Don’t want to host nephew for the summer

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes OP, you are being the selfish AH. 16 year olds shouldn't live by themselves.

Honestly, you sound like a selfish, self-centered MAGA who doesn't care about anyone but themself.

That’s a weird flex. I’m anti maga and still don’t think the op is being selfish.

Why would the parents of the kid let him apply for an internship in another city without considering where he would live if he’s clearly not old enough to be on his own. They let him apply BEFORE asking the in the city family if they would be willing to put him up for the summer. They were the selfish ones to assume another family could take someone on for the entire summer without considering that the other family may have plans, may not have the capacity to do it.

[Anonymous]

Personally I do think it’s very selfish op. It’s inappropriate for a 16 year old to be renting a room in someone else’s basement! And you said their family is less well off! He’s family. It’s odd to not have him stay. Just say something if he says something not thoightful. It also didn’t sound like bullying, that was wayy too strong of a term to use for what you described. Bullying is using your power over someone, not being a little socially unaware. You and your kids should also get a thicker skin. Sorry, but I think that’s the truth. He’s probably self conscious that his family has less money than you and to be honest you don’t sound particularly warm and kind, considering you were willing to send him to a persons basement at 16 so I wonder if he’s just feeling self conscious around you as the poorer family member and is trying to show off a little about his smarts. There are probably some dynamics here. I would do some serious self reflection.

If he makes a comment like oh I got an A, in a class your kid just got a B - yes that isn’t thoughtful and a kid needs to learn that just say hey Sam, that’s not cool to point that out when Sarah just was sharing her experience.

[Anonymous]

I get that you don't want to host but 16 is too young to stay alone or rent a room, let alone illegal. Why are several adults thinking that is an acceptable idea?

[Anonymous]

A 16 year old should live by themselves in a rented room. If this is a formal program with housing offered for other 16 year olds in a dorm with a cafeteria and you can afford it. Judy work with your mom and pay for it for your nephew. He probably has a chip on his shoulder from being less well off but smart and trying to work is way up and is smart enough to see the difference between hi and his cousins' situations.

[Anonymous]

One option for OP: Put your house up for sale. Move and do not tell your Mom or other relatives your forwarding address.

There. Problem solved.

Another option for OP: Just say no.

A 16 year old should not be working in a Biglaw firm.

[Anonymous]

I’m actually really surprised at all the people calling op selfish.

What if op has plans to leave for several weeks this summer? Does the boy then stay home alone in her house, fending for himself?

There are so many scenarios that come up and shouldn’t be OPs responsibility. Why did the parents let him apply for this internship without considering housing?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You are not selfish. Your kids come first. FYI, I have worked in law firms my entire adult life and there are none that have ever hired a HS intern. He wouldn't be able to do much more than make copies, scans and deliver mail to employees. No 16 yr old would be trusted to do anything related to clients, they don't know how to research properly and it's not a good investment of time to teach them just for a summer.

Nobody in your family has ANY proof that this kid doing this internship would lead to a college scholarship. And he can get into law school based on his college GPA and LSAT scores - nobody will care about his summer job in HS by that time.

I’d go one further and say bc hiring HS kids is so rare, people will assume he is related/connected to someone important at the firm, not that he’s an amazing HSer.

[Anonymous]

I don’t think you should have to skip a family summer vacation to host your nephew.

Also if the kid starts bragging; you are doing him a kindness by shutting it down and explaining why.

[Anonymous]

16 is too young to be alone in a different city than your parents.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's ice cold to have your 16 year old nephew stay elsewhere.

Agreed. Really crappy. And I have a 17 old niece that is way worse to my 17 year old daughter. I would still do this for family.

[Anonymous]

I think it is so strange that you call him your nephew but then refer to your brother or sister as his parents.

[Anonymous]

He’s an annoying know it all, I wouldn’t call that bullying. And I wouldn’t use that as an excuse to not host him.

But, there are other logistics that you will have to consider such as if you go on vacation what is he going to do? I would not leave a 16 year old home alone whether it’s my kid, my nephew.

[Anonymous]

You have every right to say no. The fact that you were volunteered rather than asked was wrong and does not create and obligation.

That said, I don't think you should comfort yourself that you have gone above and beyond to find this other rental option for him because as others have said, it is really not appropriate for a 16 year old.

Own your choice.

[Anonymous]

As an immigrant this would almost always be a yes for me. One part of the family having resources and opportunity means helping others. Especially when they got into a program on their merit and this is just helping some of the way

[Anonymous]

Nothing you described was bullying behavior.