Disagree fundamentally with friend in sticky situation

[Anonymous]

I'd ghost her.

[Anonymous]

Gross. I would definitely take a step back from the friendship. Has she always been self destructive or is this type of behavior out of character?

[Anonymous]

Hope your man/spouse isn’t her type.
Distance yourself .. sooner than later

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I wonder about your own character, OP. Associating with people like these.

Because all your friends are perfect, just like you, and nobody ever made a dumb decision, not even the once.

[Anonymous]

Tell that she makes you want to vomit and end the friendship.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:A long-time friend has gotten involved with a married man. At first it was a one night stand with an old friend but now it’s turning into a fling and possibly something more. This man’s wife is pregnant, they already have a small child, my friend found out and she STILL is entertaining this schmuck.

Her argument is that it’s not her responsibility to protect this man’s relationship. I think that’s about as good a defense as someone saying they didn’t commit the bank robbery, they just drove the car.

I tell my friend that everything gross about this man aside, is this even what/who she wants for her life? She calls me morally righteous. I’m having a hard time with this. WWYD?

And, the “not my relationship, not my problem” argument is so weak and ridiculous. I just can’t get behind it.

Her argument may be that it's not her job to protect his marriage, it's his, and I agree on that point. But it's 100% her job to be a high-integrity person, and this isn't right. She's framing it as 'his marriage' and not 'my affair enabling an adulterer' because it projects the responsibility off her and solely onto him.

He is responsible for cheating on his wife, AND she is responsible for enabling that mess, knowing full well he has a kid and one on the way. It's less about what she wants for her life and more who she's willing to be.

Morally righteous isn't an insult, and her throwing it at you like one is a tell. She knows this is the wrong thing to do. Be a good friend and put your foot down: you don't want to hear about it, and honestly? you don't really want to hang as long as she's involved in this. Maybe watching you do the right thing will help her do the right thing too. Maybe you'll lose a low-integrity friend. I think you'll come out fine either way, and I hope she comes along.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would just not be her friend anymore. Seriously.

Or I would tell her that it's a long, long road from "stranger, I owe you nothing" to "I am your child's stepmom so let's have a good relationship". Ask her what she thinks it'll be like to be a stepmother, and how she plans to handle co-parenting a child and an infant. Will she be doing diapers and night feedings, for example?

Better yet, how's she going to feel if/when he cheats on her too? Leopards don't change their spots.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would refuse to talk about it, give her one warning and then you're not friends anymore. But wish her all the best as a stepmother!

This.

[Anonymous]

Op, you should be ignoring her - as she is ignoring that he is married. And he is too. You choose your friends.

[Anonymous]

Just let her have her fun. It's not your husband.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think you distance yourself and maybe ghost. I had a friend who did this (also with pregnant wife!) and I just couldn't see her the same way. The other thing was that she was caught up in the melodrama of it all and that became her total focus in her life. It became an obsession which I did not share nor approve of. Honestly, I don't think she really cared about losing her friendships!

These types of people do seem to crave drama and make it their whole personality. No thanks!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Just let her have her fun. It's not your husband.

Found the cheater!

[Anonymous]

There is no "sticky situation". It's simple, it just requires the guts to end the friendship.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She's right. She's not the one who's doing the cheating. His is the home wrecker in his marriage, not her.

However, I would tell her I don't want to hear about it at all. Because I don't. And I sure wouldn't let her around anyone I'm romantically involved in.

This is SO disgustingly WRONG.

EVERYONE in a community has responsibility to one another, including to the preservation of marriages and families especially those in which children are being raised.

The publication of banns of marriage - banns being an old English word meaning proclamation - in the church or town council was meant to allow for anyone to bring forward any known impediments to the marriage, and it also serves as a public declaration of the joining of two persons in a union we are all meant to respect.

Single people who sleep with married people are also ADULTERERS. They are equally responsible because we ALL owe respect to marriage vows, not only to our own.

Infidelity is not the married person's problem only. I am affronted by people who take this position and I have ended friendships over it and also kicked out a law school roommate who wanted to bring his lover home to our place while I had to look at the photos of his wife and 5 kids back in CA on our fridge. I kicked him out and ratted him out to his wife, too - I really hope she dumped him.

Stop excusing scummy women and men who interfere in marriages, it's amoral behavior. Don't whine about the heart wants what it wants either - your heart doesn't fall for a married person if you take the hard bright line of staying away from them except in the most platonic of interactions.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’d anonymously tell the wife, and dump her as a friend. What a gross justification. She has no morals or values and would screw you over if she got the chance. Bye Felicia.

Yes, anonymously tell the wife asap. This has the best chance at ending the affair before it gets too deep, and maybe they have a slight chance at saving their marriage. Plus she deserves to be protected from STDs.
Your friend and this guy are scum.