Disagree fundamentally with friend in sticky situation

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She's right. She's not the one who's doing the cheating. His is the home wrecker in his marriage, not her.

However, I would tell her I don't want to hear about it at all. Because I don't. And I sure wouldn't let her around anyone I'm romantically involved in.

This is SO disgustingly WRONG.

EVERYONE in a community has responsibility to one another, including to the preservation of marriages and families especially those in which children are being raised.

The publication of banns of marriage - banns being an old English word meaning proclamation - in the church or town council was meant to allow for anyone to bring forward any known impediments to the marriage, and it also serves as a public declaration of the joining of two persons in a union we are all meant to respect.

Single people who sleep with married people are also ADULTERERS. They are equally responsible because we ALL owe respect to marriage vows, not only to our own.

Infidelity is not the married person's problem only. I am affronted by people who take this position and I have ended friendships over it and also kicked out a law school roommate who wanted to bring his lover home to our place while I had to look at the photos of his wife and 5 kids back in CA on our fridge. I kicked him out and ratted him out to his wife, too - I really hope she dumped him.

Stop excusing scummy women and men who interfere in marriages, it's amoral behavior. Don't whine about the heart wants what it wants either - your heart doesn't fall for a married person if you take the hard bright line of staying away from them except in the most platonic of interactions.

+1 Adultery and marriages/families being broken is a societal problem. Too many people turn a blind eye and ignore it. It should (and used to be) a punishable crime. That poor mom is going to be left a single mother with a new baby and likely a deadbeat dad.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I wonder about your own character, OP. Associating with people like these.

Because all your friends are perfect, just like you, and nobody ever made a dumb decision, not even the once.

Cheater got triggered.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She's right. She's not the one who's doing the cheating. His is the home wrecker in his marriage, not her.

However, I would tell her I don't want to hear about it at all. Because I don't. And I sure wouldn't let her around anyone I'm romantically involved in.

This is SO disgustingly WRONG.

EVERYONE in a community has responsibility to one another, including to the preservation of marriages and families especially those in which children are being raised.

The publication of banns of marriage - banns being an old English word meaning proclamation - in the church or town council was meant to allow for anyone to bring forward any known impediments to the marriage, and it also serves as a public declaration of the joining of two persons in a union we are all meant to respect.

Single people who sleep with married people are also ADULTERERS. They are equally responsible because we ALL owe respect to marriage vows, not only to our own.

Infidelity is not the married person's problem only. I am affronted by people who take this position and I have ended friendships over it and also kicked out a law school roommate who wanted to bring his lover home to our place while I had to look at the photos of his wife and 5 kids back in CA on our fridge. I kicked him out and ratted him out to his wife, too - I really hope she dumped him.

Stop excusing scummy women and men who interfere in marriages, it's amoral behavior. Don't whine about the heart wants what it wants either - your heart doesn't fall for a married person if you take the hard bright line of staying away from them except in the most platonic of interactions.

Look, I don’t disagree that the friend is wrong.

But this take is a bit extreme.

People on this board love to talk about how everyone should help preserve others’ marriage vows and then turn around and say boundaries and MYOB. See: the thread about the woman who refuses to host her underprivileged nephew.

[Anonymous]

I would not be able to be friends with her at this point in time.

If I were wise and compassionate, I’d probably say something like, “I know you feel very strongly about this man, but the Larla I know and love deserves better than this situation. I am here for you without judgment when you are back to being yourself.”

But since I am not always wise nor compassionate it would probably go something more like, “I can’t believe you’re helping another man cheat on his pregnant wife! You know he’d do the same to you if you were here. You’re the other woman and this is trashy behavior, snap out of it. I don’t want to be a party to any of this because it shows poorly on your character.” And I’d fade her out.

[Anonymous]

She's right. She's not the one who's doing the cheating. His is the home wrecker in his marriage, not her.

I just can't with this argument or people like you who perpetuate it - have you never heard to treating others like you would like to be treated? There is a basic human contract not to deliberately inflict harm on other people (in this case, she is participating in wrecking another family). No wonder the US is in such a bad place right now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

She's right. She's not the one who's doing the cheating. His is the home wrecker in his marriage, not her.

I just can't with this argument or people like you who perpetuate it - have you never heard to treating others like you would like to be treated? There is a basic human contract not to deliberately inflict harm on other people (in this case, she is participating in wrecking another family). No wonder the US is in such a bad place right now.

I think the only people who perpetuate this trope are the cheaters themselves. No decent person would think this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I wonder about your own character, OP. Associating with people like these.

Because all your friends are perfect, just like you, and nobody ever made a dumb decision, not even the once.

NP. None of my friends are perfect and neither am I, yet somehow we all manage not to sleep with other women's husbands. It's really not that hard.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I wonder about your own character, OP. Associating with people like these.

Because all your friends are perfect, just like you, and nobody ever made a dumb decision, not even the once.

Cheater got triggered.

Never cheated, never would. Just tired of the sanctimommy posts that add nothing to the discussion. You wonder about OP's character because her friend is cheating? What about your character? Because at least one of your friends has cheated, or is cheating right now. They've also lied, probably stolen, broken their word...

Attacking the OP because her friend is making a mistake is a pretty high horse to ride in on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I wonder about your own character, OP. Associating with people like these.

Because all your friends are perfect, just like you, and nobody ever made a dumb decision, not even the once.

NP. None of my friends are perfect and neither am I, yet somehow we all manage not to sleep with other women's husbands. It's really not that hard.

I'd like to think that's true of all my friends, too. But it's not. Granted, I'm no longer close to that person, but if the bar is "if your friend cheats, your character is questionable" none of us are going to clear it.

[Anonymous]

Is she an alcoholic? This is such alcoholic thinking IMO. And gross. I would tell her to get her $hit together and that you're stepping away. You don't owe her anything.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She's right. She's not the one who's doing the cheating. His is the home wrecker in his marriage, not her.

However, I would tell her I don't want to hear about it at all. Because I don't. And I sure wouldn't let her around anyone I'm romantically involved in.

This is SO disgustingly WRONG.

EVERYONE in a community has responsibility to one another, including to the preservation of marriages and families especially those in which children are being raised.

The publication of banns of marriage - banns being an old English word meaning proclamation - in the church or town council was meant to allow for anyone to bring forward any known impediments to the marriage, and it also serves as a public declaration of the joining of two persons in a union we are all meant to respect.

Single people who sleep with married people are also ADULTERERS. They are equally responsible because we ALL owe respect to marriage vows, not only to our own.

Infidelity is not the married person's problem only. I am affronted by people who take this position and I have ended friendships over it and also kicked out a law school roommate who wanted to bring his lover home to our place while I had to look at the photos of his wife and 5 kids back in CA on our fridge. I kicked him out and ratted him out to his wife, too - I really hope she dumped him.

Stop excusing scummy women and men who interfere in marriages, it's amoral behavior. Don't whine about the heart wants what it wants either - your heart doesn't fall for a married person if you take the hard bright line of staying away from them except in the most platonic of interactions.

+1 Adultery and marriages/families being broken is a societal problem. Too many people turn a blind eye and ignore it. It should (and used to be) a punishable crime. That poor mom is going to be left a single mother with a new baby and likely a deadbeat dad.

Friend is repulsive. Karma will get her good

She has zero empathy or character. Complete loser

[Anonymous]

My biggest problem with it is that your friend is knowingly contributing to serious hurt and pain once the truth comes out not just to another woman but possibly a very innocent child too. I wouldn’t be able to stand by her for that. Totally agree the guy is at fault, but she’s not blameless either.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My biggest problem with it is that your friend is knowingly contributing to serious hurt and pain once the truth comes out not just to another woman but possibly a very innocent child too. I wouldn’t be able to stand by her for that. Totally agree the guy is at fault, but she’s not blameless either.

She certainly isn’t. She’s complicit in someone else’s pain and trauma. Zero empathy

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:A long-time friend has gotten involved with a married man. At first it was a one night stand with an old friend but now it’s turning into a fling and possibly something more. This man’s wife is pregnant, they already have a small child, my friend found out and she STILL is entertaining this schmuck.

Her argument is that it’s not her responsibility to protect this man’s relationship. I think that’s about as good a defense as someone saying they didn’t commit the bank robbery, they just drove the car.

I tell my friend that everything gross about this man aside, is this even what/who she wants for her life? She calls me morally righteous. I’m having a hard time with this. WWYD?

And, the “not my relationship, not my problem” argument is so weak and ridiculous. I just can’t get behind it.

I couldn't be friends with her anymore.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She's right. She's not the one who's doing the cheating. His is the home wrecker in his marriage, not her.

However, I would tell her I don't want to hear about it at all. Because I don't. And I sure wouldn't let her around anyone I'm romantically involved in.

Knowingly receiving stolen goods is as much a crime as stealing. Your attempt at making a moral distinction here fails. Heck its a simple enough rule that it made the 10 commandments ages ago.