Punctuality Disagreement

[Anonymous]

Spouse B was rude and disrespectful to Spouse A and their work friends. I see no issue with what Spouse A did.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Spouse B can either learn to be on time or continue getting left behind.

+1

[Anonymous]

I am like spouse A, but not military. I would consider it rude if we are meeting my friends and spouse B is making me late and making me look bad. As a work around I tell my spouse we need to leave 15 minutes earlier than we actually have to. I am also the one making sure kids are ready too. In this case I would have left my spouse behind as well. I would text spouse and say I let friends know you got caught up in whatever-a good-excuse-would-be and are running late to avoid spouse embarrassment. Other option is I start seething and being passive aggressive at home because spouse is not ready at agreed time ruining my evening and putting us both in a bad mood

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

What’s the actual problem with being ON TIME? Like 5-10 mins early max. Not super early, and definitely not late.

My wife & I have basically workable differences on punctuality in that she really isn't comfortable unless she's like 15 minutes early for anything. I feel like being late is unacceptable but being more than 5 minutes early is essentially a waste. I'm good at this kind of precision timing, but it makes her anxious. (So, when we do things together, we're usually ~10 minutes early.)

[Anonymous]

Spouse A should have made up some plausible excuse for Spouse B.

[Anonymous]

Spouse A is right.

I just hope Spouse A realizes that Spouse B will NEVER change.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Suppose Spouse A is big on punctuality because they come from a military background and also feel that being on time means respecting other people's time. Spouse A also thinks that punctuality is a good habit to pass on to children. Spouse B is less punctual and feels that being 15-30 minutes late is not that big of a deal. Part of this is attributable to cultural/family background and part of it is a tendency to get distracted.

They have discussed the issue repeatedly and Spouse A frequently threatens to just leave Spouse B and go to events, but has never followed through with it until this weekend. They were supposed to meet another couple for dinner and were already running late. The other couple consists of Spouse A's work colleague and their spouse. They are work friends, but not best friends, and the couples have hung out socially together a few times. Spouse A told Spouse B that if they were not ready in 5 minutes, they could take an Uber to the restaurant. Spouse A actually followed through and left to the restaurant in frustration while Spouse B was still dithering.

Spouse B is furious with Spouse A and feels they were trying to embarrass them. Was Spouse A a too drastic?

I would be LIVID if you were 30 minutes late to a dinner with me and my husband without a seriously good excuse. Spouse B is a jerk.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Spouse A should have made up some plausible excuse for Spouse B.

No, I'm sure he's been making those kinds of excuses for a long time.
Being late like that is disrespectful of the other people's time.

Spouse B needs to learn to be an adult.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Long ago, I was spouse B in this situation. In this particular situation, I think Spouse A was okay. Spouse B is focusing on her embarrassment, not the embarrassment of Spouse A for being late in meeting a work colleague, and that’s wrong.

However, sometimes Spouse B will be right when it comes to timing for things related to her friends and family.

Nope. It's never right to be late. It's always rude.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Time and punctuality is very culturally driven. There are places where it is rude to be on time... and many places where punctuality is not at all a culturally held value, time isn't seen the same way at all.

I am definitely more a Spouse B but I would never have married a Spouse A type person so we wouldn't have this issue.

I agree. I'm a Spouse A and I would have never married a Spouse B.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Punctuality is very important.

That said, if it was the case that Spouse A Gets themselves ready only without considering Spouse B is getting kids ready, prepping for a babysitter, and then getting themselves ready without any help from spouse A, then Spouse A needs to see that they’re part of the problem with regards ton spouse B getting ready on time. Bonus is Spouse A manages to prepare and groom
Themselves in such a time and manner that Spouse B Cannot get a shower, etc.

Also, is Spouse A’s idea of on time always 15 min early and they don’t communicate that?

Being late because you think it’s okay is extremely rude. But sometimes the punctual” spouse has anxiety or control Issues over the timing that impede the other spouse from being on time, unless they get ready a day before.

This 100%

[Anonymous]

We use different cars all the time for various reasons; don’t see the big deal tbh.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Long ago, I was spouse B in this situation. In this particular situation, I think Spouse A was okay. Spouse B is focusing on her embarrassment, not the embarrassment of Spouse A for being late in meeting a work colleague, and that’s wrong.

However, sometimes Spouse B will be right when it comes to timing for things related to her friends and family.

Nope. It's never right to be late. It's always rude.

Sorry, that’s simply not true. For my and my DH’s upbringing, if someone invites you to a party at 8:00 it would be rude to show up at 8:00.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Time and punctuality is very culturally driven. There are places where it is rude to be on time... and many places where punctuality is not at all a culturally held value, time isn't seen the same way at all.

I am definitely more a Spouse B but I would never have married a Spouse A type person so we wouldn't have this issue.

People often refer to cultural norms when discussing promptness. However, it’s only ever in the context of how in some cultures it’s an expectation to arrive late. What about the cultures where it’s considered rude to be late?

It always feels like an excuse for the late people and the on-time people are accused as having anxiety. Why does one cultural norm override another culture’s norm?

[Anonymous]

At which point do Spouse A and B figure out a solution that works for both of them?