems like the issue.

Huh? Where did you see this? Sounds like you’re making stuff up to bolster your position… on an anon forum…about someone else’s life? Why babe?

It’s in the OP and then dozens of times throughout the thread.

It most certainly isn't. You are incapable of reading. Nowhere in the OP is name calling, anger or bringing your spouse down mentioned. Nowhere.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m definitely on team A. Being late is so inconsiderate and reflects badly on the other spouse too. It’s not funny or cute to have zero time management. If you’re an adult, you put your big boy/girl pants on and get s**t done. If that involves starting to get ready 15m sooner then do it. Just because you’re an incompetent POS doesn’t mean the rest of the world needs to put up with it!

I don’t think what spouse A did was bad or rude at all. They needed to be somewhere at X time, and they left at the appropriate time to get there. If spouse b simply can’t be ready in time, what’s wrong with them showing up late? The only embarrassing thing I can see here is that it calls attention to WHOM is causing the lateness. Spouse A no longer wants to be lumped into the “always late couple” category, so has separated themselves. It’s now only spouse B that is the “always late person”, and they don’t like it. Easier to insulate your wrongdoings when it can’t be pinpointed to you directly 🙄

No one cares if you get there separately. Lots of people do this.
It’s the name calling, anger, and generally trying to bring your spouse down that seems like the issue.

Huh? Where did you see this? Sounds like you’re making stuff up to bolster your position… on an anon forum…about someone else’s life? Why babe?

It’s in the OP and then dozens of times throughout the thread.

The original post said Spouse A threatened to leave if B wasn’t ready and did. It never once said there was an argument, efforts to bring down Spouse B, or any scene in front of their friends. OP didn’t come back and add dramatic details, those have all been by posters trying to act like being late is fine and no big deal. They are the ones making the efforts to make Spouse A come off as the bad guy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Spouse A just destroyed their marriage because of a stupid dispute over a diner with a coworker.
Who cares of they showed up late. It’s only a diner.
Spouse A would be right if this was an important appointment where getting late would have had devastating consequences, like getting late to work or an interview and losing your job, etc..

This was just a f*ing diner. Getting late has no major consequences.
It’s important to be on time, but this diner wasn’t the time where they needed to act like this.

Really confused why this would destroy a marriage. You were late. He got annoyed. You traveled separately. It's not that big a deal.

Explain again why you can't be polite to his coworker?

No. I was late. You could have left and had it be no big deal, but you were angry, and any feeling you have must be experienced by everyone around you.
So, repeatedly threatened me, then finally left in anger. When I arrived, thinking it was over, you tried to further embarrass me in front of your friends. You couldn’t let it go and until I was just as angry as you are.

Tell me why this is the kind of household I should raise my children in?

Are you the OP? Because if you’re not you’re just making shit up. Such a tired trope. And even if you’re not OP, learn how to adult and honor your commitments to be somewhere at a previously agreed upon time. That’s what adults do. But I can see how a princess like you thinks the whole world revolves just around her.

I’m not the OP. I don’t think the OP posted again after the first post.
I’m just someone who is surprised that so many people think it’s okay to take your anger out like this over something so trivial.

You wouldn’t act like this to your kids or to a stranger. Why do it to your spouse?

I teach my kids to be on time.

Do you expect an airplane to wait 15-30 minutes for you too?

Of course not. I am on time, which means I arrive at the gate and do not have to sit down before boarding. 20-40 flights per year; haven’t missed a flight yet.

Great. So you are capable of bring on time. Now do that when you promise to meet friends at a restaurant. It’s rude and entitled to have them stand around waiting for you.

I take input on this issue from my friends themselves. They don’t agree with you. Thanks though!

Ha, keep telling yourself that. I'm never going to berate a friend who is late but I am definitely going to be annoyed with them.

This. You can't just believe what people say. I would be polite to their face but annoyed on the inside. And it would affect what plans I'm willing to make with them. I would never say it aloud to them, though.

That’s why we aren’t friends. LOL

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Spouse A just destroyed their marriage because of a stupid dispute over a diner with a coworker.
Who cares of they showed up late. It’s only a diner.
Spouse A would be right if this was an important appointment where getting late would have had devastating consequences, like getting late to work or an interview and losing your job, etc..

This was just a f*ing diner. Getting late has no major consequences.
It’s important to be on time, but this diner wasn’t the time where they needed to act like this.

Really confused why this would destroy a marriage. You were late. He got annoyed. You traveled separately. It's not that big a deal.

Explain again why you can't be polite to his coworker?

No. I was late. You could have left and had it be no big deal, but you were angry, and any feeling you have must be experienced by everyone around you.
So, repeatedly threatened me, then finally left in anger. When I arrived, thinking it was over, you tried to further embarrass me in front of your friends. You couldn’t let it go and until I was just as angry as you are.

Tell me why this is the kind of household I should raise my children in?

Are you the OP? Because if you’re not you’re just making shit up. Such a tired trope. And even if you’re not OP, learn how to adult and honor your commitments to be somewhere at a previously agreed upon time. That’s what adults do. But I can see how a princess like you thinks the whole world revolves just around her.

I’m not the OP. I don’t think the OP posted again after the first post.
I’m just someone who is surprised that so many people think it’s okay to take your anger out like this over something so trivial.

You wouldn’t act like this to your kids or to a stranger. Why do it to your spouse?

I teach my kids to be on time.

Do you expect an airplane to wait 15-30 minutes for you too?

Of course not. I am on time, which means I arrive at the gate and do not have to sit down before boarding. 20-40 flights per year; haven’t missed a flight yet.

Great. So you are capable of bring on time. Now do that when you promise to meet friends at a restaurant. It’s rude and entitled to have them stand around waiting for you.

I take input on this issue from my friends themselves. They don’t agree with you. Thanks though!

Ha, keep telling yourself that. I'm never going to berate a friend who is late but I am definitely going to be annoyed with them.

This. You can't just believe what people say. I would be polite to their face but annoyed on the inside. And it would affect what plans I'm willing to make with them. I would never say it aloud to them, though.

That’s why we aren’t friends. LOL

Oh dear. You're not friends because they are tired of your rudeness and constantly being late.