How do these super coddled kids turn out?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I still don’t understand what you mean by coddled. Could you be more specific?

Apparently it’s code for “wimpy boy” as if the parents made the kid grow up to not be “athletic” or have “top stats”.

So basically just typical mean moms who are measuring the performance of their own kids and their friends.

Our school requires all kids to play sports so they all have to play.

I don’t care about their performance relative to mine although mine do perform better. The kids would probably do better if their parents weren’t ALWAYS there for every aspect of their lives.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What are some examples of coddling? I saw the PP above with the parents coming to college, but OP what do you mean?

The girl I mentioned with two older parents. Their parents spend their entire lives doing anything and everything for this child. They have the money and time and tripping over themselves to do anything that this girl wants. This girl is definitely spoiled in every way. Both parents are extremely smart, successful and both are from $$$.

Another boy I am thinking of has divorced parents and both parents also always trying to do everything for this teenager.

I can also think of countless boys, happen to be Indian, whose moms dedicate their entire lives to them. The boys are soooooo coddled.

Ha! I was just thinking that the most coddled people I know are my Indian friends and their opposite sex parents.

Frankly, I think they did well. They found partners who love to dote on them in the same kind of way, and they reciprocate. They all went to medical school. They are raising their kids in a similar way.

My kids aren’t necessarily friends with the coddled Indian kids, but yes, they seem super coddled. There is one boy on my child’s sports team (public school if it matters) and the mom literally trips to give her only son water or if he trips like he is 5 years old.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Does super coddled = rich? If so, they will be fine. Intergenerational wealth does wonders, even if you don’t work particularly hard.

You can be rich without being coddled, and you can be coddled without being rich. Think of the kids who are like, ten years old and refuse to cut their food because they're lazy so their parents do it for them.

Ha! My mom still cuts my fruit. She knows I don’t eat the hard to peel fruit.

I also know adults who won’t eat crab because it is too much work. I’m not sure they were coddled or lazy or just don’t like crab.

Haha, the crab thing is me! I'll eat crab cakes but don't give me crab legs, I'm not interested in retrieving the meat myself.

I'm one of four kids, grew up working class, and the opposite of coddled -- I started earning my own money at 14 and actually struggle to ask people for help when I need it because self-reliance was so heavily emphasized in my home growing up. Maybe one of the reasons why I don't like crab legs is that I'm tired and if I'm going to pay a premium for food, I want it to be easy to consume.

[Anonymous]

I know there are people who think my only child is coddled. I grew up in a big family and was not coddled at all -- as an adult and parent, I now think I was borderline neglected. Not on a "call CPS" level but to a degree where I have a lot of dysfunctional behaviors from having had to take care of myself from a very young age. I think I would have benefitted from getting to just be a kid for more of my childhood and not have so many responsibilities and not be expected to already be competent at certain things at such a young age. I had to get myself up, dressed, and fed, and then get myself to school on my own, starting in 1st grade. And I did it -- kids are capable of a lot. But I look at that now and am like "whoa what a weird experience for a 6 year old -- it would have been really nice for me to have had more parental involvement at that age."

I still work to make sure my kid is self-sufficient, but I don't push it and I'm more than happy to be present and supportive for her as long as I need to be. I want her to feel loved and supported. And I intend to continue to help and support when she's an adult. There is a line (I'm not writing her college term papers or something), but I think it's normal and healthy for families to support each other. I think my childhood experience was too far in the other extreme and that some part of me will always be a little screwed up because of it. There needs to be a happy medium.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I know there are people who think my only child is coddled. I grew up in a big family and was not coddled at all -- as an adult and parent, I now think I was borderline neglected. Not on a "call CPS" level but to a degree where I have a lot of dysfunctional behaviors from having had to take care of myself from a very young age. I think I would have benefitted from getting to just be a kid for more of my childhood and not have so many responsibilities and not be expected to already be competent at certain things at such a young age. I had to get myself up, dressed, and fed, and then get myself to school on my own, starting in 1st grade. And I did it -- kids are capable of a lot. But I look at that now and am like "whoa what a weird experience for a 6 year old -- it would have been really nice for me to have had more parental involvement at that age."

I still work to make sure my kid is self-sufficient, but I don't push it and I'm more than happy to be present and supportive for her as long as I need to be. I want her to feel loved and supported. And I intend to continue to help and support when she's an adult. There is a line (I'm not writing her college term papers or something), but I think it's normal and healthy for families to support each other. I think my childhood experience was too far in the other extreme and that some part of me will always be a little screwed up because of it. There needs to be a happy medium.

There is one mom who takes all the notes for her kid and makes flash cards for her kid to study before tests. She controls every aspect of her daughter’s life.

I think it is fine to love your child. Of course. We all do. There is a fine line of when it is excessive. These families have the time and resources to over indulge with support. It is like they can’t take the training wheels off. I guess the kids will eventually be on their own when they go to college.

[Anonymous]

That's my niece. She is nearly 18 and her mom/dad do her laundry, cook, clean up after her, give her money, tell her to shower, do her hair for her, put her to bed, carry and pick her up, and drive her around. she's smart enough to be going to college but since her parents fund her life she does not want too. She's never had a job either.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:That's my niece. She is nearly 18 and her mom/dad do her laundry, cook, clean up after her, give her money, tell her to shower, do her hair for her, put her to bed, carry and pick her up, and drive her around. she's smart enough to be going to college but since her parents fund her life she does not want too. She's never had a job either.

at 17/18, sounds more like a toddler than a teenager. her parents carry and pick her up at 18. I would be concerned.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:People like to say that super coddled kids will fail as adults because they don’t know how to be independent, and logically that makes sense, but all of the wealthy super coddled kids I know are incredibly successful adults, actually. It probably helps that their parents are still offering lots of support in adulthood. I don’t actually know how the less wealthy super coddled kids are doing. I mean probably not as well because wealth matters.

Successful is relative. If your parents have a $15M net worth and pay for your schooling and expenses well into adulthood and then pay for your house and your cars and your childcare and you and your spouse went to OK schools and have OK jobs then you can look successful because you have a large house and go on expensive vacations and your kids go to expensive schools etc etc but your entire existence is propped up by your parents' wealth and is pretty frictionless. I don't consider that successful in the same way that I would consider someone who built a company or became a partner at a law firm or a professor at a university successful, but I wouldn't consider that person to be a failure - they're just not "self made" because they've obviously benefitted extensively from nepotism.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:People like to say that super coddled kids will fail as adults because they don’t know how to be independent, and logically that makes sense, but all of the wealthy super coddled kids I know are incredibly successful adults, actually. It probably helps that their parents are still offering lots of support in adulthood. I don’t actually know how the less wealthy super coddled kids are doing. I mean probably not as well because wealth matters.

Successful is relative. If your parents have a $15M net worth and pay for your schooling and expenses well into adulthood and then pay for your house and your cars and your childcare and you and your spouse went to OK schools and have OK jobs then you can look successful because you have a large house and go on expensive vacations and your kids go to expensive schools etc etc but your entire existence is propped up by your parents' wealth and is pretty frictionless. I don't consider that successful in the same way that I would consider someone who built a company or became a partner at a law firm or a professor at a university successful, but I wouldn't consider that person to be a failure - they're just not "self made" because they've obviously benefitted extensively from nepotism.

*I wrote nepotism, but I meant inherited wealth (and potentially nepotism since many wealthy people are able to leverage connections to benefit their children even if they are not outright employing their children).

[Anonymous]

Too much can be as bad as too little my dad used to say.

[Anonymous]

OP sounds entirely insufferable.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:That's my niece. She is nearly 18 and her mom/dad do her laundry, cook, clean up after her, give her money, tell her to shower, do her hair for her, put her to bed, carry and pick her up, and drive her around. she's smart enough to be going to college but since her parents fund her life she does not want too. She's never had a job either.

You listed a ton of pretty normal stuff and then threw in that they pick her up and carry her around. That is so odd.

[Anonymous]

I was probably coddled by most definitions. I had a few responsibilities/chores but parents helped w homework/writing through college and would call to wake me up on key days. Not wealthy but small community where was hard not to shine.

I am not defending it but I turned out fine. Went to HYP. Extremely successful high profile career. Nice husband and kids.

It’s cool to knock that approach these days. And for sure the curated childhood has risen to unhealthy levels.

But of all the problems in this world, I am not losing sleep over over involved parents

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:That's my niece. She is nearly 18 and her mom/dad do her laundry, cook, clean up after her, give her money, tell her to shower, do her hair for her, put her to bed, carry and pick her up, and drive her around. she's smart enough to be going to college but since her parents fund her life she does not want too. She's never had a job either.

You listed a ton of pretty normal stuff and then threw in that they pick her up and carry her around. That is so odd.

It's not often, only when she's upset.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:That's my niece. She is nearly 18 and her mom/dad do her laundry, cook, clean up after her, give her money, tell her to shower, do her hair for her, put her to bed, carry and pick her up, and drive her around. she's smart enough to be going to college but since her parents fund her life she does not want too. She's never had a job either.

You listed a ton of pretty normal stuff and then threw in that they pick her up and carry her around. That is so odd.

most of those things don't sound normal at 18,how will she do her own laundry and cook when she moves out.