Punctuality Disagreement

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Team Spouse A.
It is very rude and disrespectful to be habitually 15-30 min late. Do better.

+100
And in the situation described Spouse B embarrassed Spouse A in front of a work colleague. Really, really rotten (and selfish) of Spouse B to do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Long ago, I was spouse B in this situation. In this particular situation, I think Spouse A was okay. Spouse B is focusing on her embarrassment, not the embarrassment of Spouse A for being late in meeting a work colleague, and that’s wrong.

However, sometimes Spouse B will be right when it comes to timing for things related to her friends and family.

Nope. It's never right to be late. It's always rude.

Sorry, that’s simply not true. For my and my DH’s upbringing, if someone invites you to a party at 8:00 it would be rude to show up at 8:00.

Not in American it's not. If you're talking about another country, then that's not relevant here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Suppose Spouse A is big on punctuality because they come from a military background and also feel that being on time means respecting other people's time. Spouse A also thinks that punctuality is a good habit to pass on to children. Spouse B is less punctual and feels that being 15-30 minutes late is not that big of a deal. Part of this is attributable to cultural/family background and part of it is a tendency to get distracted.

They have discussed the issue repeatedly and Spouse A frequently threatens to just leave Spouse B and go to events, but has never followed through with it until this weekend. They were supposed to meet another couple for dinner and were already running late. The other couple consists of Spouse A's work colleague and their spouse. They are work friends, but not best friends, and the couples have hung out socially together a few times. Spouse A told Spouse B that if they were not ready in 5 minutes, they could take an Uber to the restaurant. Spouse A actually followed through and left to the restaurant in frustration while Spouse B was still dithering.

Spouse B is furious with Spouse A and feels they were trying to embarrass them. Was Spouse A a too drastic?

I would be LIVID if you were 30 minutes late to a dinner with me and my husband without a seriously good excuse. Spouse B is a jerk.

Really? I would be irritated if I was cooking and I prepared things to be ready at a specific time, but it sounds like they were all meeting up at a restaurant. I would just have a drink with my husband.

It would be so much weirder to be brought into the middle of someone’s marital drama.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Long ago, I was spouse B in this situation. In this particular situation, I think Spouse A was okay. Spouse B is focusing on her embarrassment, not the embarrassment of Spouse A for being late in meeting a work colleague, and that’s wrong.

However, sometimes Spouse B will be right when it comes to timing for things related to her friends and family.

Nope. It's never right to be late. It's always rude.

Sorry, that’s simply not true. For my and my DH’s upbringing, if someone invites you to a party at 8:00 it would be rude to show up at 8:00.

In OP’s situation which was meeting someone at a restaurant for dinner at a specified time, it’s always rude to be late.

[Anonymous]

Spouse A should have done this years ago. Being late when you're meeting specific people is SO rude. Being late to a reservation is rude to the restaurant. Being 15 minutes late to a 50 person backyard party? No big deal.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Long ago, I was spouse B in this situation. In this particular situation, I think Spouse A was okay. Spouse B is focusing on her embarrassment, not the embarrassment of Spouse A for being late in meeting a work colleague, and that’s wrong.

However, sometimes Spouse B will be right when it comes to timing for things related to her friends and family.

Nope. It's never right to be late. It's always rude.

Sorry, that’s simply not true. For my and my DH’s upbringing, if someone invites you to a party at 8:00 it would be rude to show up at 8:00.

Not in American it's not. If you're talking about another country, then that's not relevant here.

I also think this doesn't apply when you're meeting at a restaurant. It's rude no matter how you look at it to be 30 min late to a reservation at a restaurant. I would be fine waiting and just grabbing a drink with DH while we waited, but either we'd lose our reservation slot or it's rude to the restaurant to be holding them up like that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Long ago, I was spouse B in this situation. In this particular situation, I think Spouse A was okay. Spouse B is focusing on her embarrassment, not the embarrassment of Spouse A for being late in meeting a work colleague, and that’s wrong.

However, sometimes Spouse B will be right when it comes to timing for things related to her friends and family.

Nope. It's never right to be late. It's always rude.

Sorry, that’s simply not true. For my and my DH’s upbringing, if someone invites you to a party at 8:00 it would be rude to show up at 8:00.

Ha! I agree with this if I’m hosting a party. If you show up at the exact time listed on the invite, I will still be getting ready!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Time and punctuality is very culturally driven. There are places where it is rude to be on time... and many places where punctuality is not at all a culturally held value, time isn't seen the same way at all.

I am definitely more a Spouse B but I would never have married a Spouse A type person so we wouldn't have this issue.

People often refer to cultural norms when discussing promptness. However, it’s only ever in the context of how in some cultures it’s an expectation to arrive late. What about the cultures where it’s considered rude to be late?

It always feels like an excuse for the late people and the on-time people are accused as having anxiety. Why does one cultural norm override another culture’s norm?

I’m not a military person but I was heard that in that cultural you have to be 10-15 minutes early.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Long ago, I was spouse B in this situation. In this particular situation, I think Spouse A was okay. Spouse B is focusing on her embarrassment, not the embarrassment of Spouse A for being late in meeting a work colleague, and that’s wrong.

However, sometimes Spouse B will be right when it comes to timing for things related to her friends and family.

Nope. It's never right to be late. It's always rude.

Sorry, that’s simply not true. For my and my DH’s upbringing, if someone invites you to a party at 8:00 it would be rude to show up at 8:00.

Not in American it's not. If you're talking about another country, then that's not relevant here.

People of different cultures throw parties in America.

[Anonymous]

It's rude to be late and to make people wait on you. Unless it's very specifically cultural and someone's house or whatever and you know for a fact it would be frustrating for them if you came on time. We are. It's spouse A and it's so much easier. I can't stand people who make me wait. Especially for work meetings. I've started not waiting for people who report to me and just start the meeting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Time and punctuality is very culturally driven. There are places where it is rude to be on time... and many places where punctuality is not at all a culturally held value, time isn't seen the same way at all.

I am definitely more a Spouse B but I would never have married a Spouse A type person so we wouldn't have this issue.

People often refer to cultural norms when discussing promptness. However, it’s only ever in the context of how in some cultures it’s an expectation to arrive late. What about the cultures where it’s considered rude to be late?

It always feels like an excuse for the late people and the on-time people are accused as having anxiety. Why does one cultural norm override another culture’s norm?

I’m not a military person but I was heard that in that cultural you have to be 10-15 minutes early.

DP but I think being 15 minutes early to some events, like a house party, is ruder than being late.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Team Spouse A.
It is very rude and disrespectful to be habitually 15-30 min late. Do better.

Absolutely this, especially if you are meeting the other couple at a restaurant. With work colleagues this looks very disrespectful. They probably put in the work to be timely, perhaps the babysitter clock is already ticking, etc.

Sometimes there is polite tardiness, like not getting to a house party at the start time on the dot. But it's usually pretty obvious and just being routinely late is rude. Get it together, OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Spouse A should have made up some plausible excuse for Spouse B.

No, I'm sure he's been making those kinds of excuses for a long time.
Being late like that is disrespectful of the other people's time.

Spouse B needs to learn to be an adult.

I get this. But this really isn’t the time to pull the trigger and stop making excuses. Spouse B probably doesn’t know these people at all.
Spouse A should have just said that her husband was late getting back from work or whatever.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Long ago, I was spouse B in this situation. In this particular situation, I think Spouse A was okay. Spouse B is focusing on her embarrassment, not the embarrassment of Spouse A for being late in meeting a work colleague, and that’s wrong.

However, sometimes Spouse B will be right when it comes to timing for things related to her friends and family.

Nope. It's never right to be late. It's always rude.

Sorry, that’s simply not true. For my and my DH’s upbringing, if someone invites you to a party at 8:00 it would be rude to show up at 8:00.

Not in American it's not. If you're talking about another country, then that's not relevant here.

I am talking about the United States of America, because we were born and raised here (and no, I am not referring to restaurants; I gave the example of a party purposefully because I agree with the prior pp that Spouse B might be correct about what is considered polite for Spouse B’s social circle).

[Anonymous]

OMG how is this even a question. Team Spouse A. You want to be 30 minutes late to dinner with his/her work colleagues. Honestly, you suck.

DH just said he's done with people who arrive late for dinner.