Disagree fundamentally with friend in sticky situation

[Anonymous]

She is a trash human. Billions of men in the world in this is who she picks. She has low self esteem or she likes stealing other ladies men. Ether way it will come back to haunt her. See karma will get her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Er, what kind of character traits do you look for in friendships?
I would only put up with this person if it were someone in my family. No friendships of volition would entertain this sort of behavior.
Worse than a skank.

Not OP but I know people who have cheated who can still be good friends. Also, I don't think someone is born a cheater and that's an inherent part of them their whole life. Finally, I don't think your ability to be a friend and the fact that you cheat are mutually exclusive. I'm not a cheater and I definitely do not think it is ok (I'd never forgive my husband if he cheated on me), but I also think your vision is very immature and simplistic. Also, why would you tolerate it in a family member? You're speaking out of both sides of your mouth. If you're going to claim the moral high ground at least be consistent about it.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Gross. I don’t think I could be friends with someone like this. I’d pull way back on the friendship for now and hope she comes to her senses. I just would not be able to sit and listen to this at all.

+1
I like friends with the same values as me. This includes integrity, which she lacks. I'd still be there for her when it all goes pear-shaped with a big 'I told you so' and 'everyone makes mistakes and loses their head'.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I wonder about your own character, OP. Associating with people like these.

Because all your friends are perfect, just like you, and nobody ever made a dumb decision, not even the once.

This is not a one time decision. She's making it over and over again

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’d anonymously tell the wife, and dump her as a friend. What a gross justification. She has no morals or values and would screw you over if she got the chance. Bye Felicia.

Yes, anonymously tell the wife asap. This has the best chance at ending the affair before it gets too deep, and maybe they have a slight chance at saving their marriage. Plus she deserves to be protected from STDs.
Your friend and this guy are scum.

I would drop the friend. Not sure I would tell the wife because timing would be really bad for her. In terms of saving the marriage, ew, no. I can sort of understand (and could possibly forgive if it were me) when 40 year old guys cheat on their wife who has gotten older and fatter and is not as interested in being intimate. But a man who would cheat on his pregnant wife while they also have another small child is not a person I could ever in a million years stay married to.

The timing is great to tell her. You’d rather she give birth, stay up all night with baby, quit her job, all while her husband is out f***ing another woman? No. She needs to know NOW. So she can prepare herself. I’d bet she could negotiate a hell of a settlement if she files while pregnant. No one respects men who cheat on their pregnant wives, even the men who do it. She needs to get her share and gtfo.

[Anonymous]

I’m a very loyal person and I would 100% drop a friend like this. You do not want a person like this in your life or in your home. She has no morals. It might be your husband next!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’d anonymously tell the wife, and dump her as a friend. What a gross justification. She has no morals or values and would screw you over if she got the chance. Bye Felicia.

Yes, anonymously tell the wife asap. This has the best chance at ending the affair before it gets too deep, and maybe they have a slight chance at saving their marriage. Plus she deserves to be protected from STDs.
Your friend and this guy are scum.

I would drop the friend. Not sure I would tell the wife because timing would be really bad for her. In terms of saving the marriage, ew, no. I can sort of understand (and could possibly forgive if it were me) when 40 year old guys cheat on their wife who has gotten older and fatter and is not as interested in being intimate. But a man who would cheat on his pregnant wife while they also have another small child is not a person I could ever in a million years stay married to.

She absolutely needs to know so she has agency. The POS is harming her health and that of his unborn child too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:A long-time friend has gotten involved with a married man. At first it was a one night stand with an old friend but now it’s turning into a fling and possibly something more. This man’s wife is pregnant, they already have a small child, my friend found out and she STILL is entertaining this schmuck.

Her argument is that it’s not her responsibility to protect this man’s relationship. I think that’s about as good a defense as someone saying they didn’t commit the bank robbery, they just drove the car.

I tell my friend that everything gross about this man aside, is this even what/who she wants for her life? She calls me morally righteous. I’m having a hard time with this. WWYD?

And, the “not my relationship, not my problem” argument is so weak and ridiculous. I just can’t get behind it.

"Her argument is that it’s not her responsibility to protect this man’s relationship."
This shows your friends true character and I couldn't stand behind a friend doing this. What makes her so sure he won't do this to her eventually--how can she trust him. He will also probably never leave his wife.

[Anonymous]

It all depends on how much you value the friendship and what this says about her character. I don’t agree with some of the posts above that take the position that people who cheat are, always and everywhere, terrible human beings. It’s possible in my experience for good people to do bad things under the influence of temptation. I’ve never dealt with this precise scenario, I’d distance myself from a casual friend, but with some of my closest friends I’d be more like “I think what you are doing is wrong and, over the long term, bad for you. I’d really rather not hear about it anymore because it makes me uncomfortable.” But only you can evaluate whether you think this reveals your friend to be a low-character person or a decent person who is doing an uncharacteristically low-character thing. It’s not easy, and not necessarily correct in my view, to end a friendship over this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’d anonymously tell the wife, and dump her as a friend. What a gross justification. She has no morals or values and would screw you over if she got the chance. Bye Felicia.

I like this idea. I think it's a great idea. OP Do it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

She's right. She's not the one who's doing the cheating. His is the home wrecker in his marriage, not her.

I just can't with this argument or people like you who perpetuate it - have you never heard to treating others like you would like to be treated? There is a basic human contract not to deliberately inflict harm on other people (in this case, she is participating in wrecking another family). No wonder the US is in such a bad place right now.

I think the only people who perpetuate this trope are the cheaters themselves. No decent person would think this.

I think it's a push back to people blaming the woman for all affairs. If the man is the one who is married, he is MORE responsible for breaking up his family. Not solely, but more. Yes history has a habit of blaming the woman every time so I think the pendulum is swinging back in the other direction on that now. Everyone involved is responsible but I think understanding where this reaction is coming from is more helpful than saying "no decent person would think this." You keyboard warriors are so morally righteous it's annoying. And not helpful to people like OP.

The fact that people can’t see that two people can be at fault is insane.

You know restaurants get charged for over serving someone who then drinks and drives.

Two people can be at fault from the same crime.

Show me where I said that both people aren't to blame.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I wonder about your own character, OP. Associating with people like these.

Because all your friends are perfect, just like you, and nobody ever made a dumb decision, not even the once.

Cheater got triggered.

Never cheated, never would. Just tired of the sanctimommy posts that add nothing to the discussion. You wonder about OP's character because her friend is cheating? What about your character? Because at least one of your friends has cheated, or is cheating right now. They've also lied, probably stolen, broken their word...

Attacking the OP because her friend is making a mistake is a pretty high horse to ride in on.

You do protest too much.

And you are unbelievably naive.

Nah. It’s not hard to associate with quality people. You should try it sometime.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She's right. She's not the one who's doing the cheating. His is the home wrecker in his marriage, not her.

However, I would tell her I don't want to hear about it at all. Because I don't. And I sure wouldn't let her around anyone I'm romantically involved in.

This is such a BS excuse to abdicate responsibility. The women sleeping with married men are also responsible for wrecking the marriage.

But people are sick of them being blamed more than the man, which is what has happened a lot.

Of course, the married person bears more responsibility, but the unmarried cheater, regardless of gender is also responsible. I keep seeing that bs excuse and it makes me smh.

Sure, so try to understand where it comes from instead of just shaking your head.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I dropped a friend in this situation. I consider it a moral failing and no longer wanted to be associated with her. I had young children at the time so I took her cheating with a man that had a pregnant spouse plus young child as personal.

Way to make it about you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’d anonymously tell the wife, and dump her as a friend. What a gross justification. She has no morals or values and would screw you over if she got the chance. Bye Felicia.

Yes, anonymously tell the wife asap. This has the best chance at ending the affair before it gets too deep, and maybe they have a slight chance at saving their marriage. Plus she deserves to be protected from STDs.
Your friend and this guy are scum.

I would drop the friend. Not sure I would tell the wife because timing would be really bad for her. In terms of saving the marriage, ew, no. I can sort of understand (and could possibly forgive if it were me) when 40 year old guys cheat on their wife who has gotten older and fatter and is not as interested in being intimate. But a man who would cheat on his pregnant wife while they also have another small child is not a person I could ever in a million years stay married to.

Beside the point but why is that more understandable? Getting fatter is in most cases changeable, but everyone ages and there is no way to avoid that. What a crappy take.