Husband told me he doesn’t like my cooking

[Anonymous]

He’s perfectly capable of cooking for himself. I would just stop cooking for him. I was married for a decade and we never ate dinner together because we didn’t like the same food. That’s not why we divorced. The food thing was not really a problem. It is not that uncommon for kids to eat different food than their parents for years. One of us fed the kids and we always ate on our own later.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:All of a sudden… Ugh! I’d inquire as to what changed.
Also, maybe suggest he cook. Or simply cook for yourself.

We just got married. We lived together while engaged but he was gone most weeks for work. He‘s in a different job and now we eat dinner together every night.

He can’t and doesn’t care to cook. He has no interest in ever trying.

This is a very bad sign in the relationship. Cooking is an expression of love, and if he doesn’t have any interest in trying at least to help you cutting vegetables, start preparing the exit.

This is absolute nonsense. Some people don’t like cooking and it’s not an expression of love. It’s something on the to-do list.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:First: You were taken "aback".

Second: This is a tale as old as time, on your part and his. He pretends to like your cooking because he loves you. Finally he can't stand it anymore, so he confesses. You are hurt. He is sorry he hurt you. You learn to cook more to his liking over time. It's a process. No one screwed up here.

Except he needs to learn how to cook.

I don't like some of what DH makes. But, when we got together, he did all the cooking because 1. I didn't like to cook and 2. I didn't know how to cook.

I finally learned (at 42), and now IMO, I'm a better cook than he is, but I don't say it. He's still a better baker than I am, well, tbf, I never bake.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Take turns. You eat what the other makes and appreciate it, that's how it works.

He doesn’t cook and has no interest in learning.

And yet he’s interested in eating (along with being a critic.) That would not fly with me. Wait til you have kids. Bet he won’t be interested in learning to care for them!

Sounds about right.
Appears some on this panel have husbands who are fathers who don't change diapers or know how to use a stroller.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Take turns. You eat what the other makes and appreciate it, that's how it works.

He doesn’t cook and has no interest in learning.

Then get takeout .

[Anonymous]

i think your husband should keep his mouth shut unless he is willing to solve the problem.

"i can't cook and don't want to." too bad buddy.

he can learn just like she has.

they can work on menus and recipes together.

etc.

now it does sound like she has room to improve, too.

the things you all like, learn to do those consistently.

follow recipes.

or learn easy things that are hard to mess up. or both.


i don't love everything i cook, but it is always decent.

my husband has never told be he didn't like my cooking. in fact, when i make something i think is not that good, those are the days he goes for seconds!

[Anonymous]

Okay, lots of issues, but some solutions.

Your issues: you sound picky yourself (why no fish, pork or turkey?), and maybe not the best cook. On the other hand you are doing the work and willin o try!

His issues: picky, critical and unwilling to do the work, only criticize.

finally--do not have kids with someone who is 'uninterested' in cooking. It will not work unless there's enough money to outsource it all.But its not realistic or fair otherwise to expect one person to continually be responsible for feeding a family.

I would have a serious talk about this. To me, his choices are learn to cook together, and come up with recipes you both like, expand your palettes a little bit, and share the responsibility. If he is unwilling to cook or learn, he has no business criticizing you. And if he cannot see how this dynamic sucks, including springing this on you as soon as you get married, then pls ensure you are using birth control and do marriage counseling, because its possible he has whole other list of things he will demand of you that he has been holding back.


Finally, it is okay to not love everything about your partner. but this kind of unconstructive criticism early on--when he also expects you to cook!--is a red flag. My husband is frankly not a great cook. However, I really need him to take on the burden sometimes and appreciate when dinner is made forme. He has mastered a half dozen go to dinners and does pretty much all the grocery shopping. The other and most important rule is that we do not criticize each other's cooking. We may express whether we liked a particular dish more or less than others, but not in a critical/you need to change way. I also found that doing a kit (my favorite was sun basket--fresh, interesting and far less repetitive than our 'go to' meals) was a good way to expand our repertoire and esp give him some autonomy and responsibiity in the kitchen.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:All of a sudden… Ugh! I’d inquire as to what changed.
Also, maybe suggest he cook. Or simply cook for yourself.

We just got married. We lived together while engaged but he was gone most weeks for work. He‘s in a different job and now we eat dinner together every night.

He can’t and doesn’t care to cook. He has no interest in ever trying.

People who don’t cook don’t get to complain about the food. Eat it or starve.

Agreed. He can't throw stones if he's unwilling to share the load.

Agree.
Funny how she/OP should improve her cooking skills but he gets to bypass cooking or learning to
As adults we all have to do stuff we don't like -- no option to simply skip things that are challenging or new.

Red flag

My husband and I were definitely not great at cooking when we first started living together out of college, but we learned together. If he'd demanded I learned to cook without him also putting in the effort, I wouldn't have married him.

I mean, my Dad would make his famous lasagna for parties, my granddad would take us fishing and then cook a fish dinner with us. Men who can't do basic tasks and refuse to learn are just pathetic.

I agree and commented as such above. However, just to play devil's advocate, what about women who refuse to learn how to do car maintenance, house/yard upkeep, etc?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:All of a sudden… Ugh! I’d inquire as to what changed.
Also, maybe suggest he cook. Or simply cook for yourself.

We just got married. We lived together while engaged but he was gone most weeks for work. He‘s in a different job and now we eat dinner together every night.

He can’t and doesn’t care to cook. He has no interest in ever trying.

Are you ok with this? Is he willing to wash up after dinner? Does he take on any of the other frequent tasks of keeping a house like cleaning or laundry?

[Anonymous]

Don’t take it personally. I wound rather not have him lie.

Why don’t you each take turns making a meal you enjoy, and then you can learn each other’s tastes/techniques.

You might also enjoy a cooking class together (like at Sur La Table).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Take turns. You eat what the other makes and appreciate it, that's how it works.

He doesn’t cook and has no interest in learning.

No, nip this in the bud.

Every adult should have some basic cooking skills. What happens when you are sick, or out of town. When he is home alone with the kids and they are hungry.

Do you want your kids growing up thinking that only females cook. Or that females serve males their means? You will be their first and most influential role models .

His attitudes are archaic. Tell him it will be fun to learn together.

Have a cooking night/date, once every weekend. Otherwise, he has treating you like hired help.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:All of a sudden… Ugh! I’d inquire as to what changed.
Also, maybe suggest he cook. Or simply cook for yourself.

We just got married. We lived together while engaged but he was gone most weeks for work. He‘s in a different job and now we eat dinner together every night.

He can’t and doesn’t care to cook. He has no interest in ever trying.

People who don’t cook don’t get to complain about the food. Eat it or starve.

Agreed. He can't throw stones if he's unwilling to share the load.

Agree.
Funny how she/OP should improve her cooking skills but he gets to bypass cooking or learning to
As adults we all have to do stuff we don't like -- no option to simply skip things that are challenging or new.

Red flag

My husband and I were definitely not great at cooking when we first started living together out of college, but we learned together. If he'd demanded I learned to cook without him also putting in the effort, I wouldn't have married him.

I mean, my Dad would make his famous lasagna for parties, my granddad would take us fishing and then cook a fish dinner with us. Men who can't do basic tasks and refuse to learn are just pathetic.

I agree and commented as such above. However, just to play devil's advocate, what about women who refuse to learn how to do car maintenance, house/yard upkeep, etc?

dp.. yes, women need to know how to do that, too. But, certain tasks require brute strength, which women don't have women.

That said, DH has taught DD how to change a tire. I do yard work and have fixed things around the house, like our vacuum, had to get a rubber tube to replace the washing machine rubber tube.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:All of a sudden… Ugh! I’d inquire as to what changed.
Also, maybe suggest he cook. Or simply cook for yourself.

We just got married. We lived together while engaged but he was gone most weeks for work. He‘s in a different job and now we eat dinner together every night.

He can’t and doesn’t care to cook. He has no interest in ever trying.

People who don’t cook don’t get to complain about the food. Eat it or starve.

Agreed. He can't throw stones if he's unwilling to share the load.

Agree.
Funny how she/OP should improve her cooking skills but he gets to bypass cooking or learning to
As adults we all have to do stuff we don't like -- no option to simply skip things that are challenging or new.

Red flag

My husband and I were definitely not great at cooking when we first started living together out of college, but we learned together. If he'd demanded I learned to cook without him also putting in the effort, I wouldn't have married him.

I mean, my Dad would make his famous lasagna for parties, my granddad would take us fishing and then cook a fish dinner with us. Men who can't do basic tasks and refuse to learn are just pathetic.

I agree and commented as such above. However, just to play devil's advocate, what about women who refuse to learn how to do car maintenance, house/yard upkeep, etc?

dp.. yes, women need to know how to do that, too. But, certain tasks require brute strength, which women don't have women.

That said, DH has taught DD how to change a tire. I do yard work and have fixed things around the house, like our vacuum, had to get a rubber tube to replace the washing machine rubber tube.

... ^ which women don't have.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My husband and I are newlyweds and just got married. He told me yesterday that he doesn’t like my cooking very much. I was a little taken back because he has always eaten what I’ve made. I’m a little hurt, but more so, unsure of what to do. Do I keep cooking for him or just cooking for myself?

Tell him the job is all his

[Anonymous]

I agree and commented as such above. However, just to play devil's advocate, what about women who refuse to learn how to do car maintenance, house/yard upkeep, etc?



I think the big thing is that both people need to do the day-to-day things in the home. For example, I am good with doing our taxes, but am hopeless with tech, and DH is the reverse, so he hooks up the internet and I do the taxes. You don't all have to know how to do everything. But your examples are very occasional (and often outsource-able) things. In our family, as well as in my family growing up, and I imagine in many 2 income professional families, car maintenance means bringing the car to the car place, maybe putting air in the tires at the gas station. House/yard upkeep means calling the mowing company. Maybe you get out with the kids at the beginning of spring to spread some mulch and plant some annuals together and pull some weeds here and there. Changing a tire means calling AAA. Even to the extent these tasks are not outsourced, they are not daily tasks. I would enjoy cooking once a week, or hosting a dinner party once a month, but cooking every day (and the planning that is involved) really makes it a chore. In our family, and I imagine in many "equal" marriages, DH still does more of the traditionally male tasks and I do more of the traditionally female tasks- because that is where our inclinations and abilities lie- but we both contribute equally to the day-to-day drudgework, and we thank the other for the things they do (even if we would've done it differently).