Punctuality Disagreement

[Anonymous]

It is a work dinner. Being late is unacceptable. Late people are control freaks who demand that the world revolves around them.

[Anonymous]

I love the rationalization here, that OP specifies that because "They are work friends, but not best friends," that it matters. You literally said your DH says it's a sign of respect, and you're 100% saying you don't respect these people, so they can wait at the restaurant for you for 30 minutes. LOL.

[Anonymous]

Spouse B should be embarrassed. Team A

[Anonymous]

Team A.

We are an "A" couple and stopped being friends with a "B" couple because they were incapable of being on time for anything - restaurant reservations, shows, etc. (I am not talking about house parties). It's very rude and disrespectful.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Spouse A was right. Because it is Spouse A's friend, Spouse A gets to decide whether punctuality matters in this situation.

Also the context matters. Showing up 30 minutes late to a group playground playdate is fine. Leaving someone to wait outside a restaurant for more than a few minutes is VERY rude. Especially since this is a work relationship. Spouse B needs to consider the consequences for others of their tardiness.

Spouse B needs to improve adulting skills and not get distracted. If Spouse B would try harder to be on time, there would be nothing for them to be embarrassed about. Spouse A would have been embarrassed to be late.

This is exactly right.

(For context, I'm more like Spouse B, and yes my Spouse A has done this occasionally in our 35 years of marriage. I consider this to be a both a natural consequence and a good compromise.)

[Anonymous]

20 minutes late is not "less punctual". It is simply rude.
Team Spouse A.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It is a work dinner. Being late is unacceptable. Late people are control freaks who demand that the world revolves around them.

Exactly this. People think this makes them laid back. See, I'm not uptight! Like it's a virtue. When in reality it is the. opposite. It is narcissistic behavior that states that no one else's time means as much as the late person's time.

[Anonymous]

Im like Spouse B in this scenario. I have realized by this point in life that there are certain things I have to make sure I am on time to…such as work, appointments, dinners with spouses coworker and their spouse.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It is a work dinner. Being late is unacceptable. Late people are control freaks who demand that the world revolves around them.

Exactly this. People think this makes them laid back. See, I'm not uptight! Like it's a virtue. When in reality it is the. opposite. It is narcissistic behavior that states that no one else's time means as much as the late person's time.

Absolutely. And I own up to this as someone who was habitually late for years until this was pointed out to me. It's not laid back at all. I changed my behavior.

[Anonymous]

I’d like to hear from spouse B now.

[Anonymous]

Spouse B was wrong. And I have adhd. It’s not an excuse.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’d like to hear from spouse B now.

Spouse B is OP. Read carefully.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We use different cars all the time for various reasons; don’t see the big deal tbh.

We do as well if necessary. I’m right between a&b on timelines. I’d never be 30 mins late to a restaurant especially for work things. But I’m not an if you’re not early you’re late person either.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Long ago, I was spouse B in this situation. In this particular situation, I think Spouse A was okay. Spouse B is focusing on her embarrassment, not the embarrassment of Spouse A for being late in meeting a work colleague, and that’s wrong.

However, sometimes Spouse B will be right when it comes to timing for things related to her friends and family.

Nope. It's never right to be late. It's always rude.

Sorry, that’s simply not true. For my and my DH’s upbringing, if someone invites you to a party at 8:00 it would be rude to show up at 8:00.

In that case, you're not "late" showing up after 8 p.m. because the invitation time doesn't reflect the actual expectation.

[Anonymous]

Nope. Spouse B is very rude. You do not keep others waiting for 30 minutes!