Disagree fundamentally with friend in sticky situation

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I wonder about your own character, OP. Associating with people like these.

Because all your friends are perfect, just like you, and nobody ever made a dumb decision, not even the once.

NP. None of my friends are perfect and neither am I, yet somehow we all manage not to sleep with other women's husbands. It's really not that hard.

Honestly, I doubt that. I haven't even cheater or been cheated on (to my knowledge) but I'm also not so simple-minded that I can't comprehend that statistically one of my friends has cheated.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I wonder about your own character, OP. Associating with people like these.

Because all your friends are perfect, just like you, and nobody ever made a dumb decision, not even the once.

Cheater got triggered.

Never cheated, never would. Just tired of the sanctimommy posts that add nothing to the discussion. You wonder about OP's character because her friend is cheating? What about your character? Because at least one of your friends has cheated, or is cheating right now. They've also lied, probably stolen, broken their word...

Attacking the OP because her friend is making a mistake is a pretty high horse to ride in on.

+1000

[Anonymous]

I personally would pull back. If she is capable of this kind of awful behavior, she is capable of letting you down or hurting you.

I would not want to associate with someone like this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I wonder about your own character, OP. Associating with people like these.

Because all your friends are perfect, just like you, and nobody ever made a dumb decision, not even the once.

Cheater got triggered.

Never cheated, never would. Just tired of the sanctimommy posts that add nothing to the discussion. You wonder about OP's character because her friend is cheating? What about your character? Because at least one of your friends has cheated, or is cheating right now. They've also lied, probably stolen, broken their word...

Attacking the OP because her friend is making a mistake is a pretty high horse to ride in on.

You do protest too much.

And you are unbelievably naive.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She's right. She's not the one who's doing the cheating. His is the home wrecker in his marriage, not her.

However, I would tell her I don't want to hear about it at all. Because I don't. And I sure wouldn't let her around anyone I'm romantically involved in.

This is such a BS excuse to abdicate responsibility. The women sleeping with married men are also responsible for wrecking the marriage.

But people are sick of them being blamed more than the man, which is what has happened a lot.

[Anonymous]

Before the internet this would be pretty cut and dry that this person went to lengths to find this man and be in this relationship. It's just with the internet and explosion of these marriage breaking relationships that others don't know how to act because they never thought friends would do this sort of thing. It's still just as awful. We are just allowing it more because it's happening more. Hope it doesn't happen to you I guess OP. Maybe think about how you'd want others to treat this person if they were doing this with your husband while you were with child.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

She's right. She's not the one who's doing the cheating. His is the home wrecker in his marriage, not her.

I just can't with this argument or people like you who perpetuate it - have you never heard to treating others like you would like to be treated? There is a basic human contract not to deliberately inflict harm on other people (in this case, she is participating in wrecking another family). No wonder the US is in such a bad place right now.

I think the only people who perpetuate this trope are the cheaters themselves. No decent person would think this.

I think it's a push back to people blaming the woman for all affairs. If the man is the one who is married, he is MORE responsible for breaking up his family. Not solely, but more. Yes history has a habit of blaming the woman every time so I think the pendulum is swinging back in the other direction on that now. Everyone involved is responsible but I think understanding where this reaction is coming from is more helpful than saying "no decent person would think this." You keyboard warriors are so morally righteous it's annoying. And not helpful to people like OP.

The fact that people can’t see that two people can be at fault is insane.

You know restaurants get charged for over serving someone who then drinks and drives.

Two people can be at fault from the same crime.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I wonder about your own character, OP. Associating with people like these.

Because all your friends are perfect, just like you, and nobody ever made a dumb decision, not even the once.

Cheater got triggered.

Never cheated, never would. Just tired of the sanctimommy posts that add nothing to the discussion. You wonder about OP's character because her friend is cheating? What about your character? Because at least one of your friends has cheated, or is cheating right now. They've also lied, probably stolen, broken their word...

Attacking the OP because her friend is making a mistake is a pretty high horse to ride in on.

You do protest too much.

And you are unbelievably naive.

Nah. It’s not hard to associate with quality people. You should try it sometime.

[Anonymous]

OP, it sounds like you've said your piece. You aren't going to convince her to quit the relationship.

You have to decide how important this friendship is to you. I have a couple of friends that I would not immediately drop in this situation, but, I would need to set boundaries (I'm not interested in hearing about the relationships, meeting the guy, etc.).

You have to decide if you are getting other things out of the friendship and figure out what kind of boundaries you need to continue it. Or just let the friendship go. You don't have to end it dramatically. Just quit doing stuff, respond to texts with thumbs up, etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She's right. She's not the one who's doing the cheating. His is the home wrecker in his marriage, not her.

However, I would tell her I don't want to hear about it at all. Because I don't. And I sure wouldn't let her around anyone I'm romantically involved in.

This is such a BS excuse to abdicate responsibility. The women sleeping with married men are also responsible for wrecking the marriage.

But people are sick of them being blamed more than the man, which is what has happened a lot.

Of course, the married person bears more responsibility, but the unmarried cheater, regardless of gender is also responsible. I keep seeing that bs excuse and it makes me smh.

[Anonymous]

“We’ve been friends a long time and I want better for you. You can make your own choices but I don’t want to discuss this aspect of your life. It’s hard for me to hear about this situation. If you can respect that, great, if not, let’s take a break for a bit.”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I always wondered who these woman were that did this sort of thing and then as I aged I realized they were all friends with each other and that's why I didn't know them. I met a group of women though a personal interest where a few of them dated married men and others had drama of similar issue. Dating people 3 times divorced with two baby mommas etc. After about 3 months of hearing these stories I left the group. There was only so much drama I could take and I didnt want to compromise my own beliefs by being around them and trying to be pleasant. Where does this road end for you? How do you judge your own behavior here?

^100%
Ex-wife and her middle aged married friends all were on AM and cheating. They all perpetuated “I’m a better mother for it”. Meanwhile- they’d ditch the kids with their husbands and go off to bang AP or fiend the night or afternoon and they would cover for one another—ladies night or ladies trip to NYC, etc.

Your 5 closest friends will tell you who you are. I remind my kids all the time not to hang out with people of low character and zero values.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I always wondered who these woman were that did this sort of thing and then as I aged I realized they were all friends with each other and that's why I didn't know them. I met a group of women though a personal interest where a few of them dated married men and others had drama of similar issue. Dating people 3 times divorced with two baby mommas etc. After about 3 months of hearing these stories I left the group. There was only so much drama I could take and I didnt want to compromise my own beliefs by being around them and trying to be pleasant. Where does this road end for you? How do you judge your own behavior here?

^100%
Ex-wife and her middle aged married friends all were on AM and cheating. They all perpetuated “I’m a better mother for it”. Meanwhile- they’d ditch the kids with their husbands and go off to bang AP or fiend the night or afternoon and they would cover for one another—ladies night or ladies trip to NYC, etc.

Your 5 closest friends will tell you who you are. I remind my kids all the time not to hang out with people of low character and zero values.

Yep. I should have realized that my ex having all cheating friends -could not have possibly been the only one that wasn’t a cheater as he portrayed it. We were different because they didn’t love/like their spouses - but he did and only ever said great things. The stuff you make yourself believe in your 20s…

[Anonymous]

I dropped a friend in this situation. I consider it a moral failing and no longer wanted to be associated with her. I had young children at the time so I took her cheating with a man that had a pregnant spouse plus young child as personal.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’d anonymously tell the wife, and dump her as a friend. What a gross justification. She has no morals or values and would screw you over if she got the chance. Bye Felicia.

Yes, anonymously tell the wife asap. This has the best chance at ending the affair before it gets too deep, and maybe they have a slight chance at saving their marriage. Plus she deserves to be protected from STDs.
Your friend and this guy are scum.

I would drop the friend. Not sure I would tell the wife because timing would be really bad for her. In terms of saving the marriage, ew, no. I can sort of understand (and could possibly forgive if it were me) when 40 year old guys cheat on their wife who has gotten older and fatter and is not as interested in being intimate. But a man who would cheat on his pregnant wife while they also have another small child is not a person I could ever in a million years stay married to.