How do these super coddled kids turn out?

[Anonymous]

Another boy has a super type A lawyer mom and boy is quiet and shy. Mom is so controlling and at the same time, tends to this boy’s emotional needs.

These parents treat tween/teens like they are toddlers.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Does super coddled = rich? If so, they will be fine. Intergenerational wealth does wonders, even if you don’t work particularly hard.

Yep, we know a family like this. Successful adult son (still) supported by wealthy family. Their young kids are a behavioral disaster and on the slow end of the learning curve, but they're white and have generational wealth. They'll be fine.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The ones I know have done very well.

OP here. I have 3 kids so my attention is split.

My kids are in both public and private. At our private school, the level of coddling is next level. I’m just shocked at how NOT independent these kids are. The parents control every aspect of their children’s lives.

Isn't that to be expected at a private school? When my son started at a top private, I told him that he would be around a elite group of students, many of whom had grown up in wealthy households wanting for nothing or having extraordinary connections so not to think their lifestyles were normal. Some, however, were like us UMC and others were on scholarship. His friend group had some of each group and it helped to ground him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The ones I know have done very well.

OP here. I have 3 kids so my attention is split.

My kids are in both public and private. At our private school, the level of coddling is next level. I’m just shocked at how NOT independent these kids are. The parents control every aspect of their children’s lives.

Isn't that to be expected at a private school? When my son started at a top private, I told him that he would be around a elite group of students, many of whom had grown up in wealthy households wanting for nothing or having extraordinary connections so not to think their lifestyles were normal. Some, however, were like us UMC and others were on scholarship. His friend group had some of each group and it helped to ground him.

Not everyone is like that at private school.

The kids I am thinking of are rich white and Asian kids. Like i previously mentioned, I was not thinking of money when I posted. I am not sure of the degree of wealth. The boys seem pretty wimpy with strong parents. Not all are generational wealth.

[Anonymous]

^^ Now that his class is in their early 30s, we can see that most are doing quite well. Almost everyone graduated from college, many from graduate school, and in well-paying jobs. Family support, guidance and connections matter. Of course, you still have to have the intelligence to get into and graduate from a top private.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What are some examples of coddling? I saw the PP above with the parents coming to college, but OP what do you mean?

The girl I mentioned with two older parents. Their parents spend their entire lives doing anything and everything for this child. They have the money and time and tripping over themselves to do anything that this girl wants. This girl is definitely spoiled in every way. Both parents are extremely smart, successful and both are from $$$.

Another boy I am thinking of has divorced parents and both parents also always trying to do everything for this teenager.

I can also think of countless boys, happen to be Indian, whose moms dedicate their entire lives to them. The boys are soooooo coddled.

I’m late 40s, Indian American, daughter. I wasn’t coddled per se, but maybe a bit. Mom did laundry, cooked, cleaned, but I ended up quite independent and competent. Left home for boarding school, got jobs, and grad school on my own, never any help with homework or projects. Though occasional financial help- paying back student loans, down payment. My brother never turned out well in the housekeeping, financial or general adulting sense.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:^^ Now that his class is in their early 30s, we can see that most are doing quite well. Almost everyone graduated from college, many from graduate school, and in well-paying jobs. Family support, guidance and connections matter. Of course, you still have to have the intelligence to get into and graduate from a top private.

I think people are making this a money thing, but it was more about the coddling parenting. So I guess people seem to think these coddled kids will turn out fine.

The 3 kids I was thinking of are such weak kids. They are all unimpressive in every way. Two of them do have extremely wealthy parents. One is UMC. I can think of so many other kids like this at our private school. It actually makes me want to pull my kid out of private school.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What are some examples of coddling? I saw the PP above with the parents coming to college, but OP what do you mean?

The girl I mentioned with two older parents. Their parents spend their entire lives doing anything and everything for this child. They have the money and time and tripping over themselves to do anything that this girl wants. This girl is definitely spoiled in every way. Both parents are extremely smart, successful and both are from $$$.

Another boy I am thinking of has divorced parents and both parents also always trying to do everything for this teenager.

I can also think of countless boys, happen to be Indian, whose moms dedicate their entire lives to them. The boys are soooooo coddled.

Do the parents work? I would think their time would be limited.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:^^ Now that his class is in their early 30s, we can see that most are doing quite well. Almost everyone graduated from college, many from graduate school, and in well-paying jobs. Family support, guidance and connections matter. Of course, you still have to have the intelligence to get into and graduate from a top private.

I think people are making this a money thing, but it was more about the coddling parenting. So I guess people seem to think these coddled kids will turn out fine.

The 3 kids I was thinking of are such weak kids. They are all unimpressive in every way. Two of them do have extremely wealthy parents. One is UMC. I can think of so many other kids like this at our private school. It actually makes me want to pull my kid out of private school.

You should. It seems to cause you anxiety.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What are some examples of coddling? I saw the PP above with the parents coming to college, but OP what do you mean?

The girl I mentioned with two older parents. Their parents spend their entire lives doing anything and everything for this child. They have the money and time and tripping over themselves to do anything that this girl wants. This girl is definitely spoiled in every way. Both parents are extremely smart, successful and both are from $$$.

Another boy I am thinking of has divorced parents and both parents also always trying to do everything for this teenager.

I can also think of countless boys, happen to be Indian, whose moms dedicate their entire lives to them. The boys are soooooo coddled.

Do the parents work? I would think their time would be limited.

It is a mix of working and non working. The older family is semi retired.

I’m also a SAHm. I try hard not to spoil my children. Ha! I’m sure many people will think my kids are also coddled.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:^^ Now that his class is in their early 30s, we can see that most are doing quite well. Almost everyone graduated from college, many from graduate school, and in well-paying jobs. Family support, guidance and connections matter. Of course, you still have to have the intelligence to get into and graduate from a top private.

I think people are making this a money thing, but it was more about the coddling parenting. So I guess people seem to think these coddled kids will turn out fine.

The 3 kids I was thinking of are such weak kids. They are all unimpressive in every way. Two of them do have extremely wealthy parents. One is UMC. I can think of so many other kids like this at our private school. It actually makes me want to pull my kid out of private school.

You should. It seems to cause you anxiety.

I do not want my kids to turn out to be weak adults dependent on their parents. That is my worry.

[Anonymous]

Humans are resilient; if we can overcome childhood trauma, we can overcome a coddled childhood.

[Anonymous]

Just fine. I’d rather my child focus on school and activities. They know who to cook and do laundry and help out but what’s wrong with having parent support. Some kids need it more than others.

[Anonymous]

My "coddled" kid has autism and ADHD, diagnosed formally. He had/has accommodations in school and college. He will be burdened throughout life with his neurodivergence, specifically in terms of processing speed, forgetfulness and weak social skills.

We assist him because we know that he needs to advance as far as possible with our help before he closes doors for himself. Because he WILL close doors for himself! That's a given. The later the better. In practice, it means, getting a high school diploma (check), getting a Bachelor's (in progress), maybe go to grad or law school and then get a stable job that will make him financially independent. At some point, we won't be able to help him professionally, but we may be able to help with a downpayment on a home, or something like that.

All this to ensure that he can be financially independent after we're gone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:^^ Now that his class is in their early 30s, we can see that most are doing quite well. Almost everyone graduated from college, many from graduate school, and in well-paying jobs. Family support, guidance and connections matter. Of course, you still have to have the intelligence to get into and graduate from a top private.

I think people are making this a money thing, but it was more about the coddling parenting. So I guess people seem to think these coddled kids will turn out fine.

The 3 kids I was thinking of are such weak kids. They are all unimpressive in every way. Two of them do have extremely wealthy parents. One is UMC. I can think of so many other kids like this at our private school. It actually makes me want to pull my kid out of private school.

Parenting is part of the issue and expectations. What are you doing to set up your kids for success. Being critical of others is silly.