How do these super coddled kids turn out?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:^^ Now that his class is in their early 30s, we can see that most are doing quite well. Almost everyone graduated from college, many from graduate school, and in well-paying jobs. Family support, guidance and connections matter. Of course, you still have to have the intelligence to get into and graduate from a top private.

Money can buy your way into top privates.

[Anonymous]

This is a textbook example of clearly the OP feels insecure about their parenting. Otherwise this wouldn’t be taking up your headspace. Why else would you possibly care so much about other parenting strategies that aren’t your own?

[Anonymous]

The coddled kids I see are usually only children.

DD had a friend who was not allowed to walk to school in 5th grade because her parents were afraid it wasn't safe! She was not within the bus boundaries and all of the other kids walked or rode bikes. Kid was lonely on the bus, but parents were too worried to let her go alone. Same kid could not tie her own shoes in middle school because her parents always did it for her. They did homework as a family! One of her parents recently expressed surprise that the girl was not motivated to do well in HS and always wanted help with her work.

DS had a friend who did not know what it meant to clear the table. They were in kindergarten. (I told the boys they could be excused from the table and go play after they cleared their plates.) Kid was clueless! DS looked at him and said, "Larlo, go get your dirty dishes from the table, dump the trash into the can, and put the dishes into the dishwasher like my sister and I did!" His mom was HORRIFIED that she hadn't taught her son this skill yet, but in all honestly, she had one kid and could probably easily clear his dishes or set the table. I had 3 kids, including an infant, and needed all the hands I could get. To her credit, she asked what other tasks my kids did or helped with so she could make sure her son learned them too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:^^ Now that his class is in their early 30s, we can see that most are doing quite well. Almost everyone graduated from college, many from graduate school, and in well-paying jobs. Family support, guidance and connections matter. Of course, you still have to have the intelligence to get into and graduate from a top private.

I think people are making this a money thing, but it was more about the coddling parenting. So I guess people seem to think these coddled kids will turn out fine.

The 3 kids I was thinking of are such weak kids. They are all unimpressive in every way. Two of them do have extremely wealthy parents. One is UMC. I can think of so many other kids like this at our private school. It actually makes me want to pull my kid out of private school.

Parenting is part of the issue and expectations. What are you doing to set up your kids for success. Being critical of others is silly.

My kids are very strong willed and spirited. I’m not sure I could control them even if I wanted to.

Perhaps it is just the personality of the child and the very obvious aggressive parent personalities make it such a stark contrast.

If there was a meek kid and had quiet parents not doing things for the kid, I probably wouldn’t notice. It is just these very type b kids with the super type a parents that seem to be overly controlled, protected, guided and coddled. It is a bad look when kids are older.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is a textbook example of clearly the OP feels insecure about their parenting. Otherwise this wouldn’t be taking up your headspace. Why else would you possibly care so much about other parenting strategies that aren’t your own?

Actually it makes me feel great about my parenting.

It makes me wonder if I want my kid around that type of kid(s). Unrelated to me, my kids are well liked by these kids and families.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Does super coddled = rich? If so, they will be fine. Intergenerational wealth does wonders, even if you don’t work particularly hard.

Not really. It depends on how and why they are coddled. My older daughter’s friend has a mother who is over the top. She was obsessed with her daughter being popular. She became friends with me because she wanted to her daughter to be friends with mine. I didn’t mind because she would help out with my daughter.

This mother did as much of her daughter’s work as possible. She went to an expensive college, got kicked out and is now addicted to drugs. Beautiful girl, so funny. Her mother was too involved, her daughter did nothing for herself. Her father traveled a lot, makes seven figures (his salary is public) and is the nicest guy. He left his wife and got remarried. He saw the damage his wife did. ( Sorry for rambling writing)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is a textbook example of clearly the OP feels insecure about their parenting. Otherwise this wouldn’t be taking up your headspace. Why else would you possibly care so much about other parenting strategies that aren’t your own?

Actually it makes me feel great about my parenting.

It makes me wonder if I want my kid around that type of kid(s). Unrelated to me, my kids are well liked by these kids and families.

Different poster here. I'm sorry, OP, but there is no way a well-adjusted adult creates a thread lambasting other families' supposed coddling. Obviously you're feeling aggressive today and it's coming out on DCUM on this thread.

Please check yourself. I'm sure you and your family are not perfect either. A little tolerance on your part wouldn't hurt.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is a textbook example of clearly the OP feels insecure about their parenting. Otherwise this wouldn’t be taking up your headspace. Why else would you possibly care so much about other parenting strategies that aren’t your own?

Actually it makes me feel great about my parenting.

It makes me wonder if I want my kid around that type of kid(s). Unrelated to me, my kids are well liked by these kids and families.

So it's a you problem.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Does super coddled = rich? If so, they will be fine. Intergenerational wealth does wonders, even if you don’t work particularly hard.

Not really. It depends on how and why they are coddled. My older daughter’s friend has a mother who is over the top. She was obsessed with her daughter being popular. She became friends with me because she wanted to her daughter to be friends with mine. I didn’t mind because she would help out with my daughter.

This mother did as much of her daughter’s work as possible. She went to an expensive college, got kicked out and is now addicted to drugs. Beautiful girl, so funny. Her mother was too involved, her daughter did nothing for herself. Her father traveled a lot, makes seven figures (his salary is public) and is the nicest guy. He left his wife and got remarried. He saw the damage his wife did. ( Sorry for rambling writing)

OP here. My son is a very well liked kid. He is smart, athletic and very social. He has a mix of very sporty friends and then there are wimpy coddled boys. I actually think it makes my kid be less motivated.

If it matters, we are also rich. We live in an affluent neighborhood and kid goes to a pricey private school. Our neighborhood is filled with rich private school kids. Not every kid is coddled.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What are some examples of coddling? I saw the PP above with the parents coming to college, but OP what do you mean?

The girl I mentioned with two older parents. Their parents spend their entire lives doing anything and everything for this child. They have the money and time and tripping over themselves to do anything that this girl wants. This girl is definitely spoiled in every way. Both parents are extremely smart, successful and both are from $$$.

Another boy I am thinking of has divorced parents and both parents also always trying to do everything for this teenager.

I can also think of countless boys, happen to be Indian, whose moms dedicate their entire lives to them. The boys are soooooo coddled.

I’m late 40s, Indian American, daughter. I wasn’t coddled per se, but maybe a bit. Mom did laundry, cooked, cleaned, but I ended up quite independent and competent. Left home for boarding school, got jobs, and grad school on my own, never any help with homework or projects. Though occasional financial help- paying back student loans, down payment. My brother never turned out well in the housekeeping, financial or general adulting sense.

A lot of us had the mothers who cooked, cleaned, laundry, changed our sheets, made our beds in the morning, drove us anywhere. That’s not a bad thing like anome people think and it’s not obsessive coddling that can mess a kid up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is a textbook example of clearly the OP feels insecure about their parenting. Otherwise this wouldn’t be taking up your headspace. Why else would you possibly care so much about other parenting strategies that aren’t your own?

Actually it makes me feel great about my parenting.

It makes me wonder if I want my kid around that type of kid(s). Unrelated to me, my kids are well liked by these kids and families.

Different poster here. I'm sorry, OP, but there is no way a well-adjusted adult creates a thread lambasting other families' supposed coddling. Obviously you're feeling aggressive today and it's coming out on DCUM on this thread.

Please check yourself. I'm sure you and your family are not perfect either. A little tolerance on your part wouldn't hurt.

The thread didn’t turn out the way I expected. I’m not sure if there are parents on here who are exact types of parents I am referring to. These parents are worse than what I would consider helicopter parents. Maybe coddling was the wrong word.

The girl my daughter had a play date with absolutely adores my daughter. While she is spoiled and demanding and treats me like staff, she is a good friend to my daughter. I like her parents fine. The mom is always trying to hang out with me and do play dates.

I guess being coddled with over involved parents is better than being neglected or abused. And yes, all these kids are rich.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Does super coddled = rich? If so, they will be fine. Intergenerational wealth does wonders, even if you don’t work particularly hard.

Not really. It depends on how and why they are coddled. My older daughter’s friend has a mother who is over the top. She was obsessed with her daughter being popular. She became friends with me because she wanted to her daughter to be friends with mine. I didn’t mind because she would help out with my daughter.

This mother did as much of her daughter’s work as possible. She went to an expensive college, got kicked out and is now addicted to drugs. Beautiful girl, so funny. Her mother was too involved, her daughter did nothing for herself. Her father traveled a lot, makes seven figures (his salary is public) and is the nicest guy. He left his wife and got remarried. He saw the damage his wife did. ( Sorry for rambling writing)

I know a guy who was his parents’ life. He also did well academically and professionally although he seems to currently hate his job. My friend married him and fell for his good looks, good family, ivy degrees and what seemed to be the total package. He was very selfish and treated my friend like a maid despite her education and career success. They are now getting divorced.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Does super coddled = rich? If so, they will be fine. Intergenerational wealth does wonders, even if you don’t work particularly hard.

Agree.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is a textbook example of clearly the OP feels insecure about their parenting. Otherwise this wouldn’t be taking up your headspace. Why else would you possibly care so much about other parenting strategies that aren’t your own?

Actually it makes me feel great about my parenting.

It makes me wonder if I want my kid around that type of kid(s). Unrelated to me, my kids are well liked by these kids and families.

Different poster here. I'm sorry, OP, but there is no way a well-adjusted adult creates a thread lambasting other families' supposed coddling. Obviously you're feeling aggressive today and it's coming out on DCUM on this thread.

Please check yourself. I'm sure you and your family are not perfect either. A little tolerance on your part wouldn't hurt.

I am actually thinking about my children and their futures. My oldest will be starting college applications soon. He is a top stat kid at our local public. My two younger children and their coddled private school friends is what is wasting my headspace today.

It seems most people seem to think as long as the kids come from money, they will be fine. That isn’t exactly what I was asking, but that seems to be the answer.

[Anonymous]

You can read all about them in the relationships forum.